Ensi - Road Map 2017

[Ensi]

13 hours ago, LadyShello said:

Great job on day 1.  You tried something and problem solved for a healthy solution.  

 

Hnnngggaaahhh Shello, Mom's delivered the package from Winterfell! With some luck, it'll be here today 8D I'm very excited! And yup, I think the modification works fine. I woke up this morning, had some grapeFRUIT, orange and cantaloupe (200 g in total), completed a yoga practice, and then had an omelette with blueberries. How high is my white girl level? Never high enough *colours one yoga tracking leaf green in her bullet journal*

 

**

 

That feeling when everyone on the programme forums complain about the huge amount of food and you're there just like

 

 

I guess others have been eating smaller portion sizes than me, but picked foods like pizza, hamburgers and sweets, and eaten even more frequently than me. Attending this programme is giving me an interesting perspective on my own eating habits...! This is very different from the times I've attended programmes like this in the past, because back then I didn't have the right mindset, and I thought that eating the right foods would make me right. I'm gonna keep my head in the game and see, just how low calories we're gonna eat during the following weeks... Nevertheless, the bloating went away in one day. I look a whole lot slimmer, and my morning weight after breakfast was 74 kg.  The plan allows you to pick between eating 4 or 5 times a day. I ate 4 times yesterday, but thought about eating 5 times today. A small snack in the afternoon could help me get through

 

I'm pretty enthusiastic about the programme right now, but I attended it so that I could have more mental energy to mind my own business. So, today I'm getting back to studies! My throat still feels a bit funny, but it shouldn't keep me from doing stuff. I will meet a friend for lunch in a couple of hours, and then we're going to work on one course assignment together.

 

You know those nights when you're about to go to bed, but something online catches your attention? The following video, which is very much NSFW, launched me into a horrible binge on this girl's videos on Instagram:

 

 

The "me trying to flirt" series made me laugh so hard my stomach still hurts!

[Ensi]

Oh wow, there's a nutritionist on TV and she just said that losing weight is basically cannibalism, because your body is taking energy from itself. HOW HAVE I NOT THOUGHT ABOUT THIS MYSELF??

 

It is the third day of the programme, and this is where I have to make decisions! I counted that the basic day is around 1600-1700 calories, which is very fine by me. But we're supposed to eat a bit less three days a week, even if it's only around 150 calories less. Now, I'm not in the programme to follow it blindly, but to reinforce my good habits. I don't feel guilty having some almond milk in my coffee, or having my daily chocolate portion - as long as I have them with my other meals. The programme actually has different levels for men and women: level 1 is those who have less than 10 kg to lose, level 2 for those with 10-20, and those with more than 20 kg to lose. I picked level 2, but I'm thinking of switching over to level 1 next week, especially if we're going to start cutting calories. I also realize that the programme is by a fitness company, and they want to give people radical results, but this is where I need to remember my own goals. I'm going to keep eating according to the plan with 1600-1700 calories. I'm focusing on the portion sizes and not snacking, and the programme is already helping with that  I'll see how I feel at the end of the week!

 

Talking about my daily chocolate portion: my brother messaged me yesterday. He had done his groceries, and the idea of buying sweets hadn't even crossed his mind until he was already out of the store! o__o He just didn't feel like having sweets! And then he said, "It's because I am with the Force!!" :'D He would love NF, but he has a slight dyslexia and communicating in English would be even harder. Nevertheless, I haven't seen him this enthusiastic in a long time. I hope this helps him understand that he's capable of much more than he thinks.

 

I'm going to focus on my studies today, and visit a CV clinic the university organizes. They help you make your CV presentable I also finished writing my job application letter yesterday. I had great difficulties writing the letter, but then I listened to a radio podcast about shy people (in Finnish), and it resonated with me so much that it changed the way I look at myself. I've seen my nervousness as anxiety, when it could be that I'm just shy. I haven't thought about myself as a shy person, but now that I think about it, it's true. My self-confidence has sky-rocketed during the past few years and I've made myself be more social and outgoing, but I am still shy (getting attention in the class makes me nervous, and whenever I see HC I start shaking). I've seen the nervousness as something negative, but maybe it's just a natural part of me. The podcast helped me understand myself a lot better

 

ED; And this helped me with the letter, because I no longer tried to seem more outgoing or social than I actually am. I just wrote  an application letter, and my friends told me that it looks very good. I'm sending it today after the CV clinic!

