Journey Log: Revival of the Demonhunters

[Tyrgal]

Journey Log: Revival of the Demonhunters

 

Quote

"This world contains secrets and mysteries. There is a realm beyond the eye, beyond words, beyond thoughts and chaos, for beyond them lies the melody and the mysteries of the mind. It's a melody you can hear, yet it is nothing but silence in the vast, unknown space."

- Tome of the Void

 

The first battlelog I do will be about meditating 100 hours by the end of the year 2016. It's a bold challenge. With a little more than 120 days left for the year, I'll have to aim for 45 minutes to one hour a day.

 

"This is insane! Why?"

Spoiler

Meditation helped me in a lot of situations in the past. It helped me reduce stress, helped me to be more kind to myself, helped me to develop more calmness and discipline and it helps me to be less driven by desire (like the desire for unhealthy food.) It creates beneficial conditions for happiness for me and develops the mental qualities to tackle other things I struggle with. Coming back to a life of meditation with a solid 100 hours this year will be a huge achievement for me and it's something I want to achieve in this life!

 

"Okay. How do you do this?"

Spoiler

 

1. Daily Battlelog to keep track of my daily progress. It's worth it!

2. I'll keep a separate excel sheet where my other epic quests and my leveling sheet is. It'll be good to get some XP and see how I work on my epic quest list!

3. I'll also incorporate gaming elements to this battle log. The Meditation challenge will tell the story of Tyrgal, a brave warrior in a medieval fantasy world that is plagued by monsters and demons. The battle log will contain excerpts on his journey to revive the order of demonhunters - a guild dedicated to fight demons in all of their forms that is believed to have died hundreds of years ago. It'll mostly be small thought pieces or short stories from that world and Tyrgals journey. It may get a bit cheesy or weird but I think it'll make the whole thing a little more fun (and may inspire me and maybe you to walk the path of the demonhunters. Who knows!). I like roleplay fluff and it may turn out to be a good motivator.

4. Implementation Intentions: When I want to play Video games or watch animes, I will first see that I meditate if I haven't done yet on that day.

5. Sunday Reflection: Sundays will be reserved for a reflection on how the previous week went: What went well, what can be done better. It's also the time where I ease up and forgive myself for any shortcomings so that I can start fresh if a week didn't work out so good. I know myself good enough that "screw-ups" can endanger the whole challenge because I'm judging myself very harshly then. This makes Sunday Reflection all the more important.

6. Vow to bounce back. Commit to keep going.

7. Keep posting the battlelog no matter how bad it goes. It's part of facing reality and part of the journey.

 

 

"What meditation technique do you use?"

Spoiler

I will only count sitting-meditation time. The techniques used vary slightly depending on the occasion. There will be four meditation objects for this battle log that count as valid: Mindfulness of the breath, mindfulness of feelings, meditation on compassion and meditation on impermanence. I'm familiar enough with all techniques to practice alone.
 Walking-meditation or meditation in informal settings do not count towards the 100 hour goal.

 

UPDATE [11.09.2016]: I've decided to adapt to some of the mental challenges I encountered and modify my approach. I noticed that it really drags me down not to do enough about physical fitness which also negatively affecty my meditation practice. As a result, I will add an Encore: Once I've done my meditation for the day, I may also add a workout as an encore. This will usually be stationary cycling where I want to get to a solid 21km run in a single session (Worked my way up from ~10-12km to currently 19,70 so this goal is realistic and not to far away!). As paradoxically this may sound, but adding this to my challenge actually makes things easier for me. I can stay commited to meditation knowing that I have a more rounded package of mental and physical fitness going now and the challenge feels more balanced and in sync to my long-term goals again.

 

Journey Progress: 1,75h/100h

[Tyrgal]

Journey Progress: 2,75h/100h

24.08.2016: 1 hour of meditation (1 session)

 

Spoiler

 

Quote

"I've followed the instructions in the old tome of the void and left the palace city of Northwind far behind. Having not told my comrades about the details of my endeavor turns out to be the wiser decision. It's only been a short while on this path yet I've begun to see what challenges lie ahead. I've taken up a ritual described in the tome that is meant to open up the world of the void to the caster. The ritual engulfed me in what must be the world of the void. Red bushes and plants began to grew out in an unnatural speed around me. All I saw was chaotic. loud. The stones and trees began to tremble and shouted out in fear. None of it was quite as I imagined it would be. The world of the void isn't silent or calm on first sight. It shouts in voices unheard by the ear and it explodes in images unseen by the eye.

