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Starpuck - Ep IV: A New ...Role!


starpuck

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2 hours ago, Starpuck said:

So.   Man I feel like some kind of ass now.    Talk about perspective.   Here I am totally stressed out over a talk, with a friend, that is probably absolutely nothing.   And I just got the call from my sis to say my bro-in-laws test confirmed he now has bladder cancer.   Four years ago he beat prostate cancer that would have killed him in 3 months if left untreated + and the doc seems to be going about this with FAR less urgency and concern, citing that there are a lot of options and it's very treatable.   But still.  Shit man.

 

For someone who claims to trust in a good God, I sure have no freaking clue on how to actually let go of worry and stress.

 

 

 

Hoping your b-i-l is o.k. I struggle too with worrying, and I believe in a good God. But, I think just acknowledging that He is a good God is a great start. When I pray I also try and say thanks to God for how He is going to take care of things, and let God know that I trust in Him.  God allows these things in our lives, and He knows we will struggle, but He loves us, and the more we rely on Him, the better we will grow our spiritual muscles of trust.

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Wisdom 22.5   Dexterity 13   Charisma 15   Strength 21  Constitution-13

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind' Luke 10; 27

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I'll be sending prayers to your bro-in-law.

 

But the one way to beat the worries and the stress is to give them to that Good God. If God is with you, what could possibly stand against you. Trust in that He knows where you're heading in your life. Try not to focus too heavily on "What if's" that's the wrong way to think about life! You're going to miss all of the wonderful things that are right in front of you, whether it's a potential SO or it's just a friendly chat with someone you know. 

 

Take a deep breath, God has this! Relax. Try not to control everything, and let God.

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Level 25 Final Fantasy Rebel

My Epic Quest | My Journey | Currently on the Trial of Orthos
Str: 60 | Dex: 23 | Sta: 66 | Con: 28 | Wis: 55 | Cha: 14

Goals for 2021:

Spoiler
  • Build my brother a Destiny 2 Lamp
  • Learn how to do a Handstand
  • Play 1 song on the acoustic guitar
  • Clean up the Christmas Decorations and finish setting up my apartment (hang things up, plus some other few things that need to be organized)
  • Re-introduce Pull-ups into my routine
  • Build a shelving unit next to my Desk

"No matter what, if you can hold your head up high, you've done the right thing."

"When you stand with your family, your family stands with you."

"Write what needs to be written."

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That's rough, about your brother in law. I'm sending all the good thoughts in both your directions! 

 

I'll echo what Red said, about trying not to let the 'what ifs' get in the way of the here and now. Not an easy task, sometimes, but ultimately you have no control over what will be, only over what is, so try to focus on that. And you know you've always got us here to have your back, whatever may come, so lean on us when you need it!

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Re: worry. Do what you can, when you can, with what you give. Do not waste energy (worry) on things outside of that scope. That includes your BIL. Be there to support him and your sister, but don't waste your energy worrying about a thing you can't control. Everything will go according to (God's) plan.

 

 

 

 

With starting strength, if you want to keep doing it I would consider getting some fractional plates so you can keep progressing the weight but much more slowly (I think the Starting Strength website has a section on modifications to the plan for women and this was one of them). Alternatively maybe you're at a point where you need an intermediate plan now rather than a novice plan.

 

 

 

I have fractional plates that I want to get rid of. I endorse this plan.

 

 

 

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First of all, thanks guys.  I appreciate the well wishes and encouragement.  Seriously.   It means so much.    I am super tired right now, probably from spending most of the day in some sort of fight or flight panic mode.

 

I started the day off with a normal day of work.   I began my workout, deciding to stick with Stronglifts for a bit more.    At some point during the squats, I tweaked my right knee.   It was weird.   It didn't happen DURING a set- at least I didn't feel any sort of pop, pull, or pain.  But in between the set, there was this stinging pulling sensation across the front of the knee cap, and when I tried to squat down weight free, I knew it was not good.   I smartly aborted the rest of my squats, but went on to finish pull ups, bench press and rows.  In the midst of this came the call about b-i-l.   Which threw me.   I honestly thought about not finishing the rest of the workout, but forced myself to anyway.