[Ensi]

I'm still sick today x__x It was a hectic day yesterday: I finally got my essay going, and then my friend and I had lunch and visited the CV clinic. The clinic was so helpful! I got good feedback on my graphic CV, and I've been making it even better The job application letter wasn't very good, and I think that I now understand the tone and purpose of a job application letter better, thanks to the feedback. I'm gonna keep working on it a little more today After the clinic, we went to the town, and I started to be a bit tired... I came home, did a small strength training workout with squats and push-ups, and completed another Yoga with Adrienne video. I think I'm just worn out after socializing and doing so much, so I'm gonna take it easier today!

 

The programme is going fine: I haven't been snacking, and I haven't been too hungry. My body is still getting used to the new way of eating, but so far, I'm happy with it  I started my morning with chocolate protein pudding (yum!) and fruit, and I'm gonna eat a feta salad at the university restaurant.

 

And cookies, obviously: I just received a message that @LadyShello's package has arrived. Gonna go pick it up now!!

 

 

[Owlet]

I'm back! I thought I was following but clearly I wasn't  Anyway, good job on the new food plan (and even more so for keeping in mind your own goals and not just following blindly) that's great about your brother too

[Alarion]

Looks like you are doing well in not trying to be someone else, Ensi. Hope you get properly healthy soon though and kick off any lingering flu thingies.

[Ensi]

20 hours ago, Owlet said:

I'm back! I thought I was following but clearly I wasn't  Anyway, good job on the new food plan (and even more so for keeping in mind your own goals and not just following blindly) that's great about your brother too

 

Hey hey yah hi!  Yep, I'm super happy about my brother. Mom told me that he looks like he's slimmed down a bit. Let's see what the end of January brings

 

10 hours ago, Alarion said:

Looks like you are doing well in not trying to be someone else, Ensi. Hope you get properly healthy soon though and kick off any lingering flu thingies.

 

Yay! I used to wish that I was someone else, but these days I'm super happy being me, with my own issues and all. And I think the "flu" is actually the hormones acting up, so I'm going to take it easy

 

Yep, the hormones are acting up! I picked up Shello's package and ate the most wonderful chocolate cookie I've ever had while crying a lot. Crying consisted 66 % of delicious cookie, and 44 % because I missed HC like hell. The Universe got tired of my crying, so I bumped into him later in the evening when I was going to the library :'D We chatted for a while, and it was really nice. Whenever I talk with him, I calm down completely. It's weird, but I'm trying to keep that relaxed feeling going on. I have probably written at least 5 novels worth of text about HC hnnghaaah I am the Twilight of my generation Shello's package was the highlight of my day, though. Thank you. Finland will strike back soon <3

 

I sent the job application to the internship today! As said, I'm not too optimistic, but at least I've tried my best  Now I can keep applying for other places with a better understanding on how to write an application letter. I'm also thinking of booking a time for a career discussion, where we would map my skills and possible careers. It could be very helpful

 

The programme is going fine! I'm not as hungry as I was at the start, and my stomach is getting used to the changes. It's been actually fairly easy to keep this going, and I'm happy to have more control over my food choices Now I'm gonna pack my things and go study in the library. Have a lovely Friday!

[Owlet]

1 hour ago, Ensi said:

ate the most wonderful chocolate cookie I've ever had while crying a lot.

I'm sorry but I just have to... HAHA omg best indication of hormones! :'D Because really, that is what it is like. I was tearing up just listening to a podcast today. Not a sad one either =P I do hope you feel better soon though, and sorry you are missing HC. It's so hard getting over someone you have a real connection to. Baby steps though eh, just go at your own pace

 

1 hour ago, Ensi said:

 

I sent the job application to the internship today! As said, I'm not too optimistic, but at least I've tried my best  Now I can keep applying for other places with a better understanding on how to write an application letter.

With some things you just have to get that first one out of the way, then you can really apply yourself and not have to worry so much about all the 'what if's'  and 'how the heck do I..' etc. A career discussion sounds good! I need that haha. 

[Shello]

8 hours ago, Ensi said:

 

Yep, the hormones are acting up! I picked up Shello's package and ate the most wonderful chocolate cookie I've ever had while crying a lot. Crying consisted 66 % of delicious cookie, and 44 % because I missed HC like hell. The Universe got tired of my crying, so I bumped into him later in the evening when I was going to the library :'D We chatted for a while, and it was really nice. Whenever I talk with him, I calm down completely. It's weird, but I'm trying to keep that relaxed feeling going on. I have probably written at least 5 novels worth of text about HC hnnghaaah I am the Twilight of my generation Shello's package was the highlight of my day, though. Thank you. Finland will strike back soon <3

 

 

Cookies are good remedies for hormone's so the timing wasn't that bad afterall.  

