Rhovaniel battles her demons

[Rhovaniel]

 

I start 2017 with a semester to go in my History degree and very little idea of what I’ll do once I graduate. In all likelihood, I’ll apply for a History Masters and end up in academic History for lack of a definite career plan. And, maybe it is what I want to do. But right now, I know myself too little to know what I want, and what will keep me fulfilled and happy.

But, in me is still the same burning desire to write fiction. It’s been dampened down now with the pressure to choose a career and with the stresses of university. But I know that I can awaken the spark, and find joy in writing again. I just don’t know if I will ever write professionally, and I guess I’m at the point now where I feel the need to know myself better, and know what path I want to take. I don’t expect to have life all planned out, because life takes unexpected twists and turns, and change is a good thing. But I turn 25 this year and I still feel like a teenager pondering her choices in the career’s office. And I’d really like to feel more sure of my direction this year, so this challenge, you can expect two things:

 

1.     A lot of me kicking ass. Time to show my demons that I’m in charge, not them.

2.     A return to narrative. I have my creative writing class, but it’s stalled and I have to get a handle on it. My return to narrative is my escape, my chance to write whatever and rediscover the passion and joy.

 

My 2017 Goals are:

1.     Lose around 10kg. Weighed in worse than expected at 73.7kg. Unacceptable. Weigh ins will be every week for this challenge. (starting on either the 9^th or 10^th, when I get back home.) Not to frighten myself but because I need to learn how my body works, how my weight fluctuates, etc. I’ll do my best not to read into the figures until the end of the challenge. Hopefully the overall trend will be downwards.

2.     Get strong – strength workouts 3 times a week.

3.     Get more endurance – start running again, add in climbs if possible. Probably be the stair-master given how flat it is around where I live.

4.     Write a diary every day. Get the writing habit and have something to look back on on 31^st December, 2017

5.     Read at least 12 books for pleasure this year. Not for any course, no history stuff, nothing for work counts. Pure pleasure.

6.     Find my path: I need to work on the career thing. Really, need to figure out what I want to do. Maybe that’s history, it probably is, with the age-old dream of professional author to the side of that. But I don’t know for sure. Sometimes I do, sometimes not.

 

This challenge then, has the following Goals:

 

Diet

Got to get a handle on this. I eat too much, and the wrong things. Enough now, Rhovaniel. Eat the way a Ranger would eat. (No, put the wild plant down, you have no idea what it is and if it’s poisonous. Let’s try the basics, shall we?)

 

1.     2,100 calories a day. Track on MFP. 2,400 on variance days and workout days where I feel the need for them.

2.     Chocolate is the enemy, and I will slay the demon. None in my house, none in my mouth. At all. Even on variance days…. (Really? Oh, come on… Yeah, yeah I know. Gotta break the addiction. Fine.)

3.     I suck at cooking, but pre-packaged food isn’t going to make me healthier. I will have 3-4 recipes/options per non-variance meal to choose from. At least one of each will be an on-the-go, or at work option where I have only a microwave, kettle and toaster. I will experiment with meal prep for work, but it does involve a degree of organisation (something else I lack...)

 

Exercise

1.     Running 1 x week, minimum. If my lungs play up with the cold, then I will square my shoulders, grit my teeth and get on a treadmill. Goal is a 5k each week and hopefully watch my times improve.

2.     Stairmaster, or maybe a brisk walk on the treadmill with elevation 1 x week, maybe. This goal may or may not stay in place, as it’ll be before or after a gym strength workout. Before as a warm up probably.

3.     Gym workouts 3 x week. Probably back to the Academy, but they want you to start doing pull up progressions in Level 3… and I have not explored the side of the gym where there may be stuff to help with that. We’ll see, but either way, there will be strength training done. The only thing is that I was feeling like the Academy wasn’t working for me, so for last couple of months I haven’t used it. I need to find a programme I’m happy with, or give the Academy another shot. Maybe the gym workouts with Darebee’s 30 day Ab Challenge thrown in, because damn it I will get stronger and nail push-ups. (well, that’s a thought out goal…yeah, yeah I know. I'm trying.)

Life

1.     Finish at least 1 fiction book in this challenge cycle.

2.     Go to the careers office at uni. Look in more detail at Masters. Explore my options. Do something to further my career plans (or at least, start to form them) at least three times in any given week.

