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Teros XXX


Teros

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Well. Good to see you're still around ;)

 

Following for inevitable awesomeness, and nostalgia. 

 

Also, noticing all my old friends are now Guild Leaders! Teros, Dark Raider... :P

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"If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment"

- Marcus Aurelius

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Ooo! I'm definitely following!

sent from my phone whilst exploring new dungeons

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Level 25 Final Fantasy Rebel

My Epic Quest | My Journey | Currently on the Trial of Orthos
Str: 60 | Dex: 23 | Sta: 66 | Con: 28 | Wis: 55 | Cha: 14

Goals for 2021:

Spoiler
  • Build my brother a Destiny 2 Lamp
  • Learn how to do a Handstand
  • Play 1 song on the acoustic guitar
  • Clean up the Christmas Decorations and finish setting up my apartment (hang things up, plus some other few things that need to be organized)
  • Re-introduce Pull-ups into my routine
  • Build a shelving unit next to my Desk

"No matter what, if you can hold your head up high, you've done the right thing."

"When you stand with your family, your family stands with you."

"Write what needs to be written."

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My brain wants to just spew out everything that has been going on and how it makes me feel. What I think about the future plans that I have, and the philosophy that I've had on life and how it's changed. In order to reel everything in, I guess a story needs to start at the beginning.  Because of the various breadth of what has been going on and how this all has a 'theme'; this will most likely be in installments.  I'm figuring that if I write a chunk each day for this week, I'll be caught up.

 

I feel that I need to preface all of this however.  When I was first on this site, the whole reason that people started talking to me is because I would write a little update and then I would be brutally honest with myself.  I treated this more like a self-reflective journal instead of a 'battle log' where I would post my workout stats which, let's be honest, that shit can be pretty boring.  As I would post things on here, I would become more and more comfortable with the subject matter.  However, there are things that I never opened up about.  I realize that over the past couple of years, and 29 challenges, that I've come full-circle.  Now, instead of just talking about what I deem as 'safe', I will be more raw.  I write with some hesitation.  I will not enjoy this.  I am going to be treading into new territory and writing about things that are uncomfortable and that I haven't made public.  In fact, I've only told 2 people in my entire life parts of these things.  I started to shy away from this site back after Fenway's Spartan race and I never really recovered.  The reason?  As I was blunt and open on here, I felt that I wasn't able to.  That was...the beginning of the end.  With barely talking to anyone on this site anymore, I feel like the history has sort of built upon itself. It would be like opening up old wounds.  But, just like snake venom or cancer, it needs to be removed.  I also feel that because it has been long enough, I can speak openly as long as I do not mention any names.  Because of that, this might get a little convoluted as I use replacement names.  Some of this will be old information tied in with new. Like a movie that had a surprise twist at the end, you then rewatch it and everything makes sense?  Yeah, this might go the same way.  So, here it is...

 

(I'll probably add the old news in chapters and then put -spoiler- so that way they are collapsible so if there are any newcomers, they can read it.  I mean, I documented all this shit and it would be silly not to have it all in one place.)

 

I started Project Phoenix on August 8th, 2015.  Project Phoenix was as follows:

 

-Take 95% of everything I own and burn it in a massive funeral pyre.  The funeral?  Old Mike.

-Start the Master's in Social Work Program

-Lose weight

-Batman Lessons

-Look makeover

-Camp NF

-Take a solid year to fix 'me' in my head and don't bother trying to date anyone.  If I'm not ok with me, then I'm not ok with someone else.

-Rebuilt the Satyr lair

 

I was giving myself one year to accomplish these things.  I had a whole second section which I would start exactly one year later, on August 8th, 2016.  (Details will follow later.)  The majority of these things all hinged on one major achievement:  Being my goal weight.

 

So what did I end up doing specifically in that year?

-I got through my HBDO, Policy, Research classes.

-I lost a grand total of 120 pounds

-I started my 'Batman' aka martial arts lessons

-I got my first tattoo

-I got my first piercing: septum bullring

-I buzzed the back and sides of my head after 3 solid years of growing my hair out, untouched.

-I buzzed down my beard to a long chin point, Khal Drogo style.

Image result for khal drogo

  (Yes, I could use beads or braid it.  Mine was longer than his.)

 

-I took my first plane ever to camp nf, where I socialized with 300 other people.  Both of which were huge fears of mine I had to face: socializing and flight (equally stomach-churning with nerves).

-I built a bookcase

-I built a kitchen table & spice-rack

-I redid the homegym

-I made some battleropes

-I 'installed' carpet in two rooms

-I painted every room

-I took a year off without getting close to someone...

Oh wait, I DIDN'T do that one...

 

Once I ended things with my ex, I knew that I was a mental mess.  I needed solace.  But that's not what happened. I got close to some people here, on this website.  And I don't want to get into specifics because I value their privacy.  But there was long-distance....stuff....happening.

 

This was kept completely secret as I was still fresh from ending my 12-going-on-13 year bullshit ride with my ex.  She had just moved out in August and was on a dating website and fucking a manager at work, while also trying to 'be friends' with me after betraying my trust and originally agreeing that we wouldn't see anyone else and see how 'we will work out'.  Well, that was a kick to the balls and rather than admit she was wrong, she played dumb and that she didn't "get it" when it was discussed... to her face....while she agreed....multiple times....

 

Whatever.  Well we were still talking and I got to hear about allll the attention that she got from random pervy guys that wanted to send her pictures of their dicks.  It was something to laugh at, with how pathetic these people were.  But after a while, it really grated on me.  Then I found out about the coworker fucking and I couldn't get that betrayal out of my mind.  Just like the relationship itself, it ate away like a cancer.  And as I will be admitting later on in this story, there is a HUGE REASON for why this burned me so deeply...

 

Regardless, despite being states away; I felt very mentally close to *omit for privacy*.  As this continued, I felt lonely when there was less interaction, leading me to want to expand my horizons.  There was more talking with other people.  And I became confused and wasn't really sure where the hell anything was leading.  All I knew is that I made friends, I liked them, and how I interact as a person was making the situation become 'intimate'.

 

Then, hrm Brittney happened.  That's a good replacement name.  December, 2015.  My bestie is dating a girl.  This girl has a co-worker named Brittney.  Well, Britt as I will call her, was in a relationship and miserable.  Bestie's g/f would tell Britt:

 

Image result for drop that zero and get with a hero

 

i.e.: Me.  Eventually Britt listens to this advice and ends things with her shitty relationship around Thanksgiving.  There's a christmas party!  Bestie tells me that Britt is going to be there and it's going to be at the salon that the gals work at.  Potluck style.  I make mint-covered marshmallows.  I use a double-boiler method, crush candy canes with a hammer, and sprinkle it on the chocolate sauce before it cools.  They are...amazing (like every frankenstein confectionery concoction that I make up out of nowhere).

 

I'm nervous.  I don't know what to expect because when I ask bestie, 'what does she look like?' my reply is, 'eh...she's got a cute face'.  Thanks.  That helps so much.  I don't want to do this. For one - NF-related 'situation' is going on.  Two - this is new territory.  I want to back out of it but I keep getting pressured from bestie and I make a deal with him.  Since I don't have a gps, if he picks me up, THEN I will go.  Fine. It's settled.  He'll come get me.

 

The night of the potluck at the salon which should have about 8 people is upon me.  I have my marshmallows in a tub and I'm fresh to death.

