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RedStone

Disordered Eating Support

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UM. Crappy week and it's only Wednesday. I need a hug.

 

Last week I had to ditch my lifting program due to massive burnout. It was starting to weigh on me (no pun intended) emotionally and physically. In the wake of it I found myself ditching quite a few bodybuilding fitspo IGs that I can't even tell you why I was following, and this week, well, I've been a solid 500cals short on the regular. 

 

Trying to stay positive about making changes and starting fresh, trying not to feel like a failure and a quitter... but I'm just feeling kind of lost in the woods and having a hard time concentrating on anything. Speaking of which, I am going to go have a walk in the woods this afternoon, so hopefully that will perk me up some... better days.

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1 hour ago, ~RedStone~ said:

UM. Crappy week and it's only Wednesday. I need a hug.

 

Last week I had to ditch my lifting program due to massive burnout. It was starting to weigh on me (no pun intended) emotionally and physically. In the wake of it I found myself ditching quite a few bodybuilding fitspo IGs that I can't even tell you why I was following, and this week, well, I've been a solid 500cals short on the regular. 

 

Trying to stay positive about making changes and starting fresh, trying not to feel like a failure and a quitter... but I'm just feeling kind of lost in the woods and having a hard time concentrating on anything. Speaking of which, I am going to go have a walk in the woods this afternoon, so hopefully that will perk me up some... better days.

 

Sending hugs your way!

Image result for hug gif

You're not a failure or a quitter. You're human; I know that many of us on here love to roleplay as fantastic elves or fearsome rangers, but every character has their tough times and their difficulties; its character building. Just know that your failures don't define you; think of all the good you've done lately, from your workouts to having made this thread to support people; as far as I, and many others here, are concerned: you're a pretty awesome person. And you're going to get past this little "bump in the road" and get back on track in your own time, like the badass you are! :D  

 

Just remember to be kind to yourself; if you were stood before any of us and we were the ones telling you about this, would you think of us as a failure? I'm sure you wouldn't; you deserve the same amount of kindness that you'd exert onto others! It isn't you (or your body's) fault that you burned out. This happens; even to the fictional heroes some of us strive to become; there will always be times when things go wrong. A lot of us here are levelling up our fitness as well as our mental health; never feel bad about letting the rest take the slide for a few days; just concentrate on getting into the right, positive mindspace again and then you can begin plowing into the rest.

 

A walk in the woods sounds lovely; i did that yesterday and it cleared up so much of the mumbo-jumbo in my mind.

If you need more hugs you know where I am! :D 

Stella ♥

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1 hour ago, ~RedStone~ said:

Trying to stay positive about making changes and starting fresh, trying not to feel like a failure and a quitter... but I'm just feeling kind of lost in the woods and having a hard time concentrating on anything. Speaking of which, I am going to go have a walk in the woods this afternoon, so hopefully that will perk me up some... better days.

 

The walk sounds like a good plan.  We can burn out so much easier than we think we can, so don't go crazy!  Take it slow!

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43 minutes ago, Stellakin said:

 

Sending hugs your way!

Image result for hug gif

 

A walk in the woods sounds lovely; i did that yesterday and it cleared up so much of the mumbo-jumbo in my mind.

If you need more hugs you know where I am! :D 

Stella ♥

 

41 minutes ago, RisenPhoenix said:

 

The walk sounds like a good plan.  We can burn out so much easier than we think we can, so don't go crazy!  Take it slow!

 

Thanks guys <3 I know all of it, logically anyway, it's just hard to keep the demons at bay sometimes. I def need to watch it, I did a little rage shadow boxing just a bit ago and... ouch :P not a great idea. It's kind of funny actually, this is pretty much my 6 month mark for having a super regular routine again - text book time for relapses and burnout... at least according to my textbook anyway. Also says that this is when it's time to introduce new things. So, right on track I guess :angel:

 

*glomps

wkca1le.gif

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1 hour ago, RisenPhoenix said:

 

The walk sounds like a good plan.  We can burn out so much easier than we think we can, so don't go crazy!  Take it slow!

