CourtneyC Presses On

[courtneyc]

I'm struggling these days. I like to be positive, but the truth is the last half a year has been a mixed bag of self discovery that has me feeling really run down. The separation after 10 years of marriage, adjusting to my new job, living on my own for the first time ever, and being a single mom...it's a lot. I've started to get pretty lonely.

 

I've been keeping myself busy, basically filling every waking moment with training or work or anything. It isn't good or sustainable, but when I slow down I'm left facing all of these fears about myself and the future.

 

I don't really know what to do for my challenge. Small, positive changes are good. I keep getting overwhelmed with calorie tracking, so I want to try a written food log. Regular creative writing would also be good for me. This is me, so there will be no shortage of jiu jitsu. I don't feel the need/desire to make any specific training goals right this moment. Meditation might be a good way to help me slow down a little without becoming a total sad sack.

 

So here we go:

 

Weekly Goals

• Keep a daily written food log (losing 5lbs this challenge would be pretty fantastic)
• Write 100 words 5x a week
• Daily 10 minute meditation w/ Headspace

 

 

[sarakingdom]

You are doing amazing.  I totally get having periods of not wanting to spend too much time with your own thoughts, and you're dealing with that in such a productive way.

 

A quick suggestion on your goals: I bet it is feeling pretty lonely, and that might be a good thing to have a weekly goal around, finding some way to build up your social network.

[Kishi]

Those goals do look good. I can only imagine what it'd be like having to start over again after so much has happened.

 

FWIW, I'm with @sarakingdom. While people are vexsome, annoying creatures, they do tend to be useful for talking to and putting loneliness at bay. It might not be a bad idea to start reaching out to people to see who you find.

[courtneyc]

On 12/5/2016 at 0:29 AM, sarakingdom said:

You are doing amazing.  I totally get having periods of not wanting to spend too much time with your own thoughts, and you're dealing with that in such a productive way.

 

A quick suggestion on your goals: I bet it is feeling pretty lonely, and that might be a good thing to have a weekly goal around, finding some way to build up your social network.

 

Thanks! I've actually been way more social than I have been in years, but a lot of it is low level socializing that can be fun, except that it doesn't fill the need to be understood and really seen. (If that makes any sense.) So I think maybe looking for different social outlets than my current ones might be the trick. 

 

Week 1 Update

 

Woke up yesterday very, very sick. It was so bad I had to ask my ex to come over and help out, because I was not safe to take care of my daughter or dog alone. He's a good guy, so he took care of things. Needless to say this has put a pause on starting this challenge. Hopefully, I'll be feel decent enough tomorrow.

[Kishi]

Now now. Not about how you start. It's about how you finish. Rest up and feel better.

[Alcnedlor]

I agree with Kishi

 

Let your body the time it needs to recover and then you can rock your challenge.

 

Moreover, you shouldn't be too depressed for your goals can probably be reached even when sick.

 

Daily written food log to loose weight : I know it's not the way to go, but when your ill, you tend to eat quite less and automatically loose weight. Transform your drawbacks to advantages !

Write 100 words 5x a week : It may be hard if you're sick, but it's doable and you could simply postpone until you fell better

Daily 10 minute meditation w/ Headspace : I am a beginner on this part, but it may do you good to keep the practice while not feeling well.

 

Hope you'll soon be better

['BoutThatActionBoss]

Hey there! So so so sorry you have had a crap few months. You certainly have a ton of stuff to deal with and it stinks that life has dealt you this hand. 

 

I know it may not count for much, but our specific exchanges and reading your threads earlier in the year got me back in the groove with BJJ again (until I got my staph infection in October, boo). That was my best run yet with BJJ so thank you for that! I even got my first stripe and everything. 

 

I know what you mean about trying to stay busy to stay sane. I have dealt with depression on and off throughout my life and at times I just try to stay busy so I do not have too much time in my own head. Not saying you are depressed, but I can empathize with trying to deal with difficult emotions. All the advice everyone is giving you is great as well. If you are really hurting, it may not be a bad idea to do some therapy/counseling. It has helped me in the past navigate some tough times in my life. 

 

Also sorry you are sick right at the beginning of a challenge, that sucks. Take care of yourself, get some rest! 

[courtneyc]

On 12/11/2016 at 11:35 PM, 'BoutThatActionBoss said:

Hey there! So so so sorry you have had a crap few months. You certainly have a ton of stuff to deal with and it stinks that life has dealt you this hand. 

 

I know it may not count for much, but our specific exchanges and reading your threads earlier in the year got me back in the groove with BJJ again (until I got my staph infection in October, boo). That was my best run yet with BJJ so thank you for that! I even got my first stripe and everything. 

 

I know what you mean about trying to stay busy to stay sane. I have dealt with depression on and off throughout my life and at times I just try to stay busy so I do not have too much time in my own head. Not saying you are depressed, but I can empathize with trying to deal with difficult emotions. All the advice everyone is giving you is great as well. If you are really hurting, it may not be a bad idea to do some therapy/counseling. It has helped me in the past navigate some tough times in my life. 

 

Also sorry you are sick right at the beginning of a challenge, that sucks. Take care of yourself, get some rest! 

 

That definitely counts for something! Congratulations on the stripe and having a good run! The skin infections can be rough. The mats at my school are sanitized daily, but stuff has been going around lately which can be hard to get under control.

 

The counseling suggestion is a good one. I've actually been seeing someone for the past few months. Having that semi-regular checkin is definitely helpful.

 

Week 2

 

Feeling (mostly) recovered from my run in with the flu last week, though I still have some lingering dizziness. It is making training...interesting. Nothing like suddenly stopping to stick your head between your legs to freak out the other people in class! So I'm easing back into my training schedule.

 

In more exciting news: I got new gi's! One of them is a super fancy War Tribe gi that I love and want to pet. The jacket is way too big on me though, so that needs to get sent back for a smaller size. Speaking of smaller sizes! I ordered a replacement for my very first gi I ever purchased. Some of you have been following my challenges long enough that you might remember about 11 months ago my gi purchasing drama. I ordered the biggest size they made, and the pants (that I was within the weight range for) were too tight. So I had to order larger pants from a different company and was very grumpy about the whole situation. Well, fast forward about a year, and I'm rocking that same gi except TWO sizes smaller!  Seriously happy about that achievement and all the hard work it represents.

 

Okay, now that I'm healthy enough it is time to get serious about my challenge goals. Tracking, writing, meditating. They are all happening today!

[Alcnedlor]

11 hours ago, courtneyc said:

forward about a year, and I'm rocking that same gi except TWO sizes smaller!  

Congratulations ! It is an excellent achievement

[Kishi]

Hey, one day at a time, right?

 

In the words of a certain more famously bearded person, "Just! DO IT!"

[sarakingdom]

Holidays are tough after big life changes.  You make it through okay?