Turning back the clock

[Twilight]

MMMM!

[Guzzi]

We have been away in Aberdeen for a few days with the kids for the Easter holidays.  We were able to rent a house, which was awesome, but we were still eating out every day.  I hope I've been able to keep my calories under control but it's so hard! You just don't seem to find any "normal" food unless you go to an up-market restaurant, which isn't exactly easy with 3 kids.  It's quite shocking when you look at the content of the menus, everything comes with chips (fries) and there's no vegetables ANYWHERE!  No wonder people struggle with their weight. 

 

And on top of that there's just so much temptation by way of puddings, cakes, ice-creams.  Even if you just stop for a coffee you are bombarded with delicious looking treats.  It's so easy to think "I'll just have this, I deserve it.  It's not that much..."

 

I've been watching everyone else chow down on endless crap, thinking "what are you doing!!!"  But it's that holiday mentality - it's ok to eat like this because we're on holiday.  Nooooooo!  Don't dooooo iiiiitt!  And I feel like everyone resents me a little for not joining in and eating all the crap.  Probably because they know what I'm thinking, lol!  

 

It will be interesting to see my May weigh-in, because even though I've been trying to eat sensibly, picking the least-bad thing on the menu, it's still crap.   I've got my fingers crossed though. 

[Guzzi]

Well, my weight loss plans may have been given a boost by a bout of food poisoning.  Great!  

 

I made the fatal mistake of eating vegetable lasagne and salad on the ferry on Sunday night, only to awaken at 3am with an incredible need to visit the bathroom.  Today is the first day that I've been able to eat anything so I've probably burned off a few of those dodgy meals.  Every cloud has a silver lining, eh?  

 

Because we've been away there was no fresh food in the house so we went into town and got a few basics from the Co-op.  My legs were shaking just walking round the shop!  It just goes to show how much being ill takes it out of you.  I was able to get some veggies and such like and today's lunch consisted of butternut squash noodles with broccoli, sweetcorn, carrots, peas and hot smoked salmon with some French dressing.  Yes!!!!  Proper food at last!!!

 

Im a little down over the trip away though.  We went with Colin's mum so that she could get a holiday with the kids but as usual she ended up throwing a hissy fit and storming off, because of me, though it likely would have happened at some point even if I hadn't been there.  Basically she feels like I've "stolen" her grandchildren from her.  We have the kids 1/3 of the time and of course I parent them while they're here, we live together as a family ffs, but because I'm filling this role and because I have such a good relationship with the kids she feels that she's missing out.  

 

The biggest thing is that she's jealous of how close I am to the kids and of how affectionate we are towards each other.  She's constantly telling the kids not to be cuddling me and stuff like that.  She can't see that my relationship with them doesn't do anything to detract from her potential relationship with them.  If she put in the effort to actually do stuff with them (instead of just showering them with sweets (candy) and expecting adoration in return) or was affectionate towards them then she would have the same kind of relationship. 

[Guzzi]

I haven't been on here for a little while so I thought I should drop by and update.

 

My plan to accomplish this involves:

 

No. 1 - Post monthly progress pics

Yup, monthly pics have been uploaded every month in a good time.  I'm really happy that I chose to do this, I can really see a difference in my body, not so much month-to-month but definitely from my starting pic until now.  I weighed myself at the start of the 4 week challenge (mostly just because I was really curious to see what it was, I don't have any weight-loss goals in my challenge) and I came in at 64.1Kg   Now that number will be off a little because I was still dehydrated from my Tango with the Toilet but still, that's so encouraging!  I know my body composition is different now than it was back in 2014, I've basically been extremely sedentary for 2 years, bed-bound for a good portion of it too, so I will obviously have less muscle mass than I did back then but....

 

2014 - 63.2Kg with 20% body fat (according to those horribly innacurate body analyser scales!) 

2017 - 64.4Kg

 

I've got to admit there's been a big change to my body since I started taking photos back in September.  My belly is the biggest change, that seems to have really shrunk but I still seem to have my Bingo Wings.  Hmmm....   It's strange the way your body stores fat in particular places.  I was always a bum and thighs fat-storer before all this, I'm not sure why my body has changed it's mind and decided that underneath my upper arm is a fantastic place to keep all that spare fuel.  I reckon I still have a few kilos to go before I can kiss the bingo wings goodbye.

