Jump to content

the Cracked Belle: a Respawned Raconteur-Adventurer


Recommended Posts

~*~ The Cracked Belle ~*~
A Respawned Raconteur-Adventurer

 

Challenge Intro

for many years, I was "jtggodqos" on the forums.  I struggled with many things -- one of which was trying to still be an angsty teen-like whiner while I had long-since graduated college.

 

for the last two years or so, I've been MIA.  I left.  I didn't stop working on fitness; I just stopped being here on the forums.  then about one year ago, I relocated -- and my world changed.  I moved about 2,000 away from everything I knew, and I fell apart.

 

but it's time to rebuild, to respawn.  and I'm coming back as a Raconteur-Adventurer, it seems -- or a glorified Bard, lol.

 

Challenge Goals

see my "Adventures in Badassery" post (Epic Quest) for details about the end-goals.

  • Repeatedly

    • study German 10 minutes twice a day

    • do something physical six times each week

    • work one chapter of LaPorte’s "The Fire Starter Sessions" every odd-numbered day

    • submit an application to at least two jobs I want daily

  • One-Time Tasks

    • create blog topics list

    • create blog writing schedule

  • Long-Term Goals

    • get my license back

      • take written test

      • submit court paperwork

      • finalize plans to get my car up here

    • get back on SNAP

      • get necessary information from Brian

      • compile information and submit

      • follow-up with caseworker

 

Where I Live on the Web

  • Like 4

just another cracked southern belle,

and a specialist in self-kintsukuroi.

Current Challenge Accountability:  Health & Happiness Are Hard: Wherein the Cracked_Belle Un-Dies

Epic Quest:  Adventures in Badassery  [under construction]

Spoiler

There is never a sudden revelation, a complete and tidy explanation for why it happened, or why it ends, or why or who you are. You want one and I want one, but there isn't one. It comes in bits and pieces, and you stitch them together wherever they fit, and when you are done you hold yourself up, and still there are holes and you are a rag doll, invented, imperfect. And yet you are all that you have, so you must be enough. There is no other way.
― Marya Hornbacher, Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia

Link to post

I'm starting to learn German with Duolingo as well. It has been a great help for me and even at my very beginner level I realize how much I am improving. If you like musicals, check out Elisabeth (my favorite version stars Maya Hakvoort, Mate Kamaras, and Serkan Kaya, but most are pretty amazing). I've watched it both with and without subs, but find myself catching words here and there that I understand :)

I too have a driving goal, mine is actually getting comfortable behind the wheel as I am a nervous driver, but it has to be done. Sounds like you have everything planned out nicely!

 

Best of luck this challenge, you look like you're going to be busy!

  • Like 1

Weight Loss. 195lbs -> 135lbs (60lbs target loss)

 

0%
0%
Link to post
12 hours ago, WritingWeaver said:

I'm starting to learn German with Duolingo as well. It has been a great help for me and even at my very beginner level I realize how much I am improving. If you like musicals, check out Elisabeth (my favorite version stars Maya Hakvoort, Mate Kamaras, and Serkan Kaya, but most are pretty amazing). I've watched it both with and without subs, but find myself catching words here and there that I understand :)

I too have a driving goal, mine is actually getting comfortable behind the wheel as I am a nervous driver, but it has to be done. Sounds like you have everything planned out nicely!

 

Best of luck this challenge, you look like you're going to be busy!

thanks!!  how long have you been doing Duolingo?  I started haphazardly a few weeks back.  but I really need to devote regular time to it.  (I'm still learning "Brot" and "Wasser", lol!)  and I'll be sure to check that musical out.

 

driving is legit one of the most difficult things your brain can do.  people just underestimate and diminish the struggle.  good for you for on working getting comfortable.  <3

 

11 hours ago, Teros said:
I8kq0uJ.gif

 

 

haha, not a fan of heights??

just another cracked southern belle,

and a specialist in self-kintsukuroi.

