stability Returning to the Root

[Heidi]

16: Returning to the root

Be completely empty.
Be perfectly serene.
The ten thousand things arise together;
in their arising is their return.
Now they flower,
and flowering
sink homeward,
returning to the root.

The return to the root
is peace.
Peace: to accept what must be.
to know what endures.
In that knowledge is wisdom.
Without it, ruin, disorder.

To know what endures
is to be openhearted,
magnanimous,
regal,
blessed,
following the Tao,
the way that endures forever.
The body comes to its ending,
but there is nothing to fear.

[Heidi]

This year the theme is all about stability: You just can't have balance without it. Everything my family and I do needs to enhance our stability, and thereby improve our quality of life. This means we are taking a cold hard look at everything that we do, everything that we have, and it also provides the framework for how we make decisions with our resources: time, personal energy and space as well as money . It's going to be an interesting ride. 

 

It's going to be another one of those challenges, with lists and wide open spaces for listening. I haven't done one this big since February 2014, and I'm glad to have you along for the journey. 

 

Pull up a chair, pour some tea, and tell me what you're thinking about today. It's good to connect.

[Heidi]

"The return to the root
is peace."

 

Stability: Preparation Week

Identify where we are spending our resources.

Identify what we want to be our core.

Identify obstacles and distractions.

[DarK_RaideR]

2 hours ago, Heidi ☯ said:

Pull up a chair, pour some tea, and tell me what you're thinking about today. It's good to connect.

I've been pondering over my life lately, from the day to day routine to the overarching goals, whether I'm happy in it. This whole "being more me" thing sounds shiny and inspiring, but involves a cold hard look in the mirror as well and it's never easy to do that.

*Pours Coconut Truffle Tea*

[Laghail]

It's a privilege to read along with you Heidi. Of course I'm following.

[Heidi]

28 minutes ago, DarK_RaideR said:

I've been pondering over my life lately, from the day to day routine to the overarching goals, whether I'm happy in it. This whole "being more me" thing sounds shiny and inspiring, but involves a cold hard look in the mirror as well and it's never easy to do that.

*Pours Coconut Truffle Tea*

I agree, @DarK_RaideR: the reflection and analysis part can be daunting, overwhelming, and decidedly uncomfortable. I know that the identification week will be difficult, but I'm glad that my partner and I are taking the time to do this. It will lead to beautiful results, blessings and comfort far outweighing the initial discomfort. I expect there will be a lot of squirming in the process.

 

Also: Coconut truffle Tea sounds delicious and soothing.

 

27 minutes ago, Laghail said:

It's a privilege to read along with you Heidi. Of course I'm following.

I'm Glad to have you along @Laghail! 

[Jakkals]

Following along for the serenity and love.

[Heidi]

Yesterday afternoon was spent in a government office for four hours -- it was time well spent, but my mind was goop by the time I got out. I have been fighting a bad frame of mind for a couple weeks, and it has really started to get a foothold last night and this morning. Yesterday evening I broke down and went into the steam room and sauna again, and it helped so very much. I realized I simply cannot pare away all the support systems that I had set up over the past year, and frankly I don't want to.

 

Just typing all that made me squirm. 

 

I really need to get back on track, and back in the center.

 

The only way to do that is to focus on what I can do and to acknowledge what I cannot do: I cannot make my ex let me talk with my daughter, and I am powerless over his mind-games with her. I can, however tedious and disheartening it may be, document all this and take it to someone who can do something. Advocacy for my daughter is never a loss.

 

Also, the home front is crumbling. I haven't wanted to discuss it because I haven't wanted to face it, as we so often do. But putting this challenge together has really shown me how far the relationship has fallen in the past several weeks, and it was limping along after a rough last six months.

But there it is.

No dramatic actions or anything, and I have no idea what comes next in the big picture, so I'm looking at my center and my capabilities, looking at what I can do and what I cannot, looking at what I need and what I have.

[Laghail]

You're loved Heidi - by yourself and by us. I commend your self care in this season, and your efforts at self-awareness even while it's painful.

[Heidi]

 Back to the root also means paring everything down to the core to see where the center is and to assess its health.

Our recent investigations have revealed that we are stretched too thin and we are scattering our energies; a little bit more focus will go a long way.

 

I'm hopeful that by the end of this challenge, we will have secured an additional income stream, no matter how small, and that we will have reduced our expenses, at least some of the debts if not the monthly grind.

 

To that end, I'm going to start putting together samples of a SnackPack and making them available for subscription: A pack of homemade crackers, a container of hummus, cookies (probably lighter fare like shortbread, gingerbread, or lemon wafers), croutons for salad, a trail mix and a party mix (think ChexMix, only not filled with MSG, salt and corn syrup). A step-up box includes a half dozen sourdough English muffins and a pot of thistle honey (perfect for breakfast with tea).