 

Dinner Talk

Spoiler

I then went to meet friend for dinner.   We shot the breeze for a bit, talked about various games and gaming situations.   And then.  Indeed, he dropped it on me.   It WAS a meeting to say he liked me, liked me enough to ask if I'd be interested in going out a few times and see what happened.  I spoke honestly.  Said he caught me off guard.   That I was totally scared of the dating scene.   And that the one thing I knew I needed, was someone who put God #1 just like I did.    What I wasn't expecting, was to hear that he was Christian.   Had an active youth and college time church career, and that he absolutely believed in God and Jesus as ones savior.     Which, I was fully expecting to be my ace up my sleeve.   So... yeah.    I went on to say I didn't really know him that well outside of gaming.    And we settled on the idea of trying FRIEND outings for right now.   As sort of, long range, tentative, no risk scouting.    But even still, I stress.  Because, that's what I do.

 

I realize that the one thing I cannot control, and must fully relinquish it all to God's hands.  And in some ways, as uncomfortable as it is to deal with cancer in your core family unit, I find there is ... in a weird way, less stress.  I think because there is nothing *I* need to decide on.  I can only react and move forward.     The other thing, is something that should NOT cause any stress, and so I get frustrated that it does.    And this is because when any decision is required, I run through a million potential scenarios, most of which end in failure, and some of which end in catastrophic level failure.    The What If's as were mentioned.    They are ruining my in the moments.    They scare me into making NO decision, and staying within ever shrinking comfort zones.   And that's bullshit.    I just don't know how to push out of them.

 

I think for now, the recipe is sleep + new day.    I will see what the knee is doing tomorrow, and if it's being wonky, I will walk instead of run.    But I NEED to get some movement in, the elevated heart rate is going to be necessary to combat the stress.

 

 

 

 

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Level 78 ~*~ Ranger

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So, now that you know what he's feeling towards you, what do you feel towards him? Is he a potential? Do you see him in that light? Try to block out all of that noise of "What ifs" and "Maybe this" etc, and truly listen to what you feel is the right thing to do! Even if it's to reject his feelings or to explore them, trust in knowing that you're doing the right thing!

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Level 25 Final Fantasy Rebel

My Epic Quest | My Journey | Currently on the Trial of Orthos
Str: 60 | Dex: 23 | Sta: 66 | Con: 28 | Wis: 55 | Cha: 14

Goals for 2021:

Spoiler
  • Build my brother a Destiny 2 Lamp
  • Learn how to do a Handstand
  • Play 1 song on the acoustic guitar
  • Clean up the Christmas Decorations and finish setting up my apartment (hang things up, plus some other few things that need to be organized)
  • Re-introduce Pull-ups into my routine
  • Build a shelving unit next to my Desk

"No matter what, if you can hold your head up high, you've done the right thing."

"When you stand with your family, your family stands with you."

"Write what needs to be written."

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40 minutes ago, Starpuck said:

The other thing, is something that should NOT cause any stress, and so I get frustrated that it does.    And this is because when any decision is required, I run through a million potential scenarios, most of which end in failure, and some of which end in catastrophic level failure.    The What If's as were mentioned.    They are ruining my in the moments.    They scare me into making NO decision, and staying within ever shrinking comfort zones.   And that's bullshit.    I just don't know how to push out of them.

It sounds like you need to teach yourself to fail. Do somethings you are going to stink at, and get good at stinking at stuff. The worst that can happen with dinner person is things don't work out. You can endure that. Once your brain realizes you can handle the worst, the what if's wont' be as scary, and you'll overcome paralysis by analysis. 

Easier for me to type out than for you to do, I know. 

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As a fellow chronic over-thinker, the what-ifs are never going to go away. So let them run (for a bit), realise that you often can't make a perfect decision, and then just do something. The decision doesn't go away until you make it, so even if you make the wrong decision at least the decision itself is then gone.

 

And to be honest, unless you invent a time machine, you'll probably never even know if you made the wrong decision - at which point it doesn't much matter.

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First, I'm glad to hear the not-date went fairly well!  Maybe not exactly as you anticipated, but you said your piece and got feedback on it.  Maybe he's the guy for you, maybe not, but at least now you have more information than you did before.  