 

No. 2 - Post my food accomplishments

There hasn't really been much in the way of cooking going on in our house of late.  I'm cutting out bread for my challenge which does mean that I eat better and healthier at lunchtime (yay!) but dinner has been pretty much ready prepared stuff for a while.  There has been a really stressful situation that has been hanging over us that was finally resolved today, hopefully that means we can start to relax a little

 

No. 3 - Be active on the forum

I have tried my best on this front but between exhaustion and the aforementioned "stressful situation" I have found it quite difficult.  That will probably change now.

 

No. 4 - Search out opportunities for fun

Hmmm.. this one hasn't had much love and attention lately.  Again, I'm hoping for a new lease of life now that things have been resolved.

[Mr.Six]

35 minutes ago, Guzzi said:

I'm really happy that I chose to do this, I can really see a difference in my body, not so much month-to-month but definitely from my starting pic until now.

 

I'm glad that you are getting some positive reinforcement from this decision!  It took a lot of courage but progress is so much easier to wrap one's mind around when you have it in front of you visually.  I'm of the belief that our minds play tricks in mirrors -- at least mine does.

 

38 minutes ago, Guzzi said:

There has been a really stressful situation that has been hanging over us that was finally resolved today, hopefully that means we can start to relax a little

 

Ugh.  Glad to hear that you will have one less stressor that might open the door to more fun.

[Guzzi]

1 hour ago, Mr.Six said:

I'm glad that you are getting some positive reinforcement from this decision!  It took a lot of courage but progress is so much easier to wrap one's mind around when you have it in front of you visually.  I'm of the belief that our minds play tricks in mirrors -- at least mine does.

 

You're so right.  It is very difficult to see anything objectively in the mirror.  Even with photos I find that it can be really hard to see the differences (when you're looking at yourself anyway) unless you put them side by side for a direct comparison. 

 

Quote

Ugh.  Glad to hear that you will have one less stressor that might open the door to more fun.

 

Honestly, I can't tell you how much this has affected us and our lives.  I tried to write it out but it's so difficult to do a short version that actually makes sense, and the long version is just too long to write out.  At least it is for my sleep addled brain. 

 

The short version is:

1. Colin was the target of a campaign by one person in management above him, Maggie.  

2.  She disciplined him on a bogus charge that he was not made aware of so had no way to defend against it. 

3.  Colin's direct manager retired and Maggie selected Wank Face as his replacement. 

4.  From day one it was clear that he had been briefed by Maggie and treated Colin unfairly

5.  Colin made a complaint of bullying and harassment about Wank Face

6.  Maggie launched another (bogus) disciplinary investigation  against Colin, kicked off by an allegation from Wank Face. 

7.  Maggie rejected Colin's bullying complaint. 

8.  Maggie holds the disciplinary against Colin, thinking that she will be able to dismiss him (her letter actually said that dismissal was a possible outcome)

9.  Colin turns at the disciplinary hearing armed to the teeth with evidence to show that the charges are bogus, the report was based on inaccurate information, the report itself was full of formulae errors, and that evidence had not been collected.  

10.  We won.  All charges against Colin are dropped.  

 

We have been living with the threat of this hanging over us since last summer.  The damage that this could have done to Colin's career is enormous and Colin has financial obligations, he has three children.  It has been a huge worry.  I wish I could have been there to see her face when Colin set out all his evidence and responses.  He had to take it there in a suitcase because there was so many folders, lever arch files box files, etc. 

 

We just need to wait and see what happens next, he can't go back to his own job because of Wank Face so they are going to have to find a new position for him.  You never know, he could end up doing something interesting and enjoying his job again. That would be the jackpot.  

 

He has been looking for ways to jump ship to another job since Wank Face came into post as Executive Manager at the start of 2015 but there aren't that many opportunities around living in a very remote island archipelago. Whenever something good comes up there's a lot of competition.  

[Twilight]

So satisfying to stick it to someone with the truth and watch their castle of lies crumble into the sea!!

[Mr.Six]

Kudos to Colin for building such a solid case to support himself.  I hope he has the opportunity to move into something he loves and that will amply support the family.  What field does he work in?

[Guzzi]

11 hours ago, Twilight said:

So satisfying to stick it to someone with the truth and watch their castle of lies crumble into the sea!!

 

Truth!  

 

10 hours ago, Mr.Six said:

Kudos to Colin for building such a solid case to support himself.  I hope he has the opportunity to move into something he loves and that will amply support the family.  What field does he work in?

