Heidi: Frost

Heidi · February 16, 2017

I wrote the response to each of the other posters; the professor found my post to have "keen insight," which calms me a bit.

I have no clue what is going on in my personal life, at all. [I know, you would think that because it is called "my" life, and that we are talking about the "personal" part of it, that I somehow wouldn't be able to be confused about anything. And yet. It's a gift I have.]

My life feels unreal.

Laghail · February 16, 2017

This track and the whole album are kinda my confusion soundtrack - https://youtu.be/GJyNFOiECqk

Twilight · February 16, 2017

Oooh witchdrawn!

Wishing you serenity and calm and clarity.

Heidi · February 17, 2017

21 hours ago, Laghail said:

This track and the whole album are kinda my confusion soundtrack - https://youtu.be/GJyNFOiECqk

Wow, @Laghail, this is Just Right for today!! Thank you so much. "Creeks" kind of tore me up, just in the right way.

Also, on the way in to work today, I heard an interview with Showalter of Strand Oaks talking up the new album Hard Love. Between Bon Iver and Strand Oaks, I am feeling musically wealthy and loved today. One of my favorite off the new album is "Taking Acid and Talking with My Brother." (no videos yet, as the album drops today -- it is available on Amazon Unlimited though, and makes me totally comfortable with the subscription.)

Heidi · February 17, 2017

Eternal life is now on my trail

Got my red glitter coffin, man, just need one last nail

While all these ugly gentlemen play out their foolish games

There's a flaming red horizon that screams our names

The Borg Queen · February 19, 2017

Ahhhh, Jeff Buckley.

Heidi · February 20, 2017

We had a lovely weekend, despite me having heart issues on Saturday after I started moving the mulch around. It was bad enough that it sat me down and I couldn't catch my breath for about an hour or so, and even after, the heart kept right on pounding all through the day, leaving me capable of no more than sitting on a stool or a chair.

I called in reinforcements, and my long-time friend Jax showed up to make the cake while I sent Harvey out to do battle, armed with shopping lists for the fresh fruit and vegetables.

Vivian was of supreme use in determining the kind of cake she wanted (chocolate) and the texture (moist) and the flavor of frosting (chocolate again). It was layered with a berry compote that was just delicious and we all felt like royalty by the time it was said and done.

Vivian and I read books and supervised, as befits our station. While it was in progress, Vivian helped clean up by making herself useful cleaning the batter from the beater. I'm certain that she was able to get Every.Last.Drop.

Once the cake was in the oven, Harvey whipped up a batch of egg noodle dough for the beef stroganoff to go over, and it was absolutely delicious, with sounds of enjoyment all around. I confess that I am a real fan of the pasta press, and am unlikely ever to go back to dried noodles, but there was a moment, while watching the minutes melt away, that we were all wondering if we needed to break out a bag of pasta from the pantry.

The cake was delicious, of course, and beautiful to boot. We enjoyed the company of family and a good time was had by all.

On Sunday we went on a trail ride on horses, and Vivian loved every minute of it, as you might expect. She did amazingly well, but even more importantly she had a great time. It was so nice to be able to have the afternoon to work with instead of having to drop her off at 4 without any flexibility whatsoever. This is a much better schedule for Vivian, and it showed. We went to Barnes & Noble after the ride and she chose two big books of horse breeds with pictures, and then proceeded to carry them with her everywhere all evening and into the ride to school.

Heidi · February 20, 2017

Last night on the phone, Vivian told her dad about the fun we had this weekend. She was really happy and glad to share that with him, and I thought it was nice to see her having some continuity in her life across the households.

Then this morning, I get a scathing email from him. He freaked out in a hostile, blustering early-morning tirade, going all over the map about how I was in the wrong to have taken her, that it supersedes a commitment that was made to Vivian (but weirdly awkward and obvious about not saying who made the commitment), that it was dangerous to the point of unethical, and that having done so I need to do it repeatedly, for life.

This is not wholly surprising, and might possibly be reflective of why he is my ex. Whatever. I'm happy to support Vivian and her interests, and that's all that should matter to anyone, ever.

maegs · February 20, 2017

On 2/16/2017 at 11:16 AM, Heidi ☯ said:

[I know, you would think that because it is called "my" life, and that we are talking about the "personal" part of it, that I somehow wouldn't be able to be confused about anything. And yet. It's a gift I have.]

Ah, see, you're expecting anything to make sense, there's your problem

4 hours ago, Heidi ☯ said:

Vivian was of supreme use in determining the kind of cake she wanted (chocolate) and the texture (moist) and the flavor of frosting (chocolate again). It was layered with a berry compote that was just delicious and we all felt like royalty by the time it was said and done.