3.     Keep diary every single day.

 

Sorry that was a lot to take in. I’d like to make a table to keep track of it, but not sure how I’d incorporate it on here. My narrative will hopefully somewhat follow my goals, and how well I do dictates how well Rhovaniel does in narrative… 

[Maggie-Miau]

Cheering, Rhovaniel! Congratulations on the hard work you've put into your degree, may your final semester treat you well!

 

Lovely goals, too, though I did gasp at 'no chocolate'. Wishing you All the Courage for that one.

25 minutes ago, Rhovaniel said:

Eat the way a Ranger would eat. (No, put the wild plant down, you have no idea what it is and if it’s poisonous. Let’s try the basics, shall we?)

This really struck my funny radar just now It seems in Ranger's Apprentice, Rangers mainly eat stew and coffee. Your plan sounds way more fun. Good luck with your recipes and your experiments!

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

Following.

[Rhovaniel]

 “You’ve just finished your training, have you not?” The Commander spoke in a brisk, matter of fact tone that matched her long strides through the corridors.

 

 “Yes, Ma’am.” The soldier struggling to keep pace beside her could have been her son, no more than twenty to her fifty, and the impeccably neat military cut to his blond hair seemed at odds with his open, babyish face.

 

 “So they stuck you on rotation in the Dungeons with me.” It wasn’t a question.

 

 “I’m happy to serve the Empire, in any way I’m needed.” The solider attempted to puff out his chest, displaying his pride, but it was impossible to do so and keep up with his Commander, the formidable Dungeon Warden that the others chosen for guard duty, he would soon learn, called The Dragon, though never to her face.  

 

 “Well then, let’s see how you cope with the inmates.”

 

They stood in front of a large wooden door with no fewer than three steel bolts drawn across it. Guarding it was a soldier who looked neither old enough to have grown bitter at his thankless task or young enough to be nervous of the Commander. She spoke the password, and he drew the bolts back. The room inside was hard to make out in the gloom. A few windows high up let in a gloomy, pale light from the courtyard outside, and as they descended the steps into the cold, damp space, the Commander took a lamp from a shelf, lit it and handed it to the soldier.

 

 Twenty yards in, past another soldier, the cells began to emerge from the gloom. Lining the walls on both sides were large ones with proper beds and washing facilities, holding what the Commander called ‘low risk prisoners’. Most nodded respectfully as they passed, which surprised the soldier.

 

 Not all cells were created equal, he soon learned, and as they passed through the different sections, requiring different passwords to be spoken to a guard before moving through the door, the cells became smaller, the prisoners less presentable. The smell got more unpleasant too. Now and then they would stop, and the Commander would tell him the story behind one or other of the prisoners, usually to warn him of any potential problems. This one would throw his food at whoever delivered it, so his was always delivered when he slept. That one like to spit.

 

 They paused next to a small, barred cell towards the end of an otherwise empty row. On a thin dirty mattress lay a young woman, eyes closed, short brown hair that must have just about reached her shoulders when it wasn’t so unkempt, clothes that looked like she must have been wearing them a good few weeks.

 

 “What about her?” The young soldier asked. “Why is she locked up down here?” He didn’t voice it, but there was something about the sleeping prisoner that made him feel sad somehow. Like when he saw a majestic Oliphant for the first time, but at the Menagerie, where it looked too thin, and a strong chain attached his hind leg to a stone wall so it couldn’t do much more than pace up and down the distance of twenty metres in either direction. In much the same way, he couldn’t shake the feeling that neither it nor the girl belonged in a cage. Saying so would be career suicide though, so he said nothing.

 

 “Her? That’s Rhovaniel. She tried to escape the Empire.”

 

“But –” The Commander turned to him, challenging him with steely eyes that warned him to be careful how he spoke. But also challenging him to speak.

 

“Forgive me, Commander. It’s just – many have attempted to, well, leave. Whatever foolishness that drives them, it happens occasionally, right? Especially close to a Calendar Turn.” He stammered.

 

 The Commander gave no hint at what was passing through her mind, but waited for the young soldier to continue. He could feel the warmth rising in his face.