Exactly!

 

I wish I could take a walk in the woods today, but the weather is not agreeable for that here. (All day on and off rain.) Plus I need to rest my knee. But it's so hard to just stay still sometimes!

 

 

I also had a challenging couple days getting enough calories. I've been trying to get 1800 calories more or less, to work a little on losing some of the fat I have lingering around. Friday I only managed 1400. Almost 300 of that was from liquor. I'm just glad I wasn't sick the next day. And then Saturday, I discovered a new risk with counting calories: not wanting to eat more because there was no way I could reach my goal range (was at 700 calories, and it was 10pm), and so eating more would be a waste of food. (We're poor, so food is very carefully budgeted.) No, stupid brain, that's not how it works. Stomach growling means you need to go eat something. Fortunately, I managed to force myself around midnight to get up and cook something. Still ended with just under 1200, but much better than if I hadn't made my midnight dinner. And thankfully the days since then haven't been as challenging.

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Hi friends! I bought this book today: 

 

41f1bE4CfsL._SX329_BO1,204,203,200_.jpg

 

Anyone read this? I love the idea of mindfulness when it comes to food. I tend to forget to eat much and then when I do I make really poor decisions. I'm hoping this book will have some good tips on refocusing my perspective on food and nourishment. Any reviews from someone who's read this?

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On 9/28/2016 at 1:53 PM, zeroh13 said:

Exactly!

 

I wish I could take a walk in the woods today, but the weather is not agreeable for that here. (All day on and off rain.) Plus I need to rest my knee. But it's so hard to just stay still sometimes!

 

 

I also had a challenging couple days getting enough calories. I've been trying to get 1800 calories more or less, to work a little on losing some of the fat I have lingering around. Friday I only managed 1400. Almost 300 of that was from liquor. I'm just glad I wasn't sick the next day. And then Saturday, I discovered a new risk with counting calories: not wanting to eat more because there was no way I could reach my goal range (was at 700 calories, and it was 10pm), and so eating more would be a waste of food. (We're poor, so food is very carefully budgeted.) No, stupid brain, that's not how it works. Stomach growling means you need to go eat something. Fortunately, I managed to force myself around midnight to get up and cook something. Still ended with just under 1200, but much better than if I hadn't made my midnight dinner. And thankfully the days since then haven't been as challenging.

 

Def better than less than! Yeah, I was super guilty of not enough food/too much booze at the beginning of the week. NOT helping my situation! Right now I'm giving myself a huge pass on quality of consumption - if I'm eating anything, it's a good start, and I'm on the right track now, pretty much rock bottomed on Weds night with an anxiety attack on about 400 cals for the day. SMH. :ambivalence:

 

Thank you everyone for being there for me this week, it's been super rocky! After getting some feedback it sounds that - yes - I did go through over training, and have to have a full recovery before getting back to heavy lifting or anything too taxing really. I'll be walking a ton (since my license was just suspended on a technicality... it's been a hell of a week!) and I'm just trying to get my head space back to neutral. Going to the city this weekend to train Kung Fu with my students down there, which should be super solid in the head dept, (and I can keep it gentle on the body) and also have a 90 min massage scheduled for tonight :D 

 

Hope you guys have a great weekend and I'll be reporting back with food success!!!

 

 

 

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15 hours ago, Rosie's Riveter said:

Hi friends! I bought this book today: 

 

41f1bE4CfsL._SX329_BO1,204,203,200_.jpg

 

Anyone read this? I love the idea of mindfulness when it comes to food. I tend to forget to eat much and then when I do I make really poor decisions. I'm hoping this book will have some good tips on refocusing my perspective on food and nourishment. Any reviews from someone who's read this?

 

Never heard of it! But sounds like something I could really use right now LOL Let us know how it is!

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God bless this post!

