Tourennatrix goes to the Xavier Institute - P3

[tourennatrix]

 

Turns out the classes I’ve signed up for were even harder than I expected. However, the school has a really forgiving set-up for incoming student transfers. Instead of getting failing grades or being expelled for low marks, I am spending the next block in a self-lead placement test. My task is to challenge myself, do what I feel capable of doing, and log it all for review. I am allowed to drop in on classes, visit professors during their office hours, and all that good stuff… But ultimately, it is up to me to find what works and what doesn’t, then present it at the end of the block. At that point, they will do an evaluation and see how my classes should proceed.

 

Part of the struggle last challenge (however minor) was that I was getting bored tracking the same stuff every day, so I stopped writing stuff down. Time for a format twist! I will still be trying to do a lot of the same, but also acknowledging points for other things I do. Each action I do will count for 3 points to be split across physical, mental, and emotional categories. They are not set in stone because one day going for a run could be 100% physical, another day it could be primarily emotional.

 

What are these points actually for?

 

 

Hey look, it’s a tracking log! I’ll have to be extra diligent with my paper logging to make sure my spreadsheet is accurate, since I won’t necessarily be logging the spreadsheet daily.

 

**In addition to my regular tracking, I have some stuff in the background for me to keep in my awareness:

-> We know I have difficulty with snacks at work, but I want to try making sure that, of the snacks I do have, they are primarily non-wheat snacks. I’ve had some pretty ridiculous headaches over the last couple weeks and while I know a lot of it was due to stress, I’m pretty sure some of it was wheat related. Ew.

-> I would really like to get 2 chapters done this challenge (so, chapters 2 and 3 completed). I started chapter 2 a week or so ago, but pretty much started over from scratch today because I didn’t get very far

-> Overall, just try to get back into the swing of things. I’m hoping that my mental/emotional state will allow me to have a schedule again by the end of the challenge. With last year as a reference,  I’m not holding my breath, but I’m being a lot more aware and perhaps proactive this time around.

-> Most importantly, play everything by ear and be as forgiving as I can be.

 

[lucky fire dragon]

Awesome spreadsheet! Go get them thingies

Have a great challenge!

[Mad Hatter]

I love the thingies and thing dooerys! Though looking at all the thingies on your list I'm beginning to understand why I can't do all the things all the time.  

[tourennatrix]

16 minutes ago, Mad Hatter said:

I love the thingies and thing dooerys! Though looking at all the thingies on your list I'm beginning to understand why I can't do all the things all the time.  

So hard to pick, some days XD

[Asa Pond]

Yay! Following!!! 

 

[Cataleya]

 

[SkiBlue]

Ooooooo spreadsheet. <3

 

Here for whatever-you-need support! And shenanigans (they happen a lot here, it's nice).

[raptron]

Oooh, that is a very good way to keep track of the thingies. There are so many of them.  

[otterbyte]

Oooh! Shiny spreadsheet!

[tourennatrix]

You guys, I just submitted a job application. 

 

My body's reaction to this is the urge to curl into a ball and rip out my intestines. 

 

I feel like this shouldn't be the case. I mean, I get it, but seems like there should be a better option.

 

... I was going to end this with something like "omfg i'm so exhausted here have a gif of Sherlock sleeping" but then I found this instead:

[Cataleya]

37 minutes ago, tourennatrix said:

You guys, I just submitted a job application. 

 

My body's reaction to this is the urge to curl into a ball and rip out my intestines. 

 

I feel like this shouldn't be the case. I mean, I get it, but seems like there should be a better option.

 

... I was going to end this with something like "omfg i'm so exhausted here have a gif of Sherlock sleeping" but then I found this instead:

A+ gif usage please use again

 

Also I totally know this feel. I feel that way too about job apps. Good luck!

[Mad Hatter]

Regardless of how you feel you did it!!! That's the important thing and it's huge.

 

good luck!

[mom2sjm]

I really like your spreadsheet!  I do paper journaling too before i do things in spreadsheets.  But your spread sheet is really cool.  I need to figure out how to come up with a cool spreadsheet of my own

 

A snack that I currently like are the Kirkland brand protein bars from Costco.  They have 21g of protein, 4g net carbs, and 1g sugar.  Don't think they have any wheat in them but I could be very wrong on that...  They are really yummy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[tourennatrix]

Uh... Hi...

You guys, week zero was just ridic.

 

The previous Friday was one of the worst work days to date. Going back in on Monday, I was jealous of my friend who was home sick. I caught myself for a minute, because people say that sort of thing all the time, but then I realized that no, I would really truly have rather been bedridden with the flu than be at work. I was on edge for the first half of the week, so much so that I went to the chiropractor to try to get my ribs to let me breathe again, though I knew that what I really needed was a massage and some not stress. Then on Wednesday C heard me and got a little more opinionated than usual about how I was (not) handling my situation, because despite everything I still wasn't allowing myself the option to look for something better. I mean, sure I've submitted a few applications over the last few years, but I haven't really been looking. Thursday and Friday at work I kind of felt like I was in a daze. I wanted to be anywhere but there, but couldn't do anything about it. But fuck, my back hurt so much.