 

“But they always see sense after a while. I mean, wouldn’t a dissenter just be put through the Re-Adjustment Training, rather than being lock – I mean, put down here?” He’d definitely said too much, and stared at his boots wishing he’d never opened his mouth in the first place.

 

“Usually, yes.”

 

  He looked up, and was surprised to see his Commander didn’t seem angered by his questioning. “But this one proved harder to reclaim – she resisted the Training. She still holds dissenting ideas, dangerous ideas. Worse than that though is the crime that put her down here, as you put it. She’s a Rebel. Joined the Rangers, rumours are.”

 

  “A Ranger?” The soldier gasped, wide-eyed. He glanced once more at the sleeping woman. She didn’t look like a Ranger. She wasn’t lean or muscular like he’d heard they were, both men and women. Although now he looked, her clothes did look like travelling gear, and without the grime maybe they could once have been brown and green and black. He shuddered at the fate that awaited her. Rangers, if she was one, were too dangerous to let out. They had ideas above their place, it was said.

 

 “Will – Is there any hope? Of a cure, I mean?”

 

“Of course.” The Commander gave a wry smile and pointed at a small plate the soldier hadn’t noticed before, on the floor close to the wall. In the faint glow of their lamp, he could just see that it contained a large slab of chocolate and a couple of small cakes. He frowned, realising just how far gone the young woman was. Any rational person would have eaten them in an instant. He knew he would.

 

“What if she doesn’t eat them?”

 

“Then she doesn’t eat. Hunger is a great motivator. It won’t be long before she’s back out in society. Under strict observation within the city limits and subject to more control than you and I, of course, but very much part of the Empire once again.”

 

 With that, they moved on and by the time the soldier had learnt the mealtime schedule and passwords required to pass through each section, and dodged a partially filled chamber pot from an irate prisoner, the young woman who’d made him feel sad was long gone from his mind.

 

 Rhovaniel, on the other hand, lay perfectly still on her thin mattress, going over the conversation she’d just heard as she pretended to sleep. She ignored the Empire talk, though it seemed quite ironic to her that she’d heard a note of pity in the young soldier’s voice. She pitied him, too. Pitied him for his ignorance, but then, not so very long ago, that was her. But what interested her the most was how much their voices carried as they’d walked off – and as they’d approached her cell. The Commander had taught him all the passwords. Rhovaniel had only caught three, but they might be enough. She opened her eyes, staring out at the thick iron bars that held her trapped in the tiny cell, and recited them softly in her mind. Memorising them against the time she could use them. 

 

[iatetheyeti]

Following along, of course

 

14 hours ago, Rhovaniel said:

I start 2017 with a semester to go in my History degree and very little idea of what I’ll do once I graduate. In all likelihood, I’ll apply for a History Masters and end up in academic History for lack of a definite career plan. And, maybe it is what I want to do. But right now, I know myself too little to know what I want, and what will keep me fulfilled and happy.

 

This I know all too well. It's taken me years just to figure out which general direction I want to go in, but I still don't have a rock solid final destination in mind. I have ideas, and I have a rough plan, but I have no idea where I'll end up. But hey, 'in the mean time' careers can have merits of their own, or so I'm finding.

 

I'm loving how detailed to goals are and the sheer level of determination here (also, story!). 

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

I love the intro story.

[Mizbrek]

Following along! Very cool intro story!

[Maggie-Miau]

Goodness gracious your writing is lovely!

[Rhovaniel]

6 hours ago, iatetheyeti said:

Following along, of course

 

 

This I know all too well. It's taken me years just to figure out which general direction I want to go in, but I still don't have a rock solid final destination in mind. I have ideas, and I have a rough plan, but I have no idea where I'll end up. But hey, 'in the mean time' careers can have merits of their own, or so I'm finding.

 

I'm loving how detailed to goals are and the sheer level of determination here (also, story!). 

Yeah, I have a job that can very easily become a "in the meantime" career, but without the opportunity for progression. And I have no desire to remain working for a bookmaker for too long. Too much negativity to deal with on a daily basis. But I do feel that unless I do some serious thinking, then I'll end up somewhere that doesn't make me happy  

And thanks - determination and willpower will be needed here in spades. 

 

4 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

I love the intro story.

Thanks!

1 hour ago, Mizbrek said:

Following along! Very cool intro story!

Glad to have you! 