When I ended the ritual and returned from what I saw, it was dark and the campfire was barely aflame. What a serene night it was."

- Journal entry

 

Battle log summary: 1 hour within one session was much longer than what i'm normally used to. I managed to do the full hour but it was a rather "muddy" sitting. A lot of thoughts passing by. No physical pain from sitting though and after the sitting I felt calm. Looking forward to tomorrow.

Cheesy Flufftext also took me waay too long to write. Not sure where i'm going with it yet either! haha!

[Tyrgal]

Journey Progress: 3,25h/100h

25.08.2016: 0,5 hour of meditation (1 session)

 

Spoiler

 

Quote

"A humid day. I followed the trail the tome laid out and entered the woods of Pyr. The thick, enormous trees stand tall like giants. I found a good resting place within a deformed hollow in one of the trees. The critters and insects weren't too fond of an unexpected guest but alas, We will get by for a night.

I continued the ritual. I heard a reverberating voice, telling me, or rather laughing at me about the one time I performed one of Master Galgrin's sword techniques so poorly that I misstepped and ended up in the stables' trough during combat training. It was Master Galgrin's voice I heard laughing at me in the void but he and my time as his apprentice are long gone now.

The void does these things. Few would continue the ritual when they are confronted with painful challenges. Maybe that is why this path is forgotten by many and the order is dead. I can't change the past and I can't let the past eat me up. Being bold and walking this path - or any path - leads to people making mistakes on the way, doing things subpar. Those who run away in the face of their path - they are weak. Those who are afraid and turn away from making decisions and making their mark - they are weak. My journey is young but the void is challenging not just everbody, but me personally. Is the only way on this path leading through mistakes and failures? What am I for going on? What would I be for turning back?"

- Journal entry

 

Battle log summary: Today's sitting was a challenge. Some unpleasant thoughts came up and lingered for the whole sitting. It was a good sitting as I stayed for quite a while with it and observed my feelings toward things like "failure" or not meeting my own expectations (both things I can have a hard time with!). It can really stir me up when I do something that doesn't reach the quality standard I had in mind - I don't have a high tolerance for mistakes in some fields of life. It happens though. It's part of life. That's why "recommit and keep going" is so important to remember as a credo! I also thought about that the fluff text I wrote yesterday was really quite bad and thought about not writing that fluff/fantasy stuff for the rest of the challenge. I'll stick for it for now though and I will take it as part of the challenge to be cool with it if it sometimes turns into really crappy and cheesy stuff. We'll see what tomorrow brings.

 

[Erza Scarlet]

4 hours ago, Tyrgal said:

I also thought about that the fluff text I wrote yesterday was really quite bad and thought about not writing that fluff/fantasy stuff for the rest of the challenge.

Nooo I was just about to say I find this really creative. Having themes is part of what makes these challenges fun and motivating. But it's up to you of course.   

 

 

4 hours ago, Tyrgal said:

I don't have a high tolerance for mistakes in some fields of life. It happens though. It's part of life. That's why "recommit and keep going" is so important to remember as a credo! 

I understand what you mean. But that's why it's good you're meditating, you're helping yourself relax and focus on your emotions.  

 

 

 

 

[Tyrgal]

Journey Progress: 4,25h/100h

26.08.2016: 1 hour of meditation (1 session)

 

Spoiler

 

[Click for soundtrack of today's journey]

 

 

 

Quote

"It's rumored that elven tribes live deep inside the forests of Pyr. The wood elves haven't been seen for decades in the northern kingdoms though there are many stories about their skilled rangers protecting their land out of the shadows. It's part of the reason why merchants and travelers avoid entering the forests of Pyr. A few years ago the merchant guild of mercadia wanted to establish an outpost for logging. The delegation never returned. As it goes with these things, the townsfolk would say that the wood elves murdered them. Others would claim that beastmen or a minotaur ate the poor fellows. The merchant guild offered a high reward for investigating the fate of the delegation but nobody who took up the offer ever came back.

As I continued to follow the path of the void deeper into the forests of Pyr, I started to notice that I was followed by them. They watched me out of the shadows of the trees, silently. Like a pack of hungry crows. Just as I prepared to evade a barrage of arrows firing down on me, their packleader emerged from the underwood.

 

I know bloodlust when I see it. Her eyes were different. There was spite in them, but no lust for blood and murder. When she demanded to state my reason for entering their lands, I complied and explained her what I was following. She surprisingly seemed to understand my explanations about the void and the hidden world and the elves decided to take me to their elders to judge what to do with me. When we arrived, I couldn't help but stand in awe of what I saw. I have never seen a village like this in my life."

