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Sorry you're having such a hard time. 

 

Would setting alarms help at all? In the past couple weeks, I've found them super helpful in remembering to eat - and when I eat regularly, I don't end up feeling super-strong cravings for stuff and gorging on more food than I should be eating in a single sitting. Just a suggestion - I don't have your disorder and I don't know what helps or doesn't help. But the alarms help me to avoid that cycle of eating too little - huge craving - eat a lot - feel sick - repeat.

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I think these past few weeks have been the hardest time I've had with food in a long time. And a part of me thinks it's not going to get any better.

 

I'm on my lunch break right now, I'm hungry, I have good food in front of me (honestly, it tastes great and has a fairly good nutritional breakdown), but I don't want to eat it. I'm more just staring at my food, thinking "I really should eat this..."

 

I'm stuck in this cycle of not eating enough, grabbing a candy bar or something when I can't ignore how hungry I am, then eat a large meal cause I feel guilty about not eating much before, and then go back to not eating much cause I feel guilty about eating a lot.

 

And if I weigh myself on the scale, I'll just get a strong reaction either way. The same? More? Really bummed out the rest of the morning. It went down? Really ecstatic. And they somehow end up encouraging the same behavior. Like, on one end feeling like it's working. And on the other end, thinking I just need to try harder. And if I try to not weigh myself, eventually I get to a point where I need to know.

 

If I just look in the mirror, I'll look for all the places I have fat hiding. And even if it's just a little, it still bothers me. (I've called myself vain before... Like, everytime I go past something reflective enough, I have to stop and make sure everything is just right.)

 

And I have so much other crap going on, I'm running out of energy to fight this. And the ironic thing is, I know if I eat better, I'll have more energy. But I still don't.

 

I can relate to this so much! Definitely go through periods of this from time to time. I think it is important to recognise that it can (and will) get better - it is just so frustrating to have to keep dealing with it.

 

Is there anyone in real life that you are able to confide in and have meals with? I've found that has really helped me in the past - just having someone to check in with.

 

 

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19 hours ago, zeroh13 said:

And the ironic thing is, I know if I eat better, I'll have more energy. But I still don't.

 

32 minutes ago, Starbuck said:

I can relate to this so much! Definitely go through periods of this from time to time. I think it is important to recognise that it can (and will) get better - it is just so frustrating to have to keep dealing with it.

 

Is there anyone in real life that you are able to confide in and have meals with? I've found that has really helped me in the past - just having someone to check in with.

 

I'm all about the support network. Having a person, or group of people, that you report in with can be a tremendous tool for getting yourself over the initial hump. Usually once the snowball starts rolling and you're actually doing the thing that makes you feel better, the good feelings start to take over again and have their own kind of contagion. It's also very useful to have people there reminding you that you're worth the effort, and deserve the feel better things, just because they're there, trying to help :) 

 

I'm currently trying an experiment like that with Mr Red, where we have a shared doc online with our food plan, and column for his beers and my episodes. He has to fill in his lunches as an accountability that he's eating enough, and we both have to record about the things... we don't want to. It's a touch easier because it's online and neither have to say it out loud, but we both still see it and talk about it later. so far... it's working out!

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On 4/27/2017 at 7:42 AM, chemgeek said:

Sorry you're having such a hard time. 

 

Would setting alarms help at all? In the past couple weeks, I've found them super helpful in remembering to eat - and when I eat regularly, I don't end up feeling super-strong cravings for stuff and gorging on more food than I should be eating in a single sitting. Just a suggestion - I don't have your disorder and I don't know what helps or doesn't help. But the alarms help me to avoid that cycle of eating too little - huge craving - eat a lot - feel sick - repeat.

I try to build breakfast into my morning routine. And at least for the days I work I have a lunch break (with a free meal). And dinner time tends to be whenever I get home, unless I have an early workday. Then it gets more iffy. But having a set time helps, because that's one less excuse for me to hide behind.

 

On 4/27/2017 at 7:56 AM, Starbuck said:

Is there anyone in real life that you are able to confide in and have meals with? I've found that has really helped me in the past - just having someone to check in with.

 

I've started talking to my wife about it, but damn it's hard. I've asked her to make sure I eat, so hopefully that helps. 

