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Guzzinator V3.0


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Statement released July 2016:

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Guzzi Industries Inc are pleased to announce plans to develop another version the Guzzinator. Work has started on Guzzi V3.0 and it is hoped that this new version will be fully operational in the spring/summer 2017 to replace the damaged prototype model. 

 

A completely new team of Bio-Mechanical Engineers (aka orthopedic surgeons), Software Developers (aka physiotherapists) and Product Supervisor (Colin ;) ) have been employed to completely overhaul Guzzi after serious mechanical failure rendered Guzzi V2.1 completely non-operational back in 2015.  There was serious speculation as to whether the prototype could be repaired or if in fact the entire project had been a failure and a waste of money as the cause of the malfunction could not be explained.  Thankfully a brilliant new bio-mechanical engineer was found who believes he has pinpointed the source of the breakdown and can repair it. 

 

Mechanical upgrades to date involved removal of the damaged biological skeletal sections and installing additional titanium structures, as well as removal of some unsuitable fixings which were found to be causing damage to biological soft tissues.  The breakdown and subsequent time spent offline have caused some memory loss and a new software developer will work extensively to reprogram Guzzi's damaged systems. This will include re-installing programs such as Core Strength, Flexibility, Muscle Endurance, and developing a completely new version of the Walking program. 

 

 

Company spokesperson L.C. had this to say:  

 

Repairs to Guzzi's skeleton will be analysed on July 19th at which point we will know if the project can proceed to the Software Development stage and work can begin on re-installing the Core Strength program.  The damage to Guzzi's systems was extensive and at present she cannot walk or perform any tasks unaided, it is estimated that it will take 12 months to make the necessary repairs and re-install all the damaged programs.  

 

Reports will be posted on a 4 weekly basis to keep the public informed of progress.  We have high hopes for this new and improved version of Guzzi.  Thank you for your interest.

 

 

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July 2016 - Work scheduled for the next 4 weeks:

 

1. Installation of new program Core Strength 

A handover must be completed by the Chief Bio-Mechanical Engineer before any further works can be approved. It is expected that the engineering dept will sign off repairs on Tuesday 19th.  A handover will be scheduled for later in the week. This section will be updated with more information once the initial report comes back from the Software Developer 

 

2. Top up essential fluids

Dip stick tests (*snigger*) show that coolent levels and essential fluids are too low. 1.5 litres of water will be added on a daily basis via 3x 500ml bottles.

 

3. Recharge batterys

Guzzi currently requires 12-14 hours on charge each day. She should be offline and recharging from 10:30pm. An external alarm system will alert the chief Product Supervisor with a Low Battery alarm.

 

4. Remove Malware

Malware programs such as Guilt, Stress, Worry and Low Mood have been detected. Work is ongoing to remove these from Guzzi's system.  20 mins each day will be spent on Positive Reinforcement to combat malware. 

 

 

Product Update

Work has been ongoing and the Guzzi Industries are pleased to report the progress so far: the unit's batteries are now holding a full charge and the unit has now established a working routine for for docking and charging without external assistance; fluid levels seem to be holding at the correct levels; malware such as Stress, Guilt and Low Mood seem to have been eradicated, freeing software engineers to work on other programs; work continues on the Core Strength and Walking programs but great improvements have been made and the team are happy with the progress.

 

 

Work schedule for the next 4 weeks

 

1. Work continues to install the Core Strength and Walking programs.

Installation of these programs is expected to take several months to complete.  The unit is now regularly walking around within the Development Suites (aka "home") unaided, although there still seems to be issues with Stamina and Endurance. The unit still needs to be taken offline for some hours after periods of exertion but it is expected that this will improve over the coming months.

 

Daily work is needed to ensure correct instalment of the programs, scoring will be 1 point for each day physiotherapy is completed BUT -1 point for each day that no physio is done. 

 

 

 

2. Introduce higher quality fuel to reduce "engine knock".

Whilst offline Guzzi's thermal combustion unit has been running on a low-octane fuel source for economic and energy saving reasons.  Guzzi's internal monitor has been showing a fault message causing her some pain and discomfort. Low octane fuels are less stable and are too easily ignited in high compression situations, this has caused uneven ignition of the fuel/air mixture, resulting in a distinct "knocking" or grumbling sound coming from the thermal combustion unit. There is also a disturbing smell emanating from the tailpipe... 

 

Higher quality fuel will be introduced to resolve these issues and clear the fault message. Poor quality fuels include Bread, Pasta, Cereals and Processed Foods. These will be replaced with high quality fuels such as Vegetables, Eggs, Beans and Meat.  Scoring will be 1 point for each high quality BREAKFAST consumed. Other high quality meals may be consumed but points will only be awarded for breakfasts.

 

 

 

3. Combat low memory storage

The team are still working on restoring Guzzi's digital memory banks, until this work is complete an analogue system must be utilised.

 

Scoring will be 1 point awarded for each day something is scored off the To Do List.

 

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Make Life Rue The Day                             Turning back the clock                                                Recipe book  14

 

Life is far too short to take seriously

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Thank you @QengpuBenal I'm not very good at the whole character thingy so I very much appreciate the compliment, and thank you @Bookish Badger I very much appreciate the support.

 

 

Week 1 Update

Arrrrrgh! :hopelessness:  Week one was a disaster! At the start of the week I felt ok and thought to myself "I think I'll clean out the big rat cage today."  Yeah, good idea Guzz, knacker yourself out and make yourself sick with exhaustion for two days afterwards. Duh!  

 

THEN....... We had the the horrible situation with one of our boy rats suddenly developing an abscess, which of course burst whilst I was trying to inspect it. The smell, oh my God the smell.  I was very nearly sick a couple of times while we were cleaning it.  Que a trip to the vet and a daily routine of wound cleansing and administering antibiotics to the poor little guy.  And of course in the midst of all this one of the Walking Germ Factories (they masquerade as children) infected me with The Dreaded Lurgie.  I have now lost my 34 year streak, I'm pissed off about this, of never having up-chucked my stomach contents at the same time as rapidly evacuating my bowels. Great!

 

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I haven't exactly had the best time, which meant that I didn't have the mental energy to come on here and update/interact. (I haven't even had the energy to hang out in The Pub *Shock! Horror!)  Hence the eerie silence and occasion tumbleweed blowing forlornly across the screen when anyone drops by my thread. ;)  

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With all this going on I haven't been keeping score but.... I have been doing my physiotherapy and I have not eaten a single "bad" breakfast! (This was only achieved through sheer stubbornness. There was one day where there was no absolutely breakfasty things in the house (except the "bad" breakfasty stuff) so I kid you not, I ate a cheese and ham salad for breakfast. Now that's determination!)  The to-do list is a total washout though. :(  I had high hopes of starting over again for week 2 but then life got in the way.  I was still feeling utterly exhausted from the sickness bug and barely managed to make it off the couch on Monday or Tuesday. Even worse I couldn't face eating anything! That's like my worst nightmare!  :dejection:

 

Soooo...... Onward and upward!  I still have very little energy but I'm just going to have to ride out the storm and work around it.  The to-do list is very important, it gives me back a sense of control and helps me to cope with the confusion and drug addled-ness.  I need to go through the letters and stuff that has piled up on my coffee table and write out a new list.  That will be tonight's entertainment along with printing out a chart to record my progress. Ahhhh, what a fun filled life I lead! 

 

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  • Like 1

Make Life Rue The Day                             Turning back the clock                                                Recipe book  14

 

Life is far too short to take seriously

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