- Journal entry

 

 

Battle log summary: Interesting sitting. I had to exert some effort to sit for a whole hour but exactly this kind of situation - continue to sit even if the mind doesn't want to - is part of meditation, too. Observing the mind instead of instantly reacting to every whim and every feeling or thought. Just sitting and observing. It's not pleasant or difficult if one just sits and watches all these things instead of getting tangled up in them. Sometimes I do though. It can happen if I push and try too hard or if I try too little, too. It's just this attitude of letting thoughts and feelings and experiences come and go. It's a good lesson to take home from a longer sitting I think.

[Killyourfeet]

Whoa. This is really cool. I would totally run around with you in party in a future campaign. Also interested to see how your log progresses and how the meditation goes!

[Tyrgal]

Thanks!

[Tyrgal]

Journey Progress: 5,00h/100h

27.08.2016: 0,75 hours of meditation (1 session)

 

Spoiler

 

 

Quote

"The elven rangers escorted me through their town. It's astonishing how deeply their civilization is intertwined with nature. The elves call themselves the Laerorniel, or "children of the singing trees".The forest provides the Laerorniel with food and shelter - "nature nourishes and nurtures us" as they told me. In return, they protect and look after the forest.

The rangers led me to a small pond where the druids had already gathered. It turned out that the druids knew the order of demonhunters. A long time ago, when the order was still alive, their members would travel the forests of Pyr, engage in trade and provide aid to protect the forests against demons and beasts. Especially adventurous wood elves would even join the order in the past. Until, one day, the entire order just disappeared. They weren't seen in the forests and didn't visit the village anymore. I was allowed to stay for the night in a treehouse under the watch of their guards. The druids told me they would discuss whether they could help me any further in my search. I'm not even sure whether killing me for invading their lands is of the tables though.  While they appreciated that I gave them information about that merchant guild who sent loggers to their forests a few years ago, they seemed hesitant. I guess it's not just the rangers who are watching out that I don't bring harm to the forest or their people. I can't blame them. I'll take my chances and hope that they will tell me all what they know about the order tomorrow."

- Journal entry

 

Battle log summary: Steady going today. There is a very loud street festival going on today but I managed 45 minutes nontheless. I may kick in a late night session when the festival music stops later on.

[Tyrgal]

Journey Progress: 7,00h/100h

28.08.2016: 2 hours of meditation - 1,25h + 0,75h (2 sessions)

Quote

[Wood elves music here]

After a long night of debates, the druids came to a conclusion. They told me that the disappearence of the demonhunters was followed by an uprising of creatures of the void. The demons they have seen are twisted monstrosities - embodied wills of the weaknesses of the soul that crawled into the world to spread darkness and despair in this world. Fighting them always resulted in heavy casualties for the elves which reassured me in the decision to go on this quest without asking my comrades to accompany me.

 

The druids told me about an abandoned outpost of the demonhunters several days west from their village. In exchange for showing me the way to the place, all they asked for is to share anything useful I'd find that could help to protect them and the forest against the demons. I've accepted their request on the condition that the rangers who will accompany me whould do so voluntarily. Only two rangers joined me when I left the village.

 

 

Spoiler

 

 

Battle log summary: I haven't meditated 2 hours in a single day for years so that's something Qualitywise there are still regular gaps where the mind wanders off but it gets a bit easier to focus on the meditation object every sitting. However, It's still a long way to go. I'll keep going.

[Tyrgal]

Journey Progress: 7,50h/100h

29.08.2016: 0,5 hours of meditation (1 session)

 

Spoiler

 

 

Quote

"After setting up camp up at a hill, I went to a quiet spot to train myself in the rituals of the void. Suddenly fire and smoldering heat engulfed everything. The embers and smoke choked me as if balls of glowing hot iron would get stuffed down my throat. The void I've seen today pulled me into a dismal and hopeless hellhole. If that was the void, then the void is the realm of demons and chaos. It felt like an eternity that I've spent in the void this time around. It wouldn't let me go.There is no telling what happens when one enters the void and for the first on my journey I've wondered whether I'll make it. While not making it was always a possibility, today's experience vividly showed me what i'm up against. I'll need to rest now. Perhaps I should tell my companions about the experiences I make in the void but I doubt that they would understand. Today I'm not even sure if I do."

