Overcome fear of driving??

[SkyGirl]

I am 27 years old and still don't have my driver's license.  *blushing and avoiding eye contact*  I have lots of time- and effort-related excuses about why, but the truth is that driving scares me to death. I absolutely hate it. I used to have nightmares about crashing the car and killing people when I was a kid; and even though those went away, every time I drive I get the same tense, panicky feeling that I get when I have to go meet with a professor about flunking a test.

 

However, I've hit a point where it's hugely impractical not to have that license - case in point, this morning I missed my hourly bus, and had to walk for 45 minutes in the cold to get to work. I am constantly either bumming rides off friends or wasting hours of time waiting for buses, and as a grad student, I need all the time and flexibility I can get.

 

Does anyone have any strategies for helping me overcome my fear? I'm not really afraid of crashing anymore; it's more like I'm so full of self-doubt that I second-guess myself the whole time and can't relax. People who ride with me say that I drive well normally, but tend to panic if anything unexpected happens. Is it just a case of practice makes perfect?

[AmyUncharted]

I think practicing could help a lot. Maybe start out just going to nearby places. Just 5 minutes away. Say a grocery store, library, or post office? Something close. Just practice 5 minutes and extend the time and distance as you go? Not sure if that's any help. I probably wouldn't have my driver's license if my parents hadn't made me get one. Driving really freaked me out, especially driving on the freeway, but in my case it really did help to practice without anyone else in the car at first. And I started with driving to school every day which helped a lot. 

[zeroh13]

I'm 29 and I don't have a driver's license either. I've been meaning to learn, but I just don't have the money for driving school (it's required in my state, no matter how old you are). And then there is the effort of finding acquaintances willing to let you drive around in their car to get all of the required practice hours. And then it's always good to have extra practice.

 

The couple of times I've tried driving (in empty parking lots) were just so embarrassing, and terrifying (and this was over 10 years ago). Like, I can't even figure out how to turn the car on! >_< And then I drive 20 mph for a little bit, and the friend "teaching" me is saying that I could go a lot faster, and I'm like, nope, this is good. And then I go over a curb, freak out, and flat out refuse to drive anymore. There is definitely a "this is really scary" element to learning how to drive.

 

My mom is almost 50 and she never learned how to drive because it terrified her. But I want to eventually live in a more rural/less city area, and not being able to drive won't be an option then.

 

So yeah, you aren't the only one who didn't learn to drive when they were younger.

[JustCallMeAmber]

For what it's worth, I just got my license 2 days ago and I'm 28. Just wasn't a real priority. What helped for me when I 1st got started was getting some practice out in the middle of nowhere (i.e. more likely to see cows along the road than other drivers). Just to get acclimated to the way that the car felt, etc. Then slowly worked my way towards more populated areas over a period of days/weeks. (My very 1st experience behind the wheel was driving myself to work when I was 15, which was a terrible and terrifying thing. That I do NOT recommend lol.) Maybe you could invite a couple of friends out to see the countryside and just drive around? Or you could map out a short and easy route somewhere nearby and just practice going back and forth. For me that was commuting back and forth from work 5 days every week. It does get easier with time and practice. (Though that's probably not real comforting at the moment, seeing as how we're encouraging you to do something you don't like more often lol)

On 10/11/2016 at 10:06 AM, SkyGirl said:

more like I'm so full of self-doubt that I second-guess myself the whole time and can't relax.

Don't psyche yourself out! Just try to trust yourself. If you need to repeat the words "I am an excellent driver!" a hundred times every time you get behind the wheel, do it. Say it until you believe it. Personally, I'm notoriously bad about second-guessing myself.. I was a disaster in the lead up to my driving test. (1st trip I cried the whole way home. No joke.) On my way to take the test, I remember being near tears, thinking there's no way I can do this. But I put my foot down and said "no, I CAN do this!" (and I prayed a LOT).  And you know what? I DID do it! Funny thing was, all that stress and negativity got put in the backseat for once and I think during that test I was actually the most calm I've ever been behind the wheel. So if a basket-case like me can make it through, I feel confident in saying that you can too

 

Anyways, just remember to breathe! Try to relax and trust yourself. And know that we are all rooting for you!

 

[SkyGirl]

12 hours ago, Rosie's Riveter said:

I think practicing could help a lot. Maybe start out just going to nearby places. Just 5 minutes away. Say a grocery store, library, or post office? Something close. Just practice 5 minutes and extend the time and distance as you go? Not sure if that's any help. I probably wouldn't have my driver's license if my parents hadn't made me get one. Driving really freaked me out, especially driving on the freeway, but in my case it really did help to practice without anyone else in the car at first. And I started with driving to school every day which helped a lot. 