 

Friday night, I made a "Fuck this" calendar, mapping out the next 3 months, coloring in the pay periods and paydays in my current job, so I could see what 2 weeks notice would look like, how much I could save up in the mean time. On Saturday (a truly rough and difficult day, there were lots of tears, but Husband was there) I finally managed to submit a resume. (This job posting, I had originally seen and said "This looks interesting, but way too customer-facing" but eventually said "fuck it, nothing else good has shown up today." It's one of those things that sounds both really hard and really easy and I feel like I'm going to ask for way too much as a starting wage because living expenses SUCK, but I gotta start somewhere.) As described above, submitting this application did not fill me with a sense of relief, it just twisted and churned because I knew I would need to submit more and more apps as long as I didn't get a favorable response and the clock is ticking. 

 

Last night as I was trying to sleep, my heart felt like I had just run up and down the stairs 10 times. In retrospect, I probably should have used the time I wasn't sleeping by following a guided meditation, but hindsight etc etc.

 

Moving forward. Today I texted my landlord and essentially gave him 1.5 months notice, far more than fair if I do say so myself (and if he finds someone who wants to move in early he can kick me out and give me a refund, sure.) I got a lead on another job which I think is WAY out of my league, but after my first initial heart attack of seeing it suggested for me, I said "fuck it" once more and sent an inquiry for more information. I would be really super surprised if that one pans out, but at least I'm putting myself out there.

 

Moving forward. Tomorrow I'm getting a super quick trim so my hair doesn't look too shaggy if when I start going in for interviews. I'd like to swing by Goodwill or something to see about getting a 'new' interview outfit, but I don't know when I'll have time (I keep operating on this idea that Saturday's application is going to want me to interview on Weds, because it's not far from where my therapy office is, i.e., not close to home). 

 

Sunday I started preparing taxes, finally. It's okay though, our tax appointment isn't until the end of March. Gracious. 

I also put myself out there, offering services as a content manager for a friend's website (have yet to hear back on), and today I got confirmation of acceptance as a freelance transcriber on Casting Words, which I figure at the very least I could work on some during the weekends. 

 

No capoeira all last week because Girafa was sick and I couldn't be bothered to move. No capoeira tonight because Girafa is still recovering. I miss capoeira  I'm getting nervous about how much pain I'm going to be in the next time I actually do a real workout because for seriously it's been over a month. I feel like I need someone to kick my ass into gear and make me do the thing once to remind myself that it's not the biggest scariest thing ever to do some push ups and crunches or whatever. 

 

I want to be more excited about the changes that are going on, but right now everything is just so big and scary, and all my energy that I was putting into capoeira and strength training and eating more-or-less better... all of that is just a jumbled anxious mess and I have no energy left to devote to the things that I enjoy.

 

Basically, life feels like this:

 

(srsly where did all these sherlock-kitty things come from what have I been missing???)

 

I know it'll get better, just... *flail*

[Cataleya]

That truly sounds like a lot of not fun. I'm sorry.

 

On the plus side, it gets a lot easier to give zero fucks submitting apps the more you do it. At least in my experience.

 

But you're amazing and I know you will be amazing and people will be hella impressed!

[zeroh13]

8 hours ago, tourennatrix said:

Uh... Hi...

You guys, week zero was just ridic.

 

 

  Hide contents

 

 

The previous Friday was one of the worst work days to date. Going back in on Monday, I was jealous of my friend who was home sick. I caught myself for a minute, because people say that sort of thing all the time, but then I realized that no, I would really truly have rather been bedridden with the flu than be at work. I was on edge for the first half of the week, so much so that I went to the chiropractor to try to get my ribs to let me breathe again, though I knew that what I really needed was a massage and some not stress. Then on Wednesday C heard me and got a little more opinionated than usual about how I was (not) handling my situation, because despite everything I still wasn't allowing myself the option to look for something better. I mean, sure I've submitted a few applications over the last few years, but I haven't really been looking. Thursday and Friday at work I kind of felt like I was in a daze. I wanted to be anywhere but there, but couldn't do anything about it. But fuck, my back hurt so much.

 

Friday night, I made a "Fuck this" calendar, mapping out the next 3 months, coloring in the pay periods and paydays in my current job, so I could see what 2 weeks notice would look like, how much I could save up in the mean time. On Saturday (a truly rough and difficult day, there were lots of tears, but Husband was there) I finally managed to submit a resume. (This job posting, I had originally seen and said "This looks interesting, but way too customer-facing" but eventually said "fuck it, nothing else good has shown up today." It's one of those things that sounds both really hard and really easy and I feel like I'm going to ask for way too much as a starting wage because living expenses SUCK, but I gotta start somewhere.) As described above, submitting this application did not fill me with a sense of relief, it just twisted and churned because I knew I would need to submit more and more apps as long as I didn't get a favorable response and the clock is ticking. 