 

I'm Morgana, and I'm 20. I've suffered from disordered eating since I was 15. The first year was mostly anorexic tendencies. I restricted like hell and actually developed a fear of food at some points. When I broke my unhealthy restriction phase, I spiraled into the 4-year eating disorder that I still suffer from, which is Binge Eating Disorder. Does anyone else suffer from this?

 

Anyway, I'm finally in counseling after waiting way too long to get professional help. This is something I need to beat if I'm going to succeed in my health goals. Thank you guys for making this thread, I love having an open space to talk about this stuff!

 

:biggrin-new: WE CAN DO IT

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On 9/28/2016 at 1:53 PM, zeroh13 said:

I also had a challenging couple days

 

Just checking in to see how things have been - hoping the weekend gave some new light and hopefully a fresh start! I was thinking about the - not even close so don't even try - conundrum, and was thinking about what I do in that case. I *think* (if we're on the same page) that when I'm about to throw up my hands at the end of a day over not enough cals, whether my stomach is in knots or not... I have a store of these little mac and cheese cups you pop in the micro. reasonably high in cals (250ish) and a good macro breakdown, they're also small enough that the portion doesn't overwhelm me. (I think I finished my last one last week actually - gonna have to send the man to BJs to get more ;)) so it's kind of a two fold thing in that case - gets my cals up, gives me some starch to get through, and is also of a super familiar comfort food without being too much.

 

Anyways I hope things are on the up and up!!

 

Xc7eEKj.gif

 

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1 hour ago, Morgana said:

God bless this post!

 

I'm Morgana, and I'm 20. I've suffered from disordered eating since I was 15. The first year was mostly anorexic tendencies. I restricted like hell and actually developed a fear of food at some points. When I broke my unhealthy restriction phase, I spiraled into the 4-year eating disorder that I still suffer from, which is Binge Eating Disorder. Does anyone else suffer from this?

 

Anyway, I'm finally in counseling after waiting way too long to get professional help. This is something I need to beat if I'm going to succeed in my health goals. Thank you guys for making this thread, I love having an open space to talk about this stuff!

 

:biggrin-new: WE CAN DO IT

 

Welcome Morgana! So glad you found us! Big shout for getting started with counseling, it took me years to get there also. But just taking the initiative is a fantastic start and means you're ready to get healthy, and hell yeah we can!!! 

 

My foray started with obsessive overeating (I was about 12) and then turned towards bulimia and later restricted eating with anorexic tendencies. It's a difficult idea to wrap our heads around, for me it was a sense of stuffing myself to the point of numbness so I wouldn't have to feel the painful things in my life (family, peers etc.) Counseling helped me work through those other issues so I could relieve some of the need for control. I hope your journey takes you to free places full of self love, and we're here for you in the meantime!!!

 

MqwzD2C.gif

 

(What? I'm in a balloon kinda mood ;))

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2 hours ago, ~RedStone~ said:

 

Just checking in to see how things have been - hoping the weekend gave some new light and hopefully a fresh start! I was thinking about the - not even close so don't even try - conundrum, and was thinking about what I do in that case. I *think* (if we're on the same page) that when I'm about to throw up my hands at the end of a day over not enough cals, whether my stomach is in knots or not... I have a store of these little mac and cheese cups you pop in the micro. reasonably high in cals (250ish) and a good macro breakdown, they're also small enough that the portion doesn't overwhelm me. (I think I finished my last one last week actually - gonna have to send the man to BJs to get more ;)) so it's kind of a two fold thing in that case - gets my cals up, gives me some starch to get through, and is also of a super familiar comfort food without being too much.

 

Anyways I hope things are on the up and up!!

 

Xc7eEKj.gif

 

I talked a little about it in my challenge. But basically, I just ended up throwing calorie counting out the window. And my body hates me. I think that sums up my weekend pretty well. 

 

Those Mac & Cheese cups are good. I ate them so much as a teen! But unfortunately we don't have a microwave. When I want something easy (and easy on my stomach), I'll usually go for a piece of fruit. Assuming we have any. But I have a really bad habit of trying to sleep off hunger, so no matter how easy it is, if it's night I'll usually be fighting a losing battle.