 

9 hours ago, Red1263 said:

So, now that you know what he's feeling towards you, what do you feel towards him? Is he a potential? Do you see him in that light? Try to block out all of that noise of "What ifs" and "Maybe this" etc, and truly listen to what you feel is the right thing to do! Even if it's to reject his feelings or to explore them, trust in knowing that you're doing the right thing!

 

8 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

It sounds like you need to teach yourself to fail. Do somethings you are going to stink at, and get good at stinking at stuff. The worst that can happen with dinner person is things don't work out. You can endure that. Once your brain realizes you can handle the worst, the what if's wont' be as scary, and you'll overcome paralysis by analysis. 

Easier for me to type out than for you to do, I know. 

 

I'll second both of these.  Trust God, but also trust your gut.  You know you.  Maybe not as well as God does, but better than any of us do.  What is your gut saying?  As Red said, how do you feel about this guy?  It's tough, but try to take your brain out of it for a moment.

 

And Tank is right too.  We can sometimes get ourselves into a state of paralysis of inaction because of fear.  As terrifying as it is (trust me, I know), try something totally new that you might be bad at, and go into knowing that you might be bad, and willing to LEARN from that.  This was my basic strategy with the Improv classes I've talked about.  I suck at it, but I've also learned a TON from it.  

 

Bottom line: you are better than you think you are, and more capable too.  And both we Nerds and God have your back.  

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"Someone ever tries to kill you, you try to kill 'em right back." - Captain Malcolm Reynolds

 

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Said a prayer for your BIL.  I hope he pulls through, and quickly. 

 

7 hours ago, Oramac said:

Trust God, but also trust your gut.  You know you.  Maybe not as well as God does, but better than any of us do.

 

QFT.  God enables us to make the right decisions but the decision is ultimately up to us.  Pray about it and trust your gut. 

 

The fact that this person asked you out to dinner in order to ask your permission to ask you out is probably a good sign.  The equivalent of asking someone out nowadays often consists of pictures of genitals or a swipe to the right. 

 

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Man you all have some really good advice.   Like I read it and it makes absolute sense.  Implementing new information is always harder than just absorbing it, but it's definitely stuff I want to give a go.    Also.  Thanks for all the TP&V you've offered.  <3

 

Woke up sort of meh, reasons obvious.   Got to work and managed through the morning.    Coworkers are all of the 'just go and see' opinion regarding the boy.

 

I knew I needed to run today because a good heart pounding sweat inducing session would help cope with the stress better.  Knee twinge from yesterday is still evident; only when I really bend it or ask the foot to swing side to side.   Also, bending/lifting with weight on it.  Very not good.  Despite all common sense, I ran anyway.   I said if it hurt while running I'd stop.   ... it didn't hurt while running.  After the run, yes, it is now more angry.

 

Tomorrow should be a lift day- and squats, and deads are RIGHT out.   I could work more on pull ups.   Could do some ab stuff.    Not sure what else to do.  Really wanted to burn calories at work because going to see the Penguins vs the Hawks with my nephews in the evening.

 

Drove home in a rare February Severe Storm.  Sis told me to come home straight rather than stop at the store for dinner makings... so we had a pizza.  Good news is my run burnt 500 calories, so I was able to eat a whole half a thin crust cheese only pizza.   Watched the news as tornado warnings lit up in the areas around us.   Thankfully, prayers were answered and our area was spared.   (B-I-L is cathetered until Friday, and getting him downstairs to take cover would have been uncomfortable for him to say the very least.)

 

Then I poured a cup of coffee and spent almost 90 minutes on art.   I finished Roland.   Adding colors, shading and background helped hide the parts I am unsatisfied with, but I am still overall meh on this one.    I pause though, and look at older pics and realize that today's meh was the WHOA of a few months ago.    Progress.

 

roland_at_the_campsite_by_lilwolfe006-db

 

Just enough time now to get in some ESO, snag a cookie and milk, and try to get to early bed for tomorrow's sure to be hectic day.