24 minutes ago, MiaulinTheCat said:

Goodness gracious your writing is lovely!

*blushes furiously*

 

Thanks all. I'm aiming for a minimum of one narrative update a week, but it's only four weeks so I'm hoping, workload permitting, to hopefully do two some weeks. It's not going to be confined just to this challenge either, hopefully  

[jonfirestar]

wow that story is very cool! I want the rest of the book

 

Keep the Empire at bay! You can defeat the chocolate temptation!

[Minna]

On 1/4/2017 at 5:03 PM, Rhovaniel said:

But I turn 25 this year and I still feel like a teenager pondering her choices in the career’s office.

 

I feel like that too - and I'm 45! But I've come to realize that it just means I'm staying curious. All the most interesting and engaged people I know feel the same way. I'm a writer like you - I think it's even more common among our ilk.  

 

Can't wait to see what transpires!

[Rhovaniel]

I know it's Week Zero and I'm waiting till the 9th/10th to start properly (though I'll still count the 8th as a start day) because I fly home on the 9th and figured Week Zero challenges on holiday may prove tricky to handle. And I was right, so not much past a lot of walking is getting done (though I got over 20,000 steps in two days in a row this week. One of them climbing to the top of Harder Kulm). But I gotta say it - Day Two of absolutely no chocolate is almost over! I ate so much of it the first few days and it clicked as I started writing narrative. I need to stop now. Not on Week One, not tomorrow. Now. Because otherwise, I'd get all emotionally attached to every piece I ate, in a this-is-the-last-time-I-can-ever-eat-this kind of way. Which will make it all the harder to quit. And part of me thinks that if I can quit eating chocolate here, in Switzerland, than surely I can keep off it back home? I mean, any time I go out, I see at least two shops devoted simply to selling chocolate! Temptation is everywhere, and thus right now, Rhovaniel is in a real battle with it at the moment. Cravings haven't kicked in too bad yet, which I'm thankful of. But if - who am I kidding, when they do - does anyone have any good substitution ideas? I think I'd need a sweetness kick thats at least halfway to healthy whilst I get my tastebuds and brain cells used to the change. Thanks in advance. 

 

Also, did a terrifying thing today. Took a "thrill walk" god knows how many thousand metres up this mountain. Birg was the name of the cable car station, I think. I didn't think heights were a problem for me. But apparently when walking on a steel cable or crawling through a wire mesh tunnel with nothing but a massive fall to snow covered rocks beneath me, I get a little nervous . 

[Elastigirl]

You are having an amazing week. 20,000 steps, a thrill walk!, and saying no to Swedish chocolate. You are kicking week zero's ass.

[SkyGirl]

On 1/5/2017 at 4:56 AM, Rhovaniel said:

Rhovaniel, on the other hand, lay perfectly still on her thin mattress, going over the conversation she’d just heard as she pretended to sleep. She ignored the Empire talk, though it seemed quite ironic to her that she’d heard a note of pity in the young soldier’s voice. She pitied him, too. Pitied him for his ignorance, but then, not so very long ago, that was her. But what interested her the most was how much their voices carried as they’d walked off – and as they’d approached her cell. The Commander had taught him all the passwords. Rhovaniel had only caught three, but they might be enough. She opened her eyes, staring out at the thick iron bars that held her trapped in the tiny cell, and recited them softly in her mind. Memorising them against the time she could use them. 

 

 

 

This story ...

 

I cannot.

 

The epicness is too much and I cannot.

 

...

 

...

 

...

 

{translation: more please!!!!!!!}

[Rhovaniel]

Battling the chocolate demon is hard work, especially where there are no real healthy options (as was the case at a place we went for a coffee up another mountain today). It's so hard to not choose to eat it when I'm still having something unhealthy because thats all there is and I am not as strong as my alter-ego. I cannot last without food . I just have to remember that it is an addiction, and whilst I will battle Sugar at some point, getting myself not to need the thing I used to eat daily (day 3 without it!) is my main priority right now. When I'm home, I can focus more on healthier choices. 

 Also, the cold is really getting to me. My mood is heading south, I'm less patient. But, battling through. I'm only here for a few more days and besides, it has at last fuelled my writing  Second part of Narrative coming up.... 