 

Last night as I was trying to sleep, my heart felt like I had just run up and down the stairs 10 times. In retrospect, I probably should have used the time I wasn't sleeping by following a guided meditation, but hindsight etc etc.

 

Moving forward. Today I texted my landlord and essentially gave him 1.5 months notice, far more than fair if I do say so myself (and if he finds someone who wants to move in early he can kick me out and give me a refund, sure.) I got a lead on another job which I think is WAY out of my league, but after my first initial heart attack of seeing it suggested for me, I said "fuck it" once more and sent an inquiry for more information. I would be really super surprised if that one pans out, but at least I'm putting myself out there.

 

Moving forward. Tomorrow I'm getting a super quick trim so my hair doesn't look too shaggy if when I start going in for interviews. I'd like to swing by Goodwill or something to see about getting a 'new' interview outfit, but I don't know when I'll have time (I keep operating on this idea that Saturday's application is going to want me to interview on Weds, because it's not far from where my therapy office is, i.e., not close to home). 

 

Sunday I started preparing taxes, finally. It's okay though, our tax appointment isn't until the end of March. Gracious. 

I also put myself out there, offering services as a content manager for a friend's website (have yet to hear back on), and today I got confirmation of acceptance as a freelance transcriber on Casting Words, which I figure at the very least I could work on some during the weekends. 

 

No capoeira all last week because Girafa was sick and I couldn't be bothered to move. No capoeira tonight because Girafa is still recovering. I miss capoeira  I'm getting nervous about how much pain I'm going to be in the next time I actually do a real workout because for seriously it's been over a month. I feel like I need someone to kick my ass into gear and make me do the thing once to remind myself that it's not the biggest scariest thing ever to do some push ups and crunches or whatever. 

 

I want to be more excited about the changes that are going on, but right now everything is just so big and scary, and all my energy that I was putting into capoeira and strength training and eating more-or-less better... all of that is just a jumbled anxious mess and I have no energy left to devote to the things that I enjoy.
 

 

 

 

Basically, life feels like this:

 

(srsly where did all these sherlock-kitty things come from what have I been missing???)

 

I know it'll get better, just... *flail*

That is seriously how I feel about my job. And sending out applications. But sometimes I start thinking that I like my job, then something always happens and it's like, "oh... right..."

[tourennatrix]

8 minutes ago, zeroh13 said:

That is seriously how I feel about my job. And sending out applications. But sometimes I start thinking that I like my job, then something always happens and it's like, "oh... right..."

 

I think I've finally come to my senses and realized that on days where "I think I like this?" It's really just "I think I can tolerate this?" And in the grand scheme of things, this is NOT OKAY. "Tolerating" is just what I have to do for a bit longer so I don't run out of money while job hunting

[Mad Hatter]

I'm really sorry life is rough right now. But you're taking all the right steps to fix it, even when it sucks, and you have no idea how impressive that is. Might sound cheesy but I'm really proud of you.

 

Hugs!

[tourennatrix]

1 hour ago, Mad Hatter said:

I'm really sorry life is rough right now. But you're taking all the right steps to fix it, even when it sucks, and you have no idea how impressive that is. Might sound cheesy but I'm really proud of you.

 

Hugs!

 

Aww thanks! I'm proud of me, too... Only in about 3 minute spurts in between hours of OHGODWHY

 

I got a request from that 2nd lead asking for my resume, so I have to find some time to re-format the resume to cater to this job and completely rewrite my cover letter. And tonight is Valentine's stuff with Husband.

 

Omg who even has time for job hunting, geeeeeze

[tourennatrix]

Apparently this is how it's done:

 

Step 1: spend 2 solid hours rewriting a cover letter and formatting the resume.

Step 2: somehow don't have a meltdown or get sick while submitting information.

Step 3:

 

[Cataleya]

Guuuhhhh 

[Mad Hatter]

[Asa Pond]

Oh my god. That looks delicious. 

 

Also yay on you! Job searching is stressful and crazy nerve wracking and just submitting apps is a great first step!

[raptron]

yeah that dessert is insane! Good luck on your job applications process. Be nice to yourself while you take on this big task. <3 

[tourennatrix]

Congratulations, I have achieved "haven't done capoeira in ages" feet. Owowow

 

BUT HEY LOOK I DID THE THING. 

 

Girafa and I played some games, smashed my knee into his forearm at some point (that was fun for both parties), and then we did some tesourinha practice. This is that leg-to-groin hip thrusting action that Astronaut and I would do from time to time, but it's a lot harder to get right with giraffe legs.

 

You're welcome.

 

About half way through class, a random new student showed up and Girafa put me on noob duty. I LOVE NEW STUDENT DAY. Ginga. Super slow ginga. For like half an hour. Leg daaaayyy... Hopefully she shows up again

 

Side note: I really want to get some vocal lessons or something, just so I can figure out how to change registers when singing. Because Girafa and I do not have the same vocal range and I can't figure out how to switch octaves mid-song to correct getting stuck singing WAY TOO HIGH. Totally not going to happen, but  would be nice to figure out