 

 

 

 

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Level 78 ~*~ Ranger

Deviant Art Gallery   ||  YouTube Channel

Current Challenge

"It is difficult.  All things worth keeping are."  Thane Krios - Mass Effect 2

"Maybe it's not as simple as you imagined, Seeker."  Varric Tethras Dragon Age 2

"Staying within your limits is no fun, Ryder."  Vetra Nyx - ME: Andromeda

Spoiler

 

::PAST CHALLENGES::

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 20 | 21 | 22

23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 | 32 | 33 | 34 | 35 | 36 | 37 | 38 | 39 | 40 | 41 | 42

43 | 44 | NEIN | 45 | 46 | 47 | 48| 49 | 50 | 51 | 52 | 53 | 54 | 55 | 56 | 57 | 58 | 59 | 60 | 61

62 | 63 | 64 | 65 | 66 | 67 | 68 | 69 | 70 | 71 | 72 | 73 | 74 | 75 | 76 | 77 | 77.5 | 78 | 79 | 80 | 81

 

 

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10 hours ago, Starpuck said:

Implementing new information is always harder than just absorbing it, but it's definitely stuff I want to give a go.    Also.  Thanks for all the TP&V you've offered.  <3

 

Improvement is never easy, but it's always rewarding.  And you're welcome. :) 

 

10 hours ago, Starpuck said:

Tomorrow should be a lift day- and squats, and deads are RIGHT out.   I could work more on pull ups.   Could do some ab stuff.    Not sure what else to do.

 

You could do bodyweight squats, Horse Stance (trust me, this will burn calories), planks, single-leg work (assisted pistol squats; split squats, etc).  There's a lot of good stuff out there.  

 

10 hours ago, Starpuck said:

today's meh was the WHOA of a few months ago

 

Progress indeed!!  That's a solid realization to reach.  

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"Someone ever tries to kill you, you try to kill 'em right back." - Captain Malcolm Reynolds

 

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Thoughts and prayers for your BIL

 

Re: The dating thing - I agree with everyone else.  Why not give it a try and see what happens?  I mean, if you're sure you DO NOT want a relationship now, then that's one thing.  If you might want one, but aren't sure who the right person is, you'll never figure that out without taking the plunge.  And if the whole thing just frightens you, it's really just an opportunity to muster up those 10 seconds of courage.

 

Re: The art -

13 hours ago, Starpuck said:

  I pause though, and look at older pics and realize that today's meh was the WHOA of a few months ago.    Progress.

 

Exactly ^^^.  Some pictures are going to be a bit more meh than your average, some will be more amazing, and it all doesn't matter as long as you're generally improving.

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So I tweaked my knee on Monday.   Doesn't hurt all the time, just certain motions and when I squat (like into frog squat) and get back up, the pulling-discomfort thing across the front low knee cap is there.     It was a lift day and I was really bummed I'd not be able to do SL, so I decided to just start slow, warm up, see what happens.   Again, no pain during the actual weighted squat.   I got up to the # the program called for and was fine.    After the workout was said and done?   Back to being tweaky.

 

So I was probably dumb.   I also did not expect that I'd be fine on the squats and fail everything else today.  I dunno.  Stress?  Poor fueling?

 

Warmed up with some jumping jacks and dynamic stretches.

Squats - did 10 body weight ones, then 10 @ 45#, then 5 at 95#, then up to the prescribed 105# for four sets.  (I counted the 95 as my first set.)

Supersets of inverted ring rows between some of the sets.  3 x 10

OHP - 65# again was the goal.  Did 2 reps.   That was it.  Failed.  Couldn't lift the bar even to chin level past those two reps.   So I switched to DB press.   20#, 4 x 10 each side.

Supersets of reverse crunches between some of the sets.  3 x 30

Deadlift - supposed to be 135#.   Got two up.   That was it.   Couldn't lift anything beyond that.

Wrapped things up with a 45" Hold at the high point, stretching, and foam rolling.

 

Work food will be no problem today, but finding healthy eats in a rushed race home from work to get to the United Center, to see the Hawks/Pens game is .... well it's not gonna happen.  At best, maybe a Noodles & Co.   Or the taco place (again).  Not sure.   But eating before we get to the arena is a must.

 

Obviously, won't have any drawing time tonight.    (Might sketch at work if things calm down.)    Also need to work on my D&D campaign as we might be playing this weekend.  GULP!    I keep changing my mind about first adventure.   Which is okay in that the other ones are turning into options 2 and 3 respectively.   So long as I find a way to hook it all together at least vaguely.

 

Plan is to be straight home from game and to sleep.  Tomorrow is a run day and D&D.