 

On 4/27/2017 at 8:46 AM, RedStone said:

I'm all about the support network. Having a person, or group of people, that you report in with can be a tremendous tool for getting yourself over the initial hump. Usually once the snowball starts rolling and you're actually doing the thing that makes you feel better, the good feelings start to take over again and have their own kind of contagion. It's also very useful to have people there reminding you that you're worth the effort, and deserve the feel better things, just because they're there, trying to help

I've never been that good about building a support network. I always have a hard time admitting that I have some kind of problem, and this particular one is extra hard to talk about. (Or I'll admit to having a problem, but make it seem less serious than it actually is...) Like, I've dropped hints to my wife before, but I didn't actually start talking to her about it, or how bad it can get, until recently. And I can't even imagine telling my parents!

 

I mentioned it to my therapist last week, but that was when it was at a more manageable level. Unfortunately, I don't see him until next Thursday. Well, aside from the group therapy session, and I don't know if I'm ready to talk about it there...

 

 

The past few meals, I've managed to eat about half of whatever I had in front of me. Sometimes it'd take an hour to grudgingly eat, but at least I'm eating something. And it's extra frustrating cause it's even happening with my favorite foods!

 

I can feel this already taking a toll on my body, so I hope I can pull out of it soon.

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I feel so stuck. I want to recover from anorexica, but I am terrified to eat because my mom won't stop forcing me to eat candy bars and other unhealthy food. Why do I have to eat a ton of sugar in recovery? I end up limiting my calories because I am so afraid she is going to either not let me workout anymore or force me to eat a ton of sugar and processed carbs. The rest of my family is on a super low carb diet and I always feel like a fat ass eating with them. I can never order what I want from the menu at restaurants, my mom orders for me and gets angry when I don't want to eat what she chooses. I know I need to gain weight, I am 5' 8" and 108 pounds but I really struggle getting in calories unless they are from real food and healthy sources. I am 20 years old and I cannot even choose what I put in my body. I am so tired of weighing myself, it is humiliating and hurts my progress but everyday my mom weighs me and throws a fit at how little I weigh then runs downstairs and hands me something horribly sugaryto eat and watches me eat it smirking. I then feel like I can't eat anything the rest of the day to compensate. It sucks to have no choices in life, that was part of the reason I needed up with this eating disorder; I at least wanted to control my health and fitness. Now I can't even control that

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47 minutes ago, Klrip said:

Why do I have to eat a ton of sugar in recovery?

You don't, and you probably shouldn't. Especially refined sugar. You need to gain healthy weight, and you can't really do that with a ton of candy and junk.

 

I'll eat a candy bar as a last resort if my body is crashing, but if I was forced to eat them I'd be doing the opposite of recovering.

 

49 minutes ago, Klrip said:

I really struggle getting in calories unless they are from real food and healthy sources

And that's where your calories should be coming from. Protein, veggies, fruit, nuts & seeds, unrefined grains if your body can handle them (and dairy, unless you're vegan). It sounds like you might be on the right track when it comes to what you want to eat, you just need to eat more of it.

 

Honestly, your mother is doing a lot more harm than good. And the constant weighing would drive me crazy too. Maybe you could try seeing a nutritionist and get some food recommendations to show your mother. (Or maybe they could use some scare tactics about how junk food is bad for you, no matter how much you weigh.) If she doesn't want to take you to a specialist, your regular doctor should be able to help too. It's kind of hard to argue with the doctor (if you have a good one).

 

(I think the real problem here is that your mother is a control freak and should probably get professional help. If educating her about the healthy way to gain weight doesn't work, I think your best bet is to move out ASAP. and build up a support network to help your recovery.)

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10 hours ago, Klrip said:

I feel so stuck. I want to recover from anorexica, but I am terrified to eat because my mom won't stop forcing me to eat candy bars and other unhealthy food. Why do I have to eat a ton of sugar in recovery? I end up limiting my calories because I am so afraid she is going to either not let me workout anymore or force me to eat a ton of sugar and processed carbs. The rest of my family is on a super low carb diet and I always feel like a fat ass eating with them. I can never order what I want from the menu at restaurants, my mom orders for me and gets angry when I don't want to eat what she chooses. I know I need to gain weight, I am 5' 8" and 108 pounds but I really struggle getting in calories unless they are from real food and healthy sources. I am 20 years old and I cannot even choose what I put in my body. I am so tired of weighing myself, it is humiliating and hurts my progress but everyday my mom weighs me and throws a fit at how little I weigh then runs downstairs and hands me something horribly sugaryto eat and watches me eat it smirking. I then feel like I can't eat anything the rest of the day to compensate. It sucks to have no choices in life, that was part of the reason I needed up with this eating disorder; I at least wanted to control my health and fitness. Now I can't even control that

 

Hey there Klrip :) Thanks for reaching out! Wow, jeez, yeah, I can understand your frustration. It sounds like you are ready to recover, but not getting the kind of support and structure you need. The "treats method" is not unheard of, the idea being that - eating anything is better than nothing - but it is not a preferable method for long term recovery, especially for someone who is ready for a healthy life. There are very clear, preferred methods used in recovery centers, that focus on slow and steady increase of calories, and relies on consistency and education of healthy nutrition. The process of learning this and applying it should be an empowering one, and slow enough to ease into the mental headspace of consuming more.