Current Challenge Accountability:  Health & Happiness Are Hard: Wherein the Cracked_Belle Un-Dies

Epic Quest:  Adventures in Badassery  [under construction]

Spoiler

There is never a sudden revelation, a complete and tidy explanation for why it happened, or why it ends, or why or who you are. You want one and I want one, but there isn't one. It comes in bits and pieces, and you stitch them together wherever they fit, and when you are done you hold yourself up, and still there are holes and you are a rag doll, invented, imperfect. And yet you are all that you have, so you must be enough. There is no other way.
― Marya Hornbacher, Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia

Link to post

so I know that my original post is currently just a large copy-paste of my overall plan.  I'll make a constantly-ongoing Epic Quest thread shortly and port it over to there, focusing this on strictly the current Challenge's goals.

 

meanwhile, I need to see about how I'm going to log and tabulate my progress.  I'm not one for applying finite measurements to squishy things, and "keeping score" or ongoing tallies never really worked for me in the past (I did it, and it made me depressed).  instead, I'll just post Daily Reports: Progress, No Progress, or Completion.  each time Completion is attained, I'll move on to the next step.

 

I need to clean up my goals for this Challenge too.  right now, I think I have too many.  but at the same time, it's all stuff that really has to happen in the next few weeks. gah, Life!  gets in the way of things, doesn't it??

just another cracked southern belle,

and a specialist in self-kintsukuroi.

Current Challenge Accountability:  Health & Happiness Are Hard: Wherein the Cracked_Belle Un-Dies

Epic Quest:  Adventures in Badassery  [under construction]

Spoiler

There is never a sudden revelation, a complete and tidy explanation for why it happened, or why it ends, or why or who you are. You want one and I want one, but there isn't one. It comes in bits and pieces, and you stitch them together wherever they fit, and when you are done you hold yourself up, and still there are holes and you are a rag doll, invented, imperfect. And yet you are all that you have, so you must be enough. There is no other way.
― Marya Hornbacher, Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia

Link to post

for now, this is how we'll do our Daily Reports.

notes about why I did or didn't do something are not "excuses" -- just observations from which I can learn.

 

Monday, August 22, 2016

  • Mental:  study German 20 minutes twice a day

    • No Progress: didn't have a time scheduled yet.

  • Creative 1:  create topics list and writing schedule

    • No Progress: just didn't work on it.

  • Creative 2:  work on “Boyfriend & Kitty” comic

    • No Progress: didn't make time for it.

  • Physical:  do something physical six times each week

    • Progress: had a really long walk, so it counts as a whole something (mere walks normally count as half.)

  • Soulful:  work one chapter of LaPorte’s "The Fire Starter Sessions" every odd-numbered day

    • No Progress: not an odd-numbered day.

  • Adventure:  collect info on Minneapolis’s Polar Bear Plunge

    • No Progress: forgot about it.

  • Responsibility 1:  get my liscense

    • No Progress: focused on the two other items instead.

  • Responsibility 2:  get a job (any job?)

    • Progress: went to an interview for a job I really don't want. also updated my resume to be ATS-friendly.

  • Responsibility 3:  get back on SNAP

    • Progress: got a lot of the proofs/statements that I need to submit the application.

 

  • Like 2

just another cracked southern belle,

and a specialist in self-kintsukuroi.

Current Challenge Accountability:  Health & Happiness Are Hard: Wherein the Cracked_Belle Un-Dies

Epic Quest:  Adventures in Badassery  [under construction]

Spoiler

There is never a sudden revelation, a complete and tidy explanation for why it happened, or why it ends, or why or who you are. You want one and I want one, but there isn't one. It comes in bits and pieces, and you stitch them together wherever they fit, and when you are done you hold yourself up, and still there are holes and you are a rag doll, invented, imperfect. And yet you are all that you have, so you must be enough. There is no other way.
― Marya Hornbacher, Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia

Link to post
4 hours ago, cracked_belle said:

 

haha, not a fan of heights??

 

I can look out balconies and stuff, but being higher than that without any control (like a plane) is fucking terrifying.  I HATE not having control of my situation.

Link to post
8 hours ago, cracked_belle said:

how long have you been doing Duolingo?

 

On and off for a year or so, but only completed up to 'conjunctions' so far. I find that when skills go down a level (stop being gold), I have to improve it, which takes some time away from learning new material. I'm WritingWeaver there if you would like to add me, and hopefully it will give me the kick in the butt I need to start practicing everyday again. 