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Level 78 ~*~ Ranger

Deviant Art Gallery   ||  YouTube Channel

Current Challenge

"It is difficult.  All things worth keeping are."  Thane Krios - Mass Effect 2

"Maybe it's not as simple as you imagined, Seeker."  Varric Tethras Dragon Age 2

"Staying within your limits is no fun, Ryder."  Vetra Nyx - ME: Andromeda

Spoiler

 

::PAST CHALLENGES::

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 20 | 21 | 22

23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 | 32 | 33 | 34 | 35 | 36 | 37 | 38 | 39 | 40 | 41 | 42

43 | 44 | NEIN | 45 | 46 | 47 | 48| 49 | 50 | 51 | 52 | 53 | 54 | 55 | 56 | 57 | 58 | 59 | 60 | 61

62 | 63 | 64 | 65 | 66 | 67 | 68 | 69 | 70 | 71 | 72 | 73 | 74 | 75 | 76 | 77 | 77.5 | 78 | 79 | 80 | 81

 

 

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How did your knee feel during deads?  Still tweaky?  Also, for your squats, are you being sure to track your knees over your toes?  I know when my knee starts to bother me it's because I let them collapse inward.  Even just a degree or two is enough to cause the issue.  

 

Have fun with D&D!!  Remember, it's a game, and you're gonna do great!  With all the prep you've put in, I'm sure it'll go swimmingly. 

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"Someone ever tries to kill you, you try to kill 'em right back." - Captain Malcolm Reynolds

 

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You'll rock your D&D game! Have fun! o/

 

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Level 25 Final Fantasy Rebel

My Epic Quest | My Journey | Currently on the Trial of Orthos
Str: 60 | Dex: 23 | Sta: 66 | Con: 28 | Wis: 55 | Cha: 14

Goals for 2021:

Spoiler
  • Build my brother a Destiny 2 Lamp
  • Learn how to do a Handstand
  • Play 1 song on the acoustic guitar
  • Clean up the Christmas Decorations and finish setting up my apartment (hang things up, plus some other few things that need to be organized)
  • Re-introduce Pull-ups into my routine
  • Build a shelving unit next to my Desk

"No matter what, if you can hold your head up high, you've done the right thing."

"When you stand with your family, your family stands with you."

"Write what needs to be written."

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Add me to the many who are sending well wishes to you BIL.  I wish for the best for him :(.

 

Man these are quite the updates!  I also wish you luck with the friend outings.  I definitely think that if you're not up to dating now, definitely don't force yourself; but if you're open and feel enough of a connection with the guy, why not.  Again good luck and I hope you don't stress too much more! 

 

Ack!  I hope all is well with the knee (mine was a little iffy yesterday during my leg workout), and I have to say that image you posted:

On 2/28/2017 at 7:34 PM, Starpuck said:

 

roland_at_the_campsite_by_lilwolfe006-db

 

That's awesome! I really like the pose and awesome work on the shading!  So much improvement piece by lovely art piece!  Awesome work!

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On 3/1/2017 at 7:16 AM, Oramac said:

 

Improvement is never easy, but it's always rewarding.  And you're welcome. :)

You could do bodyweight squats, Horse Stance (trust me, this will burn calories), planks, single-leg work (assisted pistol squats; split squats, etc).  There's a lot of good stuff out there. 

Progress indeed!!  That's a solid realization to reach.  

 

On 3/1/2017 at 10:35 AM, Nymeria said:

Thoughts and prayers for your BIL

 

Re: The dating thing - I agree with everyone else.  Why not give it a try and see what happens?  I mean, if you're sure you DO NOT want a relationship now, then that's one thing.  If you might want one, but aren't sure who the right person is, you'll never figure that out without taking the plunge.  And if the whole thing just frightens you, it's really just an opportunity to muster up those 10 seconds of courage.

 

Re: The art -

 

Exactly ^^^.  Some pictures are going to be a bit more meh than your average, some will be more amazing, and it all doesn't matter as long as you're generally improving.

On Art Things : Thanks guys!  It's cool to see me progress mentally from a state of 'not perfect = sucks' to, wow, this part is better than what I previously could do and that's pretty neat.    Also.  This is the longest I've kept up with a thing that I was not initially good at!