 

Great job on the CVs and getting your stuff sent out.  Keep looking for opportunities to send some out.  The more the merrier. 

[Ensi]

10 hours ago, Owlet said:

I'm sorry but I just have to... HAHA omg best indication of hormones! :'D Because really, that is what it is like. I was tearing up just listening to a podcast today. Not a sad one either =P I do hope you feel better soon though, and sorry you are missing HC. It's so hard getting over someone you have a real connection to. Baby steps though eh, just go at your own pace

 

With some things you just have to get that first one out of the way, then you can really apply yourself and not have to worry so much about all the 'what if's'  and 'how the heck do I..' etc. A career discussion sounds good! I need that haha. 

 

:'D I spent the morning asking myself why I was so sad when everything was very well, and then I realized that OH YEAH RIGHT!! And thanks, it's getting easier. Besides, he's very interested in that television I found in the stairway, and gave me a lot of tips on how to get it working  there's a lot I don't know about him, but what I'd like to know is whether or not he understands that his booty is even better than Chris Evan's. I'm not lying here. that booty makes me cry

 

True! I was actually pretty disheartened after the CV clinic, when the things the person there said about the job application letter sank in. It was along the lines, "you have to sell yourself right with the first two sentences, or they're not even gonna read your letter!" And it just started to make me more and more sad, you know, having to deal with cold systems like that. But it might be the hormones, again

 

3 hours ago, LadyShello said:

 

Cookies are good remedies for hormone's so the timing wasn't that bad afterall.  

 

Great job on the CVs and getting your stuff sent out.  Keep looking for opportunities to send some out.  The more the merrier. 

 

I made the weirdest sound eating the first cookie :'D Thank you again <3 I'm gonna keep sending applications, for sure! But I'm also going to try and find my own voice. I want the application letters to be effective, yet sound like I had written them myself. Hmm. This is like the Dinner Incident... I have to get to know myself better in this area to do things my way. I'm gonna keep practicing and looking for opportunities

 

**

 

I had the most wonderful goat cheese salad in the university restaurant today x__x Then my friend and I worked hard on a coding assignment, and got it done! After that, I had a snack at home, and went for a cup of tea with another friend. I almost bought a peanut butter chocolate cookie, but I realized that I didn't really even want it - it was just a habit to buy something while having tea. So, I only had tea, and had dinner at home at 6 PM. I started to feel low, because all the job searching, writing applications and handling my studies at the same time have worn me out, and the idea of me having to be a socially outgoing butterfly to get a job felt wrong (lol). Here's where one of my favourite quotes popped into my mind:

 

 

So, instead of sitting on my bum, I picked a funny looking Darebee Workout (Level 1) and finished it with Yoga with Adriene. Working out helped, and I feel a lot more balanced Evening snack was an omelette with tuna, cottage cheese and frozen blueberries. I'm dreaming of the breakfast I've planned for tomorrow morning: chocolate banana pancakes (just eggs, banana and sugar free cocoa powder + salt), which I'm gonna top with some frozen blueberries and a big spoonful of sugar free chocolate protein pudding.

 

 

Yes, it's all allowed in the programme  Breakfast for me is 200 g fruit, 200 g egg whites (or quark), 200 g of berries / 150 g of vegetables, and 10 g of olive oil / some other healthy fat. I'm compensating part of the fruit and berries with the chocolate pudding. Yesssss. Now I'm watching Black Mirror on Netflix, and I'm gonna head to bed soon  Let's have a relaxing weekend!

 

The highlight of the day was a kiss from a border collie puppy. #blessed

[Ensi]

The breakfast was just as delicious as I'd figured. #blessed And the portion was bigger than I anticipated: 200 g of is a lot of egg whites!

 

The programme is heavily focused on nutrition, and doesn't require you to do any exercise. If you want to exercise, though, they advice you to have an extra fruit and some protein powder for recovery. I had half a banana with a bit of peanut butter before my workout yesterday, and when I was finished with the WO, it was already time for my evening snack. This actually fits me very well: when my main goal (losing weight) isn't tied to exercise, I feel free to pick any exercise I want!