Weight Loss. 195lbs -> 135lbs (60lbs target loss)

 

0%
0%
Link to post
On 8/23/2016 at 6:37 AM, cracked_belle said:

 

  • Adventure:  collect info on Minneapolis’s Polar Bear Plunge

    • No Progress: forgot about it.

  • Responsibility 2:  get a job (any job?)

    • Progress: went to an interview for a job I really don't want. also updated my resume to be ATS-friendly.

 

Do you live in Minnesota?! :D

Good luck on job hunting it's a tough thing!

My Character ~~ My Log ~~ Formerly Kelley Gammell

Link to post
On 8/23/2016 at 10:27 AM, Teros said:

 

I can look out balconies and stuff, but being higher than that without any control (like a plane) is fucking terrifying.  I HATE not having control of my situation.

 

ah, that's makes sense.  I'm a control freak, but I'm a stronger adrenaline junkie -- sometimes the former wins, but usually the latter.

 

 

On 8/23/2016 at 2:17 PM, WritingWeaver said:

 

On and off for a year or so, but only completed up to 'conjunctions' so far. I find that when skills go down a level (stop being gold), I have to improve it, which takes some time away from learning new material. I'm WritingWeaver there if you would like to add me, and hopefully it will give me the kick in the butt I need to start practicing everyday again. 

 

you've been added. :D  and yes, we can keep each other accountable!  what's your XP goal for each day?

 

 

23 hours ago, Kelley Gammell said:

Do you live in Minnesota?! :D

Good luck on job hunting it's a tough thing!

I do live in Minnesota; the western side of the Twin Cities area, specifically.  we just moved here a year ago from Louisiana.  would I be correct in assuming you are in Minnesota too?

just another cracked southern belle,

and a specialist in self-kintsukuroi.

Current Challenge Accountability:  Health & Happiness Are Hard: Wherein the Cracked_Belle Un-Dies

Epic Quest:  Adventures in Badassery  [under construction]

Spoiler

There is never a sudden revelation, a complete and tidy explanation for why it happened, or why it ends, or why or who you are. You want one and I want one, but there isn't one. It comes in bits and pieces, and you stitch them together wherever they fit, and when you are done you hold yourself up, and still there are holes and you are a rag doll, invented, imperfect. And yet you are all that you have, so you must be enough. There is no other way.
― Marya Hornbacher, Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia

Link to post

I'm slowly tweaking this Challenge's Goals further as I figure out what's going on with my life.  a little back story to my situation:

 

my Guy and I moved from southern Louisiana to the Twin Cities in Minneapolis about a year ago.  back home, I was a librarian.  I'm having trouble finding any job up here that isn't sales or call center, due to my background and work history.  I despise sales, and customer service is draining and mind-numbing.  I've had several short-term contract/temporary odd jobs here and there.  I never know from one day to the next if I'll have work tomorrow, or if I'm off.

 

moreover, I also have a plethora of mental and physical ailments.  I have floating meniscuses in both knees and a dually misaligned spine; I have fibromyalgia, broken my left clavicle, broken my right wrist, had literally countless concussions, and dislocated and broken three bones in my right ankle.  I also have depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder, anxiety, an eating disorder, self-injurious and addictive behaviours, bipolar disorder, and anger issues.  all that being said, I don't know who I'm going to wake up as tomorrow: a function human, or a psychopathic bitch.  it makes planning my day ahead of time very difficult, even more so goal-setting and -attaining.

 

oh, and my birthday was yesterday (Aug 24), so I'm having "oh my god, I'm getting old" fits.  :: shameless birthday plug, lol::

 

anyway.  back when the Challenges used to be six weeks, I'd die around week three or four, and never recover.  but this will be my first time participating in the shorter stints, so that may be a an encouragement for me.

