BDSM in Fitness

[Geran]

I'm heavily involved in the BDSM community and power exchange lifestyles of various kinds. I'm finding it interesting to mix these interests with my re-found passion for fitness and strength. Are there any other people who practice alternate lifestyles and are doing this?

[Guzzi]

Hey. I know that there are a few people with alternative lifestyles but the last time anyone posted this question the post was locked by the mods. I don't really understand why. It's not as if anything "inappropriate" was being discussed... 

[Geran]

That's odd. I'm definitely not trying to force my lifestyle choices on anyone else or even discuss it publicly in any great detail. I full understand that some of what I do can be off-putting to some people. My right to swing my fist ends at the tip of your nose, you know? I'm simply putting out a sonar ping to see if there are any other "lifestyle" people on here that I could connect with in this area of my life. I haven't been contacted by the mods or seen any backlash for the post so far, so hopefully it is ok. Maybe the last person was a lot more crude/less respectful? 

[Guzzi]

Nah, not really. It was just a "is anyone else interested in" kind of thing.    Hopefully this thread won't be locked. I mean, everyone is entitled to live their own lifestyle and it's not as if it affects anybody else.

 

It's strange how we, as a whole, react to people who live an alternative lifestyle. Look at the way the trans community is being treated right now, or how the gay community was treated in years gone by. Being locked up for being gay? Seriously???

 

If there can be an LGBT thread then I really don't understand why there can't be a BDSM thread too.  I really don't see much difference. It's not like you're trying to start a "hook up" thread, lol!  

 

You mentioned mixing your BDSM lifestyle with your fitness and strength goals, how does that work? If you don't mind me asking? (Never having been involved in BDSM if kinda ignorant)  

[Raincloak]

Having sex with consenting adults of your own gender is one thing.  That's not even really "alternative", it was just un-normalized for so long.  Physical restraint or violence, on the other hand, is very alternative.  I don't personally disapprove of what other people do for fun, but from a legal and social standpoint, having a bondage kink is not equivalent to being gay or transgender.

 

I once went to a late night BDSM panel at a fantasy convention.  (Long story.  Don't ask...)  That was educational.  Anyway, the panelists observed that in our state, assault is illegal even if the victim consents.  The takeaway: it's important to have everyone on the same page and practice safety rules so things do not get out of control.  If you have to show up at the ER, things are gonna get awkward and people may go to jail.  (Which is still better than death or permanent injury, so if you have to get medical attention, then get it.  But it's better to use sense and not create that emergency in the first place.)

 

Maybe I'm just not being imaginative enough, but I'm not real clear on what fitness has to do with BDSM.  Aside from tweaking that "power exchange" thing you mentioned.  Presumably if you get stronger you'd need to be matched with a stronger partner so nobody gets injured.  Like weight classes for combat sports.

 

[Geran]

To answer both @Guzzi and @Raincloak, I will explain how BDSM and fitness can mix.

 

First of all, allow me to explain that I do not engage only in physical BDSM (bondage, sadism, sexual dominance, etc.), but in full relationship Power Exchange. This means that the only type of serious sexual/romantic relationship I engage in is one in which I am the authority figure and the woman submits to that authority. Exactly what form this takes and the areas of her life I have authority over vary, but the common thread is that I do hold that authority. In order for me to engage in a long term romantic/sexual relationship, I must be in a total power exchange relationship in which the woman both consents to and enjoys(this part is key, I have no desire for someone to be unhappy) fully surrendering their power of choice to me. I fully recognize that is VERY alternative and definitely not for everyone, and this is not intended to open up a debate about the viability of such a relationship(though I am open to such a debate if anyone would like to). However, with those points being known, I can now relate this to fitness.

 

Within a power exchange relationship, I have the authority to control what the woman does. It is my responsibility to use that authority to assist her in improving herself. I therefore put her on a diet, exercise plan, etc. I have the authority to enforce following these programs with negative consequences should she stray from them. In this sense, I am performing a role not unlike that of a life coach or personal trainer. By giving me power over her, the woman entrusts me to use that power to help her become a better person in every possible way, and to help her meet her goals and become the person she wants to be. Please ask/comment/etc. I have no problem answering questions and/or engaging in deep discussions about this.