 

I get picked up and I find out on the road that it's not at the salon.  It's at a restaurant. Oh... It's also not 8 people.  It's a huge group.  Oh...  It's also not just a mingling thing, it's a "bring a +1" and I'm Britt's +1.  Oh...  It's also over an hour away.  Oh... And we need to stop at bestie's place first.  Oh....  And there is a secret santa thing that people are doing and people are bringing gifts. Oh...

 

Are you pissed off yet?  Because I sure as fuck was.  I need order and structure.  I'm already freaking out about this and now every single thing I was expecting is DIFFERENT.

 

Bestie drives like a maniac.  He's pissed off at his g/f.  Swearing about women and 'stupid bitches'.  Also giving me advice on women in general, which I will never use.

 

Did I mention I get car sick?  Yeah, I get really bad carsick from stop-n-go traffic.  I can feel my stomach churning and I'm getting a headache when we get to bestie's place.  His g/f is yelling at him when he gets there.  They needed to bring the jeep in for repairs and didn't take the apartment key off the keyring so she didn't have keys to her own place, meaning she had to break into the apartment by sliding through the bathroom window.  A gal-pal was comforting bestie's g/f while there was arguing.  This is starting off FAN-TAS-TIC.

 

A neighbor in the above apartment yells down at us and says to just hang out with him and the other guys.  Man-shit.  Grr.. Manly man talk and man stuff.

 

We go up there and the neighbor's name is Mike.  He's an alcoholic.  Everyone is on the porch/deck/balcony/whatever-the-fuck and smoking cigs, pot, and drinking.  I want none of it.  After a few jabs from Mike, he pulls me aside and says, "Look...I'm an alcoholic.  If you don't have a drink you're disrespecting me. Just a sip of something and that's it."

 

I begrudge after this and say that I'm ok with vodka so I'll do a shot of that.  I'm already sick and groggy so I want him to leave me alone.  If a shot will shut him up then fine.  He yells at his g/f to go grab the cups. I'm talking to someone and a cup is shoved in my hand.  Carelessly, I drink it all in 2 gulps.  Wait... 2 gulps?  It was supposed to be a shot.

 

A just had a red solo cup about 3/4 filled with vodka.  Roughly 4-5 shots in a matter of 3 seconds.  This will not go well.

 

The smoke is getting to me.  More arguing when bestie's g/f is ready.  She insists that she can drive great and that he sucks.  Well good, I hope that she...

 

SHE'S WORSE.  Yeah, she's WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY worse.  The restaurant is over 30 minutes away and she drives faster and slams the brakes harder. 

 

I now have residual smoke/pot haze(it messes with me), 5 shots of vodka, a splitting headache, stomach churning from stop+go traffic and I have my tub of marshmallows.  It's time to MEET Britt.

 

*deep breath*  Let me preface this by saying that I'm fine with bigger women.  I like a woman with some meat on her bones, ok?  I prefer that, in fact.  Curvy/chubby is fucking hot.

 

Britt is 340 pounds and I think an inch shorter than me.

 

I'm not insulting how she looks.  I found her attractive but I'm illustrating that I was NOT expecting this.

 

She's sitting in the middle of this long bench so I need to sit and scoot-scoot-scoot to get to sit next to her.  She's miserable.  I'm hazy from everything leading up to this.  I'm telling her about school, work, spartan race, all you lovelies, etc.  She doesn't seem interested. Gives 1-2 word answers to things I ask.

 

"What do you like?"

*shrug*  "Stuff."  "I watch tv."

"Oh, what do you watch?"

"Crime shows."

"Ok..uhm"

 

I don't need to write more.  You get the point here.  The restaurant is loud as hell.  No one can decide what to order, so instead people keep buying drinks.  Image result for you will not enjoy this

 

 

While talking to her, her phone keeps buzzing.  Rather than just put the fucking phone AWAY (I'm serious- it's something that immensely pisses me off..) she looks at it, laughs, and goes back to not giving a shit about what I'm saying.  I'm then told about how she's sorry but she just got into a fight with her grandmother so she's in a bad place right now.  She thinks I'm a great guy and nice but she's in a funk.  Ok. That's fine. At least I know it's not me that sucks.  I also need to point out that the girl in front of me, Cynthia, is totally adorable but very loud and trying to chat with me.

 

An hour passes by without much said between us and more of these messages to her phone.  Finally, bestie flags me over to scoot-scoot-scoot over to him.  As I do this, I see his g/f sprint around the table and start talking to Cynthia and Britt.  Bestie give me the following amazing 'advice':

 

-What are you doing?

-Talking about things.  I'm asking her stuff and she's not saying much.

-Well she looks fucking miserable. You talking about dead people or something?

-...No?

-Well, bro, dude, you're the funny man.  Be funny.  You just gotta be funny.

*I snap*

-Look, that neighbor made me chug a bunch of fucking vodka, I'm car sick, I don't know any of these fucking people, it's loud, and this girl just got into a fight with her grandmother and said it's got nothing to do with me.  So just shut up about it!

-Ok, sorry... *g/f's name* just told me to say something to you.

 

I glare over back to Britt and it hits me:  bestie's g/f is trying to play little-miss-match-maker.  *sigh*  I didn't want this at all.  I feel even more uncomfortable about this situation.  I was told to hang out with people, not 'date' this woman that I never met and know literally nothing about.

 

*scoot-scoot-scoot*

 

I sit back next to Britt and try talking a little more.  People are getting more and more drunk and it gets to a point that people are yelling 2 tables across to each other, with Britt and I stuck in the middle, being the nexus of all the sound.  She wants to go outside to get some air and asks if I want to come with her.

 

Yes please.

 

We head outside and she tells me what all the messaging and laughing was about:  every woman at the table was looking at me and her talking, and seeing that she was miserable, was asking if I was a serial killer or pissing her off.  They were saying how they would kick me out of there.  Protective of their friend, I get it, but also kind of a dipshit thing to not CLEAR THE AIR and let them know what's wrong with her, and instead just assume I'm an asshole/psycho, right?

 

We talk outside for about an hour. People keep going to their cars and going back inside. They're checking up on her. Because again, I must be doing something wrong.  Then peanut-head shows up.

 

Peanut-head is called peanut-head, because she's a woman that's about 4'8 and Britt refers to her as such.  I'm not making fun of her: that's what I will forever know this woman as.... peanut-head.

 

Peanut-head and Cynthia come up to us and are drunk as fuck.  Slurring. Saying, 'You're mah bitch and you know we go way back and that we care about you."

 

Britt leans over to me, "They don't ever fucking talk to me at work."  Britt's demeanor is now Daria-ish, which in the context of the story is now refreshing.  We're *both* irritated by the situation.

 

The drunk idiots go back inside and we stay talking.  After another 20 minutes, we head back in and Britt gets a message and starts laughing out loud.  I ask what it is.  Britt says, "My friend wanted to know if I was giving you head in my car just now."  I nod and don't know how to respond to that except say, "Oh.. no? I'm walking..."  Britt turns to me, "Honey, if I was giving you a blowjob; you wouldn't be able to walk afterwards" and winks at me.

 

Me:

Image result for stone face gif

 

 

There was the gift exchange:  "Who the fuck bought SOCKS?" asks someone.  Bestie apparently provided *my* contribution for secret santa. People were getting ready to leave.  I have my tub of marshmallows and I give them to Britt.  She asks if I want to walk her back to her car.  We hug, she looks up some astrology shit in a book, and then gives me her phone number.  Wow, I actually took a total shit night and turned it around. 