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32 minutes ago, zeroh13 said:

I talked a little about it in my challenge.

 

Found you! Hopefully that will simplify the search and read process :P 

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This week will be about finding the cheaaaapest way to eat what needs to be eaten, in a healthy way. Because moneys are hiding. Shall let you know how that goes, lol. 

Last week was all about drooling while thinking about butter and buttery foods for some reason >_> .

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Hey guys! Been a bit MIA the last few days; got one more check-up at the hospital later today and will hopefully be back on here more. I think the stress and anxiety of it all has really pushed me into some old habits, namely destructive eating ones. Suppose I'm just struggling with a desperate need for some control? *sigh* Anywho, will be working on it and trying my best to overcome it in the next few days, I suppose. :( 

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16 hours ago, Stellakin said:

Hey guys! Been a bit MIA the last few days; got one more check-up at the hospital later today and will hopefully be back on here more. I think the stress and anxiety of it all has really pushed me into some old habits, namely destructive eating ones. Suppose I'm just struggling with a desperate need for some control? *sigh* Anywho, will be working on it and trying my best to overcome it in the next few days, I suppose. :( 

 

Oh noes. It's been a helluva month so far, huh. Control, she is such a dark, demanding mistress!! Checking in on your log, hope things are on the up and up! 

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So I'm on the up and up from a recent relapse/breakdown/whatever you want to call it, back to healthy eating habits, but still struggling with some head stuff. I'm finding that things that I used to find inspiring are currently depressing, and it's gotten me thinking about comparison.

 

Do you guys ever feel like you get caught in the trap of comparing yourself to others? Instead of hitting "like" I'm finding myself bitter or angry that I'm not the one making powerful strides in my life, and it's clearly not doing me any good. I feel angry instead of empathetic, and ultimately disappointed in myself in that I always prefer to be someone that boosts up others, rather than putting them down - and myself in the process.

 

I know I need to spend some time reminding myself that I'm good too, that my journey is as valid as anyone else's and that we're all in the same tangle of trying to get through life as happy as possible, but it also feels like I haven't had a "win" in awhile. I'm not 100% sure how I'm going to approach this, but I'm sure it needs to come from #selflove. 

 

First up - cancelling my workout this afternoon cause pretty nasty chest cold and a lot of traveling this weekend. As much as I feel like I need to work out constantly (why??) I'm going to play it safe so I can be well enough to visit with my friends this weekend and come back strong on Monday!

 

Next? I'm not so sure. Perhaps a few frank conversations with myself or maybe a list about the pros of being me? (Ugh :P)

What do you all do in this kind of spot?

 

Meanwhile, Happy Thursdays for all! :) 

 

mNhvApP.gif

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2 hours ago, ~RedStone~ said:

So I'm on the up and up from a recent relapse/breakdown/whatever you want to call it, back to healthy eating habits, but still struggling with some head stuff. I'm finding that things that I used to find inspiring are currently depressing, and it's gotten me thinking about comparison.

 

Do you guys ever feel like you get caught in the trap of comparing yourself to others? Instead of hitting "like" I'm finding myself bitter or angry that I'm not the one making powerful strides in my life, and it's clearly not doing me any good. I feel angry instead of empathetic, and ultimately disappointed in myself in that I always prefer to be someone that boosts up others, rather than putting them down - and myself in the process.

 

I know I need to spend some time reminding myself that I'm good too, that my journey is as valid as anyone else's and that we're all in the same tangle of trying to get through life as happy as possible, but it also feels like I haven't had a "win" in awhile. I'm not 100% sure how I'm going to approach this, but I'm sure it needs to come from #selflove. 

 

First up - cancelling my workout this afternoon cause pretty nasty chest cold and a lot of traveling this weekend. As much as I feel like I need to work out constantly (why??) I'm going to play it safe so I can be well enough to visit with my friends this weekend and come back strong on Monday!