- Log entry

 

Battle log summary: Rough day. I'm not even entirely sure what happened. Got a cup of ice cream on my way home (which is not the end of the world unless it's accompanied with thoughts that go like "whatever. Just give up. It's hopeless" etc.) and yeah, things went downhill from there. Anger and fruststration and sadness came up and the sitting felt like it would last forever. Considering all i've still got ahead of my (losing weight, get fit, build up a solid meditation practice, start a business of my own and live more indipedently, reading and learning more to get more proficient in my line of work, working harder to get more done each week, ...). I've got enough to do with my current challenge but I don't want to drop every effort concerning other things I need to work on so today's happenings - well. At least I sat down I guess. It's just that although the challenge is already rather challenging, I don't feel like I make enough meaningful steps in my life at the moment. Not sure if adding another challenge will remedy this or make it just much more worse.

[Erza Scarlet]

I think it's important to start small, taking on too many challenges and quests can overwhelm you. You can always add small little things in each following challenge. E.g. 1st (this one) challenge is about meditation, 2nd is reading, 3rd is about your business, etc. Or you could always do what I do and do a bit of each. E.g. this challenge do 10mins of meditation, read a chapter everyday, research into making a business for an hour, etc. It's up to you, though, we all do things differently. I know you can do it, keep up the good work!

Sent from my GT-I8190N using Tapatalk

[Tyrgal]

Journey Progress: 8,00h/100h

30.08.2016: 0,5 hours of meditation (1 session)

 

Battle log summary: Sat down for half an hour. Good enough for today.

 

23 hours ago, six1 said:

I think it's important to start small, taking on too many challenges and quests can overwhelm you. You can always add small little things in each following challenge. E.g. 1st (this one) challenge is about meditation, 2nd is reading, 3rd is about your business, etc. Or you could always do what I do and do a bit of each. E.g. this challenge do 10mins of meditation, read a chapter everyday, research into making a business for an hour, etc. It's up to you, though, we all do things differently. I know you can do it, keep up the good work!

Sent from my GT-I8190N using Tapatalk

 

Yeah I think you're right. Adding to the current challenge wouldn't do me any favor right now. I'll see that I at least keep half an hour over the next few days and see whether it'll get easier to get into longer times again by the end of the week. I'll think a few more days about perhaps adding mini quests about the other fields.

[Tyrgal]

Journey Progress: 8,50h/100h

31.08.2016: 0,5 hours of meditation (1 session)

 

Battle log summary: I was really tired as I sat down for meditation very late today. Quite surprisingly the sitting went smooth and I felt more energized after sitting. Glad I decided to meditate today.

[Tyrgal]

Journey Progress: 9,50h/100h

01.09.2016: 1 hour of meditation - 0,25h + 0,75h (2 sessions)

 

Quote

 Daeris Annúmben and Minaiwen Fengeiros

 

"I've considered to relay my recent experience to my companions but decided to hold back for now. Daeris, while earnest and vigilant, can be overzealous. She lost her brother in a fight against a demon a few years ago and for all I can tell, her hatred towards them knows no bounds. I can't blame her for being overzealous, seeing that I've decided to continue myself. However, I doubt Daeris would be able to concentrate when she would come to believe that I'm performing rituals to connect to "demonic worlds" - people like her usually don't hear you out before pushing a dagger in your heretic eyesocket. Aside from that kind of attitude, her resolve is quite remarkable. She's a capable ranger and safely maneuvered us around the territory of a wolfpack yesterday. What concerns me the most about her is that her type of determination can end up in two ways: one is achieving her goals and the other one is becoming reckless and paying the price for it. Minaiwen is quite different from her. She strikes me as a bit dreamy, or should I rather say elusive?

 

Quite the opposite from Daeris' reserved demeanor, Minaiwen brings along a rather sunny disposition to our journey. She's sociable and willingly teaches me more about their culture and traditions. I asked her about her cheerful attitude. She said that our mission will make the forest and their village a safer place and that she would find joy and meaning in our task because of it. I appreciate that kind of optimism. She knows why she is on this journey and her reasons should keep her from getting reckless. However, I wonder how she will handle herself in the face of danger and despair.

The two have a sense of strong purpose; something that is necessary for those who want to challenge the world and themselves."

 

"But is an iron will enough to beat the odds?

Even if it is not: I'm determined. I will forge my destiny with blood and sweat. Even if it is the last thing I will do - I will see this journey through to the end."