 

with all that being said, I'll shortly revisit my Goals and tweak them, having had a few days of activity, and knowing what's realistic for me right now and what isn't.  I'll post my progress for Tuesday and Wednesday (working off the current Goals), then I'll update the original post with my new Goals.  said Goals may yet again be updated.  that's part of growing and improvigins, right?-- knowing when you need to take on less or more in a given situation.  I need to allow myself to be more flexible around my ailments.  (anotoher reason I'm not keeping "score" like I used to.)

just another cracked southern belle,

and a specialist in self-kintsukuroi.

Current Challenge Accountability:  Health & Happiness Are Hard: Wherein the Cracked_Belle Un-Dies

Epic Quest:  Adventures in Badassery  [under construction]

Spoiler

There is never a sudden revelation, a complete and tidy explanation for why it happened, or why it ends, or why or who you are. You want one and I want one, but there isn't one. It comes in bits and pieces, and you stitch them together wherever they fit, and when you are done you hold yourself up, and still there are holes and you are a rag doll, invented, imperfect. And yet you are all that you have, so you must be enough. There is no other way.
― Marya Hornbacher, Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia

Link to post

Happy Birthday! (belated)

Yes I am from and still in Minnesnowta :P

It's good to see what your limits are and go from there goals should be changed as needed :)

I hear ya on the job front I have been looking recently for a new job and it's a pain as I have done both call centers and retail before and I would not like to go back even though people keep asking me to. I just want somewhere that acts like I matter and that I'm not always replaceable like my current job.

My Character ~~ My Log ~~ Formerly Kelley Gammell

Link to post

Happy Belated Birthday!!

I completely understand you regarding job hunting and retail work. I'm in the same boat and it's pretty frustrating, especially because I'm currently in a go-nowhere retail position at part time hours. 

 

On 8/25/2016 at 9:47 PM, Jack Danger said:

not a shift goes by without me wanting to burn the whole place to the ground

I hear you! Only thing that stops me is the few coworkers I really like there (and the animals).

 

On 8/25/2016 at 9:44 AM, cracked_belle said:

what's your XP goal for each day?

Thanks! Current goal is 20xp, but going to change that this coming week. 

Weight Loss. 195lbs -> 135lbs (60lbs target loss)

 

0%
0%
Link to post
On 8/25/2016 at 9:47 PM, Jack Danger said:

Happy (belated) birthday!

 

dGEkxfP.jpg?1

 

Good luck on the job hunt. I hear you on customer service jobs being terrible. I work in a restaurant and not a shift goes by without me wanting to burn the whole place to the ground. I hope you find something consistent and tolerable soon.

 

I love the birthday card, thank you!

 

and some people love customer service, I get it.  but I believe that just because we're good at something, that doesn't mean that's what we should have to be doing from the rest of our lives....

 

 

On 8/26/2016 at 8:25 AM, Kelley Gammell said:

Happy Birthday! (belated)

Yes I am from and still in Minnesnowta :P

It's good to see what your limits are and go from there goals should be changed as needed :)

I hear ya on the job front I have been looking recently for a new job and it's a pain as I have done both call centers and retail before and I would not like to go back even though people keep asking me to. I just want somewhere that acts like I matter and that I'm not always replaceable like my current job.

 

thank you!  and from where about in Minnesota are you?  (just ignore if you don't feel comfortable sharing. :barbershop_quartet_)

 

I totally get you on the being totally replaceable portion.  if my skill set is not at least somewhat uniquely useful to a job, it's really discouraging to keep at it.

 

 

On 8/28/2016 at 1:17 AM, WritingWeaver said:

Happy Belated Birthday!!

I completely understand you regarding job hunting and retail work. I'm in the same boat and it's pretty frustrating, especially because I'm currently in a go-nowhere retail position at part time hours. 

 

I hear you! Only thing that stops me is the few coworkers I really like there (and the animals).

 

Thanks! Current goal is 20xp, but going to change that this coming week. 

 

thanks for the birthday wishes!

 

you work at a retail pet shop, maybe?  that's a little better than traditional retail.  working at a book store was a little better, IMO, than traditional retail for me; but what most people didn't get was that it was still retail.  grr.

 

I'm at 20xp a day as well.  good luck on changing the goal, in whichever direction.  <3

just another cracked southern belle,

and a specialist in self-kintsukuroi.

