Fitness is Messing with My Head

[Kage]

The more I exercise, the more I feel like a guy for the first time. I've always felt like I didn't belong. I'm gay and I never fit in with straight guys, but I also don't fit in with most women. I've always been bookish and nerdy-- and completely unathletic.

　

But the more I learn to exercise, the more comfortable I feel in my skin, and the more I want to hang out with other guys. Which makes me uncomfortable in an entirely new way.

　

I don't have any healthy friends. I don't have any male friends. I certainly don't have any healthy male friends.

　

Has anyone else been in a similar situation? I have absolutely no clue what to do.

[Sloth the Enduring]

This is not too dissimilar to my story except I'm straight and this would have been many years ago. As you're gaining a physical self-confidence it is bleeding into the mental and social self-confidence. I don't actually have any advice for you, but I suspect everything will work itself out as you continue to grow. Good luck.

[Guzzi]

I'm so glad that you're feeling so much benefit from fitness! That's great! But yeah, it can leave you in uncharted waters, it's a little difficult to mix with people at the gym or such. Might there be any social groups that you could join? Where I live it's very "outdoorsy" and there is a hill walking group, running groups, canoe club, climbing club... I'm just wondering if there's anything similar that would have a good social element to it. 

[PinkNinja]

On 1/21/2017 at 11:13 AM, Kage said:

I don't have any healthy friends.

This is where I am. I want some healthy friends that live nearby. But I don't really have any friends in the area. I have family, but they are not healthy. Even when they're "healthy", it's not really Healthy.

My friends that live within a 4 hour circle are mostly very not healthy. I have one that is healthy, but she is so busy, we never have time for each other, plus she lives 3 hours away.

Do you have a teleporter? I'd totally be one of your healthy friends. lol

[Kage]

10 hours ago, Guzzi said:

I'm so glad that you're feeling so much benefit from fitness! That's great! But yeah, it can leave you in uncharted waters, it's a little difficult to mix with people at the gym or such. Might there be any social groups that you could join? Where I live it's very "outdoorsy" and there is a hill walking group, running groups, canoe club, climbing club... I'm just wondering if there's anything similar that would have a good social element to it. 

 

[Kage]

Sorry, everyone. My screen-reader won't let me quote you guys. In short, I don't own a teleporter (DAMN IT!) and there are literally no fitness groups within a 25 mile radius of my city, and even if there were, there's no public transportation in my part of the state. It's a mess. I can't even get to the gym because of the snow and ice :/ I'm feeling very alone. I honestly don't even know how healthy guys socialize, except maybe for sports, and there are only a few sports I can play with a reasonable amount of accommodation. I could play soccer, for instance, but there's basically no way I could play tennis or basketball. I'd love to swim, but that's not particularly social, and I'm trying to find any transportation options to our local Y. I think I might be able to sign up with a disability transportation service that would take me, except they don't have any accessible forms for blind people (no joke,) and, not-so-ironically, there's no way to get there.

 

I know all of this can be overcome. I just have to figure out how and how to connect it to my goal of socializing with healthy guys.

[Guzzi]

Hmmm... that sucks. I'm in the UK so things are a little different here, do you guys have a Citizens Advice Bureau that can help with all the forms, tell you about what services are available and point you to organisations that offer support? 

[Jord]

What about looking for local LGBTQ groups to join? I don't know about where you are, but almost all of my gay male friends are super into fitness. Who doesn't want pecs for days? I mean really. My gay male friends are always out doing stuff like soccer, lifting, softball, etc. Very few of them are NOT into fitness. You don't even have to be into the same kind of fitness, it's just they all like to work on their fitness. So it still give something to talk about, even if you are just hanging out. 

 

A good place to start might be meetup.com, or you could reach out to the LGBTQ group at your closest university, they will know if there are any groups closer to you. 

[Kage]

I'm already tied-in with all of our local LGBT groups (I'm an LGBT youth initiative coordinator) and I can't even think of a gay guy in our area who isn't considerably overweight, except for one or two AIDS patients who are underweight from illness. I used to live in southern California and holy wow, the difference between gay guys here and gay guys there is astounding. The entire idea of fitness here versus there is astounding. In LA, nearly everyone exercised as a part of their daily routine. Here in the Midwest, people honestly think they're in amazing shape when... you know what, I can't even expose you to a menal image. Just trust me, people here are not healthy.

[Guzzi]

It's so funny how pockets of culture develop like that. It just goes to show how influenced we are by our peers and the attitudes (and actions) of those around us. It's both a wonderful and terrible thing.