Hey again,

[Miw_Sher]

Hey everyone, this is... what, my third serious attempt at this?

This time I come back more beaten than usual. Normally at least something had stuck, but this time I have fell right back to square one - bad habits, weight and all. The only thing that I hold is the knowledge that I have done this before and can do it again, but the motivation is just so.. lacking. The excitement of the first time round is missing and I have got a lot less support than back then.

So basically, I was doing well. Even after I had to stop posting on the forums, i was able to keep up with all my habits, workout routine... I even got to start swimming in a 50m pool which was fantastic!

Then... my manipulative flatmate went all out on me, I suddenly found out I did not have a flat anymore, I was diagnosed with some form of bipolar disorder, but since I was still functional was only put on anti-anxiety meds, then I found out I was hypersensitive to those meds, talked to another doctor who decided I suffered from no form of mental disorder at all and took me off the meds. My mental health spiraled downwards into one of the worst crises I have had in years, and then everything fell apart. I was supposed to start therapy but my last school year had just started and the workload is insane. Since by that time I had hit a high, I obviously decided I did not need therapy and could do EVERYTHING, ON MY OWN thanks to my AWESOME SUPERPOWERS. So that ended up with me throwing every good habit out of the window to obsessively toil over school, which obviously ended up with me crashing again and still struggling to regain footing. I have also discovered that this emotionally abusive relationship I was in has affected me more than I thought hen I started getting flashbacks from a discussion in a message board. Great.

Bottom line is - I am exhausted. I want to get back to where I was a year ago - a tad too skinny but overall confident, happy and determined. I want to go back to waking up at 6am every day to have head-start.

I need support though, and while I probably will be able to find emotional support in my entourage, the fitness and healthy eating aspect is not amongst my friend's interests. I need a community where I can ask for advice on silly things and where people will support me but also tell me when I am pushing too far. :/

I have given it a lot of thought and figured that this is the best place where I could get that. Even though I keep dropping in and out, I only have fond memories of my time here. And... who knows. Third time's the charm, I hope!

That was a long rant and I hope I haven't upset anyone by sharing this much. I really, really hope this time is going to be the good one.

[thephantomkitty]

Hi there!

I, too, am attempting to un-fall off the bandwagon. Sounds like you're on the right track. I'd definitely recommend a new mental health professional from the sound of it. That stuff is nasty. I suffer from chronic low-grade depression and anxiety. The problem I have found with that is I function just well enough to seem fine to the world and convince myself that this is normal. It's best to get help when you need it so you can work on being 100%.

You probably figured this out already, but if you're exhausted you probably don't want to leap back into getting up at 6am right away. Maybe start with going for a walk every day if you don't do that already. That won't take much more energy than the motivation to get out there (which can take a lot of energy, I know).

Good luck!

Sent from my SM-G900V using Tapatalk

[Miw_Sher]

Thanks for the tip! It has actually helped me over the past month. I realised quickly though that december is a shitty month to unfall off the bandwagon. I guess the key is to keep trying. :/