 

When it comes to loved ones getting involved in this process... well, it's pretty circumstantial. I can't purport to know your relationship with your family, but it sounds like you're not getting the kind of support you need. If they are amicable to learning about recovery processes,  here is a link to some sound, professional information. If you feel that it would be better for you to step away from that environment, here is a directory of treatment centers where you can get positive support and education.

 

Stay strong and keep us posted!!!

 

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On 7/3/2017 at 11:23 PM, zeroh13 said:

You don't, and you probably shouldn't. Especially refined sugar. You need to gain healthy weight, and you can't really do that with a ton of candy and junk.

 

I'll eat a candy bar as a last resort if my body is crashing, but if I was forced to eat them I'd be doing the opposite of recovering.

 

And that's where your calories should be coming from. Protein, veggies, fruit, nuts & seeds, unrefined grains if your body can handle them (and dairy, unless you're vegan). It sounds like you might be on the right track when it comes to what you want to eat, you just need to eat more of it.

 

Honestly, your mother is doing a lot more harm than good. And the constant weighing would drive me crazy too. Maybe you could try seeing a nutritionist and get some food recommendations to show your mother. (Or maybe they could use some scare tactics about how junk food is bad for you, no matter how much you weigh.) If she doesn't want to take you to a specialist, your regular doctor should be able to help too. It's kind of hard to argue with the doctor (if you have a good one).

 

(I think the real problem here is that your mother is a control freak and should probably get professional help. If educating her about the healthy way to gain weight doesn't work, I think your best bet is to move out ASAP. and build up a support network to help your recovery.)

I think my mom has good intentions in the end but it really doesn't feel like it. I am terrified to eat anything already because of my anorexica and then I will be eating something like a breakfast burrito and while I am eating it she will say things like "after this you need to eat some chocolate cake". Then I end up hiding my food instead of eating it because I feel like later I will be forced to eat something sugary. I told her I want to recover with healthier food sources and she said "you can eat those too but you need to eat a lot of food because you are exercising. You should stop exercising ". I exercise everyday and feel extremely guilty when I have a rest day or an easy day because I fear I won't build muscle and will be forced to eat a ton of sugar. I know I need rest days to recover but I hate them and they make me feel so fat and out of shape. In terms of food to eat, I was paleo for awhile but I gained no weight so I try to stick to mostly paleo food sources and then add in some rye/sourdough bread, oats, and peanut butter, etc. I also try eating more fat then carbs but because I don't have that much control this is not always possible. My whole life revolves around food; how to not eat the sugar I am given, when to eat, what to eat, how much to eat, and how to push through a workout when I feel terrible. I want to be able to eat when I am hungry and not to think so hard about what I am doing, or to go to a restaurant and be allowed to order a salad if I want one. I can't even sleep some nights because I am so anxious about what I will have to eat tomorrow.

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Hi,

 

Sorry to butt in like this as I am not sure if its ok that I am around.

So I thought I'd rather Stop by and ask then lurk around till I make up my mind if it's ok to intrude.

 

See, I am probably not affected by a eating disorder, at least not in the way they are monitoring around here.

 

But my relationship with basically ends with "it sustains me".

Meaning I am not actively working towards limiting myself in favor of reaching a certain figure or weight (which is the cornerstone of diagnose as it seems).

But have always been on the brim to dangerous Underweight.

 

Which doesn't really surprise me anymore considering that getting my Work done tend to be higher on my priority list then eating something in the day.

Ans truthfully looking at my foodlog ans realising that I didn't even eat half of what would be necessary to sustain my current weight/sustain me is scaring the hell out of me.

 

I did bring this up with a couple of doctors and the consensus is between, well be happy about it and well if you didn't lose at least 10kg in a month ans your styroid-levels fine I can't help you (including a psychatrist) which is part of why I wouldn't group myself as eating disordered.klingen und

 

So, I could use a place were it's ok to talk about that kind of stuff without feeling bad about it.

 

That's if it's fine with you.