 

I'm excited because tonight is finally over!  OH BOY! Just an hour drive to drop me back off at home and....

 

Oh wait, it's not over?  Bestie's g/f wants to be best buds with Cynthia because Cynthia is the new girl at the salon and Cynthia wants to keep drinking at her house so we're going to look for stores that are open after midnight that sell booze? 

 

Image result for sad oh gif

 

The night isn't over.

 

We speed and follow Cynthia and her b/f around.  No shops.  We get to Cynthia's place.  I'm offered a drink.  Fuck. No.  There's a dog.  Cynthia apologizes because the dog is kind of protective...but just walks up to me, while I'm in a rocking chair, and gets pet.  Which is apparently something that doesn't happen. (For reference, all animals love me because I'm a fucking wizard.)

 

Image result for dog exactly what I wanted

 

I'm petting this dog that instantly loves me and I'm not getting out of this chair.  Cynthia wants to play this game where you have a phrase on a phone and then you yell out clues. So if the phone says 'Batman', you need to yell 'Joker' and then Cynthia has to guess 'batman'.  Simple and stupid enough.  I tell Cynthia that I don't really know any recent stuff.  I'm not a big 'culture' person.  I'm not 'hip' or 'cool'.  I'm told that it's fine.

 

We start playing.  I will guess but I refuse to stand up.  Everyone is terrible at this game.  Bestie is pissed off at his g/f because they got into an argument in the car.  I don't yell tons of words. I give 1-2 good words and then the person guesses correctly.  As I do this, I'm helping out the most.  So...

 

Cynthia starts getting a bit hands-y.  I give a phrase and Cynthia walks up to me and rubs my shoulder or pets my hair, looks me in the eye, and in a soothing voice goes, 'You're so good at this'.

 

My response:

Related image

  "Oh... *blush* ok..."

 

Another question.  "Good job, Mike!" *pets shoulder*

 

I don't want to look in the direction of her b/f.  It's NOT going to happen.

 

I make some jokes with them when bestie's g/f is yelling an answer.  She kept yelling 'ZOMBIE' for some reason.  I poke fun.  Bestie's g/f is sitting on the floor and then gets on her knees and starts slapping my knee and petting it and laughing. "You're so funny." I have two women complimenting me and petting me while their respective b/f's are looking at me.  All this is after the entire Britt evening.

 

Image result for dear god, what am I doing

 

This is why I don't socialize.

 

It's roughly 2am and finally everyone is ready for bed.  Ok, it's time to head back.  Cynthia hugs bestie's g/f.  Then hugs bestie.  Then goes to hug me.

 

Now, if you've met me, you've probably gotten a hug from me.  And *flips up jacket* I give pretty good hugs, ok?  Cynthia wants a hug?  She's getting one.

 

I hug her and she. fucking. squeals. with. joy.

 

"OOOH!" I back up and she points at me in this manner:

Image result for you, you're good

 

Only imagine it's a beautiful 20-something-year old woman that's been borderline groping you.

 

"Ohhh!  You're good.  You can hug! Hey *bestie*, you give shitty hugs.  This guy..." *points* "this guy gives gooooood hugs."  I'm trying so hard to not have a smile on my face because of the levels of awkwardness that is happening right now in this microcosm.

 

We go outside and I tell bestie, 'Hey you give shitty hugs'.  He snaps at me and we go back in the car.  Drunken driving back to their place.  Now it's almost 3am.  I'm thrown a blanket.  He can't make the trip so I'm crashing at his place.

 

-----------------

 

The next day, I get a text from Britt. It's a face selfie.  I think she looks pretty and tell her so.  I'm then greeting with nude photos and I'm not sure how to respond.  It's been less than 24 hours since I've seen her.

 

*sigh* Alright, so for this next part; this goes to show how I've never dated before.  Have people heard of 'Netflix and Chill'?  For those uninitiated, it means 'let's casually fuck'.

 

I took this literally to mean, 'let's snuggle on the couch and enjoy something on netflix'.

 

I was wrong.

 

I was very wrong.

 

A week goes by and I'm texting Britt and I mention an Italian restaurant nearby.  She wants to go and then maybe 'netflix and chill'.  I'm happy.  Yay!  snuggle and a movie? That sounds perfect.  I know she loves chocolate ice cream so I get a small pint of ben+jerry's chocolate and put it in the freezer and we meet up at the restaurant.  We chat for a bit, eat calzones, and then she follows me back to my place.  I open the door and she walks into the hallway.  I'm asking her what she wants to watch on netflix, and I open the freezer and point, showing her.  "See? I got chocolate ice cream for us!"  -insert completely oblivious and innocent smile from me-

 

"Uh huh... where's the bedroom?" she asks.  I swallow and point to the doorway and she disappears in there. "Ok" I think to myself. "She wants to watch something on the laptop in the bedroom.  Bedroom snuggles.  I wasn't expecting this but that's fine!  Yay snuggles!"

 

I grab my laptop and ask what she wants to watch.  "I don't care" she says as she slides into bed.  I'm confused.  "Oh...well...did you want to just cuddle for a little bit and then decide later?"  I ask.  She half-heatedly nods at this.

 

We're hugging and she starts getting...forceful.  She's aggressively massaging my shoulder and arms.  It kind of hurts, actually. She's telling me how attractive I am.

 

I, stupidly, am still waiting for her to flip on her side so we can spoon.  C'mon, I wanna be the big spoon here.

 

Harder groping.  She wants to kiss me.  More than I expected but that's ok.  She starts practically sucking face.  Tells me that I'm an amazing kisser (I totally am. That's something I very-much am confident in.)  She rips off her shirt.  I go a little wide-eyed. Shirtless netflix and chill?  Uh, ok...

 

She starts pulling at my shirt and wants me to take it off.  I'm not comfortable with this.  I realize I'm not comfortable with this *at all* but I oblige.  In the back of my head, I'm yelling two things:

 

1 "Maybe she wants to do more?  Should we just do this?"

2 "Run."

 

I tell her that I was expecting to snuggle and that this is a *bit* much for me.  She says that's fine and she calms down.  Hugging. Good. What I wanted and expected.  A few minutes go by and then wants to kiss.  She tastes like pot and cigs.  It's gross.  In my mind, this flashes:

 

I'm still wondering why the HELL we aren't watching netflix.  She starts pushing onto me.  Now, she weighs MORE than me, by about 60 pounds.  I'm a strong guy but I'm feeling slight panic surging through me.  I don't want to do this. I really don't want to do this.  My brain finally clicks.  No, no, no, no.  I need to shut this down.  I tell her that I'm not ok.

 

It finally dawns on her, as I say it THIS particular time, with the look of panic on my face, that I really want her to fucking stop.

 

She has a fucking meltdown.

 

"You... you oh... Oh god.  I'm sorry.  You said you weren't ready. I... Oh fuck. I'm horrible. I'm so sorry!  What am I doing!?  You're just.. you're so fucking hot and you're such a sweetheart.  I don't think you have a mean bone in your body" 

 

She starts getting up and putting her shirt back on.  I'm in the doorway and she's muttering to herself about what a horrible person she is. This is beyond awkward.  I don't want her to feel bad, but she was getting so intense that I felt like I was helpless and my mind is racing at this point. I tell her that if we *only* cuddle, then it's fine.  She has tears rimming her eyes as I tell her that it's ok.

