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Bee

Bee is Everything

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"Blue was blue, river was river, and if also in the blue and the river, in Siddhartha, the singular and divine lived hidden, so it was still that very divinity's way and purpose, to be here yellow, here blue, there sky, there forest, and here Siddhartha.  The purpose and the essential properties were not somewhere behind the things, they were in them, in everything."  --Hermann Hesse, Siddartha.

 

 

Healthy Soul:  Visit the yoga studio at least once a week

I purchased a basic membership class that gives me 5 classes per month.  Going once a week (plus one more) will ensure that I utilize what I'm paying for, and that I get into a more regular routine.  I love yoga.  Yoga has given me a new perspective on life and health.  It makes me feel strong, confident, and motivated.  I believe that it's opening up a new path for me that I don't yet understand, but will be so wonderful.      

 

Healthy Body:  No alcohol // No cookies

I want to see what happens when I don't have alcohol for a month.  I've never done that before.  I drink occasionally, usually on social occasions.  I rarely drink at home.  Lately when I drink I feel pretty awful afterward -- even just one drink seems to give me a monumental hangover.  Whether it's my age or my meds or just my somewhat healthier lifestyle, let's see where this goes.  

 

I have now changed the sweets part of this goal twice, hopefully settling on "no cookies."  I tried to do a full ban on most sweets but it didn't go as anticipated, so I'm sticking with what works and eliminating one particular food item this challenge.  We'll see how it goes!   

 

Healthy Mind:  Leave for work by 7:15am, 4 days a week. 

My schedule changed just slightly for this school year, and I have responsibilities to attend to about 30 minutes earlier than I did before.  Which means I need to absolutely be to work on time every day, if not a little bit early.  Leaving by 7:15am gets me to work at least 10 minutes early, which gives me plenty of time to settle in and get little things done before heading to my first class.  Anchoring myself to the same time each day ensures that I know when I have to leave, regardless of when I got up (guys, I can get ready for work in 10 minutes or less -- shower included).  I'm giving myself the day off on Wednesday since kids come in a bit later.  

 

Healthy Home (Bonus Challenge)

Work through some system of getting the house back in order and under control over the course of the next five weeks.  Manageable enough to make routines easier and more accessible.  Perhaps this will be devoting time each weekend to doing more major clean-up jobs, or ensuring that I do a little bit of cleaning every day after work.  A healthy home makes it easier to have a healthy mind, body, and soul!  

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I'll fill in the finer details of my challenge within the next day or two, but tonight I just wanted to get the basics up.  I got sick yesterday with the kind of head-cold I haven't had in a long time.  I've been relatively healthy this past year, aside from some instances of an upset stomach or runny nose, headaches here and there.  But yesterday I came down with a full-blown, beginning-of-the-year cold.  

 

Fortunately I've been sick often enough in my life to understand what my different types of sicknesses mean.  This isn't the legitimate flu or the beginning of pneumonia, most likely.  Most likely it's a cold resulting from contact with new germs that are exacerbated by the stress I've been feeling since starting work.  The kind of sinus infection my body started to learn how to fight off more effectively, but is finding a vulnerable host this time around due to whatever emotions have been bubbling up to the surface over the past three weeks.  It's the kind that doesn't make me sick enough to miss work, but nonetheless the kind that caused me to sleep for 16 hours from yesterday afternoon until this morning.  It's the kind that will linger and make everything just a little more difficult.

 

This is my cue, as usual, to slow down and take care of myself.  Really take care of myself.  Start eating a little better, think about ways to make every day a little simpler (like lying out my clothes and getting my school bag ready for tomorrow), journal out my frustrations and anxieties.  Take a look at the house and get it back into the kind of shape that allows me to make a decent lunch and find my things.  Not perfect, just manageable.   

 

Something I'm really proud of, in the midst of feeling miserable, is that I completed my first "second" challenge during the last round.  And I'm starting on my first ever "third" challenge.  I've never before made it through a second challenge here (or anywhere, really).  Novelty wears off and I lose interest in things quickly.  This time around I feel like I'm really focusing on me and what I need, not what I think looks the best on paper.  It makes me want to keep going.   

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My cold is doing its very best to vacate my system, which is great.  It means that today I'm in the stage of blowing my nose every 5 minutes.  It sucks, but it's getting better.