 

 

I've picked a couple of Darebee exercises this week, and done yoga. Basically, I feel like any exercise I do is a bonus, so I don't feel bad for taking rest when I feel like it. I enjoy exercise, so it isn't a problem for me to do it: yesterday's Mulan workout wasn't planned ahead, I just figured it would make me feel better. Maybe I'll make clearer workout goals in the future, but for now, I'm working out to keep my muscle mass while I lose fat and to keep my spirits high

 

I've been sleeping pretty well all week, energy levels are great, and my body is getting used to the new way of eating. I've had more fruit and berries than usually, but the programme is starting to cut them and other carbs down as the weeks go by. I'm fine with that, so I'm going to stick to the programme. I used to try programmes like this before, but they felt just restricting and made me feel guilty all the time. I guess my head was ready for this now, because I don't see this as a punishment, but support  I'm like a Hollywood actor with a personal trainer, lol! The foods are also similar to what I usually eat, which is a big plus, and I like it that I don't have to count calories, just weigh the food that I eat. It's also easy to eat at the university restaurants, especially when my fav place has a salad buffet. All in all, this was a good time to do this!

 

I've also kept to the plan my brother and I have. The chocolate pudding this morning was a part of my daily treat - I had half of the pudding, and I'll have half with my snack  Gonna keep writing my essay today (aaalmost done!), and do something fun! I might visit my friend who has the digibox (if she's up to it, she's been a bit ill lately), but I just need to ground myself after all the "sell yourself to the employers!!" talk. Eww.

[Ensi]

A whole week of the programme is now behind me! Morning weight: 73 kg, which is a 1,5 kg down from last week. I'm very pleased to see that bloat go  The diet stays the same this week, but I'll have three "plus days" with more calories and four "minus days" with less calories (it was the other way around last week). I think that's a smart, small shift in the diet: what we eat is the same, as are the daily portions. Shouldn't be too radical, and we still have time to reinforce what we've learned on week 1. The carbs are somewhere around 120 g to 150 g a day, and I think they're gonna start cutting down next week. The idea is to get the body "working" at the beginning, and then cut down carbs to make your body burn more fat. Well, the amount we're eating isn't overwhelmingly high, and the source is pure food (oatmeal, sweet potato, whole wheat bread etc), so this is actually a good chance for me to work on my carb anxiety. I've had big portions of fruit and sweet potato last week, and haven't gained weight. When I eat regularly, I can have bigger portions than when I just nibble on something all the time

 

Despite feeling worn out after some study related stress and hormone shenanigans (the Cookie Cry), I've felt calm, and my energy levels are good. I sleep well, and I'm not as tense as usually. These are excellent improvements, and I'm gonna keep following the programme and see where I'm at in another week

 

I turned in the essay yesterday (YAY), went for a couple of walks, and did yoga. The weather was lovely, and I got a lot of sunshine  I'm still a bit worn out after working hard last week, so I'm going to do the absolute minimum this week and have some fun! As in, I might go to the library and work on my thesis. It's been collecting dust during the hiolidays, but I actually figured out how to make it work better! Gonna get it going

 

Oh gosh, I'm listening to Regina Spector's You've Got Time and got a flashback from the summer two years ago when I watched Orange is the New Black and ate mashed cauliflower. (Filed under: weirdly specific flashbacks) And it was still my old apartment! And I weighed around 80 kg! Gosh, things have changed...!

 

ED; Actually, I think this week will be harder. I have some mid-cycle bloating going on, and the weight is most likely not gonna come off as fast. So, I'll avoid the scales this week, and just do my best!

[Ensi]

I had a low moment yesterday, but I could recognize that it was mostly because of hormones. I went to bed early, held a hot water bottle on my stomach (relaxationnnn) and just took it easy while watching Black Mirror (I'm hooked!). I also had a small portion of protein ice cream, because it was a treat day  I wouldn't say that I absolutely needed it, but I thought that it would cheer me up a bit. Not that much, but meh, ice cream's nice.

 

I slept well, and mood's been better I went to the library this morning, and all of a sudden I understood that I know what to do with my master's thesis, and how to do it! I worked on it in the morning, and I'm confident that I will get it done, if I just keep doing it one thing at a time! I also started coding my own webpage last night. Now I just need to find a good host where I can put it up

 

After having lunch with my friend, I worked on the thesis a bit longer, and then came home and completed a 30-minute-long kettlebell workout, which I finished with 10 minutes of deadlifts and donkey kicks. Now I'm recovering and watching Netflix  I'm gonna watch one more episode of BM, have dinner, and then go back to the library.