[Rhovaniel]

It took three days for the Commander to satisfy herself that the young soldier could handle making the rounds himself. They were not an easy three days for Rhovaniel. When the cakes grew stale, they replaced them with fresh baked ones still warm from the oven. When the snow fell outside and the Dungeons grew unbearably cold, they delivered mug after mug of steaming hot chocolate to her cell, where the rich aroma promised her both warmth and comfort. At first, they had been annoying temptations, but as the weather grew colder and she grew hungrier, it was a torture inflicted on her multiple times a day. A dull ache had started up in her stomach, sometimes bearable and sometimes so strong it doubled her over. She knew, somehow, that if she didn’t get out now, she never would. Either she would succumb and be held once more in the Empire’s iron grasp, or she would die. Which seemed rather counter-productive, she thought ironically, given how her objective was to regain health, and grow strong. It was time, she decided, to take action.

 

 When the muted voices of passwords uttered and heavy boots on the stony floor told her that the guards were making their rounds again, instead of lying on her mattress and refusing to look at them as she usually did, she sat up, waiting. She couldn’t deny anymore that the cold was getting to her, and she’d pulled the thin blanket they’d allowed her tight around her shoulders.  

 

 The baby faced solider was alone, shoulders hunched inside his thick coat, fingers clenching and unclenching to ward off the chill as he counted heads, making sure the Empire’s dissenters were safely stored away. You should feel mine, she thought, a trace of bitterness floating around her thoughts. She’d long since stopped trying to get the warmth back into her hands.

 

“You should eat,” The soldier said softly, pausing at her cell. “It’ll help with the cold.” Rhovaniel studied him through the bars. He looked nervous, as if talking to her was a crime. Despite herself, she couldn’t help glancing at the plate he’d delivered to her cell a few hours previously. More cakes, and a different kind of chocolate, the creamier, melt on your tongue kind she used to love. They’d added a bowl of vanilla custard this time. Someone had looked at her files, seen what her favourite foods were. Her weaknesses. No, she reminded herself. What they used to be.

 

“I will eat.” She told the soldier. “I will eat when you stop delivering poison to this cage you keep me in. Do you know what real food tastes like, solider? Real meat and fresh veget-”

 

“Stop it!” He snapped at her, eyes wide. “You’re wrong. There’s no poison except that in your own head. Any rational citizen wouldn’t – you waste that food when others would gladly accept it!”

 

“Those others are just as deluded as you!”

 

“You’re a traitor and that’s Rebel talk! Hold your tongue or I’ll have you gagged.”

 

“Oh, the Empire would love to silence me, would it not?” Rhovaniel retorted, but the soldier was already gone, fleeing the section with red ears and hurrying, no doubt, to report her to his superiors.

 

 The next cup of hot chocolate that was delivered was different. The boyish soldier was gone, and the Commander herself had come, no doubt to see for herself how this otherwise silent, sullen prisoner was acting now. They had laced the chocolate with an orange flavouring, and the scent alone made her salivate, both from how good she knew it would taste and because she hadn’t eaten in the past three days. Water she got from the cracks in her cell wall.

 

“I hear you’ve been causing my soldier trouble.” The Commander smirked at her as she unlocked her cell.

 

“I told him the truth. Truth is hard to hear when you’re used to swallowing lies.” Rhovaniel told her calmly.

 

“You know, Rebel, I don’t much care if you drink this or not.” She placed the hot chocolate on the ground, close to Rhovaniel’s hand. She ignored it and kept her gaze on the Commander. “But Lord Morgulon, for his kindness, decrees that dissenters like you be given every opportunity to change your ways, and that is what we will give you. I do my duty to the Empire, and then I leave and go back to my warm house and enjoy all my comforts. Comforts that the Empire makes possible. Whether you take the opportunities given to you or not is entirely irrelevant to my life.”

 

“Good to know.” Rhovaniel quipped.

 

 The Commander’s eyes narrowed, and she stepped closer to her, till her face was in Rhovaniel’s.

 

“But if I have to come down to this little rat-hole again to deal with you, then I may decide a more – direct – approach is needed in your case.”