 

Next? I'm not so sure. Perhaps a few frank conversations with myself or maybe a list about the pros of being me? (Ugh :P)

What do you all do in this kind of spot?

 

Meanwhile, Happy Thursdays for all! :) 

 

mNhvApP.gif

I've totally been there. Unfortunately, I don't think I've ever really developed a healthy way of dealing with it. A lot of alcohol is usually involved. And loud music with lyrics like "fuck the world!" And video games. But a lot of alcohol usually makes me eat nothing cause "omg all the calories!" Or eat everything because "omg so much yum!" And then of course I just feel worse in the morning. And then just kind of sit around brooding. Well, maybe it's not that bad (especially if I can manage to eat responsibility), considering that to me a lot of alcohol is actually not that much (drunk, but not falling all over myself). But I'm sure there are better options out there. Or at least more helpful than feeling fine for one night.

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14 minutes ago, zeroh13 said:

 Or at least more helpful than feeling fine for one night.

 

Yeah, that's the thing. I've done the "numbing yourself from pain" thing, as I'm guessing lots of us have. I don't want to run away, I want to heal, so I decided to take a page out of @shaars book with the mid challenge b.r.e.a.t.h.e. discussion with a small twist - for the rest of the challenge I'm going to say something positive about myself everyday, as well as someone else that either inspires me, or is important to my life in some way or another. I want to find the good again, in myself and the rest of the world, and I think a public declaration could help LOL here's my entry for today, Day 1

 

 

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3 minutes ago, ~RedStone~ said:

 

Yeah, that's the thing. I've done the "numbing yourself from pain" thing, as I'm guessing lots of us have. I don't want to run away, I want to heal, so I decided to take a page out of @shaars book with the mid challenge b.r.e.a.t.h.e. discussion with a small twist - for the rest of the challenge I'm going to say something positive about myself everyday, as well as someone else that either inspires me, or is important to my life in some way or another. I want to find the good again, in myself and the rest of the world, and I think a public declaration could help LOL here's my entry for today, Day 1

 

 

That's a pretty great idea. I have a tendency to just turtle up. But that's just running away. And that doesn't help anyone in the long run. I should probably put a self-love goal in my next challenge. 

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2 minutes ago, zeroh13 said:

That's a pretty great idea. I have a tendency to just turtle up. But that's just running away. And that doesn't help anyone in the long run. I should probably put a self-love goal in my next challenge. 

 

YAY!!!! DO EEEEEETTTTT!!! (You know I'm in ;))

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32 minutes ago, ~RedStone~ said:

 

Yeah, that's the thing. I've done the "numbing yourself from pain" thing, as I'm guessing lots of us have. I don't want to run away, I want to heal, so I decided to take a page out of @shaars book with the mid challenge b.r.e.a.t.h.e. discussion with a small twist - for the rest of the challenge I'm going to say something positive about myself everyday, as well as someone else that either inspires me, or is important to my life in some way or another. I want to find the good again, in myself and the rest of the world, and I think a public declaration could help LOL here's my entry for today, Day 1

 

 

 

26 minutes ago, zeroh13 said:

That's a pretty great idea. I have a tendency to just turtle up. But that's just running away. And that doesn't help anyone in the long run. I should probably put a self-love goal in my next challenge. 

 

 

Y'all are just great~ <3 <3 <3 Mindful self-love FTW!!  It is truly difficult.

 

*ponders a self-love and affirmation goal for next time too..............*

 

Also, ooo, this is a great thread.  My partner toes the line of disordered eating; they're mindful of it, but we work a lot at home on nutrition and slowly realizing that food isn't punishment but love and nourishment for yourself... *lurks in thread for the future~*

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3 minutes ago, shaar said:

Y'all are just great~ <3 <3 <3 Mindful self-love FTW!!  It is truly difficult.

