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elizevdmerwe-Back from her break


MrsVan

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Heal up and feel better, it will be a relief when the books are over and done with.

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"By the Most-Righteous-and-Blessed Beard of Sir Tanktimus the Encourager!" - Jarl Rurik Harrgath

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2 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Heal up and feel better, it will be a relief when the books are over and done with.

Ja, except... A couple of months ago another lady started importing the same books into the country. I don't know everything that was said, but she made comments about me, the prices, etc. It turns out now that the parents who started off with me, took offense and words were said in private among them, and a group of them are boycotting her because of that "situation". In the meantime, I asked her a couple of months ago whether we could please try and "live" on a civil footing with each other. She had her business, I were trying to do my business, and the least we could do were support each other on the other products. If she could please just not undercut me on these books. She agreed and I haven't had issues with her since. We've been referring parents to each others' groups since. I told the moms now that there are no hard feelings between us, but they still say that they don't trust her. They have had other problems with her as well, and they asked whether I'd be willing to only do one or two orders a year, set dates, for a handful of them, because they don't want to buy through her. And then hubby reminded me that I need to still buy our own books too. So I thought that I'll end this group/"business" as it is now. Finish this order, and get it over and done with.

Then start a new group, private, with only these handful of parents. Then only once or twice a year, I'll place orders for us, totally informal, they know they carry their own risks, no business stuff, plain a deal of I cover my costs and handle the admin. of the order on everyone's behalf, and that is it. They are the people I started the whole thing with and never had problems for two years. I know, kick me now or slap me up the head.

 

Other than sorting through this mess and cooking, I did nothing today. I'm exhausted.

 

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Zechariah 4:6

"Not by might, nor by power, but by My spirit, saith the Lord."

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18 minutes ago, originalpiratematerial said:

What age are your boys?  Mine are 17, 15 and 12.  Good luck with the week ahead!  

Oldest is 9.5yrs and Youngest is 7yrs. I'm an older mom, who still wish at times they came with guides.

Thank you, enjoy your week too.

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Zechariah 4:6

"Not by might, nor by power, but by My spirit, saith the Lord."

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52 minutes ago, originalpiratematerial said:

Hah! I hear you...!

The only reliable guide is to keep the channels open - keep talking and even more, keep listening. IMHO.

I agree totally.

 

Sorry still feeling under the weather, but better than yesterday.

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Zechariah 4:6

"Not by might, nor by power, but by My spirit, saith the Lord."

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I'm just going to skip the rest of this challenge. I'm trying to eat right, fighting with Youngest about food, sorting out school books for next year, trying to sort out the house in between not having water for 2-3 days. This last big book order are going through this afternoon, then I'll only do two small orders a year (Oct/May), with the strict conditions that every person carries their own risk for placing orders, and it is only twice a year. I'm only the facilitator for the orders, I'm not running a business, I'm not responsible for the books. Since telling people I'm closing the big group, my emails have gone down, messages on Fb are down, quotes, and answering about what I cover and organise with the books have gone down. In that respect I almost feel like I'm on holiday! Almost...

martin-harvey-african-elephant-taking-du

There's all kinds of things standing around which I have to find place for (like the seats I took out from the car), boys' toys which are overflowing all of a sudden, hubby's rally car seats he is working on, water pipe trenches dug to lay new water pipes to the water tanks we are hopefully getting this or next week. I have to check up on the car-people who have our car to sell for scrap. We are supposed to get some water through this afternoon, then I can do some washing...

 

I'm mostly over the flu, but still struggling with post-nasal drip and an irritating cough. I'm actually just very irritable all round.

 

Another great weak in Africa!

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Zechariah 4:6

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Heal up and get better, we'll be here when you're ready to come back.

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"By the Most-Righteous-and-Blessed Beard of Sir Tanktimus the Encourager!" - Jarl Rurik Harrgath

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3 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Heal up and get better, we'll be here when you're ready to come back.

 

3 hours ago, Elastigirl said:

Take care and heal. 

Thank you so much! I managed to do so much, so got rid of a lot of frustration.

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Zechariah 4:6

"Not by might, nor by power, but by My spirit, saith the Lord."

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4 hours ago, originalpiratematerial said:

Take care and look after yourself!

Thank you. I'm a lot better. Still struggling with sinus and post nasal drip, otherwise fine. Just knee deep in school work, books and frustrations about the car situation. And very tired.

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Zechariah 4:6

"Not by might, nor by power, but by My spirit, saith the Lord."

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Hi Elize!!! Just caught up with your thread. I'm glad you're feeling better but you are a busy mom so I'm not surprised that you are feeling a little tired with all that's going on. Keep you chin up and remain the positive inspiration we all know you to have :) 

 

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1 hour ago, Wild Wolf said:

Hi Elize!!! Just caught up with your thread. I'm glad you're feeling better but you are a busy mom so I'm not surprised that you are feeling a little tired with all that's going on. Keep you chin up and remain the positive inspiration we all know you to have :) 

 

W0lf

Thanks Wolf.