 

22 hours ago, Oramac said:

How did your knee feel during deads?  Still tweaky?  Also, for your squats, are you being sure to track your knees over your toes?  I know when my knee starts to bother me it's because I let them collapse inward.  Even just a degree or two is enough to cause the issue.  

 

Have fun with D&D!!  Remember, it's a game, and you're gonna do great!  With all the prep you've put in, I'm sure it'll go swimmingly. 

I THINK I am good about knee tracking.   When I was rehabbing my MCL tear, the PT girl had me do squats with a resistance tube around my knees to make sure I was pushing them outward rather than collapsing in.  I still think about that when I do them to this day.

 

15 hours ago, obax said:

I know you're a Pens fan, but hoo boy, that 2nd Chicago goal! That guy's pretty good at his job...

 

Have fun at the game! I'm waving at you through the TV!!

Yeah.  It hurts to see your team lose, but it was a good game.   Goalies were both doing really well.    I think the highlight of my night, was my 16 year old goalie nephew, watching Kane take off toward Fleury, shouting, "BACK CHECK!  STOP GLIDING!"  at Geno on that play.    And seriously, did someone forget to give Malkin his pre-game pierogis?    He looked flat.

 

12 hours ago, Red1263 said:

You'll rock your D&D game! Have fun! o/

 

 

On D&D stuff.  Thanks for the encouragement guys.  I am getting kinda excited about trying it.  But still so nervous too.    It's just a game though right?  What better way to work on my ability to get over things that make me nervous, than by running a game that doesn't matter and with points that are made up! :D

 

11 minutes ago, BlackTezca said:

Add me to the many who are sending well wishes to you BIL.  I wish for the best for him :(.

 

Man these are quite the updates!  I also wish you luck with the friend outings.  I definitely think that if you're not up to dating now, definitely don't force yourself; but if you're open and feel enough of a connection with the guy, why not.  Again good luck and I hope you don't stress too much more! 

 

Ack!  I hope all is well with the knee (mine was a little iffy yesterday during my leg workout), and I have to say that image you posted:

 

That's awesome! I really like the pose and awesome work on the shading!  So much improvement piece by lovely art piece!  Awesome work!

Thanks for the wishes on the BIL and the boy front.    

And thanks for the smiles on the pic.   I've gotten so bold lately with trying these dynamic poses.   I remember when I could only will myself to try faces!    So that's really really cool.   They don't always work out as I'd like them too, but I am no longer afraid to even try!

 

And whoa... what a Freudian segway into dating stuff.

 

I think for me, dating/commitment is such a nerve wracking thing for me, that my default mode is 'no connection ever'.   (Except for Vax and Percy.   I am in love with those two for reals, lol.   Yes, I have issues.)   But yeah, I will put up a wall of rationalized deterrents at the first sign of someone showing interest in me.   I must get past that.   Which is not to say that maybe this boy is honestly, perhaps not a good fit, who knows.  But more self fixing is in order so I CAN proceed in the future.

 

 

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7 minutes ago, Starpuck said:

On D&D stuff.  Thanks for the encouragement guys.  I am getting kinda excited about trying it.  But still so nervous too.    It's just a game though right?  What better way to work on my ability to get over things that make me nervous, than by running a game that doesn't matter and with points that are made up! :D

 

1eb6a8140b4cb38e64f49f6f06c25b14.jpg

 

8 minutes ago, Starpuck said:

I think for me, dating/commitment is such a nerve wracking thing for me, that my default mode is 'no connection ever'.   (Except for Vax and Percy.   I am in love with those two for reals, lol.   Yes, I have issues.)   But yeah, I will put up a wall of rationalized deterrents at the first sign of someone showing interest in me.   I must get past that.   Which is not to say that maybe this boy is honestly, perhaps not a good fit, who knows.  But more self fixing is in order so I CAN proceed in the future.

 

I hear ya with Vex/Percy!  (It's VEX! With an E! :P)  But seriously, take your time and figure out you first.  Definitely work on getting past those deterrents, but don't just go out with every guy you see either. 