 

Regards Casbin

 

Ps: Sorry, this text is probably a mess as I'm still trying to teach my phone some manners but I wanted this out before the courage vanishes

 

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2 hours ago, Casbin said:

Hi,

 

Sorry to butt in like this as I am not sure if its ok that I am around.

So I thought I'd rather Stop by and ask then lurk around till I make up my mind if it's ok to intrude.

 

See, I am probably not affected by a eating disorder, at least not in the way they are monitoring around here.

 

But my relationship with basically ends with "it sustains me".

Meaning I am not actively working towards limiting myself in favor of reaching a certain figure or weight (which is the cornerstone of diagnose as it seems).

But have always been on the brim to dangerous Underweight.

 

Which doesn't really surprise me anymore considering that getting my Work done tend to be higher on my priority list then eating something in the day.

Ans truthfully looking at my foodlog ans realising that I didn't even eat half of what would be necessary to sustain my current weight/sustain me is scaring the hell out of me.

 

I did bring this up with a couple of doctors and the consensus is between, well be happy about it and well if you didn't lose at least 10kg in a month ans your styroid-levels fine I can't help you (including a psychatrist) which is part of why I wouldn't group myself as eating disordered.klingen und

 

So, I could use a place were it's ok to talk about that kind of stuff without feeling bad about it.

 

That's if it's fine with you.

 

Regards Casbin

 

Ps: Sorry, this text is probably a mess as I'm still trying to teach my phone some manners but I wanted this out before the courage vanishes

 

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Be careful, eating disorders are a slippery slope. They start out as something seemingly innocent and can easily spiral out of control. Mine started as just an attempt to eat healthier and turned into an outlet for depression and a way to punish myself for being imperfect. At first, I only lost 5 pounds in the course of a month and then within the next few weeks I lost 20. If you felt the need to post on here my guess is your weight is not your only concern, do you feel like you have a bad mentality with food? Just because you haven't lost significant weight doesn't mean you don't have an eating disorder. 

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3 hours ago, Casbin said:

Sorry to butt in like this as I am not sure if its ok that I am around.

So I thought I'd rather Stop by and ask then lurk around till I make up my mind if it's ok to intrude.

 

See, I am probably not affected by a eating disorder, at least not in the way they are monitoring around here.

 

Disordered eating is about more than a diagnosable eating disorder. It's about our relationship with food.

 

I've never had a severe eating disorder, but there have been times where I've gotten close. I'd eat way less than I should, as a way to lose weight or more often to punish myself, but I would never be underweight for a lot of reasons and it rarely lasts for more than a month or two at a time. There's also times when I would just plain forget to eat, or decide that I have more important things to do and ignore my hunger.

 

I'm basically trying to say that you're not intruding, 

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On 7/5/2017 at 3:16 PM, Klrip said:

I think my mom has good intentions in the end but it really doesn't feel like it. I am terrified to eat anything already because of my anorexica and then I will be eating something like a breakfast burrito and while I am eating it she will say things like "after this you need to eat some chocolate cake". Then I end up hiding my food instead of eating it because I feel like later I will be forced to eat something sugary. I told her I want to recover with healthier food sources and she said "you can eat those too but you need to eat a lot of food because you are exercising. You should stop exercising ". I exercise everyday and feel extremely guilty when I have a rest day or an easy day because I fear I won't build muscle and will be forced to eat a ton of sugar. I know I need rest days to recover but I hate them and they make me feel so fat and out of shape. In terms of food to eat, I was paleo for awhile but I gained no weight so I try to stick to mostly paleo food sources and then add in some rye/sourdough bread, oats, and peanut butter, etc. I also try eating more fat then carbs but because I don't have that much control this is not always possible. My whole life revolves around food; how to not eat the sugar I am given, when to eat, what to eat, how much to eat, and how to push through a workout when I feel terrible. I want to be able to eat when I am hungry and not to think so hard about what I am doing, or to go to a restaurant and be allowed to order a salad if I want one. I can't even sleep some nights because I am so anxious about what I will have to eat tomorrow.

I think a lot of parents are like that, they mean well but don't always know what they are doing. It's feels weird to educate our parents, but sometimes that's what needs to be done. (Though some parents are stubborn and will only listen to a professional or the like.) 

 

Recovery is important because that's when our muscles are actually getting stronger. But you can do things like alternate upper body and lower body workouts, so that one group of muscles is recovering while you're working another group of muscles. You could probably also alternate strength training with some cardio. I'd still try to have one active rest day a week though, to avoid over-training and burnout.

