Would like help respawning, not feeling positive.

[sddragontat]

I haven't been very active in the forums, I'm not a very social person, but I feel like I've hit a wall, and I'm having a hard time getting over/around it.

 

Basically, the tl/dr version is that I feel like I've been trying various ways to shift about 30 pounds for 20 years (since I was 11 years old), and have gotten exactly no where.

 

I've been overweight since I was 11, and have never been able to get to be a normal weight.  I was discouraged from participating in sports (my parents pulled me from ballet when I hit puberty/started gaining weight because I was "too fat to dance," had the usual bullying in gym class, and giant breasts that made running, jumping, and basically all sports painful to participate in.  Good sports bras were still a decade or so away, and not affordable anyways).  I "discovered" exercise a little less than 10 years ago, and have been slowly ramping up, but it's still only regular about 6 months out of the year - I can get myself to go for about 2 to 6 months at a stretch, and then something happens and I fall off the wagon, and then have to start all over again, which is the hardest part.  Last year was probably the best, since I was steady at the gym for most of the year.  I even had a doctor ask if I was a runner, because my resting heart rate and blood pressure were so good.  I do like going to the gym, and I miss having it part of my schedule, but I can't seem to make it a priority again.  The only difference really is that we moved closer to work, so I'm not commuting an hour to work any more, and that should make it EASIER to fit in a workout, but I haven't been able to and I'm frankly not sure why.

 

In the meantime, I've been trying to eat better, but have been plagued by stomach issues for at least 15 years and only last found that all my attempts to eat "healthy" were only making things worse.  Besides the long list of things that I can't eat without causing a reaction (dairy, gluten, soy, onion, garlic, and some other weird stuff including avocado), I also can't eat too much fiber at one sitting.  So I can have one salad a day, if that, and otherwise have to be careful about how much vegetable matter I consume.  So I'd spent so much effort trying to make sure I was eating vegetables, and not too much carbs, and cutting out processed foods and it turns out that all that was just making me sick.  Yay!  It's been about a year, and I've basically got the diet thing under control so I don't usually feel sick, but I'm still obese.

To top everything off, as a woman having a BMI of over 30 (5'5" and 185 right now) means that I may be making it more difficult on myself to conceive and carry to term a healthy child (one miscarriage and an ectopic already, but all my hormones are healthy and I have no ovulation issues that have turned up) and may be passing on health problems to my child as well which just terrifies me.  But as I haven't been able to shift the weight, despite adding in exercise (even if inconsistent) and cleaning up my diet I don't really know what else to do.  I'm already 33, so it's not like we can wait until I lose 30 pounds to try especially since it can take up to a year to conceive (it took us 8 months the first time).

 

In the meantime, on average I have not lost any weight, and it's starting to feel hopeless.  It feels like I'll only ever be able to lose weight with a superhuman effort that I'm plainly not capable of (having shown no signs over the last 20 years that I can make it happen).  And while consistency is king, I clearly am incapable of consistency.  From the other direction, the exhortations to "love yourself at any size" play a siren song that's difficult to ignore.  Why should I continue to stress about my weight?  Why not just try and get to the gym and enjoy the movement and how good it feels to get physically fit?  Why continue to torture myself when it just hasn't worked?

 

It just feels like I'm fighting a losing battle and I'm so very tired.  Has anyone else been there?  What did you do?

[Raincloak]

Lots of women have healthy babies in their mid to late 30s.  It's not like you have to get pregnant right now.

You should absolutely love yourself at any size, but part of loving yourself is giving your body the freedom to move and the maintenance it requires.  So, do movements that you enjoy. 

 

As for diet, it sounds like grains are not your thing, so maybe a modified paleo diet would suit you.  How's your sugar intake?  Something you're consuming regularly must be keeping that extra weight on, unless you've got a hormone imbalance or something.

 

[Baldilocks]

I wish I had the magic cure for you.  Hang in there.  Is there any chance you are close enough to work to commute by bike, safely .  I take my time on the way there, so I don't get all sweaty.  Then I can push it on the way home.  I usually try to sprint and recover to get the most out of it as a workout.  Perhaps that would be one way of getting a workout that feels like it has a purpose.  I also enjoy biking.  It makes me feel like a kid.   

[WolfDreamer]

There really is no easy solution for this. But the best bit of advice given so far is to find movements that are fun for you but that also challenge your body and your brain. Even the simplest movements like walking can be transformative, especially if you are mindful and enjoying it. Take a friend (or several) and maybe go to a place you admire, a park or really nice neighborhood, and walk, focusing on the journey (sightseeing, basically). Find movements and activities that make smile you laugh. Happiness and joy does a lot to transform your health, as well. Even if you take baby steps like this for now, progress will happen. I encourage you to read through Steve's blog. He writes a lot about where to begin, what to do if you "fail," how to celebrate even the smallest victories. I'm especially fond of posts like this one: "Why Having to Start Over -- AGAIN -- Is Great".

 

As for the issues with food, you may need to talk to a nutritionist if you haven't already and see what your options are. There are benefits to the Paleo/Primal diet that go beyond losing weight and getting fit.

 

Keep in touch and let us know if there are any other ways we can help.

[sddragontat]

Thanks for the thoughts!  My diet is mostly vegetables, whole starches (rice, potato - can't have sweet potato), and meats and fats.  I do overeat, not necessarily on "sugar" as such, but mostly fats and potatoes because I can eat those.  I fell into that because when I first started on the FODMAP diet for all my stupid stomach things, I was eating just vegetables and meat, and barely hitting 1,000 calories a day, even with snacks.  So I was tired, and angry, and hated life, so we reintroduced potatoes as an easy way to hit calories.  Since then we've found other starchy foods that work, and put them back in and that could be it.

