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Chapter XXVI: Learning...


Teros

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On 9/6/2016 at 4:27 AM, DarK_RaideR said:

Here's two from me

 

Thanks a lot for that.  I have a shred of good news(not school related), which I'll bring up when it feels right to talk about it.

 

On 9/6/2016 at 2:06 PM, NeverThatBored said:

This is my favorite:

 

Not for any particular reason just because it's a great song.

 

One of my 3 favorites from F.F.  The other two are Walk and:

 

I've had this tab open for 3 days now and I write a couple sentences and then delete them and then write a couple more.  It seems like I have a stigma about even posting right now.  I'm playing catch up for 3 weeks because of all the fucking drama with school.  It leaves me with little umph to talk about it.  I know that if I started blabbing about school, it would turn into a 10 page rant and honestly - I give this shithole enough of my fucking time and energy.

 

I will say this in general about this whole situation:

 

When I make a plan, I never make *only* one. I make corresponding plans.  I make plans that are intertwined and have projected deadlines that make sense.  Plan A is executed and will be finished by -insert month-, at which point, Plan B is wrapping up which means that at -insert month-, I can then start with Plan C.  That's what my brain does - it defragments and juggles all of the items in my life to correspond with each other.  It is only through the harmony of the multiple-running plans that allow things to run.

 

How I see the world is through a comparative lens.  I look at how a system works and I compare that system with other corresponding systems.  I pull them apart.  If there's something that is comprised on multiple parts, I want to analyze it.  My brain works like a watchmaker.

 

Image result for watchmaker

 

All gears in motion. All plans in unison.

 

I don't *want* to be something that complains all the time - I just want my plans to go uninterrupted.  When they are plans that are about myself only - they follow through.  When other variables people are involved, the results break my goddamn watch.

 

My own 'just me' plans are going pretty well.  I supposed I should post that I've started a 'Game of the Month/ Book of the Month' plan and it's worked out great.  I give myself a month to read a book and play/beat a game.  You know how there are all those games/movies/shows that you have on the shelf and you like them but you never fucking WATCH/PLAY them ever?  Well I'm forcing myself to.  The above review of 120 Days of Sodom is last month.  I'll be doing a 'report' on this month's book.  Probably very soon.  As for the game last month, I played Def Jam: Fight For New York and beat it twice on Hard difficulty.  Fuck yeah.  For this month, it turns out that I was able to breeze through beating Crackdown 2.  One of my above plans is to downsize my library.

 

I.... have a lot of things that remind me of bad times and good times.  Games were an integral part of my life.  In fact, food and games where the ONLY main things in my life for a good chunk of it.  Because of this, I have a love/hate relationship with games.

 

When I see or hear about upcoming videogames, I never get excited.  For one, it's going to be too expensive. Two, all you ever see in trailers is graphics and graphics are the LEAST IMPORTANT part of a videogame for me.  I need a dependable engine. I need solid fighting/shooting/exploring mechanics.  I need a solid soundtrack.  I need immersive elements.  I need something that grips me and makes me want to keep playing - whether it be an acheivement, a kill count, a story, or loot.  There needs to be some sort of vested interest for me in a game.  How shiny the shit is does NOT impress me.  I need solid and dependable core to a game for it to have any lasting hold.

 

This is a blessing but usually a curse in my life:  I remember everything.  So all of my memories are usually tied in with games.  I remember playing Donkey Kong Country on the SNES when I was sitting on the computer room floor with my brother-in-law.  That game was sick.

Image result for is this battletoads

 

  I remember playing Rampage on the original Nintendo and how you can't save your progress so you have to destroy everything in one sitting which took hours and hours and hours. I remember playing Startropic and needing to use the booklet that it came with and run to the kitchen to wet the paper because there was a secret code on it.  I can hum the tune from that temple.

 

Doo-da-da-dah-do

dadada-deh-deh, deh-deh.

 

Doo-da-da-dah-da

dadada-doo-doo-, doo-doo

 

 

 

Grappling down that cavern and being able to turn into an anvil and slam into crows and use weapons...in Battletoads.

 

Image result for is this battletoads

 

I remember how cool that phantasm mask was and how panicked I would get once it started chasing me in Mario 2.

Image result for mario 2 mask

 

By the way, this is where my love of Shy Guy started.

 

Image result for mario 2 mask

 

Now look at him. All grown up

 

Image result for shy guy

 

The point here is that this was my world(s) and my friends. This is what I grew any sort of attachment towards.  Somehow pixels and beeps had more character than some people I interact with today.  They were with me through it all. Every time that things were bad, my right-hand man was Mario and my left-hand man was poptarts and pizza.

 

The magic behind it all is barely there. Just traces of it in a rare case with a certain game that makes me feel accomplished or good.  With games always being there, I obviously wanted to share my love of them.  With online gaming, I made a few handfuls of friends. Immediately Zergy comes to mind, as well as Justin, Kate, and Corey, Kahokmarcher, Tst_TheRainbow, and more.  I have games that I shared with someone else.  Someone that isn't a part of my life anymore. And the love of those games is tarnished forever I think.  I tried playing one of those games and before I finished a 5 minute level; I felt overwhelmingly depressed.  I've decided that I did a lot during Project Phoenix last year but I need to do more.  My book of the month/game of the month is also part of a bigger plan (clockwork); I'm taking stock of everything that I have regarding media and judging it all over again.

 

I destroyed more things last month to sever this tie that I had to a monster.  But there's more.  There were times that the thought crossed my mind that maybe I could carve out certain things in my life with a scalpel - I could fine-tune my life and get rid of certain smaller things and that's the way I could heal.  But then within minutes, I would revert to my original thought: No.  My life never needed a scalpel, it's always needed a rusty hatchet.  I've also felt that maybe if I just give it time, things will heal over and I'll feel differently.  Well over a year later and I don't feel a single shred different.   There's no way to get the venom out - things need to be completely amputated.

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8 hours ago, Teros said:

I just want my plans to go uninterrupted

You do know that saying about gods laughing when men make plans, right?

 

8 hours ago, Teros said:

When I see or hear about upcoming videogames, I never get excited.  For one, it's going to be too expensive. Two, all you ever see in trailers is graphics and graphics are the LEAST IMPORTANT part of a videogame for me.  I need a dependable engine. I need solid fighting/shooting/exploring mechanics.  I need a solid soundtrack.  I need immersive elements.  I need something that grips me and makes me want to keep playing - whether it be an acheivement, a kill count, a story, or loot.  There needs to be some sort of vested interest for me in a game.  How shiny the shit is does NOT impress me.  I need solid and dependable core to a game for it to have any lasting hold.

100% behind you on this one. Gameplay over graphics, period. Usually I buy games several years after they've come out, when I know that they've been tested and proven good plus their price has dropped significantly. If I'm marginally interested about something or unsure of how it plays out, I might find a :pirate: version to try it out. Same thing with the rare few stuff I get excited about. Back in a day I used to play only cracked games, especially after the deluxe paper boxes got replaced by DVD cases, these days I respect people's effort in putting together a good game and will reward them by paying to buy it, even after I've tested out its "free" version.

 

8 hours ago, Teros said:

I remember playing Rampage on the original Nintendo and how you can't save your progress so you have to destroy everything in one sitting which took hours and hours and hours.

A classic example of the Nintendo Hard trope

 

8 hours ago, Teros said:

Grappling down that cavern and being able to turn into an anvil and slam into crows and use weapons...in Battletoads.

ERMAGHERD A REHMEBEHR DAT ONE!

I beat that game on a friggin' Gameboy. Now wonder I developed myopia down the road.

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