[Guzzi]

Woops! Sorry Raincloak, I should probably explain myself a little better, huh?

 

When I said I don't really see the difference I was meaning in whether or not to allow a thread discussing different aspects of life that affect the people within these communities. (NOT that I am comparing the LGBT community to BDSM.) After all, I can start a thread discussing MY lifestyle (straight, female, disabled) and choices or things that affect me, why shouldn't anyone else? 

 

Who you love and what form your relationship takes is nobody else's business. I think it is wrong for anyone to condone someone else for their relationship. Personally my parents have a "power exchange" relationship where my mum is completely submissive. Which as a strong, independent woman I have always found difficult to understand or accept. But my mum is genuinely happy. **shrugs**

[Frost of the Gloaming]

All I can say Geran is that Reddit might be the place you want to look for your answers

[SpecialSundae]

Do you have any qualifications to be acting as a trainer and nutritionist? Surely training someone else and controlling their diet whilst a newbie would violate the "safe" aspect of SSC.

[Geran]

I never claimed to be a licensed personal trainer or nutritionist. I also don't need licenses or certifications to read the wisdom found here, do my own research on it, then present that information to someone and help them find a way to use it to better themselves. I'm not talking about rigidly controlling every calorie a person takes in every moment of every day, or forcing a person to do specific exercises that they're not comfortable with or not ready for. I'm talking about "no, you can't have soda," or "No, you can't have a third candy bar today," or "Yes, you do need to do some kind of exercise this week." If there's something unsafe about that, then I've vastly misunderstood the general goals we're all working towards here.

 

Is there some reason why you feel the need to question and undermine me in a public forum? Have I angered you in some way? If you have a problem with me or my methods, I'm happy to discuss it with you in private.

[SpecialSundae]

I'm challenging you in the same way that I would challenge any newbie who appears to be displaying unsafe behaviour.

[AugustaAdaByron]

I found it a reasonable question to be honest. I was also curious about the circumstances under which someone is qualified to control someone else's diet and exercise plan. Also these expressions give a completely different idea than "I'm telling someone to not have a soda".

 

I'd be happy to see such a discussion in public instead of in private, to be honest. I don't see a reason why this discussion should be held in private. And as far as I'm aware you have encouraged questions. So I have two more questions for you.

 

I suspect that you're doing some kind of positive reenforcement when someone eats something you consider healthy and there are negative implications when they exceed the boundaries you set for them. Is that correct?

 

I assume that you must be familiar with emotional eating as well as eating disorders, one of them being orthorexia btw. How do you make sure that your methods do not promote in any way such a behaviour, especially if a person is probably trying to do their best for you, and how do you take care of their emotional well-being (you are helping them to better themselves, as you say, so I assume you also want them to feel happy and good about themselves) when for example you deny them something which at that moment feel they need?

[Mad Hatter]

Feel like @Twilight might have a thing or two to say.  

[Geran]

 

33 minutes ago, AugustaAdaByron said:

I suspect that you're doing some kind of positive reenforcement when someone eats something you consider healthy and there are negative implications when they exceed the boundaries you set for them. Is that correct?

 

Yes and no. What I consider healthy and unhealthy isn't the system used. That would imply that I somehow am the ultimate authority on what is healthy. What is healthy for THAT person is based on their dietary needs, genetics, health goals, body, etc. Based on all of that information as well as the input of their doctor, we establish a plan for them to reach the goals they want to reach. At that point, the positive re-enforcement and negative consequences go into effect, similar to the "donate my money to an organization I hate if I skip a workout" motivation seen in the articles on here. This is simply more personal between me and that person.