Current Challenge Accountability:  Health & Happiness Are Hard: Wherein the Cracked_Belle Un-Dies

Epic Quest:  Adventures in Badassery  [under construction]

Spoiler

There is never a sudden revelation, a complete and tidy explanation for why it happened, or why it ends, or why or who you are. You want one and I want one, but there isn't one. It comes in bits and pieces, and you stitch them together wherever they fit, and when you are done you hold yourself up, and still there are holes and you are a rag doll, invented, imperfect. And yet you are all that you have, so you must be enough. There is no other way.
― Marya Hornbacher, Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia

Link to post

guys, so much has changed just in the last week.  sorry I was MIA.  anyway, now that I can kinda see where my life's heading for the moment, things have been tweaked (updated in the original post).  and here's an account for yesterday.

 

 

Monday, August 29, 2016

  • Repeatable Habits

    • German:  No Progress <  deciding if going to switch to Spanish due to potential job request

    • physical:  No Progress <  was way to exhausted from the weekend to do anything more than necessary

    • LaPorte:  No Progress <  simply didn't make time to read anything.

    • job applications:  Progress >  I an interview with a job I like.  meanwhile, I accepted a call center job, so we'd at least have money.  call centers; blech.

  • One-Time Tasks

    • blog topics:  No Progress <  didn't even think about it with everything else going on.

    • blog schedule:  No Progress <  didn't even think about it with everything else going on.

  • Long-Term Goals

    • license:  Progress >  I got the court paperwork work, and I've made plan to run by the DMV tonight.  that also means today, I need to study

    • SNAP:  Progress >  I strong-armed Brian into giving me the information I needed about his records.  now it's all on me -- again.

 

it's taking everything in my power not to try to add up the stats and score the day.  but I can't, because that always is so discouraging to me.

just another cracked southern belle,

and a specialist in self-kintsukuroi.

Current Challenge Accountability:  Health & Happiness Are Hard: Wherein the Cracked_Belle Un-Dies

Epic Quest:  Adventures in Badassery  [under construction]

Spoiler

There is never a sudden revelation, a complete and tidy explanation for why it happened, or why it ends, or why or who you are. You want one and I want one, but there isn't one. It comes in bits and pieces, and you stitch them together wherever they fit, and when you are done you hold yourself up, and still there are holes and you are a rag doll, invented, imperfect. And yet you are all that you have, so you must be enough. There is no other way.
― Marya Hornbacher, Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia

Link to post

oh!  re eating goals -- I'm very limited at the moment to what we can afford (ugh, ramen).  but once I start getting an income, I'll be able to go back to a mainly paleo diet.

 

in the meantime, unofficial goals are limiting caffeine, limiting carbs, controlling my alcohol (not drinking to much, too often, or too hard of stuff), and tracking everything I eat in MFP so I can review it.  these are all things I've been working on for a bit now, so I don't need to make them the focus of goal setting at the moment.

just another cracked southern belle,

and a specialist in self-kintsukuroi.

Current Challenge Accountability:  Health & Happiness Are Hard: Wherein the Cracked_Belle Un-Dies

Epic Quest:  Adventures in Badassery  [under construction]

Spoiler

There is never a sudden revelation, a complete and tidy explanation for why it happened, or why it ends, or why or who you are. You want one and I want one, but there isn't one. It comes in bits and pieces, and you stitch them together wherever they fit, and when you are done you hold yourself up, and still there are holes and you are a rag doll, invented, imperfect. And yet you are all that you have, so you must be enough. There is no other way.
― Marya Hornbacher, Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia

Link to post

Tuesday, August 30, 2016

  • Repeatable Habits

    • German:  No Progress <  decided at EOD that will stick with German.

    • physical:  Progress >  walked on the dreadmill for almost 45 minutes while reading a book.

    • "Fire Starter Sessions":  N/A ~ was even-numbered day.

    • job applications:  Progress >  filled out paperwork for the call center job.

  • One-Time Tasks

    • blog topics:  No Progress <  didn't make time for it.

    • blog schedule:  No Progress <  didn't make time for it.

  • Long-Term Goals

    • license:  Progress >  saved the written test driver's manual.