 

Battle log summary: one 15 minute session in the morning, another 45 minute session in the evening. Both were calm and relaxing. I'd almost say forgiving because they felt really good after the last days being rough

 

 

[Tyrgal]

Journey Progress: 10,25h/100h

02.09.2016: 0,75 hours of meditation - 0,25h + 0,5h (2 sessions)

 

Battle log summary: the first ten hours are done! Looking forward to the weekend, I'll make more time for a few sessions then Today was uneventful meditation-wise.

[Tyrgal]

 

Journey Progress: 10,75h/100h

03.09.2016: 0,5 hours of meditation - 0,5h (1 session)

 

Battle log summary: Relaxed day, recharged my batteries

[Killyourfeet]

Woot! Congrats on reaching 10h! You're rockin' it!

[Erza Scarlet]

On 9/1/2016 at 11:07 PM, Tyrgal said:

Battle log summary: one 15 minute session in the morning, another 45 minute session in the evening. Both were calm and relaxing. I'd almost say forgiving because they felt really good after the last days being rough

 

I'm glad your meditation is helping, keep up the great work.  

[Tyrgal]

22 hours ago, VintageCustard said:

Woot! Congrats on reaching 10h! You're rockin' it!

Thanks!

20 hours ago, six1 said:

I'm glad your meditation is helping, keep up the great work.  

Yeah it is, thanks for the encouragement  

 

[Tyrgal]

Journey Progress: 11,50h/100h

04.09.2016: 0,75 hours of meditation (1 session)

 

Battle log summary: I could've gone for a second sitting but got a bit caught up in nerd stuff today (gaming & anime). I've heard something worth considering in one of the animes I'm watching atm:

"To really know who you are, you must step outside the world you know."

I feel like that is quite true with the rebellion. It's only when we step outside of the comfort zone and tackle new challenges that we learn to know ourselves better.

[Tyrgal]

Journey Progress: 12,00h/100h

05.09.2016: 0,50 hours of meditation (1 session)

 

Battle log summary: Hm. wanted to sit for 2 sessions today but I didn't quite get my priorities in order. I've spent some time today rethinking whether I want to add some goals. I'm not 100% sure whether I want to commit but it seems like a rather good idea if I can implement another goal just right.

[Tyrgal]

Journey Progress: 12,50h/100h

06.09.2016: 0,50 hours of meditation (1 session)

 

Battle log summary: Busy workday today. I got home quite late. Also a lot of anger during meditation today (like, quite a lot!) That was a good opportunity to use feelings as the meditation object and the anger slowly faded. It's a very silly thing how the anger came about. I changed my shirt when I came home and put on a shirt that was too small for me. And meditating while wearing a shirt that doesn't fit anymore there was a lot of anger coming up, asking me how it had come to this. Why I stood by, merely noticing that decline over the last years. It was that kind of anger that was followed up by pain and sadness. You know that one?

 

I could give a lot of excuses to myself and to others why I've gained weight over the last few years and let myself go in that regard. I feel there's no merit to go down that route though. I know all too well the reasons and I understand. If others don't understand or even judge (because they never struggled with weight and haven't been where I've been) then that's their business, not mine. I'm working through this: one breath, one feeling, one minute and one sitting at a time.

 

So... sounds like the sitting was brutal, but I'm feeling quite good right now! (Ah, the cleansing experience of insight! ). Good thing this came up during meditation and not while passing a super market on my way home (note to myself: watch feelings while passing a super market and watch out for frustration or anger! They're bad guides to listen to!).

 

In other news: I'll only play games or watch animes _after_ i've sat down to meditate at least once that day from now on. That ensures that I can enjoy my free time in a more relaxed manner without feeling like I procrastinate on my goals. That also worked quite well today. Didn't manage to squeeze game time in today, but this challenge is more important! Satisfied that I did it like this today

Also I need to find some time to write more on Tyrgals story. Hm. Enough adventure for today though!

[Tyrgal]

Journey Progress: 13,00h/100h

07.09.2016: 0,50 hours of meditation (1 session)

 

Battle log summary: Nothing special going on. Not a bad day, not a great day either. I've thought about adding more goals to the challenge but need a few more days to consider whether I can and want to commit.

[Tyrgal]

Journey Progress: 13,50h/100h

08.09.2016: 0,50 hours of meditation (1 session)

 

Battle log summary: bit late on writing the battle log. Long workday, meditation was so-and-so. I'll spend some time over the weekend to reignite my fire for the challenge and for challenging life in general.

[Tyrgal]

Journey Progress: 13,75h/100h

09.09.2016: 0,50 hours of meditation (1 session)

 

Battle log summary: Dealing with some inner conflicts that make meditation quite difficult to keep up for an extended time the last days. Workin' on it.