 

I've sent a couple of job applications, and I'm starting to feel calmer and more confident. If I could get a part time job, that would be wonderful - I'd have more time to figure out what to do with my awesome education (lol) and maybe take a few more courses next autumn, especially on communications. I'm sure I'll find a job somewhere, as long as I just keep looking I still haven't heard back from the university services, I'm sure they have their hands full...!

 

I hope you're all having a wonderful Tuesday!

[Ensi]

Ohh, it's been a lovely day! I woke up feeling tired and dwelled on some unpleasant thoughts, though, but then it started to get better. I painted something first thing in the morning, and cleaned up the apartment a bit: I try to start my mornings by doing something other than online surfing. Then I left for the store to get some groceries. The weather was warmer than it's been lately, and the sky was clear. The birds were also singing, and I just got a sudden burst of energy and thought to myself, "this is a wonderful day!"

 

After I did the groceries, my friend and I went to Ikea, and we had a lot of fun! We had lunch at the Ikea restaurant, and I had some smoked turkey with roasted veggies. The portion size was huge, so I took the rest back home with me  I got myself new bowls (I like eating from bowls instead of plates lol), and I absolutely adore the two pink ones I got! I also bought a pink coffee cup, and a new plush toy: PANDA. Now Le Shark has a friend from Ikea

 

When I was paying, the machine got jammed, and I had to wait for it to restart. The cashier went away for a moment while this happened, and came back with two free tickets for my friend and me: "you can get something for free from the bistro, because you had to wait!" Uh oh. I could get a free ice cream, or a pastry...! But I didn't. I had a cup of coffee and let my friend have the pastry that came with the coffee ;__; THEN there were free chocolate samples. I didn't have any.

 

 

Well... I did it. Free sweets everywhere, and I didn't have any. I'm proud of myself!  Well OK, there were chocolate samples that were wrapped in paper! I got a couple I can eat tomorrow

 

When I got home, another friend of mine came for a cup of coffee and helped me with the TV and digibox. We could connect the TV and the digibox, but the box has some issues finding the channels. I need to look into it... After that I did some meal prepping. Now there's salad, soup and chicken in the fridge for the next few days. I also contacted a friend of mine: she used to work at the mall, and I asked her if she could give me a hint on how to apply for a job there. She gave me an email address and advised me to mention her name. I'm gonna send an application letter tomorrow!

 

I'm tired, since I've been on my feet most of the day! Nevertheless, it's been a funny day, and my mind's relaxed  I have some mid-cycle bloating and cravings going on, but they're not impossible to resist. I got this <3

[NeverThatBored]

51 minutes ago, Ensi said:

I also bought a pink coffee cup, and a new plush toy: PANDA. Now Le Shark has a friend from Ikea

 

Ikea has the BEST stuffed animals. I have both a dog and a goat from there, and they are glorious. 

[Ensi]

13 hours ago, NeverThatBored said:

 

Ikea has the BEST stuffed animals. I have both a dog and a goat from there, and they are glorious. 

 

Yes! The panda is ridiculously cute

 

**

 

I'm slightly worn out today :'D Well, luckily I don't have much to do. I sent the job application to the mall, and applied for another internship the university offers. I also ran into HC and told him that he's welcome to come have a look at the digibox, if he wants  He was like "uummm" and then I said bye and ran away. I'm actually getting kinda tired of thinking about him, especially now that I'm looking for a job or internship like a boss. Nevertheless, I threw the ball at him again, so I'm gonna let it be for now. I guess having more income would make me feel more confident, but I'm trying to channel that feeling of confidence already

 

So, I've been fairly productive this morning, and I'm thinking of going home and doing some painting before meeting my friend for lunch. I also have some chocolate pudding home, yum...!

[Ensi]

To sum up this week: I've had some hormonal symptoms, but I've managed them well! I was feeling very tired and low yesterday, so I went for a walk and did a Darebee workout. That helped a lot, and I spent the evening refreshing my JavaScript skills

 

These past two weeks have been extremely valuable. I've learned to recognize my strengths (language/programming/art skills) and weaknesses (overly critical towards myself, more focused on what could go wrong than on what could go right). And this morning, I've been looking up digital communications offices in my hometown, and I'm very tempted to send internship applications for web designer / web developer positions! It's just something I've always wanted to do: design and code websites, but I just haven't believed that my skills would be adequate to get into it for real. I think one of the new friends I made last autumn helped to spark some life in me: she said that it's completely possible to get into coding at any point in your life. And I believe that I have a pretty good skill set for web design, because I am an expert at Finnish language and communications, I'm interested in creating art and graphics, and I have a good understanding of programming. Most importantly, I'm eager to learn more  I'm gonna take this up at the career discussion I have on Tuesday.