 

Thanks Rosie! Yes, the other day I threw a bag of trash in the back of the car and drove it down to the dumpster at the other end of my apartment complex, and even though there were other cars and people around, I was totally relaxed. Getting out on the road again will be harder, but I definitely think once I can drive myself, I'll be much happier.  :-)  Thanks for the tips! It will definitely be so much easier and faster to get places once I can drive myself!

 

10 hours ago, zeroh13 said:

I'm 29 and I don't have a driver's license either. I've been meaning to learn, but I just don't have the money for driving school (it's required in my state, no matter how old you are). And then there is the effort of finding acquaintances willing to let you drive around in their car to get all of the required practice hours. And then it's always good to have extra practice.

 

The couple of times I've tried driving (in empty parking lots) were just so embarrassing, and terrifying (and this was over 10 years ago). Like, I can't even figure out how to turn the car on! >_< And then I drive 20 mph for a little bit, and the friend "teaching" me is saying that I could go a lot faster, and I'm like, nope, this is good. And then I go over a curb, freak out, and flat out refuse to drive anymore. There is definitely a "this is really scary" element to learning how to drive.

 

My mom is almost 50 and she never learned how to drive because it terrified her. But I want to eventually live in a more rural/less city area, and not being able to drive won't be an option then.

 

So yeah, you aren't the only one who didn't learn to drive when they were younger.

 

Ugh, I'm sorry you're going through the same thing, @zeroh13, but it's nice to know I'm not the only one ... I wish I had learned when I was 16 and just gotten it over with then, because it definitely gets harder and harder as I get older. Not only do I overthink things and freak out waaaay more than I did when I was a teenager, but just like you said, trying to find people to ride with you for practice (and trying to find time yourself, in your busy schedule) is much harder now that people have lives and jobs and so on. 

 

I agree, though, about wanting to move to a rural area - that's one of the biggest things on my mind now and why I think I need to hurry up and get my license. My career will most likely take me out to rural areas quite a lot after I graduate, and so driving will be a necessity. It's just getting over that hurdle of not freaking out when the speed limit is greater than 20 mph ...  :-P

 

-----

 

Thanks to both of you for the support. It's so good to know I'm not alone!  :-)  I hope to pick up my dad and drive to the car wash tomorrow - if I do, I'll be sure to let you know how that goes!!

[Socksy]

I'm in much the same situation - and I'm in Houston, too, where the drivers here are insane and seem to actively try to kill you, and there aren't really an open areas to practice unless you drive three hours out of the city. I tried learning once, just driving around an empty parking lot, but the person teaching me wanted to start me off at parallel parking lol. Then we went from that to driving through a subdivision and I was just like nope.

 

I have to learn, though. It's Houston, and to get anywhere here you either shell out tons for a cab/Uber because public transit is trash, or you learn to drive with all the reckless people on the road. That, and it's becoming prohibitive - I'm 100% reliant on another person for my job at this point, because if I don't get a ride I'm boned. That, and if I want to do any of the stuff I want to do, like doctor visits, college courses, and schooling in a martial art or dance or archery and the like, I'm going to have to be able to transport myself. My roommate's girlfriend said she'd help me out when she got her car back for the winter though, so here's hoping!

[SkyGirl]

On 10/17/2016 at 4:08 PM, Socksy said:

I'm in much the same situation - and I'm in Houston, too, where the drivers here are insane and seem to actively try to kill you, and there aren't really an open areas to practice unless you drive three hours out of the city. I tried learning once, just driving around an empty parking lot, but the person teaching me wanted to start me off at parallel parking lol. Then we went from that to driving through a subdivision and I was just like nope.

 

I have to learn, though. It's Houston, and to get anywhere here you either shell out tons for a cab/Uber because public transit is trash, or you learn to drive with all the reckless people on the road. That, and it's becoming prohibitive - I'm 100% reliant on another person for my job at this point, because if I don't get a ride I'm boned. That, and if I want to do any of the stuff I want to do, like doctor visits, college courses, and schooling in a martial art or dance or archery and the like, I'm going to have to be able to transport myself. My roommate's girlfriend said she'd help me out when she got her car back for the winter though, so here's hoping!

 

Yep, my situation is much less difficult because I'm in a much smaller town, but I'm with you on wanting to do more things that I can't do without driving. It's frustrating to constantly be at the mercy of other people's schedules - or to have to pass on activities that happen before or after the buses run. So yep, I raise you a sympathetic glass and nod.

 

Keep me posted on how things go - I've been driving my trash down to the dumpster at the other end of the apartment complex as often as I can, and taking a few laps around while I'm at it - it's obviously not enough and basically laughable, but it gets me behind the wheel and reminds me where all the switches and levers are, so that has to be a good thing!  :-)