 

It is so hard lol. I was thinking about it after taking a maybe not incredibly stellar crack at it in breathe... it's like the selfie thing. I hated the way I looked in pictures for, well, pretty much always, so I did a selfie challenge! The first few weeks the pictures were always in spoilers, but by the end I felt okay about them, and now my challenges are littered with them. It seems like it was the repetition, doing it on the regular that made it easier and more natural. I hope we can all find the self affirmation we need!!!

 

3 minutes ago, shaar said:

*ponders a self-love and affirmation goal for next time too..............*

 

Also, ooo, this is a great thread.  My partner toes the line of disordered eating; they're mindful of it, but we work a lot at home on nutrition and slowly realizing that food isn't punishment but love and nourishment for yourself...

 

Yep, "love and nourishment" is one of the things I have a hard time with. I'm pretty visual so what finally finally allowed me to do tracking (which has ultimately helped me start eating enough) was imagining the zelda hearts getting filled with love (yay!) rather than my calorie allowance disappearing (sad!) as the day went on. It made a surprisingly big difference for me, a friend gave me this!! I try to keep it in mind...

 

Bi7h4b6m.jpg

 

3 minutes ago, shaar said:

*lurks in thread for the future~*

 

YESSSS!!!! Please do!!! <3 

 

 

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Haven't been to this thread in awhile but I've felt myself wavering and thought it best to check in here. I am super resisting my old websites where I have a lot of really negative support. I keep trying to check in with myself and figure out what about those websites am I missing and how do I healthily fill that hole? I think it's easy to fall back into old ways. This right here, healthy support and loving myself...that is what is difficult. I'm so afraid I will fail at being healthy, and in fact I am at the moment, that I'd rather just full on fail than be sitting here between sick and healthy. I am a person that operates on extremes so I've really struggled at leveling out (or leveling up) in really any aspect of my life. 

 

Anyways sorry for just barging in and dumping my issues in here and not really commenting on anything. I'm in overload mode and just trying to keep myself away from negative places by distracting myself. Love you all. I'm thankful this place exists. 

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On 10/13/2016 at 0:14 PM, Rosie's Riveter said:

Anyways sorry for just barging in and dumping my issues in here and not really commenting on anything. I'm in overload mode and just trying to keep myself away from negative places by distracting myself. Love you all. I'm thankful this place exists. 

 

NOT AT ALL! That's why we're here. I'm irritated that I didn't get a notification on an update, and apologize for the tardy response!!

 

On 10/13/2016 at 0:14 PM, Rosie's Riveter said:

Haven't been to this thread in awhile but I've felt myself wavering and thought it best to check in here. I am super resisting my old websites where I have a lot of really negative support. I keep trying to check in with myself and figure out what about those websites am I missing and how do I healthily fill that hole? I think it's easy to fall back into old ways. This right here, healthy support and loving myself...that is what is difficult. I'm so afraid I will fail at being healthy, and in fact I am at the moment, that I'd rather just full on fail than be sitting here between sick and healthy. I am a person that operates on extremes so I've really struggled at leveling out (or leveling up) in really any aspect of my life. 

 

This is definitely something I've felt, this pull towards the negative and the feeling of defeat before I start. For me it's been an ongoing battle with the idea that I'm not worth feeling good about myself. Somewhere along the lines I got it in my head that I'm just not, that I don't deserve it, so the effort it would take isn't super not worth it. Changing that perspective was, well, a game changer. Deciding, after decades, that I am in fact worth the effort, that's when I was able to start taking care of myself, and more importantly, avoiding the things that facilitated the self destructive pattern.

 

I know it's different for everyone, but that was the root of my behavior, and when things crop back up, I can go back to those lessons and say to myself - why don't you think you're worth it? Here are the reasons you are... and when I can't come up with reasons myself, I can always look to the people that love and support me (and many of them are here) and say, well, if they love me, there must be something worth it in me.

 

Meanwhile, I'm just starting to follow my peeps since my notifications work for that anyway. Please update us and let us know how you're feeling!!! >HUGS<

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