 

I just can't keep going on. I struggled through the day with schoolwork, the boys' fighting, and everything just became almost too much. I just seriously need a break. I told the book orders that I just can't keep going because I'm at breaking point and I need out. Later I can maybe help them with a twice a year order, but not now. I still have so much on me which I have to do, but I just can't carry everything and everyone.

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Zechariah 4:6

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1 hour ago, elizevdmerwe said:

Thanks Wolf.

 

I just can't keep going on. I struggled through the day with schoolwork, the boys' fighting, and everything just became almost too much. I just seriously need a break. I told the book orders that I just can't keep going because I'm at breaking point and I need out. Later I can maybe help them with a twice a year order, but not now. I still have so much on me which I have to do, but I just can't carry everything and everyone.

In addition to being physically exhausted from being sick, you are probably still emotionally exhausted from the trauma of the car wreck and the family issues. You simply need to recharge.

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"By the Most-Righteous-and-Blessed Beard of Sir Tanktimus the Encourager!" - Jarl Rurik Harrgath

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1 hour ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

In addition to being physically exhausted from being sick, you are probably still emotionally exhausted from the trauma of the car wreck and the family issues. You simply need to recharge.

I am. I can't think, I make the stupidest mistakes. I forget things: walk to a room and don't know what I wanted to do; forget the food on the stove and burn it; forget the cat outside... at least I remembered to feed the neighbour's dogs. Oldest is just jumping in and helping me, but I lost it a bit this morning and Youngest cried. Cried with him (again) and apologized and decided to call it quits on whatever I can.

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Zechariah 4:6

"Not by might, nor by power, but by My spirit, saith the Lord."

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Sorry you are struggling.It is a good idea to just back off but the absolutely necessary thing. Praying for you to have wisdom as to what to do and have rest and refreshment.

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It sounds like you are experiencing some post traumatic stress. Have you really processed what happened with the accident with anyone? I don't know what counseling resources are available where you are but it might not be a bad idea to talk to someone for a few sessions. What you are describing sounds similar to what I've seen some nurses go through after a particularly bad case.

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"By the Most-Righteous-and-Blessed Beard of Sir Tanktimus the Encourager!" - Jarl Rurik Harrgath

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On 2016/09/09 at 8:53 PM, Elastigirl said:

Sorry you are struggling.It is a good idea to just back off but the absolutely necessary thing. Praying for you to have wisdom as to what to do and have rest and refreshment.

 

On 2016/09/09 at 9:18 PM, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

It sounds like you are experiencing some post traumatic stress. Have you really processed what happened with the accident with anyone? I don't know what counseling resources are available where you are but it might not be a bad idea to talk to someone for a few sessions. What you are describing sounds similar to what I've seen some nurses go through after a particularly bad case.

 

3 hours ago, mr_willes said:

74926509ee16253c8afdd105839fcee4.gif

 


Thank you so much for caring. I feel like a huge ninny. I recovered some humour this weekend. Got a lot of sleep in, but still feel like I can sleep for a week. We do have a lot of counseling facilities, etc. available, but our medical savings are finished for the year. Used it all on my beautiful new smile beginning of the year :P. However my friend was a trauma counselor years ago and I had a couple of talks with her through the week.

 

Tired, stressed out, finally realising and accepting things, admitting to myself that I can't continue with everything, and admitting to myself that I felt SO guilty for putting my boys in harms way, that I felt useless and not good enough to have prevented the accident. Cross and guilty that I have caused more problems now. Feeling like a looser, not good enough, strong enough to cope, that I have to stop the book orders... but then realising that I could breath again. And realising in the end, that I do know what is best for me. I know better than anyone else and I should sometimes listen to myself. The real me.

 

Then also battling through the feelings of not being a good enough daughter, that my mom did push us aside now that she finally realised that we aren't "rolling in the money" as she tells everyone. And I was cross! And frustrated! And felt helpless. Still am a little bit cross and part of me want to storm her and tell her what for. But that's a battle I'll never win. So I handed it over to God and said have at it, I won't take it back again.

 

I've been swimming through all these emotions, battling all these stupid inner demons and trying to reach the surface. But my daily devotional reading pieces were a God-send. They actually answered a lot of questions that I had and feelings I were battling. Maybe I was finally open to listen. I know I'm not a looser, I know I can cope when I have to, I also know Where my strength comes from. My conclusion is ALL OF THIS, everything that has been happening for the last couple of months, have finally brought me to a place where I have to admit that I'm not strong on my own, and I have to get my priorities straight. Some things I can handle on my own, some things I can't, and some things I have to let go. And I'm not a machine, I'm human. There's more, I'm working on it, but my head hurts. I'll start with this point.

 

I'm finally not jittery when driving, and the boys admitted that they were scared the first week when driving, because they were shouting from the back "watch out", "stop", "robot", "that guy isn't going to stop!".... which made me even more nervous to drive. So we had a talk and it actually helped me as well.