 

All in all, I'm very pleased with the choices I've made during my studies. I've been asked many times, "so, you're gonna be a teacher?" and I've been told that "but you'd be such a great teacher, and you'd always have work!" And because of this, I almost went for it. But it wouldn't have been for me. Sure, I would have probably liked it and been good at it, but I would have spent a lot of time thinking, "but what if I did go after programming and other things I was interested in...?" No matter how far I sometimes go to please people, I'm glad that I've always followed my own wishes, when it comes to my studies.

 

Anyway, the mysterious bloat has returned this week! It might be just regular mid-cycle bloating, but I'm also going to cut out cottage cheese for a couple of days. The programme is still going well, and we are going to start cutting down carbs next week! No more fruit for me in the morning  I'm also going to keep avoiding having too much cottage cheese, so I think next week will be interesting. I will also keep avoiding the scales, because eww.

 

I'm meeting two of my friends today, and we'll work on our study assignments together. I'm gonna go for a walk before that, and maybe do some yoga in the evening. Enjoy your Saturday!

[Ensi]

Another lovely day yesterday! I did some painting in the morning, and after that I got a sudden urge to go out for a run. Yes. Me.  I actually went out for a short run on Friday, but my stomach was full of food back then and it just hurt (I came back home and did a Darebee workout). Now it had been a couple of hours since my breakfast, so I put on my running gear and headed out. The morning was very beautiful, and the weather was nice and chilly. I jogged to a nearby park, then through the town to the river, and headed home. I stopped every now and then to take a picture, but other than that, I jogged or ran all the way! I finished with a quick sprint over a bridge  I was out for an hour, and I was jogging for at least 45 minutes of that. Running felt really good, and I need to ask my friend to come run with me again. We started last month, but I fell sick and then the holidays came. Now would be a good time to pick running up again (especially since I already have a couple of runs in lol).

 

After the run, I went to the library and studied with my friends. We all worked on our thesis (thesises, hobbitses??) and asked one another for help and second opinions. It was really helpful, and I know how to get through a couple of parts I've been uncertain about  I need to study a couple of articles today, and get ready for next week. I hope I'll hear from internships or jobs I've applied to, and I have the career planning discussion on Tuesday.

 

A big win at the art front yesterday was painting baby elephants. It was so relaxing, and I'm pleased with how they turned out (check out my Instagram!). My friend also asked me to paint her a pink unicorn, and I finished it yesterday (what a horrible task...). Then another friend of mine asked, if I could design her a wolf tattoo. I'm gonna start working on that today, and then keep coding my website. I think I'm gonna take down my old blog, and put all my paintings on the new website under my current name... I don't know if I will work with illustration or web design in the future, but doing these things feels meaningful to me, so I'm gonna put some time and effort into them.

 

It's been two weeks since the programme started. I'm currently avoiding the scales, but I'm pumped for next week: we're gonna cut carbs down, and I'm also going to cut down dairy. It's like I've been starting my engines for two weeks, and now the race starts  My body has certainly got used to the new way of eating. It's week three next week, and after that's done, I'm already halfway through the 6 week-programme. I'm glad I've stuck to it, and I will keep going!

 

I'm also gonna take some rest today: there's sauna in the evening! WHOOOT!

[Ensi]

Sauna <3 <3 <3 I'm hooked on it.

 

 

(the one on the right just washing its hands is my emotional state most of the time)

 

Yesterday was a good day I followed the programme, and got myself all the groceries for the next three or four days. I just had breakfast, and tried out a pomelo! Very tasty. Great taste. No other fruit tastes as great as the pom... *screech*

 

Sorry, for some reason my English is being invaded by Trump discourse?? English is my third language (after Finnish and Swedish), and I get influenced easily :'D You should have heard me after three seasons of The Vikings... Anyway, breakfast was on point, and I'm ready to slay this week!

 

Most importantly... Oh, I don't know where to start with this.  Maybe I'll put this under a spoiler? It's just me thinking about my feelings of uncertainty and loneliness, and something important that I understood that is causing those feelings.

 

 

Long story short: I understood that I really, really, really want to get into web design. It makes me happy, and I believe I have what it takes. Coding and programming have always made me so happy and excited, but I've pushed them aside, because I've thought that I shouldn't go for a career in IT.