 

I understand the worry about exercising too much and not getting enough food for it. But I think the answer is to tone down the exercise if it is excessive, but if it's not, then it's better to try and eat more (healthy) food. I wouldn't stop exercising completely unless my doctor tells me to stop. 

 

To get a nice boost of protein and fat, you can eat nuts and seeds (I prefer the raw ones). Avocado is also good because that has a lot of healthy fat. When I really need to eat, but I'm having trouble forcing myself, I'll usually make a protein shake. Water and/or milk (I use soy or almond/cashew), protein powder, frozen fruit, a handful of seeds. You can also use veggies. Since it's a smoothie/shake, I can drink it without feeling like I'm eating. It's also easier on my stomach.

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On 7/5/2017 at 4:16 PM, Klrip said:

I think my mom has good intentions in the end but it really doesn't feel like it. I am terrified to eat anything already because of my anorexica and then I will be eating something like a breakfast burrito and while I am eating it she will say things like "after this you need to eat some chocolate cake". Then I end up hiding my food instead of eating it because I feel like later I will be forced to eat something sugary. I told her I want to recover with healthier food sources and she said "you can eat those too but you need to eat a lot of food because you are exercising. You should stop exercising ". I exercise everyday and feel extremely guilty when I have a rest day or an easy day because I fear I won't build muscle and will be forced to eat a ton of sugar. I know I need rest days to recover but I hate them and they make me feel so fat and out of shape. In terms of food to eat, I was paleo for awhile but I gained no weight so I try to stick to mostly paleo food sources and then add in some rye/sourdough bread, oats, and peanut butter, etc. I also try eating more fat then carbs but because I don't have that much control this is not always possible. My whole life revolves around food; how to not eat the sugar I am given, when to eat, what to eat, how much to eat, and how to push through a workout when I feel terrible. I want to be able to eat when I am hungry and not to think so hard about what I am doing, or to go to a restaurant and be allowed to order a salad if I want one. I can't even sleep some nights because I am so anxious about what I will have to eat tomorrow.

 

Weird thought but - my mother used to do this with one of my siblings who had an ED (complicated by the fact that my mother has her own ED). Would it be possible to bring her to a meeting with your therapist, if you have a therapist (and if you don't, you should get one - frankly helping you through ED recovery is beyond your mother's pay grade and she's doing you both a disservice if she's trying to take it on herself)? Then the three of you could work out a plan, together, with everyone on the same page. 

I agree with the others that constant weighing would drive me batty (I weigh myself once a month, only, because if I weigh myself more, I start getting weirdly obsessive about the number on the scale) and it sounds to me like your mother needs to understand that ED recovery is a marathon, not a sprint, and is as much if not more about sorting out what caused the ED to develop in the first place as it is about your body weight. 

 

17 hours ago, Casbin said:

Hi,

 

Sorry to butt in like this as I am not sure if its ok that I am around.

So I thought I'd rather Stop by and ask then lurk around till I make up my mind if it's ok to intrude.

 

See, I am probably not affected by a eating disorder, at least not in the way they are monitoring around here.

 

But my relationship with basically ends with "it sustains me".

Meaning I am not actively working towards limiting myself in favor of reaching a certain figure or weight (which is the cornerstone of diagnose as it seems).

But have always been on the brim to dangerous Underweight.

 

Hi Casbin - I am not diagnosed, either, but I definitely have a disordered relationship with food - and I'm currently at a healthy weight. If you're underweight, you probably have more of an issue than you think you do. If you feel you should be here, you're probably right. 

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19 hours ago, Casbin said:

 

So, I could use a place were it's ok to talk about that kind of stuff without feeling bad about it.

 

 

This is a safe place for anyone needing to talk :):D As Zeroh said, our relationship with food can be a projection of emotional needs, but yes, doctors (at least in the US), can't really step in unless XYZ variables are threatening your life... but that doesn't make your concerns invalid!!!

 

It sounds like you're taking excellent steps in having a food log and realizing that you're not fulfilling your needs. Figuring out how to change that would be the next step, and actively working towards it. If you have a plan in place, but cannot bring yourself to do it... then it's probably time to sort out what is holding you back emotionally.