That sounds like a wonderful cake! Vivian makes good cake choices

1 hour ago, Heidi ☯ said:

I'm happy to support Vivian and her interests, and that's all that should matter to anyone, ever.

<3

Heidi · February 21, 2017

I left work and went to the emergency room to have my heart checked out, given the persistent fatigue and breathing difficulty after the episode on Saturday. There was a lot of activity of folks worse of than I, and I spent several hours reading the material for class and making notes for my post today. The upside is that I'm fine, and have a follow-up with my internal medicine doctor on Wednesday morning. We got home at 1:30 in the morning and couldn't sleep, of course, so we watched the last half of the season 2 finale of How To Get Away With Murder. I loved it, of course. And then bed, with strange dreams involving a mortgage agent coming by and sending us a letter about needing to paint the porch.

This morning was slow going, but not nearly as rough as I had imagined it would be.

Writing for the class is coming up directly, as the post is due before noon, and then acupuncture this afternoon.

I haven't been to the gym since last Saturday, and I'm thinking that today is an excellent time to fix that.

DarK_RaideR · February 22, 2017

It all sounds delicious and Vivian certainly looks excited in those photos

On 20/2/2017 at 11:43 PM, Heidi ☯ said:

I'm happy to support Vivian and her interests, and that's all that should matter to anyone, ever.

Which makes you the best mom in the world, full stop.

Jittersthe.Clown · February 22, 2017

15 minutes ago, DarK_RaideR said:

It all sounds delicious and Vivian certainly looks excited in those photos

Which makes you the best mom in the world, full stop.

It's impossible to argue with this logic

Heidi · February 22, 2017

1 hour ago, DarK_RaideR said:

It all sounds delicious and Vivian certainly looks excited in those photos

Which makes you the best mom in the world, full stop.

49 minutes ago, Jittersthe.Clown said:

It's impossible to argue with this logic

Thanks, @DarK_RaideR and @Jittersthe.Clown -- support goes a long way for me, and both of you have my respect, so thanks.

The nightly calls are always met with distraction -- she has to choose between talking with me and an activity, and then last night she was getting ready to brush her teeth -- but they happen, and that's the point of it all. Last night she said that she wished she had her own phone so that she could call whenever she wanted. I am of two minds: On the one hand, it would be handy to have her be able to call, but on the other I can see her calling all day long or using calling as a way to be defiant and get her way or tattle. I'm not certain that it's appropriate to put a six year old in charge of the management of the communication, so I think I'm going to pass on the phone for now.

I have a doctor appointment this afternoon to follow up on the ER visit (where I think I managed to pick up a head cold).

This morning was rainy and grey, a perfect day to take it slow and be gentle and loving. The gym last night was just what I needed. I brought the bag so that I can go again after work, again in the rain, since it's supposed to be like this all day.

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Heidi · February 22, 2017

“As long as a society holds regular and frequent assemblies, meeting in harmony
and mutual respect, can they be expected to prosper and not decline.
As long as a society follows the long held traditions of wisdom, and honors its elders,
can they be expected to prosper and not decline.
As long as a society protects the wives and daughters and vulnerable among them,
can they be expected to prosper and not decline.
As long as a society cares for the shrines and sacred places of the natural world,
can they be expected to prosper and not decline.”
—Mahaparinirvana Sutta (a text of Buddha’s last teachings)

Laghail · February 22, 2017

Beautiful text.

Twilight · February 23, 2017

What a happy kid! And what a treat to go trail riding.

Terinatum · February 27, 2017

Hello my love! I'm coming back! See you soon.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Jittersthe.Clown · February 27, 2017

How's it going, Heidi?

Heidi · February 27, 2017

5 hours ago, Terinatum said:

Hello my love! I'm coming back! See you soon.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Hello my dear! So good to see you again!

I can't wait to catch up and hear how your life has been.

As fate would have it, I had a dream involving you this weekend, so I hope everything is stellar with you.

42 minutes ago, Jittersthe.Clown said:

How's it going, Heidi?

Sorry for leaving you hanging, @Jittersthe.Clown, and thanks for your patience.

The end of last week flew by in a flurry of appointments and work assignments. Combined with the head cold, I was barely able to stand by the end of Friday, so I went to a meeting with my partner after the meeting with my attorney. We needed to figure out support and a couple other issues, and I swear that you could have knocked me over with a feather at the results. More on that later. The order is expected to be signed this week, and I'm looking forward to having an official date and order in hand -- it has been too long in coming, clocking in at over four weeks since the hearing.