 

I always feel so lonely, because I rarely meet people who are into art and coding. That's why HC has been such an important person for me: he sees things the same way I do. (Which kinda reminds me of the time we had a coding assignment, which could have been done in a million different ways, and our code was almost identical - except for the fact that mine worked, and his didn't ) He's someone with whom I can discuss what interests me, not just tell about it, you know? All my closest friends are studying to become teachers, and I can't share some of my interests with them. And now I understand that HC isn't the only one, who could make me feel less lonely: I've always felt good around the people from the ICT department. I'm going to start spending more time with my friends from the IT department and see, how it goes.

 

I don't know. This just became clear to me yesterday, and now I have a strong feeling that I'm right. I've been studying JavaScript during the weekend, and I just love it. I love this. I've been thinking that maybe I made the wrong choice by not taking IT as my major, but math isn't my strongest area. Now I've been free to pick all the programming courses without the advanced math courses that are compulsory for the major students! And I now see that my studies in linguistics and communications are probably something that my future employers could appreciate.

 

I feel so much happier and calmer now. Gonna start making plans, and take this up in my career discussion tomorrow

 

 

Today is another rest day, and I'm gonna work on a course on Information Behaviour and attend a seminar later in the afternoon. It's week three of the programme, and I'm cutting down carbs and dairy. Shark Week is also coming closer, and it causes some bloating. I'm gonna follow the programme, and hopefully see a big drop after the Sharks have come and gone  Have a lovely start for your week, everyone!

[Alarion]

Ah, read up on your daily adventures, Ensi. If you really do have people around you with the same interests (except for HC), you should definitely explore and find if you can build some good friendships, hmm? And it is so great to see that you have been discovering more of yourself and been able to ward off those cravings aliens successfully.

[Shello]

I've been so far behind on everyone's threads.  Looks like you are doing amazing on your new program.  Good luck with week 3.  

[Ensi]

19 hours ago, Alarion said:

Ah, read up on your daily adventures, Ensi. If you really do have people around you with the same interests (except for HC), you should definitely explore and find if you can build some good friendships, hmm? And it is so great to see that you have been discovering more of yourself and been able to ward off those cravings aliens successfully.

 

True It's just been so difficult to realize this. I love my friends, but I keep thinking that maybe there are people who are just as interested in getting better at the same things I value, you know? I've been trying to change myself to fit in better with my friends, but it's pretty much made me more quiet. This sounds harsher than it actually is, but I think I could find more friends.

 

14 hours ago, LadyShello said:

I've been so far behind on everyone's threads.  Looks like you are doing amazing on your new program.  Good luck with week 3.  

 

Thanks, Shello! Week 3 is going strong

 

**

 

I was gonna send a message to the new friend I met in the autumn (she studies linguistics and IT, like me. I did that group assignment with her a couple of weeks ago), but she messaged me first I recommended Elementary her the last time we met, and she told me that she's binge watched the first two seasons! We chatted about our studies and plans on FB for an hour and a half, and we have a lot of common interests. She's also been told a lot that she should become a teacher, and she's had to explain many times that she doesn't want to, so we bonded on that :DD She's struggling a bit with her studies, though, so I suggested that she tries to do just one thing every day. She seemed willing to give it a go, and we're meeting at the library later today. I'm not gonna take stress or responsibility about her studies, of course, but I hope I can support her a bit!

 

I have the career planning discussion today, and after that, I'm attending a seminar. I'm curious about the discussion... I'm sure it'll help me evaluate some plans and goals I have. And the essay I struggled with a couple of weeks ago was a success: it was graded 4/5! I'm very pleased with this, considering that I wasn't even sure if my subject was OK (I didn't check it with the teacher, I just wrote it lol). My new friend is very concerned about her grades, and it made me realize that I barely care about them anymore: I focus on learning and doing my best with every assignment, and usually, good grades follow. It's like losing weight, right? You put in hard work, and a number follows? The number is slightly arbitrary in both cases, though, so I'm not gonna let them get in the way of doing my best.

 

Food was on point yesterday, and today I had my breakfast without fruit. I'm feeling good, and I'm not bloated at all  Breakfast was a chocolate omelette (just eggs with cocoa powder) with frozen blueberries and coffee. I'm about to do some yoga, and then hit the library for studies. I'm feeling good, even though I went for a run on Saturday, and I'm thinking of asking my friend out for a run this week. The programme is working very well, and I'm very pleased with my energy levels! I was hungry as I went to bed last night, but then I remember that one of the trainers said that "hunger's just a feeling". I decided to try pushing that feeling aside, and it worked. I knew that I had enough food in my system, so I just experimented with pushing the feeling of hunger aside. Sleep was good, even though someone in the house played rock 'n' roll through the night O__o At least it was on when I went to bed, and when I woke up. lol

 

Have a lovely Tuesday, everyone!