 

We go back to cuddling and by now, I don't know what to think.  We are spooning.  Then she gets forceful again.  My brain is arguing even more during all of this.  "Just fucking do something to have her calm down" is what my brain settles on.  Her shirt comes off.  She starts ripping my shirt so my shirt comes off.  I am not doing *the act*.  I think that I can use my hand and that will be enough.  I kiss her and my hand goes south.  I will sum up what happened in one sentence because I don't think anyone wants details.  Over the next 30 minutes, she uh...it 'happens' 5 times and then apologizes for soaking my sheets and then tells me that no one has ever been able to do that.  I'm equal parts nervous and proud of that while it happens.  After the first time I thought, 'well I took care of this situation.  She'll calm down'.  But she didn't.  So I needed to do it again. And again. And again. And again.  I thought if I kept doing it, she would get fucking tired and just LET ME SNUGGLE, DAMNIT.

 

She looked me in the eyes during this whole 5 hour event and told me, "I think you would be the first man to make love to me, instead of just have sex with me."

 

Afterwards, her phone went off because she had to be home to deal with her grandmother.  She left and that was it.  I looked it up afterwards and then realized what 'netflix and chill' really meant.

 

Two weeks later, I figured instead of coming over; we can go and look at stuff at a craft store.  She had no hobbies or interests, so if we go there, that can soak up time. I just want to know her; not actually *do* anything with her.  We head out and look around. Nothing eventful.  She ends up being hungry but doesn't want to 'waste time' at a restaurant so I go to McDonald's.  We each get chicken nuggets.  At my place, I eat ALL 20 of them, with the intention that if I eat them all, I can say that my stomach hurts.  That will mean we can merely snuggle instead of having a repeat of last time. I'm trying to get to know her without there being super aggressiveness involved here.  I use the nuggets as an excuse.  I notice she purposely doesn't eat all of her nuggets.

 

Image result for I'm onto you

  

I'm determined to learn about her WITHOUT her forcing herself on me, dammit.

 

We lie down and talk and hug a bit.  She starts repeating what happened last time. I mention my stomach and she stops.  A few minutes later, again.  According to her, I'm 'irresistible'. I don't see it but whatever.  She starts giving orders at me, telling me to move over, or lay down, or whatever.  I'm not sure what she's planning.

 

Ok, I need to stop myself right here. I need to mention something.  If uh... if I'm *up* my brain doesn't work.  At all.  I can either be up or I can answer yes/no questions.  There's nothing in between here.  So while a lot of what I've been mentioning seems pretty stupidly obvious, it's actually not when there is zero blood flow going to my brain.  If a beautiful woman sits on my lap and asks my name, it will take a second for me to give a response.  Seriously.

 

She tells me to lay down?  Ok, I don't know why but that's fine. Derp. DERP DERP DERP.

 

She tears at my shirt.  Gone.  She starts yanking at my fucking pants.  Ok, gone.  Then as I'm about to ask, "Hey uh, why are you moving my leg and..."  she then starts giving me a bj.

 

This is the first real bj I have ever gotten in my life.  While part of me is stricken with terror (I'm not exaggerating any of this, by the way.  I was genuinely freaking out in my brain.) at this experience, part of me is saying to just go along with it.  In the 12 seconds that this happens and I try to lie back; she then stops and rolls off of me.

 

Oh god, did I piss in her mouth or something? What the hell just happened?  I didn't *feel* anything happ-

 

"SPANK ME!"

 

I'm in a fog.  What?

 

"I'VE BEEN A BAD GIRL AND I DIDN'T GET YOU OFF! SPANK ME! PUNISH ME!" she lifts her ass in the air.  Again, brain doesn't work for me.  With my shorts around my ankles and confused, but relieved I didn't do anything *wrong*, I start wailing on her ass.

 

Screaming from her and then she flips over and grabs my hand with her hands and makes me give her an hj.  Again, apologizing afterwards for the sheets.  She calms down, thankfully and I wonder if we can go back to snuggling maybe?  I put my clothes back on. 

 

 By now I feel like I'm just being used here and I'm not getting anything out of this, really.  We have a talk and she says that she doesn't know how to connect with people and uses sex and throws herself at others to like her. She admits that her ex only stayed with her because she gave 'really great head'.  I say I'm sorry.  She's sitting on the edge of the bed and I scoot over and hug her from behind.  Her tone changes after she give a slight gasp.  "How did you know?"  she says.  I don't understand.  She continues, "I've never had someone hug me from behind.  You make me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world."

 

WHAT. THE. FUCK. IS. HAPPENING. HERE?

 

THIS is what I'm dealing with after I end things with my ex?  She's not ok.  It's obvious.  We go back to snuggling position, with her seemingly more calm.  After a while, I need to go to the bathroom.  When I come back, her sock came off of her foot.  She has pins in her foot and she told me previously that she hates her feet being touched.  She is, and I quote, "not into that".

 

Some things about me:

 

I love women.  The whole form, ok?  I'm an ass man, but I love ALL parts.  I can find hands attractive.  Legs. Thighs. Armpits. I don't care. I think that the curvature of a woman is sexy.

 

I also love fucking with people.  And I don't mean pranks.  But I mean challenging what their thoughts are.  I love playing devil's advocate. Do you hate communism?  I'll debate you until you actually like it.  Hate capitalism? I'll do the same.  I find it interesting the bullshit excuses that people give for liking or hating anything and so I want to have a conversation to understand the 'why'.  Did you like Trump?  WHY?  Did you like Clinton?  WHY?  Are you religious?  WHY? 

 

Why is the most important fucking thing in the world.  If you are stuck in your ways, ask yourself WHY.

 

Now that I got both of those info bits out of the way, the story continues:

 

She is missing a sock.  She said she hates all foot-related stuff.  WHY?

 

I start giving her a foot massage. She protests for a whopping half a sentence before it turns into a moan.  Doesn't like 'feet stuff'. Yeah bullshit.

 

Considering how into it she is, I decide that I'm going to try more.  I kiss her foot.  Then kiss both feet.  I didn't hear these sounds come from her before.

 

I figure I'll try doing more and I suck on her toe.  Then toes.  Then start licking her feet.  I'm looking up at her and she's visibly shaking.  I see her grabbing a fistful of the bedsheet and is white-knuckled.  She tells me while huffing that I have to stop.  WHY?  I ask her why and slow down.  "BECAUSE!" If she didn't like it, then fine, I'll stop. But her moaning is a good thing.  "STOP!  STOP-STOP-STOP-STOP!" she trips over her words because she's breathless.  I again ask why. She yells at me the following sentence:

 

"Because if you don't stop, I'm going to pin you down and fucking rape you to death!"

 

I stop immediately.  Considering how forceful she has been, I honestly don't think this is an empty threat.

 

We go back to cuddling and the same thing happens: alarm goes off and she has to leave.

 

The next week, she starts sending me pictures: thankfully not nude photos.  We are talking and she tells me that she's bi-polar.  One of the photos says something like, "Bi-polar means that you run away but desperately want someone to chase you."

 

Well, I think by this point everyone knows how I would react to this.  Fine.  Run away.  All of this summed up shows that this was a mess from the start and wasn't something I even wanted.  We talk on facebook and we have a conversation about sex.  She wants it.  She says that she "doesn't want to come off as a slut" but she absolutely *needs* to fuck me.  I tell her that I need to know who she is first before there is a connection. I'm fine with 'taking care' of her in the meantime but if there is anything more as a relationship, then I need more info than:

 

-uses sex to connect

-works at a salon

-was treated like shit by her ex

-likes astrology

-did drugs

 

That's a real short list and I'm sure there are men who have learned less about a woman and slept with them but I'm not like that and I fucking can't and won't.  She doesn't like that response.  Apparently if we don't have sex now, then we are done. 