 

 The threat was clearly one she’d used before, and Rhovaniel didn’t like to think what form a so called direct approach might take. But she couldn’t afford to back out now. She waited until the Commander had turned her back and was about to leave the cell before snatching up the cup. It was the warmest thing she’d held in days and for a moment she almost held on to it, but, steeling herself, she launched it at the Commander’s retreating figure. It flipped mid-air, spraying the thick brown drink in an almost graceful arch, before most of it hit the intended target. The Commander shrieked, just once, and stood rooted to the spot as the boiling liquid splattered across her shoulders and ran down her neck. Slowly she turned, and gone was the stony faced professional detachment. Her lips twisted into a snarl and even Rhovaniel wanted to shrink back from the venom in her eyes as she stalked back towards her.

 

“Ungrateful little beast! Just you wait and see what happens to Rebels like you.”

 

 The Commander slapped Rhovaniel hard across the face. She fell to the floor, but defiantly regained her feet, feeling the sting in her cheek like a badge of honour.

 

“I’m a Ranger.” Her body felt weak, but her voice was strong. “You can’t break me.”

 

“Then you will die here.”

 

 With that, the Commander turned and stormed out of her cell, clanging the heavy iron bars shut and locking them behind her. Rhovaniel stayed silent, watching her leave. 

 

 

[jonfirestar]

18 minutes ago, Rhovaniel said:

Battling the chocolate demon is hard work, especially where there are no real healthy options (as was the case at a place we went for a coffee up another mountain today). It's so hard to not choose to eat it when I'm still having something unhealthy because thats all there is and I am not as strong as my alter-ego. I cannot last without food . I just have to remember that it is an addiction, and whilst I will battle Sugar at some point, getting myself not to need the thing I used to eat daily (day 3 without it!) is my main priority right now. When I'm home, I can focus more on healthier choices. 

 Also, the cold is really getting to me. My mood is heading south, I'm less patient. But, battling through. I'm only here for a few more days and besides, it has at last fuelled my writing  Second part of Narrative coming up....

 

 

I like to call this demon logic. It's a horrible affliction

'I can't eat as healthily as I would like'

          'therefore I'll eat the thing I absolutely know is the worst thing I could eat'

 

This can be replaced by more healthy logic. 

 

'I can't eat as healthily as I would like'

     'therefore I'll choose the best option I have available' 

 

Unfortunately the demon that sits on your shoulder and whispers the bad into your ear doesn't make life easy and won't go down without a  fight. 

[Rhovaniel]

4 minutes ago, jonfirestar said:

 

Unfortunately the demon that sits on your shoulder and whispers the bad into your ear doesn't make life easy and won't go down without a  fight. 

That he isn't. Doesn't help that I am hungry right now, and the new apartment/tiny room with not much space we're in (we're ending the holiday in Lucerne and then Zurich) came with a big bar of lindt chocolate resting on the bed as a welcome. Like, come on, how did they know? So, I'm sitting here scrolling through the forums, trying not to think about the chocolate in the cupboard whilst I wait for the Mr. to feel hungry enough to go out to eat. 

[jonfirestar]

1 hour ago, Rhovaniel said:

That he isn't. Doesn't help that I am hungry right now, and the new apartment/tiny room with not much space we're in (we're ending the holiday in Lucerne and then Zurich) came with a big bar of lindt chocolate resting on the bed as a welcome. Like, come on, how did they know? So, I'm sitting here scrolling through the forums, trying not to think about the chocolate in the cupboard whilst I wait for the Mr. to feel hungry enough to go out to eat. 

 

My tactic, although not one that is easy to accomplish for many reasons, is to chuck that kind of thing in the bin. That helps. Although it is really hard to simply waste something like that. 

 

1 hour ago, Rhovaniel said:

“I’m a Ranger.” Her body felt weak, but her voice was strong. “You can’t break me.”

 

You really are very good at writing! Your narrative is engaging, exciting and is building pressure and apprehension beautifully. 

[Rhovaniel]

2 hours ago, jonfirestar said:

You really are very good at writing! Your narrative is engaging, exciting and is building pressure and apprehension beautifully. 

