Merrin : Come Find Me.

[Merrin]

Journal: today has been the roughest, sleep-wise, since the break-in. I got into a routine where I would stay up until Ifrit left, lock up after him, barricade the back door, ensure that the Ruger and my phone are within reach, and play FFXV until I got tired. I could not sleep yesterday for love nor money. Due to Minor Snowsplosion, Ifrit came home early at 11, which initially scared the hell out of me, but once he was home, I found I could fall asleep. Still, it was hard.

 

I realize I am experiencing trauma. It feels so, so easy to diminish what happened. "It could've been worse." I was talking about wanting to sew something the other night, and gave way to tears when I realized how terribly unsafe and exposed I felt in my craft room. Covering the windows didn't help much. That space felt violated, made unsafe, made a reminder where I had the horrifying realization that people intended to break into my home. Crying about it helped ease some of the pressure.

 

My residents were really kind to me tonight, tho. One couple, concerned over how cold the lobby is (it's -5 here and the space heater under my desk DOES NOTHINK) brought me a cuppa mint tea and home baked cookies. Another resident gave me a holiday/thank-you card. (Cash! YISSS.) A delivery driver, also commenting on the cold, gave me an extra hot pack to put inside my sweater.

 

However, I also came to work to see an absolutely filthy lobby. I guess our day person has no idea how a mop works, or how if it snows five inches in a day, and we are downtown, the slush gets immensely dirty and then gets everywhere. Oh, and our trash backed up because she also didn't check that in time. Also, a guest didn't clean up their party from the club level. This isn't in my job description, folks.

 

EDIT: I have been recompensed for my services in a quantity of shrimp cacciatore. This pleases me.

 

Also, I had a resident come in who noticed my cross-stitch, which then sparked a random 20-minute conversation. I happen to think it's a simple, easy skill, but he said several times how good it looked and how I was clearly talented. I made a joke about a cross-stitch throw pillow saying something funny and foreign like 'vaffanculo'; this resident speaks Italian and didn't know that I have a workable knowledge of the language. So, we also talked about Rome/Italy for a bit. He's a little intense and sometimes doesn't know English words, but it was nice to talk to someone in the middle of the night.

[shaar]

Catching up on your progress Because Life (good grief), and your Disney stories.... that is some serious magic right there.  I was so happy to read those recaps, such joy and whimsy and good emotion!!!  I'm so so glad you got to enjoy that experience!!  It will stay with you forever. 

 

Many more hugs spilling over from the Project B.R.E.A.T.H.E thread for you~ <3333333333

 

6 hours ago, Merrin said:

EDIT: I have been recompensed for my services in a quantity of shrimp cacciatore. This pleases me.

 

Food reward is best reward! Yum!!!

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

You are experiencing Post Traumatic Stress (Notice I did not add the word "Disorder" at the end), which is perfectly normal given what you went through. There is nothing wrong with you. You are having a normal reaction to a very abnormal situation. There are a lot of good coping skills. Check out these links for more info. There is a plethora of information online.

http://www.criticalincidentstress.com/after_an_incident

http://www.criticalincidentstress.com/coping_with_critical_incidents

http://www.state.nj.us/lps/dcj/victimwitness/crisis10.htm

[Merrin]

13 hours ago, shaar said:

Catching up on your progress Because Life (good grief), and your Disney stories.... that is some serious magic right there.  I was so happy to read those recaps, such joy and whimsy and good emotion!!!  I'm so so glad you got to enjoy that experience!!  It will stay with you forever. 

 

Many more hugs spilling over from the Project B.R.E.A.T.H.E thread for you~ <3333333333

 

 

Food reward is best reward! Yum!!!

 

I was actually just re-reading the recap from DL, and started crying all over again. It was the best, most magical mini-adventure yet!

 

Yes hugs plz! <3

 

Food reward can be iffy reward (I get weird attitudes about food) but it was free and from the resident's catering, so win!

[Merrin]

Three Good Things: Last night was Christmas with my dad and stepmom. We went to Bonefish Grill and I had pasta, swordfish, and two Elderflower vodkas. This was followed up by two brandy-Kahluas and many presents. I fell asleep on the basement floor with the Puppers, and Ifrit fell asleep in the Lay Z Boy.

 

Presents showed up from his parents this afternoon. We both got new pjs and many delicious snacks.

 

I slept upwards of fourteen hours between last night and today. I'm slowly feeling less nervous around the house.

 

One Bad Thing: the offer back from the insurance agency for Ifrit's injuries is...rude. Unconscionable. A waste of the year that it's taken. He fired his current attorney, will be counseling with another this week, and will pursue a counter-sue to cover the medical bills. Considering the medical stuff that he went through at the insistence of the damaging agency, all so that they could avoid a surgery proposal, only to attempt to leave him in the dirt for the costs...considering how a lot of it was total bullshit and was never going to affect what happened, so it feels like they just wanted to let the hospital bleed us dry by them telling the lawyer what should be done...it's infuriating. It's heartbreaking. We don't need another year of fighting with lawyers. We just need this over with.

[Merrin]

Three Good Things: Friday night was Christmas with Ifrit. I only just finished wrapping all his stuff that morning. Last minute Amazon deliveries, oops. He had to sneak into the craft room to wrap two last things for me. I would get us each a present from the tree, go back to the couch, and we'd go back and forth opening. Last year, we ended up buying each other a really, really similar present. This year, we did the same: series. I found two Katamari games and the first three Sin City GNs for him. He got me three seasons of Are You Afraid of the Dark and two new Miyazaki art books for my collection. It was really funny. We think alike in certain instances, including this.

 

I got two more holiday cards at work. More cash!

 

I slept eight hours both yesterday and today.

 

One Bad: I was immensely, painfully sick last night at work. So sick I was sweating, and went through several quarts of water trying to replenish my poor, dehydrated insides. Oofta.