 

I don't even know what I should charge for these -- suggestions?

 

Anyway, folks can sign up and I will bake for them once a week and deliver it to some established drop off points. If I'm super lucky, I will be able to pair up with a CSA (Community Supported Agriculture) group here in the valley, and they will manage the distribution.

[Heidi]

10 minutes ago, Heidi ☯ said:

I don't even know what I should charge for these -- suggestions?

It looks like $0.50/ounce is rock bottom, with $1.00/ounce pretty standard. Of course, you can always find the company that needs to charge twice as much as anyone else, ever, but that's just ridiculous.  

[Heidi]

I am feeling a bit down, but I am calm and focused. I have a couple doctor appointments today along with the regular work day tasks, the parenting of visitation evening, and the beginning of reading for the term.

 

I'm quiet and feeling as though there isn't a lot of time left for me, so I'm making a conscious note to attend the sauna this evening in between it all. There will be a scad of baking this weekend, including graham crackers and pretzel bites. I'm looking forward to it.

[Vibrantella]

16 hours ago, Heidi ☯ said:

It looks like $0.50/ounce is rock bottom, with $1.00/ounce pretty standard. Of course, you can always find the company that needs to charge twice as much as anyone else, ever, but that's just ridiculous.  

I've no idea how much things like this cost, but don't undersell yourself.  It's not just the ingredients (and the quality of those matters also - are they GF, wholemeal, locally sourced, etc.), but your baking skills and time, then the delivery costs...

[Heidi]

Just now, Vibrantella said:

I've no idea how much things like this cost, but don't undersell yourself.  It's not just the ingredients (and the quality of those matters also - are they GF, wholemeal, locally sourced, etc.), but your baking skills and time, then the delivery costs...

Good point, @Vibrantella! I do use organic, local, fresh-as-can-be ingredients and I forget to take my time and training into account.

Want to be my business manager?  

[Heidi]

I sent a message out into the universe, in the form of an email detailing the snack offerings as a subscription, with prices, to the local administrator of a vegetable and fruit CSA. Think good thoughts for me, Dear Readers, as her interest in this could be the answer I have been listening for.

 

And, if nothing comes of it (I don't really expect an answer until Feb or so), that won't keep me from making up my own flier, of course.   

[Vibrantella]

On 05/01/2017 at 2:45 PM, Heidi ☯ said:

Want to be my business manager?  

LOL, not sure I'd be any good at that sort of thing - but as long as I get my 70% cut...    

[LittleTurtle]

It sounds like you're facing some tough challenges, so I'm sending extra light and love your way.  And the picture of the tree?  Where did you find it?  I've been staring at it for awhile now and it makes me feel very peaceful and happy.

[Heidi]

7 hours ago, LittleTurtle said:

 And the picture of the tree?  Where did you find it?

google images. I think I searched "minimalism tree with roots" -- tons of results, and you know how I love the extra flourishes, especially the dragonfly. I have printed it and hung it in my cubicle.

7 hours ago, LittleTurtle said:

It sounds like you're facing some tough challenges, so I'm sending extra light and love your way.

I absolutely am going through the mill on many fronts, all very emotional and at the core level. I won't lie: It's hard and it will continue for at least the rest of this challenge. Thank you for your good thoughts -- they mean more to me than I can really express. <3  

[Heidi]

This was a treacherously difficult weekend, beginning on Thursday and raging through the weekend -- so many issues getting dragged into the open, not the least of which is that my mother is being actively hostile and is putting me down, not only in what she writes in letters to me, but in what she says with and to my ex who is suing me for custody. This is hard. I cannot let myself get lost in the "Why??" of it all -- it's extremely personal, but ultimately it doesn't have anything to do with me in specific as it does to do with how she is wrestling with how bad she feels about herself, and that must just be awful for her. 

 

The home front had to have some ugly and uncomfortable unveiling before any positive work could begin. Hopefully the worst of it is behind us and we can begin to walk forward, even if it's with baby steps. 

 

And through it all, we continue on, a family, whole.

Check out Little Miss and her new kitchen. She's wearing the dress that I knit for her this Christmas, and she loved the kitchen and the dress equally.

 

Some of those baby steps forward include getting the Little Mill. We ground our first batch of flour -- right there in our own house!

 We used the first batch of Hard Red Wheat to make Graham Crackers (they were really good!) and then Yet Another Batch of Sourdough Crackers (these are so good that we have to make a double batch just to have some to put in the bread box). Then on Sunday evening, we ground some soft white wheat to make a batch of lemon wafers -- so thin, crisp and filled with lemony cheerfulness, a perfect end to the snowy and super-cold weekend. 

