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Emma

Emma XI: with a wooden sword

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I have never been physical, always hated exercise, but I am in seriously bad shape now and want to get more fit. I am picking up my wooden sword and starting at the beginning, in the sewers with the rats. I can do this if I keep practicing, the way I learned piano and organ when I was a kid. I need goals to look forward too and guidance that starts at my current level, ridiculously out of shape. I can walk for miles and squat till the cows come home and lift patients and X-ray machines but in other areas... I have joined the academy and look forward to the boss battles and leveling up. I am at Level 1 now and should defeat general Doms later this week.

Goals: piano daily

NF academy workouts as recommended.

Calories 2000 daily

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I stopped sewing and trying to have nice clothes 25-30 years ago. My mother kept "helping " me with the laundry. I told her repeatedly not to do so. I told her she had been ruining my favorite nice outfits by washing them improperly (she put %100wool in the washer and dryer on hot). She kept on "helping" me until I had no clothes left for her to ruin even though I kept telling her to stop. This is one of many examples of her not niceness to me. Others she was really sweet to and they kept telling me what a saint she was. One of my aunts died a few years ago  and this was her birthday. Her kids and relatives are posting all over Facebook how wonderful she was and how much they miss her. When my mother died I did a happy dance. And I am having a hard time, feeling guilty that  I was so relieved when my mother the so called "Saint" finally died.

piano done

calories a tad over

academy later today

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Piano kinda sorta done. Having some emotional stuff going on. Yeah, I really need to deal with this crap.

workout 1a done. Plan to challenge General Doms on Friday.

lunch with oldest son at restaurant and not sure of calories. At dinner had salad and cookies. I get points for having the cookies instead of the lemon loaf, thank you very much.

My cousins are still posting about how much they loved aunt Mary. Sigh.

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General Doms is defeated! Yay! Level 2.

Still working on refining my goals and quests in the academy.

Dealt with the music issues. I think I will be more comfortable next time.

20 seconds of courage. I keep running into the same woman in a nursing home and asked her to join me for a cup of tea. She said she'd love too.

Cousins are STILL posting about Aunt Mary. She was well loved. and it's driving me a little bit nuts. For the record, I didn't know her, only met her once. And I was quite young and she terrified me.

Decided to break in my sewing machine making new lab coats (have a hard time finding ones I like in the stores) Spent two days altering a pattern (adding collar, lengthening sleeves, making it bigger) and sewing. It is still too small. Damn it. It should have fit.

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Went to the gym today. I hate getting dressed early in the morning and then coming back home and relaxing till work. It discombobulates my morning. So I finally went to gym before I start work  and then went to Starbucks for my usual oasis time (quiet time) before starting work. Worked much better. Will have to try and make it a habit. Nope, sorry. Correction: I WILL make it a habit.

Piano lesson today. Played a couple of the pieces I had written. Teacher said they were beautiful and very good and gave me the number of a composition teacher. I was hoping I would feel less anxious about the composing thing after I had gotten her opinion. Nope, feeling more anxious than ever. Sigh. I am so messed up.

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Hurt my back doing squats. Wanted to see how many I could do in a row. (Fifty, no weights). Sore the next day. Sore the day after that and went to work anyway. And that was a big mistake. Now have Norco prescription (I like norco :) ), and doctor orders to not work till the twentieth. This challenge is officially over for me.

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no piano for a while. Sigh. Hurts my back too much to sit unsupported.  Norco, a version of the highly addictive pain killer hydrocodone,  doesn't do anything for my pain, just makes me sleepy. More proof that my brain is wired differently. Heating pad, rest and ibuprofen seem to be helping more. I'll probably keep Norco for bedtime. Sleeping pill. 

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The muscle spasms finally broke. I am still sore and in some pain, but I have some range of motion without wanting to scream. Will start some stretches tomorrow. And get my eating back on track. Didn't eat much at all for a couple of days (pain) then ate crap (lack of planning to have food in house for emergencies). 

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Update time.

Going back to work tomorrow. Three days without any meds. Still a bit sore and coworker P (who has been doing a lot of overtime lately) made me promise to take it slow, take lots of breaks and if I do start hurting badly to tell dispatch I'm done for the night and go home to bed. She is totally being selfish because she's tired of all the overtime and doesn't want me out for another week and a half. :)

 

The underpants gnomes vs. my epic quest

1. Collect underpants      1. write a lot of songs

2. ?                                   2. ?

3. Make a lot of money    3. Have my songs performed by the local symphony orchestra.

 

New composition teacher, Mrs. W., Was able to fill in number 2.

She liked my songs and seems to think they are professional quality. She told me I have a gift. She also said that I have been swimming in the warm shallow water and now it's time to go deeper and further. (She seems to like metaphors, which is going to drive this very literal type person a bit nuts). Deeper and further. Or, out of my comfort zone. Waaaah! Whimper and whine.

She gave me two two week goals. 1. To write a piece for flute, clarinet, oboe, bassoon and percussion. With changing meters. And changing rhythms. And fugal devices. And modern harmonies. and... and... and... oh gods. I'm pretty good writing for strings, but winds, um not so much. 2. To write a piece for children's chorus and percussion. Percussion! Not percussion again! Nooo... Waaaah! I know NOTHING about writing for percussion. Crash course ahead. (Ha! just saw the pun there) Lots of work ahead, damn it. She gave me a long list of composers to listen to and study. Stravinsky, Shostakovich, Hindemith, John Adams, Arvo Part, Bartok....Waaaah! I don't even like most of those! (Except Arvo Part. Arvo Part is pretty doggone cool.)

 

Three month goal is step 2 of epic quest. To contact some local conductors and programmers and get at least one of my pieces on some group's program list for next year. (This is where the children's chorus piece is supposed to go, there is an excellent children's chorus in the area.) She will be helping with the actual how to contact, at least she better be, since this is where I am totally ignorant. Getting my pieces performed by these groups will start getting my name known in the area as a composer so I won't be going totally cold to the program director of the symphony.

I need to take a break and curl up on the bed and be very scared and cry for a while. Then get to work.

 

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There's a reason some of those composers have never been heard of. :)

Oasis time (Starbucks) before I start work.

fear and panic and procrastination.

after lunch today wanted to keep eating. Not hungry at all. Realized it was procrastinating on the music homework. Why? Finally, enlightenment. Afraid I wouldn't be perfect enough, good enough. Thanks mom.

The deadlines are self imposed. I will not be fired if I don't meet them. My teacher is there to teach, she does not expect perfection from me. I am modifying  my assIgnments. My plans for them were a tad ambitious. The wind piece will have no changes. Wanted to write an African style piece for the kids. Which would mean a lot of research. Later. Going to write for women's chorus in the same style as the wind piece instead. I was having a very hard time finding a text appropriate for children (sadly, I don't think the little Willie rhymes would be appreciated by the kids parents) but I do have a text that would work nicely for an adult women's choir. Feeling  relieved and ready to get to work tomorrow. Starting my X-ray shift soon. Wish me luck, a light schedule and no injuries.

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Back is feeling pretty good. Still not 100% but I made it through my shift without trouble. The computer was another thing, though. 2 hours and 3 IT techs to get us up and running. 

Today, music homework, catch up cleaning, but no heavy stuff yet. (I need to move my dresser and pick up some stuff behind it. Maybe next week.)

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