 

I live in San Diego, and we can't afford to live near enough work to make biking/walking feasible.  Cities aren't built in a way to make healthy living easy around here.  

 

My husband keeps suggesting talking to a nutritionist as well, but I dislike spending the money just in general, so I've been refusing to do it.  We've got a lot in student debt so it feels wasteful to pay for something that feels like vanity and I have a hard time getting over that feeling.

[Nuclear_Glitter]

14 hours ago, sddragontat said:

My husband keeps suggesting talking to a nutritionist as well, but I dislike spending the money just in general, so I've been refusing to do it.  We've got a lot in student debt so it feels wasteful to pay for something that feels like vanity and I have a hard time getting over that feeling.

 

It is not vanity to find food you can eat. You need food to survive, and I'm sure you want to also enjoy life, not just be "surviving". A nutritionist, and food allergy testing sounds like it could be a huge first step for you.  I know it's hard to spend money on medical things, but you should try and look at it as self investment. Especially,  if you guys want to have children, your health really matters. 

 

You should also research leaky gut, and things of that nature. It sounds like you could really benefit from some probiotics and gut healing foods. 

 

I wish you all the luck in the world with your health, and your baby endeavours. 

[chemgeek]

If it helps, sddragontat: I have a health condition that limits what I can eat, too (reactive hypglycemia - basically my body over-reacts to a sugar rush and floods me with insulin, which is great for setting up the sugar crash - starving - eat sweets - sugar crash cycle that can put you on the path to weight gain and/or insulin resistance). A registered dietician (any joe blow off the street can call themself a "nutritionist" but registered dietician is a protected term - kind of the difference between a dentist and a "toothologist") was crucial for me to learn how to eat well and manage my condition at the same time. Instead of thinking of the dietician as a vanity thing, try thinking of seeing one as setting yourself up for success in managing a real and (from the sounds of it) rather debilitating health condition. 

 

I second the rec for allergy testing. I used to react to all sorts of weird stuff, but turned out I just had a few really bad allergies that were driving my system haywire so I'd react to stuff I'm not actually allergic to. Might be you're in the same boat?

 

[WolfDreamer]

On 3/11/2017 at 4:20 PM, sddragontat said:

Cities aren't built in a way to make healthy living easy around here.

 

I've heard that about San Diego, which is unfortunate since California has a rep for being one of the most health/fitness progressive states. I have friends from Portland, NYC, and Seattle who are able to commute via biking or walking/jogging. A few of my NYC friends don't even own a vehicle.

[Miw_Sher]

Other than what everyone else already said - do yo know why you fall off the bandwagon each time? What triggers it? Is there a pattern?

How have you tried to lose weight in the past? What are you doing now? Any idea why it may not be working?

[Raincloak]

The weather in SD is terrific though.  And they have beaches.  Lots to do outdoors, even if you have to drive to work.

[eden_fire]

Also being a woman in her 30's, I know how frustrating it can be to feel like you're fighting a losing battle against time and a slowing metabolism. Sometimes it seems like no matter what we do, our bodies are determined to defy our best efforts. My suggestion would be to see a doctor and rule out possible medical issues first...thyroid, PCOS, that sort of thing. Have you seen a doctor to rule out any autoimmune issues, such as Crohns, Celiac Disease, or Colitis? I ask because "stomach issues" tend to run in my husband's family, and they've all been diagnosed with at least one of the above. If it is an autoimmune issue, you might need medication to get things under control.

 

That being said, diet plays a HUGE role in managing all of these, so if you've found foods that you can safely eat, stick with what works, and focus on moving more! Everything that I've read recommends strength training and building muscle as the antidote to a slowing metabolism for women our age.

 

 

[FitChick_Maybe]

On 4/18/2017 at 0:59 PM, eden_fire said:

That being said, diet plays a HUGE role in managing all of these, so if you've found foods that you can safely eat, stick with what works, and focus on moving more! Everything that I've read recommends strength training and building muscle as the antidote to a slowing metabolism for women our age.

I have found that strength training is better for me (at almost 34) than cardio. Even when I wasn't going to the gym (various reasons like the flu, then a constant migraine), I was still dropping pounds. I have lost a total of 16 pounds. Only 10 of that was while I was hitting the gym 4-5 days a week. I feel that I did get much stronger and it does take more calories to maintain strong muscles, so I believe that is why I continue to lose weight.

 

I've been told my weight is the cause of every single ailment including migraines, IBS, and fibromyalgia. But even after the weight loss, the migraines are constant, the IBS is still bad, and the fibro is still here. Hmmm, go figure.

 

Sorry, not trying to be negative! Let me re-state that I am an advocate for strength training over cardio. I personally think it is very smart for us women to be strong, especially to fight against the slow metabolism. It will also help strengthen our bodies as we reach the time when osteoporosis could start affecting us. Hang in there. It seems that many of the comments offer great advice. You will find what works for you.

[orcwarrior]

Sddragontat,

 

Sounds like you've got some built-in challenges with your dietary issues - makes it harder.  Sounds like the person who knows you best also supports you seeing a nutritionist.  I get that sounds like a splurge, but sounds like your partner supports spending your shared resources on your health.  I hope you do that sometime.

 

Don't know what's going on with you, but I hear one thing real strong.  There's long periods you succeed in meeting your exercise goals, then long periods you don't.  I'd really encourage you to monitor the differences in your head and your daily actions during those two times.  I'm guessing you could spot some relevant differences.  I know the one period of time I was doing really well (prior NF period before hitting a personal wall, now respawning) it was because I was developing some very different, better, and positive mental habits that helped support and maintain healthy lifestyle changes.  Hoping you can see and be encouraged by those things you've already proven you can do.  Good luck!