    • SNAP:  Progress >  printed out and collected everything I'll need.  I go to submit it all tomorrow.

 

again, I don't want to count and assign point values to thing, but it looks like I did well overall.

  • Like 1

just another cracked southern belle,

and a specialist in self-kintsukuroi.

Current Challenge Accountability:  Health & Happiness Are Hard: Wherein the Cracked_Belle Un-Dies

Epic Quest:  Adventures in Badassery  [under construction]

Spoiler

There is never a sudden revelation, a complete and tidy explanation for why it happened, or why it ends, or why or who you are. You want one and I want one, but there isn't one. It comes in bits and pieces, and you stitch them together wherever they fit, and when you are done you hold yourself up, and still there are holes and you are a rag doll, invented, imperfect. And yet you are all that you have, so you must be enough. There is no other way.
― Marya Hornbacher, Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia

Link to post

UPDATE

so I will start a job next Monday, a week from yesterday.  I need to re-create my entire schedule to allow myself to work around it.  that, and not really being diligent about this  Challenge just due to timing, I'm bowing out.  I'll be back for the next one, though.....

  • Like 2

just another cracked southern belle,

and a specialist in self-kintsukuroi.

Current Challenge Accountability:  Health & Happiness Are Hard: Wherein the Cracked_Belle Un-Dies

Epic Quest:  Adventures in Badassery  [under construction]

Spoiler

There is never a sudden revelation, a complete and tidy explanation for why it happened, or why it ends, or why or who you are. You want one and I want one, but there isn't one. It comes in bits and pieces, and you stitch them together wherever they fit, and when you are done you hold yourself up, and still there are holes and you are a rag doll, invented, imperfect. And yet you are all that you have, so you must be enough. There is no other way.
― Marya Hornbacher, Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia

Link to post
On 9/8/2016 at 10:44 PM, WritingWeaver said:

Congrats on the new job! 

 

thanks!  this week will allow me to see what my schedule will be.  then I'll be able to arrange my other Goals around it for the new Challenge. :D

 

how is your writing going?

just another cracked southern belle,

and a specialist in self-kintsukuroi.

Current Challenge Accountability:  Health & Happiness Are Hard: Wherein the Cracked_Belle Un-Dies

Epic Quest:  Adventures in Badassery  [under construction]

Spoiler

There is never a sudden revelation, a complete and tidy explanation for why it happened, or why it ends, or why or who you are. You want one and I want one, but there isn't one. It comes in bits and pieces, and you stitch them together wherever they fit, and when you are done you hold yourself up, and still there are holes and you are a rag doll, invented, imperfect. And yet you are all that you have, so you must be enough. There is no other way.
― Marya Hornbacher, Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia

Link to post
9 hours ago, cracked_belle said:

how is your writing going?

 

Pretty great, I've written about 22 pages so far during this challenge :) 

German is going well too, finally working at it everyday. Are you going to have Duolingo in your next challenge? How's the new job? 

Weight Loss. 195lbs -> 135lbs (60lbs target loss)

 

0%
0%
Link to post
On 9/11/2016 at 11:17 PM, WritingWeaver said:

 

Pretty great, I've written about 22 pages so far during this challenge :) 

German is going well too, finally working at it everyday. Are you going to have Duolingo in your next challenge? How's the new job? 

 

everyone except me at work is bilingual in english and Spanish, so I'm going to start learning that instead of German. :) 

  • Like 1

just another cracked southern belle,

and a specialist in self-kintsukuroi.

Current Challenge Accountability:  Health & Happiness Are Hard: Wherein the Cracked_Belle Un-Dies

Epic Quest:  Adventures in Badassery  [under construction]

Spoiler

There is never a sudden revelation, a complete and tidy explanation for why it happened, or why it ends, or why or who you are. You want one and I want one, but there isn't one. It comes in bits and pieces, and you stitch them together wherever they fit, and when you are done you hold yourself up, and still there are holes and you are a rag doll, invented, imperfect. And yet you are all that you have, so you must be enough. There is no other way.
― Marya Hornbacher, Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia

Link to post

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

New here? Please check out our Privacy Policy and Community Guidelines