[Geran]

41 minutes ago, AugustaAdaByron said:

I assume that you must be familiar with emotional eating as well as eating disorders, one of them being orthorexia btw. How do you make sure that your methods do not promote in any way such a behaviour, especially if a person is probably trying to do their best for you, and how do you take care of their emotional well-being (you are helping them to better themselves, as you say, so I assume you also want them to feel happy and good about themselves) when for example you deny them something which at that moment feel they need?

Ah, this is an excellent question! Thank you for bringing this up!

 

First things first, eating disorders can be very serious conditions, as can any mental health disorders. I treat such things just as seriously as I do physical injuries and ailments, and insist that the person consult with or start seeing a licensed professional in the relevant field before beginning any life altering changes.

 

Once we have a plan of action, safety guidelines, and limits put in place by a combination of their physical needs and goals from the previous post combined with this, we then proceed with the plan, consulting that person's doctors, mental and physical, as needed. There are times when it can be more harmful to deny someone the technically "unhealthy" thing entirely than to allow them some calming level of it. An extreme example would be how doctors recommend that people not quit smoking cold turkey during extremely stressful period of their life. Yes, the smoking IS bad for them, but then so is the additional strain of completely cutting out the thing they are addicted to if they are already under immense strain. So there is no one answer for what I do in all situations. It depends on that person, their health, their needs, their conditions, their goals, and what they can handle.

[Guzzi]

I suspect that the level of control may be one of the key issues here. It's one thing to say "I want you to eat healthily and not eat crap" and another to say "I will dictate what you eat today".  

 

I also suspect that because the turn the discussion has taken (in relation to you "controlling" another person's diet, in an extreme way or not I don't know) and because there are quite a few members who have eating disorders, or find it offensive that the thread will shortly be locked. It could be a trigger for people with eating disorders to read. 

 

Its certainly a very niche interest and I personally will never understand why some people (male or female) would enjoy being controlled by another person. I'm not condemning your choices, just saying that it's not something I personally understand. It's interesting to read about. 

[Geran]

14 minutes ago, Guzzi said:

I also suspect that because the turn the discussion has taken (in relation to you "controlling" another person's diet, in an extreme way or not I don't know) and because there are quite a few members who have eating disorders, or find it offensive that the thread will shortly be locked. It could be a trigger for people with eating disorders to read. 

Blocking this thread because of people with eating disorders would be like blocking a running thread because some people have leg injuries. We should be discussing the problems and ways to help people through them, not eliminating threads where solutions can be discussed. We are a community based around the sharing of knowledge and helping one another. Let's encourage education and discussion.

[Geran]

16 minutes ago, Guzzi said:

Its certainly a very niche interest and I personally will never understand why some people (male or female) would enjoy being controlled by another person. I'm not condemning your choices, just saying that it's not something I personally understand. It's interesting to read about. 

I understand. It's certainly not for everyone. The only thing I expect is the same tolerance that the LGBT community does. Live and let live. That's why I have a thread for the topic, and don't bring it up outside of it.

[Guzzi]

This is off topic from your original post but you seem very open about your lifestyle so I thought I'd ask...

 

Taking away the preconceptions surrounding BDSM (and I gotta admit I'm a little disappointed no one posted a gimp mask pic ) how do you ensure someone's emotional and mental health are looked after in a power exchange relationship?

 

Obviously I understand that in every relationship there is a power balance but when this is taken to extremes there is obviously a lot more room for the relationship to become abusive or for it to have negative effects on the submissive's mental or emotional health. 

 

How do you safeguard the person who hands control over to you?

[Guzzi]

8 minutes ago, Geran said:

Blocking this thread because of people with eating disorders would be like blocking a running thread because some people have leg injuries. We should be discussing the problems and ways to help people through them, not eliminating threads where solutions can be discussed. We are a community based around the sharing of knowledge and helping one another. Let's encourage education and discussion.

 

Just giving you a heads-up buddy. 

[Fearkiller]

1 hour ago, Guzzi said:

How do you safeguard the person who hands control over to you?

 

http://lovemysub.tumblr.com/

 

"An advice-oriented blog for all things BDSM, inspired by the unique and all-encompassing love that I have for my amazing submissive, BelovedSangi."