 

*shrug*  Well then that's all over with.  She isn't in a good place mentally.  Neither am I so I feel it's for the best that us not budging means that things are over. Good.

 

I'm not sure when a good time to stop writing would be; but I guess this works.

 

  • Like 8
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I dont know what to comment on after that! Good to see some verbal therapy going on up there - a few nostalgia sparks about the Batman Challenge, and the Satyr cave.

I gotta admit I giggled at a few of the bits :/ Can't tell if that makes me a dick, or I can appreciate the 'spank me' situation... And you didn't pick up on Netflix and Chill? Read some internet, Teros! ;)


But, dude. That sounds like you wanted to get it off your chest. Proud to see you're still as self aware as you used to be, that was always an amazing trait of yours.

And I agree with what you chose to do, throughout that story; all these choices were the right ones *nods sagely* well done, man.

Onwards and upwards, right? :D

  • Like 4

"If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment"

- Marcus Aurelius

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stories like that really terrify me about the dating world

 

 

super hugs

 

 

I think we need to do dinner sometime ;)

  • Like 1

Level 10.4 Wood-Elf, Ranger - specializing in demon fighting

"doing the impossible since 2012 :D" - Librarian of Doom

facebook battle log level 50 WOOT   Backstory CNF2014  current (not challenge - doing a battle log this time)

Spoiler

 

* This is the day the Lord has made, rejoice in it and be glad. God, The Bible. * Do or do not, there is no try. - Yoda
* There are three options in this life; be good, get good, or give up. -- House * Never take counsel of your fears. Stonewall Jackson. 

* level 50 isn't gonna just POOF happen - alienjenn, NF IRC chatroom

 

* I'm not about to give up - Because I heard you say - There's gonna be brighter days… I won't stop, I'll keep my head up - No, I'm not here to stay ...  - 

 I just might bend but I won't break - As long as I can see your face - When life won't play along - And right keeps going wrong - And I can't seem to find my way - I know where I am found - So I won't let it drag me down - Oh, I'll keep dancing anyway - Mercy Me - Move

 

 

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That was a rollercoaster ride from start to finish... I'd definitely congratulate you on freaking Koolaiding your barriers and trying new things and new experiences even if they weren't intended or necessarily the outcome you desired but it sounds like a whole lot of stuff going on. Do work Teros.

  • Like 1

You can become a Hero. 

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2 hours ago, DarK_RaideR said:

Man, is it already over a year since Project Phoenix began? How time flies...

I know, right! I still remember the RP group! :D

  • Like 2

"If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment"

- Marcus Aurelius

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On 1/1/2017 at 11:57 PM, T2sarahconnor said:

Hopefully for pictures of Vin Diesel.

 

Related image

 

 

Not good hair.

 

On 1/2/2017 at 2:53 AM, DarK_RaideR said:

Placeholder. Following today.

+

On 1/2/2017 at 4:24 AM, deftona said:

*Stalks*

 

Howdy-do. :)

 

On 1/2/2017 at 4:40 AM, Loopus said:

Well. Good to see you're still around ;)

 

Following for inevitable awesomeness, and nostalgia. 

 

Also, noticing all my old friends are now Guild Leaders! Teros, Dark Raider... :P

Yeah I had like 8 challenges in a row that totally sucked and I fully admit it. I'm going to get back to normal with this one.

 

On 1/2/2017 at 5:23 AM, Dagger said:

downloading-placeholder.gif

 

Never seen that before.  That's a pretty cool gif.  Like awesomeness pending.  I'm going to, after I get everything off my chest, be doing my best.

 

On 1/2/2017 at 0:02 PM, Red1263 said:

Ooo! I'm definitely following!

sent from my phone whilst exploring new dungeons

+

On 1/2/2017 at 5:58 PM, Aces3000 said:

Stalking

 

Good to see both of you.  :)

 

On 1/2/2017 at 8:09 PM, Loopus said:

I dont know what to comment on after that!

 you didn't pick up on Netflix and Chill?

 

Yeah this is only part of what has been going on.  I'm playing catch-up so there's more weirdness with J.

 

I was completely oblivious.  A lot of it stemmed from my self-confidence.  In my brain, there's always a thought of 'there's no way that anyone *actually* likes me.  There's no way that someone *actually* finds me attractive."   So when a situation that like is going on, I'm confused.  My brain doesn't compute that there's a woman getting nude in front of me that wants to have sex. 

 

On 1/2/2017 at 9:01 PM, wildross said:

I am so glad I don't have to date.

 

Image result for but wait there's more gif

 

On 1/2/2017 at 9:17 PM, alienjenn said:

stories like that really terrify me about the dating world

super hugs

I think we need to do dinner sometime ;)

 

Same pic as above lol.  And if you're in the area then yeah, totally. I'm up for it.  Just give me details.

 

On 1/2/2017 at 10:40 PM, Lighthouse said:

That was a rollercoaster ride from start to finish... I'd definitely congratulate you on freaking Koolaiding your barriers and trying new things and new experiences even if they weren't intended or necessarily the outcome you desired but it sounds like a whole lot of stuff going on. Do work Teros.

 

If I add up things that lead up to this point, then yes: very much so.  Part of what I know I need to do is just get all of this off my chest so I can move forward.

 

On 1/3/2017 at 1:58 AM, DarK_RaideR said:

10/10 would buy Teros' autobiography when it comes out.

 

Man, is it already over a year since Project Phoenix began? How time flies...

 

I've been debating doing a lot of writing.  A LOT of writing...

 

It doesn't feel like a year, does it; but all that stuff happened in the timespan.

 

---------------

 

I need to write this real quick before I head out:

 

Just snapped awake.  I had a weird nightmare and I'm writing it down before I forget.

I decided that I wanted to see Katie back from high school.  We meet up and it turns into a sleepover at her place.  She's married to some jock-like white dude with short hair (although I heard through the grapevine that she was married to a Hispanic guy.  Anyways, at their place it's time to go to sleep.  For some reason their bedroom/apartment was my old room only a little bit bigger.  There is a queen-size bed that is pushed up against the wooden-panel wall on the right which is where they are already lying down.  I'm at a desk and writing on a laptop that's at the south wall. After talking for a minute, the guy starts making fun of me.  I close my laptop and I go to lay down in the other bed in the room at the north wall.  I'm asked by him, "What the hell are you even writing?" and I'm saying that I write down my experiences.  Katie says something insulting and they're both laughing at me.  I think to myself that I really wish there was a woman here with me which wouldn't make me so uncomfortable.  The guy asks me why the hell I'm even here and wanted to see Katie in the first place.  I tell them that I was going to be moving in the next couple of years.  Before I can explain more, I'm cut off and the guy says, 'YEARS? Couple of YEARS?' and then they both burst into a fit of laughter again, laughing over me while I was trying to say that I just wanted to say goodbye.  However the real reason that I was going to see her again is because I wanted to show her how well I was doing in life.  Yet, at that moment, I was a fucking mess and had nothing to show for myself.  I started writing on the laptop while in the bed as they were laughing louder and louder.  Then I close the laptop and cover my head with the bedsheets and I feel this overwhelming feeling like I'm going to cry as they keep laughing and I snap awake with tears rimming my eyes.  Right now as I'm writing this, I feel utter loss and hopelessness and I'm not able to shake it.  I don't like when this feeling after a nightmare lingers.  This will probably ruin my entire day even though I obviously don't want it to.  I'll be posting the next section later this evening.

