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*peeks out from behind a corner*

 

Oh hello there. 

 

It's been a while. 

 

Things are crazy, but I don't know, driving home tonight in terrible visibility while sheets of rain were pelting my windshield made me think. Maybe it was the hydroplaning. 

 

One thing I haven't been completely honest about was a relapse into my eating disorder. I've mentioned it at points as a past thing but it's been very much a present thing as of the past ~4 months. My therapist knows, we're working on it and I'm currently maintaining a weight that is both too low and too high. Brains are dumb. This has been a big reason I've taken a bit of a break from here. It can be hard to fight the urge to lose more weight when, well....it's part of the environment. But successful maintenance is something at least. 

 

2016 has been hard for so many reasons. We finally sold our house (for real). We're moving. School is still up in the air. I think my meds may be less effective than they need to be. I had an ED relapse. Trump got elected (god I'm still ignoring this). 

 

This is sort of a very very informal challenge. More of a desire to communicate, to catalogue, to work through. To set myself up for a better 2017. 2016 set a pretty low bar that won't be hard to clear. I made a huge roadmap for last year. In some ways it was a good idea, and in others it wasn't. So I'm doing something a bit different. Here are three things I'd like to work on. They're mostly abstract, though I am aware of how I can quantify them, it's just that they're mental rather than physical. 

 

1. Bridging the gap between the Intellectual and Emotional: I can be so aware that something is true/untrue and yet feel completely the opposite. I want to listen to my intellect while respecting my emotions. It's okay to feel whatever it is I'm feeling, but it's important to understand the inherent subjectivity of that feeling as well. 

 

2. Practice: I want to see things as a continuum, a series of interconnected skills, that all actions are just practice, without pressure. I'd also like to make this goal more clear lol. 

 

3. Make Mistakes: mistakes are the goal. I WANT to want to make mistakes. I want to normalize them, reframe them as a positive, enjoy the error part of trial and error. I feel like this would help a lot with self image, anxiety, and depression. 

 

So that's it. I guess this is sort of a trial run before the new year. 

 

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Current

Level 11 Magic Cat Druid 

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Hi Spooky. Welcome back. 2016 was a bit of a bitch. I'm glad to see you back around here with a plan to keep moving in a healthier direction.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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Race: Amazonian Ogre Princess | Class: Ranger | Profession: SuperHero

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thanks guys <3 

 

I've been a bit better mentally the past two days. We've looked at a bunch of houses to rent, and one has approved us so at least we have a place to live. It's not our first choice, but it's nice, in a good area, and quiet. So it will work. I've got an appointment with a therapist to set up my psychiatrist meeting today, so I'm hoping for a meds adjustment soon. 

 

I would like to to start exercising again, I've been really lax on it, i think out of worry about over doing it again. I had a hip issue for a couple of weeks, not sure what was going on there, but it's still intermittent. 

 

We'll see how things go from here I guess, I've got work this evening since I switched my saturday shift this week for my grandma's birthday. I might be able to do a longer more reflective post then, that's the goal. 

 

Take care <3

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Current

Level 11 Magic Cat Druid 

Head Flip Bitch (Team French Toast)

"A jug fills drop by drop" -Buddha

Battle Log

Past Challenges: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19

(old) Battle Log

Accountabilibuddies: Doodlies

Embrace the Suck

 

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 Glad to see you back, Spooks!

I am so proud of you for sharing where you are right now -- that can be so hard to do, to bring our problem spots into the light of day. Good job.

I will be lurking around, holding your hand, reminding you that more is not better unless you're a cancer.

Let's set our sights on making mistakes and breathing for 2017.

 

Much love,

Heidi

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&,
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I'm so happy you're back! <3 

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Are you signing up for January?

May I recommend the back-to-basics goodness that is three small, fitness-habit-style goals and one life goal?

Looking forward to cheering you on.

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&,
Amazon of the Way

Gypsy Druid Paladin

Ranger Year 1: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 

Druid Year 2: 8 | 9 | 1011  | 12 | 13 |Year 3: 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 |Year 4: 1920 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 |Year 5: 29 | 30 | 31 | 32 | 33 | 34 | 35 | 36 | 37 | 38 |Year 6: 39 | 40 | 41 | 42 | 43 | 44 | 45 | 46 |Year 7: 47 | 48 | 49 | 50 | 51 | 52 | 53| 54 | 55 | 56 | 57 | 58 | 59 | 60 |Year 8: 61 | 62 | 63 | 64 |

Local Foods Guru | Financial Freedom Fighter | Minimalism Yoda | Smaug-Slayer
Heidi Chronicles My NF Character Sheet | @theheidifeed | Amazon of Awesome | MySlashdotKarmaIsExcellent

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