 

It's more like snippets to specific questions than a larger guide, but from what I've read, he seems like a good down-to-earth type. Maybe that'd be helpful?

[SpecialSundae]

6 hours ago, Geran said:

Blocking this thread because of people with eating disorders would be like blocking a running thread because some people have leg injuries. We should be discussing the problems and ways to help people through them, not eliminating threads where solutions can be discussed. We are a community based around the sharing of knowledge and helping one another. Let's encourage education and discussion.

 

The fact that you could conflate an eating disorder with a broken leg shows a concerning lack of understanding of eating disorders, as well as mental health issues more generally. 

 

Reading a poorly-considered thread in which someone is pontificating about running won't cause a leg to spontaneously re-break but the same cannot be said for ill-thought-out topics and mental health issues. 

[AugustaAdaByron]

9 hours ago, Geran said:

First things first, eating disorders can be very serious conditions, as can any mental health disorders. I treat such things just as seriously as I do physical injuries and ailments, and insist that the person consult with or start seeing a licensed professional in the relevant field before beginning any life altering changes.

 

Again, what qualification gives you that power? There's the power exchange of course but then there's also common sense! Under common sense, what makes you qualified to be fully in charge of another person in that extent? 

 

7 hours ago, Guzzi said:

I also suspect that because the turn the discussion has taken (in relation to you "controlling" another person's diet, in an extreme way or not I don't know) and because there are quite a few members who have eating disorders, or find it offensive that the thread will shortly be locked. It could be a trigger for people with eating disorders to read. 

 

Also true and since I was the one to bring up eating disorders first, even though I was trying to convey the same thing as Guzzi, I realise now it could also be a trigger so I apologise if that's the case.

 

7 hours ago, Geran said:

Blocking this thread because of people with eating disorders would be like blocking a running thread because some people have leg injuries. We should be discussing the problems and ways to help people through them, not eliminating threads where solutions can be discussed. We are a community based around the sharing of knowledge and helping one another. Let's encourage education and discussion.

 

5 minutes ago, SpecialSundae said:

 

The fact that you could conflate an eating disorder with a broken leg shows a concerning lack of understanding of eating disorders, as well as mental health issues more generally. 

 

Reading a poorly-considered thread in which someone is pontificating about running won't cause a leg to spontaneously re-break but the same cannot be said for ill-thought-out topics and mental health issues. 

 

Basically THAT! ^ 

[Brawlrus]

At first, I couldn't quite understand the draw, then I started training my ex. She started becoming aroused when doing seated db presses and I started realizing that there were many parallels between certain styles of training and BDSM. I thought, I could potentially make her do this, cause her mild pleasure and pain, edge her through sets, etc. The thing here was, it wasn't my thing, but I did wonder if the roles were reversed, how might it play out? I got to thinking about how many other personal trainers might do this and be enjoying the torture without the client knowing.

 

I only say these things, because I think it's extremely healthy to have an outlet for it. Making a thread for it and opening up discussion is letting people know that it's a thing. It has potential to get the theoretical sadists out of personal training, where they might hurt an unsuspecting client and into a sub-culture.

[SpecialSundae]

1 hour ago, Brawlrus said:

At first, I couldn't quite understand the draw, then I started training my ex. She started becoming aroused when doing seated db presses and I started realizing that there were many parallels between certain styles of training and BDSM. I thought, I could potentially make her do this, cause her mild pleasure and pain, edge her through sets, etc. The thing here was, it wasn't my thing, but I did wonder if the roles were reversed, how might it play out? I got to thinking about how many other personal trainers might do this and be enjoying the torture without the client knowing.

 

I only say these things, because I think it's extremely healthy to have an outlet for it. Making a thread for it and opening up discussion is letting people know that it's a thing. It has potential to get the theoretical sadists out of personal training, where they might hurt an unsuspecting client and into a sub-culture.

On the other hand, most gyms will require that their trainers can display that they have qualifications and insurance, whereas no such requirement is there for wannabe dominants.