 

In terms of planning, there are lots of ways to sneak extra calories into a minimal diet. Whenever I have to increase calories I personally do it in liquid form because it's easy and doesn't impede on my day. Shakes and smoothies are easy, and meal replacement drinks have good boosts of macros. Soylent is a real thing that people seem to like for this purpose. After that, getting into good timing/routine, goes a long way. Setting alarms throughout your day to have a quick snack or meal is useful, and over time, you condition your body to expect an energy boost at those times. (Actual hunger! I know, I have similar problems when boosting metabolism. People don't understand when I say I don't get "hungry")

 

And of course there's exercise/physical activity to help build the engine. Are you currently doing any activity?

 

Quote

 

Ps: Sorry, this text is probably a mess as I'm still trying to teach my phone some manners but I wanted this out before the courage vanishes

 

I got a new phone this year that just... doesn't understand me.  I kind of miss my old autocorrect overlords... :P 

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Uhm ok, first of thank you very much.

I've been reading your comments over and over but didn't know what to say.

 

Truthfully, in these sentences are a lot of things I can actually relate to.

So, yes apparently I do have a warped relationship with eating/food and apparently I stop eating once pressure surpasses a certain threshold.

 

I will try to further look into your posts but time is a bit limited right now. I just wanted you to know that I honestly appreciate it.

 

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Hi there,

 

I'm new here and also in the fitness game. I've always wanted to have the ability to lift and be strong but never had the confidence until i battled and still continue to battle with anorexia this past year. I've seen a doctor and I am back at a healthy weight (I'm 18 btw) and everything. My relationship with food is sort of fixed however I want gains but I am stuck. During my recovery I was told 3 meals and 3 snacks a day. This was unnatural to me; my life before my disorder was so unstructured, other than school that food would just come and go but I was always a middle weight (not overweight and not "skinny"). I adapted my recovery diet to 4 meals a day which I found comfortable but as I recovered I quickly realised that the 4th meal at the end of the day became a binge, which still in part continues. I guess this is where my questions lie, Is 4 meals a day bad? How many meals a day and what foods for an 18 year old male? 

 

Thanks a lot!

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1 hour ago, PIGGIES_ said:

Hi there,

 

I'm new here and also in the fitness game. I've always wanted to have the ability to lift and be strong but never had the confidence until i battled and still continue to battle with anorexia this past year. I've seen a doctor and I am back at a healthy weight (I'm 18 btw) and everything. My relationship with food is sort of fixed however I want gains but I am stuck. During my recovery I was told 3 meals and 3 snacks a day. This was unnatural to me; my life before my disorder was so unstructured, other than school that food would just come and go but I was always a middle weight (not overweight and not "skinny"). I adapted my recovery diet to 4 meals a day which I found comfortable but as I recovered I quickly realised that the 4th meal at the end of the day became a binge, which still in part continues. I guess this is where my questions lie, Is 4 meals a day bad? How many meals a day and what foods for an 18 year old male? 

 

Thanks a lot!

Hi! Welcome! Great job getting back to a healthy weight. 

 

There aren't any rules set in stone about how many meals and what food. It's about finding what works for you.

 

When you're just starting out, you'll get some decent gains from your muscles learning to be more efficient. Beyond that, you'll need to build muscle. This requires strength training, protein, and a calorie surplus. I suggest using a TDEE calculator (like this one http://damnripped.com/tdee-calculator/) to get an idea of how many calories you need. And then you can break up the calories throughout the day in whatever way works best by doing some meal planning. Feel free to try a few different ways. Personally, I aim for three meals, a small snack between breakfast and lunch, and a large snack between lunch and dinner. But that's just what works for me.

 

The important thing with food is to aim for whole, unprocessed food. A decent amount of protein, a variety of fruits and veggies, and a bit of healthy fat. Learning how to cook makes this a lot easier. You might be able to get some ideas by looking around the nutrition treads, as well as the recipes section.

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Hi All,

I am glad I found this forum. I think I have issues with food, but it has reached a level where I am getting somewhat desperate. I am hoping that it is temporary, but it is an unsettling way of life. It all started when I realized I ate for comfort when I am stressed or bored. I am aware that this is somewhat normal. My surroundings are not ideal for healthy eating: my co-workers always bring in treats and celebrate with heavy food all the time. My fiancé works out and has a very active job, so he also eats a lot. However, when I told the people around me that I wanted to eat healthier, the backlash was so bad (mostly because I am 5ft and 115lbs after a strict ketogenic diet), I ended up lying that I had been diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes, just so I had a “real” reason to eat better. They are still trying to constantly feed me chocolate, bbq ribs etc. It’s almost as if they want me to fail. Now my frustration has led me to be obsessed with losing weight and afraid of food. Especially carbs. I am hoping that you guys can give me some advice on how to deal with this. Mostly, I am looking to find a balance in what I eat without thinking about food all day.