 

He was (is?) the Resources Manager for the inter island ferry service, a department of Shetland Islands Council.  It was a job he loved and he was being lined up as the next Executive Manager, but Maggie doesn't want a manager like Colin, she doesn't respect anyone who isn't full of themselves and pushy.  That's what she thinks you need to be to get things done.  

 

The guy she selected for the post is a complete cock, we found evidence that he didn't have the qualifications he needed for the job, he has NO IDEA how to run a transport network, and he's plain old crap at his job.  But he bums himself up to Maggie so that's ok. **shakes head in disgust**

[Guzzi]

Ok, so I was looking back through my old log and challenges to get some info and I noticed this:

 

Quote

End of Challenge Update

 

Start of Challenge Stats

Weight - 70.7kg

Bodyfat - 28.7%

LBM - 50.4kg

Fat - 20.3kg

Measurements

Right thigh - 62cm

Belly - 89cm

Left arm Bingo Wing - 29.5 cm

 

End of week 5 Stats

Weight - 67.6kg

Bodyfat - 26.3%

LBM - 49.9kg

Fat - 17.7kg

Measurements

Right thigh - 59.5cm

Belly - 89cm

Left arm - 29cm 

 

Again, there's very little movement on these although yesterday morning I had my lowest ever weigh-in @ 66.9kg and 25.8% bf which shows that there is still at least a downwards trend, even if it's gone back up again today. 

 

And I thought "Hang on a minute!"  When I posted about my weight back in 2014 compared to now (quoted below) I was using  63.2Kg  with 20% bf which is written down in one of my old notebooks, but the measurements written alongside it were bigger than the ones above, so where does that number come from then???  

 

After searching through my old forum posts I'm convinced that 66.9Kg is the lowest weight I've recorded.  I think that when I wrote down 63.2Kg @ 20% I was working out what my weight would have to be, using my then LBM, to reach the fabled 20% body fat, because I never got that low.  I just didn't really twig on to that when I was copying it from the notebook.

 

22 hours ago, Guzzi said:

...so I will obviously have less muscle mass than I did back then but....

 

2014 - 63.2Kg with 20% body fat (according to those horribly innacurate body analyser scales!) 

2017 - 64.4Kg

 

I've got to admit there's been a big change to my body since I started taking photos back in September.  My belly is the biggest change, that seems to have really shrunk but I still seem to have my Bingo Wings.

 

 

This means that actually, I've already gone past my "lowest ever" weight.  Wooohooo! 

 

 

Obviously I had a little more muscle mass back then than I do now, but how much additional weight you can attribute to the extra muscle I don't know.  Back then I was trying to losing weight and building muscle at the same time, this time around I'm taking a different path.  I can't really do any exercise other than my physio and some very basic bodyweight exercises that tie in with it (wall-squats are part of my physio) so I am working on getting my body fat percentage down and then one day (I hope) start work on building back the muscle.  But if my bf% is already pretty low then I should see some pretty damn good results in terms of my physique.

 

All I need now is for the next operation to be a success and for my recovery to really take off.  I have all my fingers and toes crossed.

 

[Twilight]

Congrats!

[Guzzi]

Quote

No. 2 - Post my food accomplishments

The last 2 years have been pretty poor in terms of diet and nutrition.  I couldn't cook because I was ill and Colin really couldn't cook because.... Well just because, apparently, so there has been a big reliance on food that goes from the freezer straight to the oven.  I plan to slowly work on getting back to eating better.  Of course this is totally dependant on my mobility and stamina so it's outwith my control to a certain extent but I'm hoping to see improvements in my health and mobility over the course of the year.  I plan to posting my food related accomplishments, whether that's sharing a recipe that I've managed to cook or just doing the usual "food porn" photos.  It's all about celebrating my successes in the kitchen and hopefully giving me the the confidence and incentive to cook again, when the mobility issues allow it.

 

When I read this on Wednesday it made me realise just how much things have improved on this front recently.  

 

I decided to try and cut out bread for the current challenge for two reasons: the first is because bread is evil and gives me painful stomach cramps, and secondly, when I don't eat bread the food that I eat instead tends to be a LOT better for me in general.  When I cut out the bread I eat a lot more vegetables and protein, which much better for me than a plate of carbs.  I find it so hard to get my full quota of vegetables when bread is a staple part of my diet.  It's not so easy to add veggies to a sandwich or some toast.  