 

Soul:  I would love to go to my meditation class again tomorrow, but I don't think my condition is conducive to lying silently on a mat for 45 minutes.  My goal is to make it to my Saturday afternoon class that I have enjoyed visiting.

 

Body:  So far no alcohol or cookies, though we made some treats for the house and I've been eating those.  I'm trying not to focus on avoiding any treats but the specific emergency cookies (which basically means they are shitty, accidentally vegan cookies that are accessible when I need a fix of sugar).  If I can take things out of my diet little by little it works a lot better than all at once.  I just realized today that I haven't had soda (aside from a few glasses of punch, a few mixed drinks, and a few sips here and there) for 14 months.  I am so, so proud of myself.  I can do this.  

 

Mind:  I've left for work by 7:10 every day of the year so far.  In the past I have tried to set goals for getting up a certain time but it doesn't seem to work.  Giving myself the timeline of leaving by 7:10am means that no matter when I get up in the morning, my butt is out the door on time.  Which means I either get up an hour early and have a leisurely morning or I get up 15 minutes before the deadline and rush through.  For me, the more important aspect is giving myself enough time to feel settled at work rather than forcing myself to have a long morning routine.

 

Home:  There is so much to do around the house.  SO MUCH.  I hate it when it gets like this.  It feels like I take one step forward with cleaning and then two steps back the next day.  So today I just walked around and tried to pick up or put away things that were super obvious and easy.  I hung up some sweaters I bought over the summer, picked up garbage, put away some groceries that had been on the kitchen floor for the past week, and did a load of laundry.  I tried to stay pretty calm and just remind myself that it will get done if I put effort into it every day.  

 

I'm still surprised and excited that I made it to a third challenge in a row.  Old me would have looked at my goals over the past few months and felt like I wasn't doing enough, not tracking enough, not making enough progress.  Which is why I always gave up before.  I was holding myself to a standard of rigid perfection that I just couldn't attain.  Now it feels like I get to focus on things that are really important to me in a way that's doable.  Every challenge has led me to something better, even if it didn't fit within a spreadsheet and I didn't walk away with a certain percentage of success.  This feels real and proactive. :)  

 

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Soul:  I think I'll be well enough to attend yoga on Saturday.  I was pretty disappointed to miss both a meditation class last night and a "fall transition" class tonight, but thus is life.  It's important for me to rest and get well!  

 

Body:  I wouldn't be drinking anyway this week with a cold, but it's good to be on this track.  Overeating a bit with homemade sweets so I may have to modify my goal if I can't get that under control.  Otherwise no emergency cookies.

 

Mind:  The past two days I left later than 7:10 for work, but I'm giving myself a break.  I'm making it to work on time, which is a feat when I'm not feeling well :)  

 

Home:  Nothing done around the house since earlier this week.  Again, allowing myself forgiveness for not keeping up with it while I focus on rest.  

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Soul:  Definitely wasn't well enough for yoga today.  We ended up helping my mom and stepmom with some work at their house (my husband did most of the helping) so I got a tiny bit of exercise.  And now I'm exhausted!

 

Body:  No alcohol is going well.  I haven't been faced with a situation yet where I would normally get a drink so we'll see what comes up.  In terms of the cookies, although I'm avoiding them I'm starting to have a hard time with eating too much junk food.  I'm considering changing this goal to just eliminating sweet food treats for the challenge.  I haven't been ready for that step but I woke up this morning and felt like it might be time to give it a try.  I'll see if I feel the same way tomorrow, and if so I'll update the challenge for the official start.

 

Mind:  So nice to sleep in today!  

 

Home:  My husband did some cleaning on Friday, which was awesome.  I had hoped to do some work today but our plans changed when we went up to help my mom.  Which is fine, because they really needed it and we still have tomorrow.

 

I'm so glad to be starting the last week of September.  Making it to October always feels like such a relief (not as much as December, or March, or June, but a relief nonetheless).  I'm reminding myself to be constantly grateful that although work has been unexpectedly frustrating and stressful this first month, I am doing the same exact job I did last year and therefore feel so much more relaxed about what I'm teaching.  I can take more initiative, work on plans without double-checking I'm doing the right thing, and actually utilize the help of our assistant.  My kids are pretty cool and I'm working through the challenges some of them are giving me.  I feel so much more focused and confident.  The change in meds has also been a huge help.  I'm able to enjoy the part of teaching I love -- working with the kids -- and hopefully make this potential last year a really great one.  