 

ED; Just wanting to add that even though I don't always feel like I fit in with my friends, they're amazingly supportive and always ready to give me a pep talk. I don't want you to think that I don't value them, I'm just thinking that I could simply find some more friends with other interests, you know?

[Ensi]

Eek, the career discussion was everything I could have hoped for x__x The counselor was very supportive and excited about my subjects, and she told me that many linguists lack IT skills, and IT people lack language skills - I have both. She told me how to look for jobs, how to apply for them, and she told me that I can send her my CV (she thought my graphic CV was very good) and application letters so that she can give me constructive criticism. I'm starting to learn the nature of this game, I think, and I'm gonna get good at playing it

 

So, uhh. I've got myself a coach in nutrition (the programme) and job searching. I'm gonna stop crying, get off my privileged Fox's ass and do something with my life  I did yoga in the morning, and I've walked a couple of hours. Now I'm designing my own website on paper, and I'm gonna start coding it soon. Have a lovely Tuesday evening, everyone!

[Owlet]

Dude you have the holy trinity of skills - IT, language and art. You have so many job options! Glad the career session was encouraging  I feel your pain re people suggesting you become a teacher... it's well meant, but just, no. 

[Ensi]

9 hours ago, Owlet said:

Dude you have the holy trinity of skills - IT, language and art. You have so many job options! Glad the career session was encouraging  I feel your pain re people suggesting you become a teacher... it's well meant, but just, no. 

 

The holy trinity mixed with crushing anxiety :'D But after I dealt with my issues in the autumn, my anxiety levels have gone waaaay down. You're right, the suggestions are well meant, but it's made me to make up a million back-up plans (being a teacher, a librarian), and I've just felt so uninspired and dull. Now I feel like I've got a kick in the butt, and I'm making plans and getting excited! I barely think about HC, because I'm so focused on what I'm doing. Maybe he was something I wanted to be, and now that I have chosen my own way, I'm a lot more invested in myself? I know I'm picking a challenging path, but I'm ready to work for it. Basically, if I can get one shot, that would help me land job positions in the future.

 

To be fair, I haven't really put myself out there a lot. All the mental garbage I've had has kept me down, I get that now. I've been careful about telling about my skills, because I'm afraid I seem like I'm trying to show off or something, and some past experiences have made it scary: I've basically tried to stay hidden. Since I started publishing my drawings on Instagram, people have started to tell me that I should totally go for a career in something creative. And if I don't do this now, I know I will regret it.

 

2017, people. It's got some magic going on

Anyway, today's a rest day. I'm waiting for the Sharks to arrive, and I'm gonna go work in the library. I'm feeling super snacky, but I'm sticking to the programme as well as I can

[Ensi]

Well, I wasn't very kind to my digestion yesterday  I had strong cravings, so I had a chocolate peanut butter protein bar for a snack and some cabbage. Then I decided to have some pulled oats (it's a Finnish thing) for dinner, and my stomach was even more like "??" But all in all, I'm happy with not giving into cravings too much: I didn't snack, and didn't go over the allowed amounts... Not much, at least  The programme allows you to replace your snack with a protein bar every now and then, and eating a whole bar without feeling bad about it was a much needed break.

 

I decided to avoid the scales until the programme is over. I realized this morning that my coat is getting loose, and I feel good and energetic. Shark Week is just around the corner, though, so I did feel a bit tired yesterday. Nevertheless, I did a short Darebee workout in the morning, and went for a run in the evening (what's this??). All in all, I've become more active during this programme O__o I feel like I can just do a workout whenever I feel like it, and not worry about it being too much. I used to have big issues with planning my workouts ahead, but my body's become a lot stronger after I saw the psychologist in the autumn. Mind and body are very much connected...!

 

I spent most of the day coding, and bought a place at a Finnish web hosting server. Yup, I'm creating my own website / online portfolio! I bought the site for a year, and I'm gonna get the site running by next week. I'm gonna add the address to my CV so that potential employers can go check it out. I also had a CV picture taken, but my head looked like a sad fat potato so I took a better one at home :'DD I've mapped out a few potential companies I could send my application letter to, and I'm gonna dig up a couple more during the weekend. There's some work to do, but I have a drive I haven't had in ages I need to plan time for relaxing and painting, as well...

 

Enjoy your THORSDAY! D8<