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I think if you're still up in the air with the guy, try a small date. I met up with a girl for coffee and the conversation was good, but I got a chance to learn about her (wasn't my type). That way, you didn't invest too much too soon

 

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  • Learn how to do a Handstand
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On 3/2/2017 at 11:50 AM, Starpuck said:

I think for me, dating/commitment is such a nerve wracking thing for me, that my default mode is 'no connection ever'.   (Except for Vax and Percy.   I am in love with those two for reals, lol.   Yes, I have issues.)   But yeah, I will put up a wall of rationalized deterrents at the first sign of someone showing interest in me.   I must get past that.   Which is not to say that maybe this boy is honestly, perhaps not a good fit, who knows.  But more self fixing is in order so I CAN proceed in the future.

 

On 3/2/2017 at 0:55 PM, Red1263 said:

I think if you're still up in the air with the guy, try a small date. I met up with a girl for coffee and the conversation was good, but I got a chance to learn about her (wasn't my type). That way, you didn't invest too much too soon

 

I second this idea!  Meeting up for coffee in a public cafe is a classic small intro date and good conversation can be had over coffee (or tea). It's also still casual enough to give you time to figure things out for yourself too.  

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Updates are starting to flail here.   It must be week 3.  It's week 3 isn't it?   Also - non stop stress is not great for productivity.   I may look into finding someone to talk to about just HOW stressed/anxious I get over things that should not work me up so much.

 

So last night was D&D night.   Our GM, wanting to run a style of game the players are getting frustrated with, abdicated his GM chair.    One of the others stepped in to start a new game, but there was just a feeling of ... well, it felt a lot like having wiped out on a bike ride.  You still love riding bikes, but you've got road rash all down the side of your leg and it's kind of raw still.    I knew this was coming as our GM confided it in me.   The new GM also confided in me that he had a game ready.   So I felt very much in the middle of things I had to mostly keep quiet and then act surprised.  I do not like that position. 

 

I was tired, stressed and ... we ordered pizza for dinner.   I had a whole half a pizza (but we get super thin crust, cheese only) and a NYFRoot Beer.   I then had like 6-8 Reduced Fat Oreos with milk later.    I was expecting to see the scale tick upward with like 3 or 4 Flash pounds, but all that and it only went up 8 oz.   Um.... ok..... >.>   So we're calling that a variance.    I am not tracking it, attempting to track it, or even thinking about it after I post this.    I got back into good habits today, so I am not too worried.   It was kinda nice to just pig out like that.   Ain't gonna lie.

 

BIL Stuff.

Spoiler

My BiL met with the oncologist today and got the pathology results.   The news was not as dire as it could have been, so we're feeling much relieved on that front.   The cancer was more than superficial as it spread into the lining of the bladder, but did not penetrate into the muscle wall.    So they got it early.    It is however, a  more aggressive type of cancer, so early detection was critical.  [Reminder to all, do not put any sort of health oddity off.   If something is not right, don't brush it under the rug, get it looked at!]    At the initial test last week, they removed the two spots and gave him an immediate, localized chemo treatment.   They did NOT feel the need for another chemo does at today's visit, so we are taking that also as a sign of 'better case scenario'.   They will do immunotherapy for 6 weeks, then another cystoscopy, then plot any changes to the plan at that point.     They seem to be taking things well, and are taking the results with hope and gratitude that it was not a further along or even more aggressive cancer.   So that's a good bit of relief there.

 

SO stuff.

Spoiler

On the dinnerboy front; still mega stressed.  It's caused me to think about a lot of stuff.    Am I, truly happier single?   Are my only concerns for "finding someone" wrapped up in the question of 'what happens when I get old?'   Do I get more out of my wide range of friendships, all at various levels of intimacy (not physical, but emotional/supportive)  than I would from a single S.O. and thus I worry a bf will shut off my other sources of relationship energy?    Do I not have any peace with this stuff because my emotional instincts already know that it is probably not meant to be?    Or have I rationalized that answer SO MANY TIMES before, that it pops up automatically?   Is it because my one friend, whom I have dated twice before in the span of our ten year friendship, will likely not take this well.   And because, having HIM as my Best Friend is more important than having someone else as my s.o?   If that's truly the case, can you have a friend of the opposite sex that you want to do ALL THESE LIFE THINGS WITH, but NOT be romantically involved?  Or does that make me SUPER MEGA MESSED UP?    If a person out side of my circle of friends showed interest, would I have these same knee jerk denials, or would part of my fears no longer be relevant (screw up the friend chemistry, ruin the gaming atmosphere, cause friction at the group stuff) and I'd be more willing to try?   All of this stuff has been churning over and over in my brain.   It's exhausting.