 

Over the last couple of weeks I have regularly eaten a bowl of steamed veggies with either fish or chicken for lunch and my dinner's have been considerably better too.  It's not so much a change in our situation that's prompted this, more that I set myself up to eat better by buying the right foods when I've been doing the shopping.  Just some simple things that are really easy to cook that I can either make myself or give Colin instructions, like frozen salmon fillets, tuna in flavoured dressings or ready cooked chicken portions and lots of microwave steam packs of mixed veggies.  Basically if it can get thrown in the micro or under the grill the Colin can manage (and only ask a few questions, lol!)  

 

 

On Thursday I ate some pulled pork in some fresh, crusty French bread and lo and behold last night and this morning I have been bent over double with stomach cramps.  I would normally say that Thursday - Saturday is too long for a food to still be in your system but my "system" has been on a go-slow since having food poisoning a couple of weeks ago.  

 

I think it is actually the yeast rather than the wheat that affects me, I get the same pains the day after drinking beer which is a disaster!!!  I LOVE beer!  

 

 

A really good beer is a gift from the Gods.  Oh, woe is me!  Or at least it would be if I was able to drink the stuff...  I've been alcohol free for the last 2.5 years because of 1) the pain and 2) the painkillers, and I don't think there's an end to either in sight just yet.  It will be quite a long process weaning myself off all the different pills assuming they can fix the problem in the first place.   My biggest fear is that I might end up stuck like this forever, and that is not a thought I can entertain.  If the doc tries to tell me that then I'm sticking my fingers in my ears and going "La la la la la, can't hear you, la la la"  

 

 

I'm really grateful to Colin for getting on board and helping me meet my goals.  He's not going bread-less himself but he's been really supportive of me doing it.  There's not once that he's moaned about making something different for me or suggested that I should "just eat a sandwich" lol!  Colin lost a ton of weight after I met him back in 2014 and he was looking really good but the stress of last couple of years with my health deteriorating, becoming a carer for me, going through the actual divorce proceedings, the situation at his work, it has taken it's toll.  Colin is a Stress Eater and he has stressed his way back to being quite large again.  It would be good if I could get him on board with the healthy mentality again and get him to cut out the snacking or introduce some exercise but he's not quite there yet.  I'm hoping that he will will come round sometime soon but it absolutely has to be his decision, I'm not going to put any pressure or blame on him whatsoever.

 

Hopefully this sore belly doesn't come to anything else and I'm able to eat normally for the next couple of days, I really don't want to have to do another 24h fast to let my insides settle down.  I mean, it would be good for my weight loss but I have ideas for using the food that's in the fridge and I'm quite looking forward to eating it.  

 

[Guzzi]

On 30/01/2017 at 5:15 PM, Guzzi said:

May update. 

 

No. 1 - Post monthly progress pics

I've decided to switch to my bikini for my progress pics because I'm getting towards the point that any progress could be masked by the shorts and croptop combo I was using before.  There's been a drop of 2Kg over the last month (thanks mostly to food poisoning!) and there is a definite difference in the pics however, my posture is also seriously better in this month's pics and that has made a big difference too, especially in the side-on pic.  When you're holding your pelvis in the correct position using your lower abdominals then your stomach is automatically flatter.  That said, I can see a difference in my belly in the front-on pic too so there is definitely less belly than there was this time last month, yay!!!

 

April weight = 66.4Kg  Body fat = 24.5%

May weight = 64.3Kg  Body fat = 23.2%

 

 

 

And for some unknown reason Tapatalk won't let me upload the last pic. Grrr!

 

[Twilight]

Great work!

[Guzzi]

I cooked, and it was good!

[Guzzi]

 

On 30/01/2017 at 5:15 PM, Guzzi said:

April weight = 66.4Kg  Body fat = 24.5%

May weight = 64.3Kg  Body fat = 23.2%

 

Aaaaaand hen 1st June 65.0Kg  Boo for hormonal fluctuations!  I'm pretty sure that I'm at my heaviest point of my monthly cycle right now, hence the jump in weight.  I'm hoping to do a proper update tomorrow with picture "and stuffs", I was just not feeling up to all that today.  

 

[Twilight]

I hope you're feeling better today.

[Guzzi]

On ‎02‎/‎06‎/‎2017 at 6:36 PM, Twilight said:

I hope you're feeling better today.