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PS:  I had a HUGE win today with food.  I didn't have chips over the last challenge or this past week, so I think I've gone at least 5 weeks without chips at all.  And not even craving them.  Today I got up late and in my search for an easy breakfast I contemplated having a bowl of chips.  I figured I'd done so well that a little bowl as a treat wouldn't hurt.  And then I stood there looking at the bag and realized I truly didn't want any.  I had no desire to eat something I knew would just make me feel gross afterward.  As much as I've been struggling a little with sweets, the fact that I was able to stay away from chips is an enormous step forward.  Hooray!  :applause:

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I woke up this morning ready to adjust my challenge, so I did!  No sweets, basically, with a few exceptions to make it more realistic.  Rather than feeling scary, this feels like a relief.  Sometimes I'll eat sweets just because I can, or just because they are there.  Like yesterday afternoon, I had a few cookies at my mom's house.  I didn't even want them, but they were there so I had a few.  

 

I have hesitated to do a stronger "ban" on sweets simply because I know BIG changes all at once can be too overwhelming.  However, I'm ready to trust myself with this and see how it goes.  

 

Happy challenging!  

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Thanks @zeroh13!  I've been trying a more laid-back setup and it seems to be working :)

 

Soul:  No yoga today, but we went on a long walk to support finding a cure for my husband's uncle.  Although I'm now pretty tired, it felt good to be out in the sun and move a bit.

 

Body:  Major fail with the sweets today.  Not only did I have cookies, I had my emergency vegan cookies!  I got one of those crazy cravings I rarely get anymore and felt like I NEEDED the cookies.  Taking a deep breath and moving on.  The good news is that after the craving this morning I haven't wanted them at all, even after coming home from the walk when I was hungry.  I also, there were some free chips at the walk today and I wasn't even tempted a little bit!

 

Mind:  Again, great to sleep in.  Back to the schedule tomorrow.

 

Home:  Did some dishes before leaving this morning, and plan to do some more after watching football for a bit.  

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36 minutes ago, Twilight said:

The sweet cravings really do go away; it's great. :)

And then eventually, those sweets you used to eat all the time start tasting way too sweet.

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Thanks @Owlet!  Slow and steady . . . @zeroh13 and @Twilight, yes, the cravings diminish and then junk food I used to love tastes super gross!  Yesterday was a weird craving but things seem to be getting back to normal.  

 

Soul:  Planning for yoga on Saturday.  I'm not sure I want to go on Wednesday to the meditation class again.  Loved it, but still not feeling 100% and don't want to risk making a giant scene.  

 

Body:  Better with food today.  Briefly thought about cookies this afternoon but it passed quickly.  Ate breakfast and lunch and dinner so I felt steadier throughout the day.  I did pop 3 dark chocolate chips into my mouth after dinner and it was perfect.  I'm okay with something like that.  

 

Mind:  Left 5 minutes late but for a good reason (eating breakfast and making coffee!).  Still got to work with plenty of time to spare.  It may turn out I can bump my goal back by those 5 minutes to make mornings a little less stressful, but we will see.  I'm hoping I can start making dry shampoo my friend -- I tried it one day last week and it worked pretty well.  Perhaps tomorrow!  

 

Home:  Made a deal with myself that if I did 30 minutes of cleaning as soon as I got home, I could take the rest of the night off.  I did it!  I can get a LOT done if I just keep at it, and a LOT can get accomplished in 30 minutes.  Did a round of dishes, a load of laundry started, and picked up around the house.  I'm hoping that maybe I can plan on doing 15-20 minutes of cleaning each afternoon when I get home and get into a good habit.  I really want to start cooking again, and I need a clean kitchen in order to do so.  

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13 hours ago, Twilight said:

Ooooh dry shampoo! I should look into that. Breakfast is a great reason to be slightly late.

 

I have really fine hair so it's tough to manage. This morning I woke up and definitely needed to wash it. But maybe tomorrow! 

 

Good day today with some walking and just a couple pieces of candy after dinner. My husband did a lot of cleaning today, yay! I contributed to housework by folding laundry and starting a load of towels. I left by 7:15 again today and that seems to be a good time, so I will use that as my deadline from now on. I can't leave any later than that, though! 