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Welcome!

 

First off, eating healthier is not the same thing as eating to lose weight. Healthy is about what you eat. Losing, maintaining, or gaining weight is about how much you eat. It sounds like your co-workers don't understand that.

 

It's also, unfortunately, not unheard of for people to try and sabotage your efforts to be healthier (and they might not even realize they're doing it). It could come from a place of ignorance, or from envy (where they want to lose weight, but don't want to change their lifestyle), or both.

 

What is your reason for wanting to eat healthier? What does eating healthier look like to you? 

 

It is because you don't want to gain back the weight you lost? Is it that you want live a long life? That you don't want to get sick as often? There's a lot of reasons that don't involve having a serious disease. Be honest with yourself, and be honest with others. Whatever your reason, that is the real reason. Your real reason. Don't lie about it.

 

Do you want to eat healthier because you want to lose more weight? If that's the case, you need to figure out why you want to lose more weight. 

 

Carbs are not the enemy. They are a source of energy for your body. When you eat excessive carbs (or anything), you're giving your body energy it doesn't immediately need, and so it stores it away to be used later (as fat). Ketogenic and other restrictive diets work for some people because they cut out a lot of added sugar (along with a lot of processed food) that your body doesn't need.

 

The easiest way to find that balance between eating healthy and not thinking about food all day is to make a meal plan. Once a week, sit down and plan out all of your meals. Then during the week you don't have to think about what you'll be eating for your next meal, just follow the plan. (Some people do a monthly meal plan instead of weekly.)

 

It's also okay to indulge yourself with a treat on occasion, especially if it's a special occasion. It's not the end of the world.

 

Another thing that helps is reading up on what food is healthy and what isn't. And cook the majority of your own food. Spend some time finding new recipes to try out.

 

The hardest thing will be learning to ignore your critics. And saying no to the food they're trying to force on you. You don't need to explain to them why you are refusing it either. "No, but thank you" and "thanks, but I'm not hungry" are perfectly valid responses. And then do your best to ignore them and go back to whatever it is you were doing before.

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What Zeroh said. Carbs are fuel, just like fat and protein. They are amoral chemical compounds that your body can convert into energy and cell materials. If it helps you to remove the emotion from thinking about it, try to think of your body as a large and very complicated chemical reaction - and carbs are one of the reactants for it (for me, I find this type of intellectualization helps me to divorce my thinking from what I call the "brain-garbage" that growing up in a thin-obsessed society in an ED household). 

Another thing to think of if you have the resources is calling in pros to help. Every couple years, I see a dietician just to consult on my eating habits - helps to have an unbiased external observer say "This is good, this could use improvement." If you find managing the headspace is harder than sorting fact and fiction in your mind on eating, a psychological professional may be of use. You don't have to manage it all on your own.

Update for me: So, lately I stopped with macro counting and tracking on purpose - for two reasons: One, I could tell my headspace was starting to hit weirdly obsessive territory that used to be reserved for calorie counting for me, and two, I've got into a healthy eating pattern. So now I track once a week just to make sure stuff isn't getting out of whack (I do have medical conditions that require me to be a bit more careful of what I eat than most people which means I can't just say "eff it" and stop tracking forever). 
 

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I don't know what to do, I am feel so defeated. I have been underweight for almost  2 years now. I fear I have lost my period forever and that I will never be able to have children, yet, I continue to not eat enough. I will eat a ton of crackers and peanut butter at night and then wake up the next day feeling shameful and I will eat very little to compensate then I will start the whole process over the next night. I need to gain weight, I want to build muscle and continue to workout though. I have come so far in my fitness that I am terrified to take time off. Plus, working out at least gives me more motivation to eat. I fear carbs even though I know they are necessary. I fear when I eat more it will just go straight to my stomach. I know I look bad this underweight but I fear looking worse if I eat more. 

I am sorry for the rant, I just need some advice and consolation. Anyone else binge eat peanut butter? Is there anyway I could still have children if I haven't had s period without being on birth control in 2 years? Funny enough, my period stopped before I was underweight, it started just when I started a low carb diet on which I actually had gained a little bit of weight from eating so many nuts.