Thank you! Constructive feedback is always welcome, so if you think something needs improving for next time, or you find something you think doesn't work so well, feel free to chime in  

 

Last Day of Zero Week, and I think I'm doing okay. I started the week badly, eating all things chocolate and being well and truly in both holiday mode and a "stuck" mentality. Stuck with uni, with writing, etc. I brought a book with me here and just could not get into it. I can't remember the last time I picked a book (one that we bought in Budapest, incidentally) and just didn't enjoy it, couldn't engage with it. I truly thought something was wrong with me. Luckily, the other apartment had an "easy read" book, about a 13 year old boy who wants to be a lawyer. I devoured it, remembered what good writing is, how it makes me feel when I read it. Then I started playing around with narrative... and I feel so much better than at the start of the week. I scrapped my creative writing project for uni (a very dangerous move, and one I still have to get past my tutor!) and started again with a different storyline that is running much smoother. I have a head full of ideas for my Rhovaniel narrative. I feel a bit more like me again. The one who loves the written word. Who writes for pleasure, and not to a two-week deadline to be critiqued in class... 

 

BUT 

 

I somehow managed to forget something major. Week One holds one of my biggest terrors. Public Speaking. For uni, I am required to go into a lecture theatre full of my peers and tutors and other academic staff, stand at the front and speak for ten whole minutes about my dissertation. I have to put the presentation together, explain it in a hopefully engaging way, and be prepared to take and answer questions about it at the end. I have an unfortunate surname that puts me right at the top of the list of speakers. No, it's worst than that. I'm first in the programme! How I blanked this from my mind till now I don't know. It only just hit me today and I'm already quaking. So, alongside narrative and creative writing, I also need to devote a good portion of time to this presentation on the 11th. If Rhovaniel ends up doing something that absolutely terrifies her next week, you'll know why  The outcome of said event is likely to tell you how I do in IRL as well...

[Maggie-Miau]

GOLLY GEE GINGER THE STORY INTENSIFIES. *balances precariously at the edge of my seat*

 

*Huge hug* Admittedly do not envy you in the slightest on the Public Speaking thing. Truly terrifying, that. But! You are amazing, you are a Ranger, and I'm sure you're a capable speaker as well! Best wishes and support, mellon nin!

 

ETA: Oh! Also, maybe being first is a Good Thing, since you won't have as long to Dread It?

[SkyGirl]

I know you're going to be amazing, Rhovaniel!! Public speaking is horrible for literally everyone, but just like Miaulin said, you are mighty and you have totally got this! If you can, work at being really super familiar with your topic - maybe even try explaining it to us here on your thread, if you like. I'd love to hear what you're talking about and it might help you get your thoughts together!  :-) 

 

 

[Rhovaniel]

11 hours ago, SkyGirl said:

If you can, work at being really super familiar with your topic - maybe even try explaining it to us here on your thread, if you like. I'd love to hear what you're talking about and it might help you get your thoughts together!  :-) 

Thanks - I may take you up on this, once I spend a few hours trying to pull my ideas together. 

 

It's the final full day of my holiday, and I am doing... uni work. By choice, because its sub zero out there and my immune system, though having fought valiantly till now, has finally succumbed and I am full of cold. Ugh. We had tentative plans to explore Zurich and i'm sure it's lovely but I know I won't appreciate it, I'll be cold and miserable, blowing my nose constantly and not much fun to be around. The Mr. is still in bed, at half 11 in the morning, but he reckons he'll go out in a bit. So, for me its time to drink tea and get going with uni work. I'm pondering the narrative too, since I want it to be somewhat close to my experiences whilst it can, but which is the right fit I'm not sure. I'm not letting myself work on it anymore till I have another 500 words for CW and something of a plan for the dissertation speaking thing anyway. 

 Plague Protocols will not be in place. Partly because I'm not starting my challenge in earnest (i.e exercise and food logging) until I get home tomorrow (or 10th bc I land in the evening and my sister is going to come pick me up. Going to stay at hers for the night to unwind and catch up. She's prepared to have me, germs and all bless her) and partly because none of my other goals need be affected. I can still write, I am going to start a new book on my Kindle today, and hopefully by the time I get home and into the challenge proper, I'll be feeling a bit better. Also, daily dares will continue, because they're not that strenuous and I'd like to do the ones I can do against the days when the exercise is beyond me...

[jonfirestar]

Truly sucks to be sick on your last day of holiday! but you are putting it to good use so well done you! don't fret too much about the public speaking you'll rock it! 

[SkyGirl]

Ugh, I'm so sorry you're sick!! Take it easy, drink lots of peppermint tea, and feel better very soon!  *hugs*