    

So far this week, I've managed two lifts, 1 move, 1 rest, and 2 art.   I plan to do some art tonight, but as we just canceled the game we were playing of the last player I was about to draw, I feel as if the muse has left on that one.  (And it was going to be a challenging one to do anyway!)    Do I put it into MangaStudio and muck around a bit, see if it gets the juices going again and finish it off, or just delve into something new?       

 

I have a hockey game tonight and I am so excited to play.  It's exhibition, and, I was just at the Pens game live so I am all hyped up for some puck, and I really miss my teammates.   I am kind of glad things played out as they did with this, as I very much needed a jolt of that excitement for the team/game again.   It's also about as far removed from the other stresses as I can get, so yay for that.  Plus!  CALORIE TORCHING.

 

Tomorrow is 3rd day of lifting (hopefully knee is better, but I am gonna not raise weight on squats) and then getting together with the Don't Starve Crew to do that.    I may have to bail early enough to get home and do some work on the D&D game so I can give my first session a go on Sunday.       Sunday will be church, Dance Central, D&D, then food, then Star Wars.

 

Whoosh.   WORDS VOMITING IN PIXELATED GRANDNESS.

 

 

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Level 78 ~*~ Ranger

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Current Challenge

"It is difficult.  All things worth keeping are."  Thane Krios - Mass Effect 2

"Maybe it's not as simple as you imagined, Seeker."  Varric Tethras Dragon Age 2

"Staying within your limits is no fun, Ryder."  Vetra Nyx - ME: Andromeda

Spoiler

 

::PAST CHALLENGES::

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 20 | 21 | 22

23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 | 32 | 33 | 34 | 35 | 36 | 37 | 38 | 39 | 40 | 41 | 42

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A lot to respond too!  Let's get out the stuff I shall put under the spoiler eyes!

 

Spoiler

BIL Stuff: I'm happy to here that things are not as aggressive as feared!  That is very good news and I happy your family has some relief there!

 

SO Stuff: Ooof, dating is complicated cause people and intimacy are complicated.  If it's really stressful and making you unhappy then perhaps just stepping back and stating a lack of interest of dating is a good idea.  Nothing wrong with being single and enjoying life as is. If you are still intrigued with dinnerboy; I think a small coffee date (change him to coffeeboy) may alleviate some stress since you'll find out if there is anything meaningful between you and the guy.  If there is, then taking slow steps to tackle the other issues is another step.  If not, then there is not much more to continue on I think. I'm here if you want someone to vent and chat with :).

 

Now for art stuff!

42 minutes ago, Starpuck said:

I plan to do some art tonight, but as we just canceled the game we were playing of the last player I was about to draw, I feel as if the muse has left on that one.  (And it was going to be a challenging one to do anyway!)    Do I put it into MangaStudio and muck around a bit, see if it gets the juices going again and finish it off, or just delve into something new?       

 

Hmmm a tough choice!  I say...why not try one then the other?  I'm a fan of putting a piece of art into Manga Studio and playing around with, especially if you have gotten a lot of the character done and are happy with the image.  If nothing comes to mind with it as you play around it, then you can delve into something new.  I had put off one of my last pieces for a while due to a lot of issues and making a new piece helped bring back the muse to finishing off the old piece.  Give it a shot and see where it goes :D.

 

Good luck on the hockey game!  That should be exciting!!

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Race: Were-Jaguar | Class: CodeMONKey

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18TH | 17TH | 16TH 15TH 14TH | 13TH | 12.5TH | 12TH | 11TH |

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BIL: Glad you guys got a good report

SO: You are not crazy. I know that with absolute certainty. Do you want to hang out with Dinner Man again? If no, all the other questions are irrelevant. If yes, then hang out again to see if you want to hang out a third time. If you don't know, then it's probably yes but you are scared, and all those questions are a wall to protect you from getting hurt because you are scared of being vulnerable. FWIW if you weren't at least a little interested in pursuing this you wouldn't be having such a crisis, you'd just turn it down out of hand.

 

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