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13 hours ago, Klrip said:

I don't know what to do, I am feel so defeated. I have been underweight for almost  2 years now. I fear I have lost my period forever and that I will never be able to have children, yet, I continue to not eat enough. I will eat a ton of crackers and peanut butter at night and then wake up the next day feeling shameful and I will eat very little to compensate then I will start the whole process over the next night. I need to gain weight, I want to build muscle and continue to workout though. I have come so far in my fitness that I am terrified to take time off. Plus, working out at least gives me more motivation to eat. I fear carbs even though I know they are necessary. I fear when I eat more it will just go straight to my stomach. I know I look bad this underweight but I fear looking worse if I eat more. 

I am sorry for the rant, I just need some advice and consolation. Anyone else binge eat peanut butter? Is there anyway I could still have children if I haven't had s period without being on birth control in 2 years? Funny enough, my period stopped before I was underweight, it started just when I started a low carb diet on which I actually had gained a little bit of weight from eating so many nuts.

I've been struggling with similar feelings the past month or so. I know I should eat more. I know need to eat more. I want to eat more, because I want muscle. I'm not underweight, but I am a bit scared that my bad days are going to keep getting worse and more frequent and I'll end up there. So, I should be able to beat this, right? But it's hard to actually translate that into eating more. (Like, I want to, but something I can't control is stopping me.) 

 

Sometimes I'll have a "big" meal, and then think I've eaten way too much that day. But then I look back at my food log and realize I barely ate anything outside of that meal. I love peanut butter, and I'm pretty sure there were a few times in high school where I'd eat most of the jar in one sitting. 

 

Regarding your period and having kids, it would be best to talk to a doctor about that. There are a lot of factors that go into it. But in general, when you stop having periods because of being underweight, your ovaries basically go into hibernation. Once they "wake up," getting pregnant shouldn't be an issue no matter how long they were hibernating. And if there is an issue with fertility, there's medicine that can help. But it's not just the ability to become pregnant, being able to safely have a healthy baby is really important. It might be helpful to search online for blogs from women who've struggled with eating disorders and went through pregnancy.

 

It may also be useful for you to find a therapist who can help you recover (if you don't have one already). It might also be a good idea to talk to a nutritionist. (Preferably a therapist and/or nutritionist who has experience working with people who have eating disorders.) You don't have to fight this on your own, and there's nothing wrong with getting professional help.

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1 hour ago, zeroh13 said:

I've been struggling with similar feelings the past month or so. I know I should eat more. I know need to eat more. I want to eat more, because I want muscle. I'm not underweight, but I am a bit scared that my bad days are going to keep getting worse and more frequent and I'll end up there. So, I should be able to beat this, right? But it's hard to actually translate that into eating more. (Like, I want to, but something I can't control is stopping me.) 

 

Sometimes I'll have a "big" meal, and then think I've eaten way too much that day. But then I look back at my food log and realize I barely ate anything outside of that meal. I love peanut butter, and I'm pretty sure there were a few times in high school where I'd eat most of the jar in one sitting. 

 

Regarding your period and having kids, it would be best to talk to a doctor about that. There are a lot of factors that go into it. But in general, when you stop having periods because of being underweight, your ovaries basically go into hibernation. Once they "wake up," getting pregnant shouldn't be an issue no matter how long they were hibernating. And if there is an issue with fertility, there's medicine that can help. But it's not just the ability to become pregnant, being able to safely have a healthy baby is really important. It might be helpful to search online for blogs from women who've struggled with eating disorders and went through pregnancy.

 

It may also be useful for you to find a therapist who can help you recover (if you don't have one already). It might also be a good idea to talk to a nutritionist. (Preferably a therapist and/or nutritionist who has experience working with people who have eating disorders.) You don't have to fight this on your own, and there's nothing wrong with getting professional help.

Thank you for this! It is good to know I am not alone. I am so tired of feeling like I don't deserve to eat on a day I have a bad workout or a rest day and I am so tired of sleeepless nights where I eat spoonful after spoonful of peanut butter because I ate nothing all day. 

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This is a touchy subject, but honestly to those who feel like their inner demons are getting the best of them, I can say without a doubt that eating disorders are a much bigger deal than it's recognized to be. If you're struggling, talk to someone.

 

Seriously. Anyone you trust on here or call a hotline irl. Hell, reach out to me, I'll be there for you.

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hey, i've started getting more into weight training and fitness in the past few months and decided to get the free exercise guides that this site offers. unfortunately, the guides about diet started making me worry about what i'm eating again... i've been recovering from anorexia for about 2 years now and am just worried that getting more involved with fitness and the fitness community will bring up some of my old triggers, such as calorie counting, fear of certain foods (namely, when the nutrition guide started talking about how you should eliminate "empty calories" like pasta and bread), etc. any suggestions as to how to deal with this going forward? 

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