I had a mishap with the mill (who knew you couldn't use it to powder sugar?!?!!?) and I swear that Harvey and I nearly cried. I did some internet research, and apparently I'm not the first person to have this experience, so I wrote to the customer service folks to see what can be done. Fingers crossed.

Confession: We are grieving the downtime of the mill. In less than two weeks, it became central to our lives and a major piece of who we are in this world. Weird, but true, and good to know. If I ever doubted the wisdom of this purchase, I don't now.

There are a ton of work projects for me to do, and I still haven't done my homework for the class this week, so I'm a busy bee. The echo stress test is tomorrow, followed by an appointment to get a cardiac event monitor. All to the good, and then I have yoga therapy on Wednesday morning and financial legal appointment Wednesday evening. All the good and bad are being thrown out into the light to be dealt with in a loving, supportive manner, and it feels good. Acceptance and balance are key.

Twilight · February 27, 2017

I've powdered sugar in a mortar and pestle, but if you're doing more than a couple of tablespoons it'll give you sore hands quick.

Sounds like you've got good news for the agreement! That's great!

Heidi · February 27, 2017

1 hour ago, Twilight said:

I've powdered sugar in a mortar and pestle, but if you're doing more than a couple of tablespoons it'll give you sore hands quick.

Sounds like you've got good news for the agreement! That's great!

Thanks, @Twilight -- the news is actually really good indeed. It's not Exactly What I Asked For, but that's not always as important as i want it to be. I think that if we can get to a harmonious implementation of the visitation and communication of the order that Vivian will be in a much better zone, and that's what really matters.

*fingers crossed*

Heidi · February 27, 2017

It's that time of year again when I sign up for the produce for the year. This year I'm adding in an olive oil subscription, adopting an olive tree from a grove on the the Carolina Villani Estate:

The Carolina Villani Estate is situated in San Paolo Civitate, by the area called Alto Tavoliere in the northern region of Puglia. The hilly location 182 meters above sea level combined with the mild climate makes this area ideal for olive growing. In particular, it’s known for producing Peranzana olives.

Frankly, I can't wait to receive our first shipment, and it couldn't be timed better. Wednesday night we poured the last of our three liter tin into the glass bottle of olive oil we keep next to the stove, and I told Harvey it was time to up our game when it comes to the olive oil, given that we now have such great bread and vegetables to go with it, and he agreed.

Today we are going on a date to Oliveto here in town, and I'm totally looking forward to it. But that certificate of adoption is getting framed and hung in the kitchen for certain.

Now if I could just find a source for durum wheat, I'd be golden. O wait! I did!

Watch this space -- future reports as events warrant.

Twilight · February 28, 2017

Amazing!

Heidi · February 28, 2017

Today's posts for class are submitted, and I'm off to a meeting with my coworkers.

This afternoon is the echo stress test and then the event monitor, and then we are making fresh whipped cream to go with the cream cheese pound cake that we are taking to dinner with friends.

This morning was difficult -- being an analyst and a reality-junkie aren't exactly the nicest context for peace of mind -- but here I am, a mere five hours later and the sky hasn't fallen. Once again, I have as much happiness as I am willing to be grateful for.

Also, I'm on FitBit again.

Heidi · March 2, 2017

Tuesday I had the stress test (all looks good) and was fitted with the event monitor. By the time that was done, I was wiped out, but we had dinner with friends planned, and it was wonderful, but went on way too late -- I am in no position to be seeing the other side of midnight any more. I was beyond tired when we got home, and there was a story of dropping into a ditch and jarring the bejeezus out of our necks, and that left me pretty achy and cranky to boot.

I'm supposed to wear the event monitor for a month. So far, one or more of the four leads has managed to fall off every 30-60 minutes, freaking out the monitor and causing me to DropEverything and tend to it. I haven't been this distracted and out of sleep since Vivian was 4 weeks old. This morning I picked up some paper tape to hold the sensors in place, and it's working for now. Thank Heavens!!

Wednesday, I took the day off from work and restied, which was wonderful but too short, and then ran my errands even though i didn't want to. The bankruptcy meeting was longer than anyone thought it would be, and two hours in we realized we needed to schedule another hour next week. At least it's in process.

I'm still super tired.

But the first shipment of the olive oil came, and I'm tickled.

Can I just tell you that it is so goo d I might never go back? It is so super smooth and rich that I could just sit around a lick it. We had it on the night's freshly made bread with a little oregano and salt in the dipping, and it was a-MAZ-ing.

(incoming photo bomb)