  • Like 1
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12 minutes ago, Teros said:

Never seen that before.  That's a pretty cool gif.  Like awesomeness pending.  I'm going to, after I get everything off my chest, be doing my best.

Hey, no pressure. :)

 

I find it awesome that you are taking the time to get things off your chest. Uncomfortable things. So you are already doing something awesome.

  • Like 1

Introduction (where I started, May 2016) ~*~ NF Character (dormant)

 

 Progress as a Nomad: Battle log where I do my own challenges

Useful posts on my battle log: Useful Links and Travel Schedule, Future Challenge IdeasGoals for 2017 as a whole, Assorted Goals (not on rotation), Elements W1D1, Last Quarter Goals

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I'm not biased in your favor here, but there was no need to show anything for yourself;Katie and her husband sound like a couple of rude, pathetic losers on their own. Hope that sleepover was enough of a goodbye, because you sure as hell need to say goodbye to stuff like that.

  • Like 6
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:ph34r:

  • Like 1

RES...and I want to live days worth dying for...

Current: RES: Keeps on Moving

Spoiler

Magickal, Eclectic, Goddess, Level 62

|1|2|3|4|5|6|7|8|9|10|11|12|13|14|15|16|17|18|19|20|21|22|23|24|25|26|27|28|29|30|31|32|33|34|35|36|37|38|39|40|41|42|43|44|45|46|47|48|49|50|51|52|53|54|55|56|57|58|59|60|61|62|63|64|65|66|

|My Character Page | Tracking Spreadsheet |

Growth happens when you care more about the well being of your future self than the comfort of your present self!

"Pass on what you have learned. Strength, mastery. But weakness, folly, failure also. Yes, failure most of all. The greatest teacher, failure is." -Yoda

 

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Okay, so first of all, HERE!

 

Second of all, I'd heard the Britt story and it does not get old. I mean, to be fair, "Netflix and Chill" is totally a young hip thing and I did not know what it meant at first either. 

 

Last, that is a horrible dream and I hate those dream feelings that you can't shake. Have you ever tried finishing the dream in your head? Like, visualizing an updated ending with you like jumping up on the bed and hitting the husband with an RKO out of nowhere? 

  • Like 2
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11 hours ago, Dagger said:

Hey, no pressure. :)

 

I find it awesome that you are taking the time to get things off your chest. Uncomfortable things. So you are already doing something awesome.

There's a lot coming.  Right abouuuuuuuut now...

 

11 hours ago, DarK_RaideR said:

I'm not biased in your favor here, but there was no need to show anything for yourself;Katie and her husband sound like a couple of rude, pathetic losers on their own. Hope that sleepover was enough of a goodbye, because you sure as hell need to say goodbye to stuff like that.

 

I rarely have nightmares, thankfully.  I also don't think I dream often.  I don't know.  Maybe I do so much of it during the day.

 

8 hours ago, RES said:

:ph34r:

 

*peeks around corner*  I swear I thought I saw something...

 

8 hours ago, Sylvaa said:

Okay, so first of all, HERE!

 

Second of all, I'd heard the Britt story and it does not get old. I mean, to be fair, "Netflix and Chill" is totally a young hip thing and I did not know what it meant at first either. 

 

Last, that is a horrible dream and I hate those dream feelings that you can't shake. Have you ever tried finishing the dream in your head? Like, visualizing an updated ending with you like jumping up on the bed and hitting the husband with an RKO out of nowhere? 

 

Lmao, yeah I remember telling you in the restaurant a little after it happened.  Pretty sure I remember you liking the *scoot* noise and the valley girl voices when I was telling in it person.  Was that the same day that you mentioned stuffing things in your pants?

 

As for the dream,

 

I'd watch the FUCK out of that....

 

 

---------------

 

NEXT on this story train.

 

After the Britt installment that happened around the holidays last year, my plan was to stay the hell away from anyone.  I continued to be close to some people from the forum, but even that started to fade.  I wasn't really sure what to do about the situation.  I knew how I felt but I didn't know how to *act* on anything.  Part of me felt that maybe it was for the best, and as I continually tried to connect and was left feeling empty-handed; I figured people wanted nothing to do with me.  As spring approached, I became very very good friends with someone through the forum and, yet again, I wasn't sure what to actually *do* with these emotions.

 

During the spring, I swapped one of the timeslots for one of the classes I was taking.  Now, I had a different teacher and a few different classmates.  One of them was 'J'.  J was a little overweight, had glasses, brown straight hair.  She also always wore high black boots.

 

Image result for high black boots

 

Image result for sweats internally

 

 

The day that yoga pants and black boots go out of style, 

 

Image result for i don't want to live on this planet anymore

 

 

Let's just say that I like her, ok?  Really.  But I still don't know what the hell I'm doing in terms of socializing.  Do I just walk up to her and say that she's pretty?  I'm in the field of social work, so I should say that I'm basically one of the ONLY straight guys that exist in the program.

 

Oh that's right, now would be a good segway into something else...

 

There's a bisexual guy and a gay guy that like me at school. I figured that I should mention that at this point, I've seen 4 men in the program (besides myself) and 3 of them were gay.

 

The first one is name Dan and the other guy is Tim.  Dan is about 6'3 and over 350 pounds.  Tim is 5'4 and about 200 pounds.  There was a point in class where Tim, Dan, myself, and my friend Kate were in supposed to be paired up as a group.  The seating arrangement:

 

Kate - Me - Dan - Tim

 

All in a row.  I say, "Hey, if the people on the ends want to turn their desks to face us, then that would be helpful."  Dan looks at me and goes, "I'm not moving..."  Tim then says, "You know what?  I'll move that way I can sit right in front of Mike and look at his beautiful blue eyes."

 

This causes a bit of a scuff.  (Not from me. I take the compliment.)

Image result for bat eyelashes gif

  Pictured: Me

 

But from Dan.  Dan gets offended.  "Tim, you're hitting on him and he doesn't want it, yet you don't hit on me like that!?  What the fuck!?"  They start to squabble about how they both want to hit on me.

 

So anyways, back to J.  Dan-o and J are VERY GOOD FRIENDS.  This is important for the remainder of this story.

 

The summer term goes by and I don't say a single fucking word to J.  It's the last day of class and I made cookies because I'm pretty damn cool.  Svetlana, the thin pretty Russian girl asks me about them.  I explain:  Graham cracker cookie recipe I made up, combined with melted marshmallows and then dipped in melted chocolate to make a reverse smore cookie.  And I also made lemon-burst cookies with homemade lemon frosting on top, obviously.  You know you make good cookies when people take a bite and swear at you with delight.  "These..FUCK! These are good! Are you a chef?"

 

Oh I know.  I know.  And I'm a Baker.

 

With it being the last day of class, I figured now would be the perfect time to talk to J.  I offer her some cookies.  "Oh no, I'm trying to lose weight, not gain it" as she chuckles.  I insist.  Just one.  She tries them and loves them.  Talks about weight loss and how she's on a new medication.  I explain how I lost over 100 pounds by this point, beat a spartan race, and have a home gym.  She's impressed.