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Soul:  Waiting for my Saturday yoga class.  Took a walk this afternoon in the sun.

 

Body:  I'm adjusting my goal for sweets again.  Clearly a ban on sweets isn't working as I had a few more Mike and Ike's today and didn't particularly feel badly about it.  So, my new goal is NO COOKIES.  I'm starting there.  It's one of my weaknesses and something I can cut out without making too big of a change.  So, phew.  No alcohol still.

 

Mind:  Left early today and it was nice to have a little extra time at work.  

 

Home:  About 25 minutes of laundry, dishes, and picking up today.  Still a ton to do but little by little . . . 

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Soul:  Today was a fairly relaxing day.  Still looking forward to yoga on Saturday.

 

Body:  No alcohol, no cookies.  Too much coffee, though.

 

Mind:  Left on time!  7:15 seems to work best.  Gives me a little more time in the morning to eat breakfast, get ready, and hang with my family.

 

Home:  I did a few dishes this morning before work, and nothing after school.  

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Today has been a weird one.  I left really early to pick up a smoothie for breakfast.  I decided to use dry shampoo on my hair and I'm not sure it was the best choice.  I felt strangely out of sorts coming to work after having left so early but still being pretty much on time.  Kids were a little off -- Friday mood.  Narrowly avoided cookie eating when I forced myself to go home for lunch rather than picking something up at one of my favorite cafes where they have some delicious vegan cookies.  I had just enough pasta for one REAL serving (not the 3-4 servings I usually eat in one sitting); trying to learn how to trust that I don't have to overeat when I'm particularly hungry.  I feel satiated, knowing I had enough food, and knowing I can always eat more if I'm hungry later.  My body feels both lazy and restless today.  :nevreness:   

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Soul: Yoga day! Almost talked myself out of it but so glad I went. 

 

Body: No cookies. Went to happy hour with the hubs, mom, and step-mom where I normally enjoy a yummy cider. Stuck with water and it wasn't weird!

 

Mind: Mmmm lazy weekend morning.

 

Home: Folded a load of laundry, cleaned up some of the front room, and got a huge chunk of dishes done! I feel like I accomplished a lot and am starting to get control of the mess. 

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Soul:  Trying for yoga on Thursday this week, but I'm still going to look for ways to feed the soul otherwise.  Today I got to spend a lot of time snuggling with my dogs and spoiling them with new toys and treats.  It felt so good to be quiet and still for a while, appreciating time at home with my family.

 

Body:  Whelp, downed 5 cookies today.  A craving hit and I just went with it.  I was hungry and I should have just eaten something else, but for some reason I was ridiculously inclined just to eat the cookies.  I'm taking it as a learning opportunity and not beating myself up.  

 

Mind:  Another weekend morning.  I also bought a coloring book inspired by Thich Nhat Hanh and it's pretty rad.  I don't particularly like to color because it's an imperfect activity for me (not a lot of natural artistic ability!).  I tried to get into coloring last year and it didn't stick.  But I saw this coloring book at the bookstore and it spoke to me, so I bought it.  I'm letting go of needing to be perfect and just enjoying the colors and experience.  It's a good exercise for the mind.  

 

Home:  Did a lot more dishes today!  I think the kitchen is now about 75% clean, which is amazing.  I will continue this week.

 

We watched the movie Midnight Express tonight.  A similar flavor to Stranger Things but a very different story.  I loved it.  I'm currently reading The Wisdom of No Escape and the Path of Loving-Kindness by Pema Chodron and it's kind of making my world.  Trying to get back into some dream journaling as they have been fairly stressful lately and I'm not sure why, and seeing a lot of the same patterns/themes each night.  Some days I feel like I've got things under control, and other days emotions hit me out of nowhere.  Today was a bit in-between.

 

Three things I'm grateful for (because I got out of the habit and I'm trying to start each week remembering to be grateful rather than grumpy):  the beauty of fall, which is my very favorite time of year; a very quiet day spent with my husband and dogs;  my house, which I haven't always been appreciative of but keeps me warm and dry and safe and puts us in a good financial situation.   

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14 hours ago, Bee said:

I'm letting go of needing to be perfect and just enjoying the colors and experience

I like that.  Autumn's also my favourite time of year! :D You're doing well, learning from small slip-ups.  Keep it up!

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