 

But I have managed to eat right. Have managed to talk the boys into eating better (ok, I pay them for loosing weight IF they eat right), and hubby isn't willing to pay me when I loose weight by eating right. Not fair. My head is in the right place again, but I'm bone tired. I'll probably have these circle talks to myself for a while still, but at least now I'm making sense to myself.

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Zechariah 4:6

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You aren't a huge ninny (or even a little ninny;)) You've been dealing with a lot. Glad you got to talk to a wise friend. So wonderful that God gave you just the right devotional, and how He is teaching you that He is your strength, refuge and fortress.  Glad things are improving. Get as much sleep as you can, let your body heal.

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2 hours ago, elizevdmerwe said:

My conclusion is ALL OF THIS, everything that has been happening for the last couple of months, have finally brought me to a place where I have to admit that I'm not strong on my own, and I have to get my priorities straight. Some things I can handle on my own, some things I can't, and some things I have to let go. And I'm not a machine, I'm human. There's more, I'm working on it, but my head hurts. I'll start with this point.

 

Just caught up with everything you having going on.  I'm sorry so have just gone through such a rough patch!! It's honestly incredible you have managed to hold it together for as long as you have.  Though, the conclusions I quote above are a great place to find yourself.  One of the biggest forms of strength is knowing when you need help and being OK with asking for it. You are definitely not a ninny of any size, big or small, and take as long as you need to feel comfortable coming back here.  We will be here! You'll always be part of the Ranger family <3

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If I may paraphrase Paul, the Greatest Strength lies not in power, but in Weakness.

Sometimes we are given more than we can handle so we are forced to rely on God. It sounds like you are in that place.

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"By the Most-Righteous-and-Blessed Beard of Sir Tanktimus the Encourager!" - Jarl Rurik Harrgath

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16 hours ago, Elastigirl said:

You aren't a huge ninny (or even a little ninny;)) You've been dealing with a lot. Glad you got to talk to a wise friend. So wonderful that God gave you just the right devotional, and how He is teaching you that He is your strength, refuge and fortress.  Glad things are improving. Get as much sleep as you can, let your body heal.

 

15 hours ago, Raxie said:

 

Just caught up with everything you having going on.  I'm sorry so have just gone through such a rough patch!! It's honestly incredible you have managed to hold it together for as long as you have.  Though, the conclusions I quote above are a great place to find yourself.  One of the biggest forms of strength is knowing when you need help and being OK with asking for it. You are definitely not a ninny of any size, big or small, and take as long as you need to feel comfortable coming back here.  We will be here! You'll always be part of the Ranger family <3

 

10 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

If I may paraphrase Paul, the Greatest Strength lies not in power, but in Weakness.

Sometimes we are given more than we can handle so we are forced to rely on God. It sounds like you are in that place.

 

Thank you everyone! I don't know what I've done to deserve friends like you, but I'm truly thankful to have you :love_heart: Yes, I'm learning from scratch that I don't need to carry all the problems by myself. I can only be strong when I depend on God. Let Go, Let God.

Luckily the weather is playing along to bring peaceful days, in that I don't have to drive the boys out to sport because it's raining! Wonderful spring weather with all the blooms and birds. No more dust, but still lots of sinus. Hopefully it's raining in our catchment area as well, and all those farms where almost all the livestock were lost due to drought.
Now that I've made the final decision not to continue with the book orders, I don't have that panicky feeling when I think about it anymore. It's hard to tell people I can't help them anymore, but luckily most of them understand. And I did give them another option, which I've come to realise and accept, isn't my responsibility if they don't make use of.

 

With the spring rains come less opportunity to walk with the boys though, so I have to rethink some of our hiking/rucking options. Shuffle things around, or play the day by ear.

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Zechariah 4:6

"Not by might, nor by power, but by My spirit, saith the Lord."

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Just dropping in to your thread for the first time, and I prayed that God would heal your body and spirit with His grace and peace, and that He would honor your desire to keep following and serving Him. May He fill you with the assurance that He loves you so very much and that He understands and cares for you when you are weak, just like a loving Abba (literally "Daddy")!

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SKY ELVENWORD

The Silver Archer, Ranger Level 45

Jesus-follower | Writer | Encourager | Resident Myers-Briggs and Enneagram Geek 

"Knowing that we can be loved exactly as we are gives us all the best opportunity for growing into the healthiest of people." - Fred Rogers

 

2021 Books in Progress:

How We Love (82%)  |  Talking Back to Purity Culture (64%)  |  Rhythms of Renewal (60%)  |  Beholding and Becoming (19%)  | What Did You Expect? (36%)  |  A Gentle Answer (0%) 
 

2021 Books Completed:
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets  |  Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban  |  Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire   |  Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix  |  Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince  |  Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows  |  Lady Windermere's Fan 

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