 

She is wicked-good at Parcheesi as well as cards. You have been warned.

I started the reading for one of my Spring Term classes and I'm looking forward to it very much.

Despite the chaos, there is balance.

Despite the rage, there is love.

Also, I highly recommend both The Expanse and The Living and the Dead.

[Heidi]

 

"Peace: to accept what must be.
to know what endures."

 

Into Action: What Must Be

There are simple elements that create the core of my world, and working with them, keeping them as my center and my focal point, allows stability to blossom, invites peace into my life from every angle, and ultimately becomes a life that holds me, refreshes and sustains me and those around me. For now, a list will suffice as I become mindful by writing the elements and feeling how they craft a whole, a life greater than the sum of its parts. Once I have written down the path that lies before me, I can graph it into a chart.

 

What Must Be Daily:

• Quiet waking - 5:30
• Walking in the morning, before the rest of the day has had a chance to write its ways upon my soul.
• Sauna and shower after walking
• Going to work with a calm spirit
• Reading in the tao
• Writing in the journal
• Working mindfully through the day
• Quiet rest in the evenings - dinner & cards
• Quiet rest in the evenings: Reading for class
• Quiet rest for bedtime 

 

What Must Be Weekly:

• Women's Meeting - Monday
• Acupuncture - Tuesday
• Therapy: Heidi - Tuesday
• Yoga: Tuesday
• Therapy: Vivian - Thursday
• Yoga - Thursday
• Bake Cookies & Crackers -  Friday,  Saturday
• Library - Saturday
• Friends Meeting - Sunday
• The weekly reset routine - Sunday
  • Gym - walk, swim, weights
  • Sauna
  • Quiet time - silent afternoon
  • Fire and television and early bedtime

What Must Be This Month:

• Yoga Therapy
• Register for Classes
• Project Development: Food Sales
• Pay Off Credit Cards
• Pay Off 2016 Medical
• Reduce Legal Debt
• Pay Fall Term Balance
• Pay Spring Term Deposit
• Buy Grain Mill, Pasta Press and Grain Flaker
• Create Brochure
  • Flours
  • Dry Goods
  • Snacks

 

[Heidi]

A Big-Honking-Chart, sort of for tracking, but mostly for @LittleTurtle

What Must Be Daily:		1/2 - 1/8	1/9 - 1/15	1/16 -1/22	1/23 -1/29	1/30 - 2/4
	Quiet waking - 5:30		M
	Walking in the morning, before the rest of the day has had a chance to write its ways upon my soul.		M
	Sauna and shower after walking	TWRFU
	Going to work with a calm spirit	MTWRF
	Reading in the tao
	Writing in the journal	MTWRFU
	Working mindfully through the day	MTWRF
	Quiet rest in the evenings - dinner & cards	MTFSU
	Quiet rest in the evenings: Reading for class	TWSU
	Quiet rest for bedtime
What Must Be Weekly:
	Women's Meeting - Monday	M
	Acupuncture - Tuesday
	Therapy: Heidi - Tuesday	T
	Yoga: Tuesday
	Therapy: Family - Thursday
	Yoga - Thursday
	Bake Cookies & Crackers - Friday, Saturday
	Library - Saturday
	Friends Meeting - Sunday
	The weekly reset routine - Sunday
	Gym - walk, swim, weights
	Sauna
	Quiet time - silent afternoon
	Fire and television and early bedtime
What Must Be This Month:
	Yoga Therapy
*	Register for Classes	January 9
	Project Development: Food Sales
*	Pay Off Credit Cards	January 3
*	Pay Off 2016 Medical	January 2
*	Reduce Legal Debt	January 4
*	Pay Fall Term Balance	January 5
*	Pay Spring Term Deposit	January 6
*	Buy Grain Mill, Pasta Press and Grain Flaker	January 1
	Create Brochure
	Flours
	Dry Goods
	Snacks

[LittleTurtle]

AAAAHHHH!!!  What a magnificent chart!!!  It pleases my Little Turtle heart!  

 

I also love how you've broken your goals down into daily, weekly, and monthly.  I tend to think of all the things that need to be done and freak out and want to do ALL THE THINGS!  Meaning that I become overwhelmed and don't get anything done.

 

PS - I love your pictures.  Especially the one where you're both reading.  Such a happy, peaceful picture.  

[Leimanu]

Big honkin' chart, teheheehheeh

[DarK_RaideR]

Really sad to read about the drama, it's such a stark contrast to how happy Viv looks in the photos right after. You're a wonderful human being, Heidi

[Vibrantella]

Wow, there's a lot of things that must be!  I'm very impressed (and a little terrified).  Good luck!