 

Image result for emperor palpatine good

 

And she brings up working out.  I say that I'm fine with hanging out and showing her the routines and such.  Ok cool.  Well, we're on good terms and that was a nice little chat.  I leave it at that.

 

I sit down and feel like Successkid (I'll omit for picture space).  A couple weeks go by and I have her facebook.  I message her and she tells me that she doesn't bother with facebook- I get her phone number instead. 

 

Related image

 

Then it turns out we will be in an online-only class next term (aka this fall-spring).  I explain to Dan how I feel about this.  He made a random comment about her and I sighed with joy and that made him ask wtf that was about.  I say how hot I think J and he wants to know details.  I explain how I thought about her and he told me to keep going.  Then he asks if he can watch J and I have sex (jokingly....I think?).  After that little tidbit, I tell him that I don't know how to tell her that I like her.  I have no game whatsoever. I'm just me.  Just me.  I don't have smooth-talking skills.  Dan is as helpful as a wet mop.

 

"Just say, 'hey j, I want you to sit on my fucking face' and then tell her that you're going to plow her halfway to hell and how Dan wants to watch'.

 

You're not helping, Dan.

 

I send J a message on facebook about school and how it's a pain.  Then I have the above conversation with Dan.  Then I hop back on facebook right before I go to sleep (at maybe 9pm) and I see the following response from her:

 

-

Fuck me

-

 

Uh, wat?  Wat?  WHAT?

 

I was half-asleep as I was on the laptop.  It was next to my bed and I was going to put on a youtube video and fall asleep.  Now?  Now I'm WIDE AWAKE.  I feel my heart racing 100 miles and hour.  How the hell do I respond to this?  It's just a direct message of 'Fuck me'.  There's no context.  Do I, like, say... 'sure'?  Do I assume that she meant to write that to someone else? This is Britt all over again.  Panicked, I message Dan and copy and paste what she wrote.  He freaks out and then says, 'Hey just do it, dude'.  I keep going on and on about how I don't know how to reply to this.  Maybe for 30 minutes or so.  He has to go to sleep so I'm sitting there, on the edge of the bed, laptop on my legs and I'm sweating.  There were times that I looked at the doorway.  Like somehow this was a joke and fucking ashton kutcher was going to bust in.  "HAHA RETARD!  YOU JUST GOT PUNK'D!"

 

As I'm sitting there like a confused animal, a message pops up from her, saying that she was talking about school.  The timing for all of this is....suspicious.  Hypothesis: I tell Dan how I felt, he told J, then J wrote 'fuck me', then I talked to Dan again to freak out, and an hour later she recants her statement?

 

You think I'm joking about this stuff?

 

 

qqq_zpseuxhtrpu.png

 

I CAN'T MAKE THIS SHIT UP IF I TRIED.

 

You can see my reply to that in blue.  It's dropped. I say nothing else and fall asleep, having been through that ordeal.  I thought that was the end of things.  I mean, there was a mistake that she wrote and I misinterpreted it, right?  That's the whole story.

 

 

 Fast-forward to class having actually started in September.  It's now technically been 1 year since Project Phoenix and swearing off any sort of relationship.  What on earth do I have to show for it?

 

I decide that, yes, J made a poor choice of words and that we were supposed to hang out. I text her to bring it up.  I ask if we can chill some time.  NOT NETFLIX AND CHILL, ok people!?

 

My words:  "Ah. So idk how you feel about this, but would you wanna hang out with me sometime?" 

 

I get no reply for a week.  Discouraged, I say, "A simple 'yes' or 'no' would suffice."  I get an immediate response of, "What are you talking about I talk to you about it in team today."

 

There's a mixup.  She continues, "I didn't have cash on me that's why didn't give it to you"

 

I reply with, "Um, what?"   30 minutes later, I give her a  "?"

 

Three hours later, take a wild guess as to the response.  Go ahead. Here.  I'll even put this here.  I really want you to take the time and think about what response I'm about to get.  Don't scroll down:

 

 

 

 

Give yourself enough time?  Ok good.  Calm before the storm.

 

I get a close-up picture of a shaved vagina and two fingers spreading it open.

 

Image result for confused face gif

 

 

It takes a full minute for this to sink on. I'm staring at, I'm assuming, J's crotch.

 

I hesitate to write back, but I have to.  There's no way this can be a loose end.  I address her.  "Was that supposed to be sent to me?"

 

A minute passes.

 

Then another.

 

The longer this takes to reply, the more confused I get.  Is she looking at her phone? Is she horrified she just sent some dude her crotch?  Was it intentional?  What is the reasoning here?

 

Well, let's bust out the phone so I can copy this verbatim, shall I?  This is her words, complete with typos and run-on.

 

"Hey I apologize that is not mine lol my phone has been acting weird but my friend took my phone and wanted to send a picture of herself and send it to her boyfriend and she is drunk that's why I do not drink and I deeply apologize... and since this got my attention i have no free time to hang out with anyone.. your an awesome person but at this point in my life I do not want anything more... again sorry for all this weirdness"

 

She gave her phone.... to her friend who's drinking in front of her.... so her friend....could send her crotch....to her friend's boyfriend?  And her 'friend' doesn't have a cell phone?  And J knows her 'friends' boyfriend's number?  And J is sitting there and watching her friend drink and at no point says or does anything about any of this?

 

*sigh*  Let's say me and bestie are hanging out.  If he was drinking at my place while I was sober and suddenly had the urge to send a dick-pic to his g/f, WHY WOULD I GIVE HIM MY PHONE?  And WHY would I have HIS g/f's number in MY phone?  This makes no sense, right?  I'm not insane for thinking this is beyond stupid. This whole thing is beyond stupid!

 

And tucked in at the end is her shooting me down.  What, was this a complimentary puss pic?  Should I interpret this as: 'Sorry I'm not interested but here's a little vag-action for your loss."  That's what I'm going to do when I don't want to see a woman.  I'm going to send them pictures of my dick to soothe them.  "Shhh....calm yourself, girl.  Enjoy my wang."  Quote me on that.  If I get into a dating situation that I need to get out of, I need to make sure it's as awkward as possible.

 

I reply after a solid 15 minutes of even more confusion with:

 

"Oh....ok :( "

 

She asks me what the sad face is for.  I tell her that I would have liked to hang out with her, think she's pretty and I mention how on the first day of class, she stuck up for herself regarding a teacher that didn't support her learning disability.  I also tell her that she had a good sense of humor when her and Dan would joke around so the sad face was because I genuinely liked her.

 

Now, what about that was hard to understand?  I told her that I thought she was attractive and gave her a few honest compliments.  Her reply to this is again, verbatim:

 

 

J: "Thanks for these kind words so are u telling me u want to hook up and fuck ... i am just confused."

 

Related image

 

Women, honest question. If a guy says you're a sweetheart, is your reply, "So do you want to fuck me? I'm confused."  What confusion is there in ANY of this from my end?  I clarify, because compliments are not understood by this "human".  Verbatim:  "Um, I wasn't suggesting sex. Don't get me wrong, I think you're hot but I guess I wanted to know you more."

 

She tells me that she's overwhelmed - she has TOO MUCH TO DO (Ok remember this) between work, school, family, etc.  Then she says at the end of her text that she is 'more into clean cut men'.

 

Ok, fine.  I'm a lumberjack/werewolf and you're not into that.  I'm totally cool with that and I'm not going to push the issue here.

 

NOW the story is done, right?

