Rrrrrrrespawn!

[CaptainPenelope]

Borderlands? Anybody? Anyway-

 

Trying to face my avoidance coping habit in any way I can, so I decided to come here. I made an account and tried a challenge a few months ago. Forums aren't really my thing so far and I had a lot going on, if I remember correctly, so I fell out of posting pretty quickly. Not that "a lot going on" should be  reason to stop things I want to do.

 

Even without the NF forums, I had found a workout that finally helped me reach some of the results I wanted. I was keeping a little log of sets & reps but I kept working out for a few weeks even after I fell out of the logging habit. But now I'm looking back and I don't remember the last time I worked out. And I have had a really stressful, sleep deprived, depressed week. Which, I'm starting to notice this as a thing that has impacted my life for several years now, messes with my sense of time, especially in the long term. So, in an effort to face the avoidance coping, like I said, and to hopefully get into a mindset of quickly "respawning" when I fall off the herd of horses I'm trying to ride, I'm back here.

 

I think what keeps going wrong is that I take on too much, and while part of the mistake i'm making is just trying too much, I think a bigger, more effective part to focus on is that I take my eyes off the small things. You gotta glance at your big picture, and then get back to the details that make it work. One of my favorite things I read recently was a chapter titled "Sweat the Small Stuff," and while I totally take that lesson to heart I still need practice with it.

 

I still want to do a lot of things, and on top of those things is a giant anxiety/depressive monster (and then there's the whole cyclical issue of these things the monster is sitting on are the things i need to battle the monster), but I'm still going to try. I'm not changing my list of dailies for now, but I'm working hard to reframe how I see them. Instead of needing to write or draw or paint a masterpiece, instead of needing to translate an entire book or start writing my own poetry in another language, instead of doing the hardest the workout I've ever done, my focus is just anything toward the skills i want to learn, every single day. No quality measurement, no quantity measurement than 'every day.'

 

I'm hoping that is a small enough goal. I might also break it down into a kind of rotation--ideally one thing for each skill every day, but like, 2/3 or something still counts as success. I should probably write that out so it's easier to keep up with...

 

If anyone has any insights for setting SMALL goals, when you keep slipping up time after time, they would be much appreciated.

 

And general thanks to NF for having a respawn room

[Nymphadora]

Hey! I'm doing a similar thing with keeping a log of small achievable goals and I found this system is working for me. 

I got overwhelmed, like you by trying to do too much all at once and failing miserably! So now I set up a weekly checklist table with two health, wellbeing and fitness goals to focus on for the week. At the end of each day I tick off if I achieved it or reflect on what might have stopped me from achieving it. I allow six daily goal misses each week and if I manage to make my quota I get a little reward (such as a new workout soundtrack, or recipe to try etc.) This motivates me just a little bit more to reach that level up and get the loot. 

I balance this with 30day habit changing challenges. Im about to start my next one which is sticking to water only for 30days straight! Gonna be a walking zombie without my coffee  

 

Hope that helps  
 

[Noname123]

Well what are your big goals? Having small goals just to have them won't keep you engaged. Plan a road map. Make it pretty and put it somewhere so you can reference it back when you're feeling low on motivation. Then take that giant goal and break it down into smaller goals. Mark up your calendar or make a new poster for each leg of the goal up until your giant one. 

 

Example: Goal is to lose 100 lbs. You can turn it into 6 goals of 15 lb weight loss and 1 of 10 lbs. Give each segment 5-6 weeks or if you want to mold it after the NF challenges lower the leg of each goal and add more 'checkpoints'. Then from there break it down even further. HOW do you lose the 15 lbs in 6 weeks? Fix your dessert habit? Make a goal of whittling it down to 1 night a week. Including more veggies and lower high calorie foods in your diet? Make a goal to eat 5 servings of veggies in a day. 

 

Any giant goal can be taken, broken down into manageable pieces and those broken down into 'bite size' achievable and actionable parts. This can be done for performance, fitness, aesthetic, mental health....just gotta pick a goal and roll with it!

[m rips]

Welcome! Starting small always works best for me. When I try and change too much too quick, I get burned out easily and then it just isn't fun and I'm back here, in the Respawn room. After a month or so, evaluate how you are doing. I find checking things off a list is super motivating to me. Best of luck, can't wait to hear how you're doing!

[CaptainPenelope]

On 10/6/2016 at 10:38 PM, Nymphadora said:

So now I set up a weekly checklist table with two health, wellbeing and fitness goals to focus on for the week. At the end of each day I tick off if I achieved it or reflect on what might have stopped me from achieving it. I allow six daily goal misses each week and if I manage to make my quota I get a little reward (such as a new workout soundtrack, or recipe to try etc.) This motivates me just a little bit more to reach that level up and get the loot.
 

Ooh I like the idea of a set decision for acceptable misses. That will probably be helpful. And weekly loot is great idea too! Thank you for writing!

 

Also re: your water challenge, the first few days with out coffee are so hard but after that it's amazing! Good luck!

 

[CaptainPenelope]

On 10/7/2016 at 3:47 AM, Slates said:

Well what are your big goals? Having small goals just to have them won't keep you engaged. Plan a road map. Make it pretty and put it somewhere so you can reference it back when you're feeling low on motivation. Then take that giant goal and break it down into smaller goals. Mark up your calendar or make a new poster for each leg of the goal up until your giant one. 

 

 I definitely need the kick in the pants about thinking bigger. I like the idea of making the journey towards  like, tangible/visible for motivation. I think for my non fitness goals, my ultimate goal is so far off that I need like, intermediate goal posts in addition to the small goals. and I haven't found a good intermediate point yet. I'll have to look at that and see how I can change that. thank you for writing!

[mom2sjm]

Toss out some goals.  Nerds will help you break it down!  

Pick a goal, any goal and I'm sure several rebels will come up with steps and suggest a timeframe.  

[CaptainPenelope]

woops. been a few days. Ok I decided to forgive one missed daily a day, up to 3 for the streak i'm going for, but i'm already waffling because my first day off yesterday was hilariously unproductive. This waffling in turn makes me wonder if having a little forgiveness mechanic will just weaken my habit building... I just don't know yet. Guess I'll keep trying and find out. (also, ha, used waffling like twice under a knope gif)

 

One area where I think I need to set more concrete goals is my language learning, but I'm not even sure where I am with that any more. I am thinking of going back to my textbooks, and maybe starting with a goal of one lesson per week, seeing if that's just right or too easy once I get out of the lessons i've already learned before. Give it like 6 weeks and re evaluate.

 

Also @mom2sjm that you for the parks n rec gif!

 

Also also wish me luck because one benefit from my renewed attempt at neglected dailies is that I did not miss the deadline to apply for a new position at my job and I have an interview today. (now that I think about it, I wonder if I messed up my other habit streaks because I used up so much willpower fighting all my little monsters around that application? Anyway.)

 

Thanks again to everyone who's written!