 

Thank you, though unfortunately things have been a bit rough this last wee while, I've been in a lot of pain again and not had the concentration to post much. 

 

I've been pretty lazy, huh?  I'm going to add my monthly photos and all from my phone shortly.  Honest!    Something that I've noticed and had pointed out to me lately (most often in the form of "you're getting too skinny" - thank you) is that I am quite lacking in muscle mass/tone.  Now I knew that already but as I lose more weight it's becoming more and more obvious.  I've been getting slimmer but I really don't like my shape, it's too.... flat.   

 

I would really like to change my body comp and try to build back some muscle, I just don't know how feasible that is right now.  I am going to ponder this. 

[Sloth the Enduring]

[Guzzi]

Ok, so I’ve not posted on here for about 2 years, but I feel like I could do with having somewhere to keep track of progress over a longer period than the 4WCs so I’m picking it up and dusting it off.  

 

Progress pics will be added shortly.  

[Guzzi]

Last progress pics were from May 2017 and I was the slimmest and lightest I’d ever been in my adult life! Unfortunately I was also still in a lot of pain and had huge problems with my mobility. Since then I’ve had a diagnosis and treatment that has allowed me to come completely off my painkillers and start to live a normal life again. The down side is that coming off Tramadol was a freaking nightmare and made me very sick for quite a while, which lead to me eating a LOT of crap to make myself feel better and, yup you guessed it, put on a ton of weight.

So, starting afresh! This is where I am now and I have some new goals, woohoo!

Weight - 70.6kg
BF - 27.4%

This comes with a disclaimer that A - my weight was taken after a 24hr fast so might be artificially low, and B - that BF% is from a set of analyser scales (notoriously inaccurate but I can at least track the trend).

This shows where I am now compared to my last progress pic. It doesn’t look like much but I think I’m just holding my belly in a LOT more in the new pic. I’m about 6kg heavier than in the first pic (and most of that seems to be around my midriff).







I have been able to start lifting again and I don’t seem to have lost massive amounts of strength, at least, not as much as I was expecting to have lost.

The goal now is to lose the extra poundage, gain strength and mobility, and quite simply Get A Life. I will still take part in the challenges but I’m going to track the changes to my body (composition and ability) in here.

[Jittersthe.Clown]

Way to get back after it

 

 

[Guzzi]

6 minutes ago, Jittersthe.Clown said:

Way to get back after it

 

 

 

Jitters!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

[Guzzi]

 

Quote

So, starting afresh! This is where I am now and I have some new goals, woohoo!

Weight - 70.6kg
BF - 27.4%

This comes with a disclaimer that A - my weight was taken after a 24hr fast so might be artificially low, and B - that BF% is from a set of analyser scales (notoriously inaccurate but I can at least track the trend).

 

I weighed myself the start of the last challenge (just for reference) and the numbers were:

 

Weight - 70.8kg

BF - 27.7%

 

So, no change over the last 5 weeks, at least not according to the scale, but as I said to Colin the other day, I feel different. I’m happier with my body and I feel as if it’s less jiggly, even though I hadn’t been eating less or doing any real workouts - just aerobics for senior citizens and yoga. But on Monday I was at the gym for a class and the instructor said to me “I see a difference in you, you’ve lost weight.”  So obviously there has been some kind of change, which I’m delighted with!

 

I’ve started 5:2 intermittent fasting as part of my 4 week challenge so that should deliver some results, but I’m going home for 10 days and my M-in-law will no doubt try to fatten me up while I’m there.   I have also spoken to Norma (my old personal trainer) about doing a sort of intensive skills course with her while I’m there to try and improve my form on a few lifts so that I have more confidence to lift on my own.  I have had a couple of 1-to-1 sessions with The Dude who works at the leisure centre but I’m not convinced he’s any good.  He had me working on deadlift last week and I had to pull the pin when we got to 70kg and say “I can’t lift that” because my form had gone to shit.  He also had me doing a lot of isolation exercises when I’d already told him I wanted to work on compound lifts.  

 

I’m thinking that instead of trying to work on Olympic lifts I should just settle down with a basic program like Stronglifts 5x5 and work on increasing my strength that way and just do some very light work on the Olympic lifts to get better form.  I don’t think there is anyone here who would coach Olympic, apart from The Dude who supposedly can (but I think he knows fuck-all tbh). 

 

Today is a fast day, so I will be drinking lots of coffee! 

[Jittersthe.Clown]