 

Image result for oh you

 

 

Two weeks go by.  I haven't said a word to her on facebook or in text since her 'clean cut men' and 'too busy' reply.  I'm making candy corn fudge cookies for halloween.  I bring some to work.  Some to school.  And Dan isn't in any classes this term so I text him and say that I wanna meet up and give him something (I save two cookies for him).  At this point, I also have retwisted the dreadlocks that I have and buzz down the beard.  I'm feeling fresh as hell.  We are texting the night before his class on Tuesday.  The plan is set: I'll meet him tomorrow after class around noon.  We can catch up and I can give him the cookies.

 

Who contacts me an hour later?  You guessed it. J.  She mentions that her and Dan usually go out to lunch after he gets out of class. 

 

Right off the bat, this means that Dan told J that I was going to meet him.  How in the fucking hell ELSE would she text me after this plan was set?

 

She asks me when I have class.  I don't want to tell her.  I'm leery of anything involving her.  Why does she want to know?  I instead mention that I'm going to swing by at noon.  Then I ask if she's going to be at school. She asks if I have class with Dan.  Dodging the question. Then tells me that they 'go out for foot long hot dogs lol'.

 

I'm skeptical about where this is going but I'll play along.  "Oh cool.  Is is always hotdogs? Where do you go?"

 

J:  "We go where the hotdogs are big and juicy..it's a food truck in providence."

 

*skepticism intensifies*  I still go along.

 

Me:  "Lmao nice.  Am I allowed to come too?"

 

J:  We have a challenge can u swollen a foot long in one gulp   (Her typos, not mine.  She must have meant 'swallow'.)

 

*I don't want to answer this.  I feel either way, there's going to be something weird here*

 

Me:  "Either of you beat this challenge?"

 

*loading*

 

Oh god.  Why is the messenger loading...

 

J: "This is one of the hot dogs that dan swollened."  (SWOLLENED? Dear God...)

*buffering*

A dick.

 

She sent me a picture of someone's erect dick.  *facepalm*  J, what the hell.

 

J: "We are on the hunt for the best hotdog in America"

 

I decide that, fuck it, I'm going to pretend I didn't just get sent a dickpic.  I mean, I didn't shoot her down so I don't need calming so idk why this is even happening anymore.  At this point, I feel the need to continue this because it will make for a good story someday so I save the 56 texts between us.  Well today is that day.

 

Me:  "Any luck so far?"

 

J:  "How long is your hotdog and do u have pictures we are visual learners."

 

OK STAHP.  STAHP STAHP STAHP.

 

Image result for stahp

 

I'm not doing this.  I reply,

 

"Last time I checked, I was around the national average."  Maybe this will shut her up?

 

J: "What does that mean visual"

 

Angry, I say...Me:  "I don't have random pics of my dick anywhere."

 

J: "Lol ok.  Tomorrow Dan won't be in class I don't believe because I believe he hurt his hand maybe next week."

 

Wait, WHY THE FUCK is J cancelling MY plans with Dan?  This is the most confusing human being ever.  I decide to say nothing else to her.  I also decide to go tomorrow anyway and met up with him.  And I also plan on telling him wtf this whole conversation was like.

 

So that's what I do.  I bring my cookies and I meet him at noon which was the fucking plan, J, you fucking stupid idiot.

 

Related image

  = J

 

I relay this story to Dan.  Then I relay the prior one.  And the one before that.  Let's recap since this feels like I've been writing for about 3 hours but I totally haven't.

 

1) Facebook random 'Fuck me' and then backtracking

2) Crotch shot of a 'drunk friend' that 'needed her phone' to 'message her boyfriend'

3) Talking about juicy hotdogs, sending me a dickpic, and then asking me to send her a picture of my dick and asking how big I am, then writing a little 'lol' at the end to imply it was all a joke.

 

Fool me once.

 

Dan is laughing his ass off and says that he didn't know she did any of this and called her a 'fucking psycho'.  Yeah Dan, you got that right.  But the timing for these events means that they were talking during bits and pieces.  I tell him to ask her wtf her deal is.  I put it bluntly and say if she wants sex, then just ASK for sex so I can make a decision.  Don't give me this weird as fuck messages and then backpedal and pretend it was a joke.  For god's sake, show some conviction.

 

Two days later, I get a reply from J saying that she was a 'joker' and 'only joking' and then asks if I'm ok.  I tell her that I would like to meet her face-to-face.  I'm told that she's SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO BUSY yet again.  She's apparently not too busy to talk about my dick.  Not too busy to have long chats with dan. Not too busy to go drinking.  Not too busy, J.  You're not too busy.  You're a fucking weirdo.

 

Two more weeks go by.  I tell Dan about how I trimmed my beard.  Lo and behold, who messages me out of the blue. 

 

J: "Hey send me a picture"

 

I fucking ignore her.

 

J: "I mean like a selfie"

 

Irritated, I ask why.

 

She says she thought she saw me on Wednesday at school but I didn't have any facial hair.  This was not me.  I wasn't there on Wednesday.  I tell her so.  She asks me if I am on the 'Homeless task force'.  I let her know that I am. 

 

J: "Ahhh is u are I want to be on it."

J: "That hot I want to do it."

 

By now, I think everyone should know that I'm annoyed by her.  I ask her why the hell working with the homeless is "hot".  She goes on to explain that she wanted to do a few hours with working with the homeless and it was always her dream.  I then fuck with her and say, "I thought you didn't have any time. Ever. To do anything."  She'll make the time somehow to work with the homeless.  She tells me that she's been talking to one of the teachers about it. 

 

Side-step here.  The population she wants to work with is kids.  KIDS.  She does child play therapy with kids.  And she's taking care of her elderly grandmother.  So why the fuck was it her "dream" suddenly to work with the homeless?

 

SCREW this woman.  I tell her she's not allowed on the homeless task force.  Yeah, I went there.  I flat out say she can't be part of the group.

 

She asks me why.  I tell her because there is a height requirement.  She asks me how tall does someone have to be.  "5'9" I tell her.  I know she's shorter than me.  She asks why that's a rule.  I tell her because people can be put in dangerous situations and they need to make sure that people are able to handle it.  This is all bullshit, ok.  Everyone knows that I'm making shit up right now? Ok good. 

 

She tells me that it's a stupid regulation and she should be able to help the homeless even if she's shorter than 5'9.  I insist that it's a rule so tough shit.  She is planning on talking to one of the teachers to see if they can make an exception to get her into this homeless task force.  At that point, I don't want a teacher finding out that I'm being a dick so I let her know that there's no height requirement and then don't talk to her again.

 

NOW the story is over.

 

An overview. She wrote 'fuck me' and backpedaled, sent her crotch and lied and said it was a friend's being sent to a boyfriend, asked me about my dick size and wanted pictures then tried to pawn it off as a joke, then said she was 'too busy' and liked 'clean cut men', but suddenly, once she finds out I might be clean-shaven, asks for a selfie and wants to join the class that I'm part of despite having no time at all.

 

WHAT.  THE.  FUCK.

 

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You can't make this shit up and make someone believe it. Life is stranger than fiction.

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Introduction (where I started, May 2016) ~*~ NF Character (dormant)

 

 Progress as a Nomad: Battle log where I do my own challenges

Useful posts on my battle log: Useful Links and Travel Schedule, Future Challenge IdeasGoals for 2017 as a whole, Assorted Goals (not on rotation), Elements W1D1, Last Quarter Goals

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