Formula feeding

[Captainfantastic]

Hello Rebel Parents!

I need help! I am a father of a 6 month old daughter, I'm also the husband of said daughters mother, good good stuff! My beautiful wife is pregnant and having trouble with her supply and you're not supposed to use mothers milk and stuff so we decided to put her on formula. 

 

I don't mind this because it means I get to make her food and feed her more often which I love and it's exciting!

 

My beautiful wife is having a hard time with it because she has been our daughters food source(outside of veggies) her whole life.

 

What I'd like to know is how can I encourage her and help her feel more comfortable about using formula? What can I do to encourage her about how she's an amazing mom even if she isn't breastfeeding(people who don't breastfeed can be amazing moms too, I know this, I'm trying to convince her of this, but we are young and learning as we go) 

 

please help! 

[calanthrophy]

I don't have much advice other than to tell her it's completely normal. Lots of people choose formula for many different reasons.

We tried breastfeeding with my daughter but it only lasted like 2 or 3 months because the kid was a ravenous beast and wanted to eat more than her mom could supply. Also A LOT of research goes into formula so while one could argue that it's not the optimal situation, it's certainly not junk.

[Trixie Falsae]

Brava for your wife for trying! I know many women who have a very difficult time giving up the breast even when that is what is best for the family. I'm a pretty crunchy/hippie mom and I formula fed my babies. I have an "uncommom variation of normal" that makes it next to impossible to get my milk to a baby, which in turn stops what little supply I can muster. I had two midwives tell me that I wasn't going to be able to so don't beat myself up.

 

I think it is important for your wife to know that she is not "abandoning" or "failing"  her child. Breastfeeding wasn't working so she found something that did. Right now she is growing a new human and it is okay to giver herself some slack. She can still breastfeed sometimes and use a bottle at others, or pump some. Whatever works best for her and both babies. She can still cuddle and bond during feedings. My Missy is also 6 months right now, and she loves her cuddle feeding time. She loves to look into my eyes and grab my face and hair. The only difference is that the milk is coming from a bottle and not my breast.

 

I also have four older kids who were entirely formula fed. They are all healthy, intelligent, and incredible beings. They didn't turn into obese, stupid, lazy kids that some pro-breast advocates will have you believe will happen if you give a kids a single bottle.

 

Breastfeeding is incredibly hard, and she was able to go for six months. She had an incredible accomplishment.

[Haikoo]

One thing that might help is to validate those feelings she is having.

 

She has a right to grieve this loss as it's a very special bond, being able to provide nearly everything your baby needs. All those intimate moments they have shared together are amazing and beautiful. It's completely understandable for her to be a little sad about it. I'm sure, logically, she knows it will all be okay despite those nagging feelings that she has somehow failed. Remind her that she has NOT failed, is only moving on to the next step in doing what is best for your baby. She has given baby a wonderful start! She's already shared so many antibodies, vitamins, fats and all those wonderful things to help her grow. She will continue to do so, just not as the producer. She can still be the giver, she can still snuggle and cuddle and have wonderful moments with baby, It will just take some getting used to the change. She will also have that time to look forward to with the next baby if all works out. 

 

Random though, but what if you took a tasteful picture of them nursing together before it's all done? Perhaps that will serve as a sweet reminder of this stage in baby's life

 

 

[Captainfantastic]

That's a really good idea! I'll talk to her about it! 

 

Thank you all for this advice! It's really helpful!

[m rips]

First off congratulations on your growing family! 

Second, major props to your wife for exclusively breast feeding for that long! I breastfed about that long, but supplemented a little bit with formula. My son is almost 3 now, but he was just ALWAYS hungry, and nursed for comfort, and I just couldn't take it any longer. 

 

There is no shame at all for formula feeding! As long as your baby is loved, and cared for, and smiles lots. That is all that matters, I promise <3

[Elennare]

On 2/7/2017 at 3:28 PM, Captainfantastic said:

 you're not supposed to use mothers milk and stuff

 

What does the quoted text above mean?  There's no issue that I'm aware of continuing to breastfeed while you're pregnant.  I continued to breastfeed my first kid well into my second pregnancy.  I might be misunderstanding you here, though.

 

As far as formula feeding/supplementing with formula goes, you need to do what's best for your kid.  Absolutely acknowledge her feeling that she's failing, and it sucks that she feels that way, but give her lots of love, support, and commiseration.  I was determined to feed my kids exclusively breast milk until they were weaned (bottle feeding breast milk was always in the plan, because I was going back to work before they were done breastfeeding).  It worked great with my second.  No so much with the first.  I had an anatomy issue that made it tricky, he had a tongue tie (which got fixed, but it was a few days before it got found) and a terrible latch as a result.  I had to supplement pretty much from the get-go.  I kept fighting to be able to do it, and after much blood, sweat, and tears (literally) we were able to do it.  Quite a lot of those tears were because I was convinced I was a terrible, defective, mother because I was having so much trouble.  None of that was true, but I couldn't see it at the time.  I needed lots of hugs from my Husband and much reassurance that it was ok to get through it.

 

If your wife wants to continue breastfeeding longer into the pregnancy, do you have a breast pump?  Pumping after a feeding (attempt) can sometimes increase supply.  If you don't have one, and it's something you want to try but not necessarily do long-term, you can get a decent pump for fairly cheap.  Couple things to keep in mind, though, if you don't already know: sometimes the milk changes flavor during pregnancy and the kid won't like it any more, and it can get pretty darn uncomfortable to do, because tender breasts plus nomming gums (or tiny teeth!) is NOT a good combo.  So, there's a fair chance that even if her supply wasn't an issue she wouldn't be breastfeeding for too much longer anyway.

 

Hopefully something in here can be useful.  Enjoy your family, and congrats on the new little one on the way!

[Haikoo]

 

 

On 2/21/2017 at 4:23 PM, Elennare said:

 

What does the quoted text above mean?  There's no issue that I'm aware of continuing to breastfeed while you're pregnant.  I continued to breastfeed my first kid well into my second pregnancy.  I might be misunderstanding you here, though.

 

Mother's Milk is a specific type of medicinal tea that is supposed to help increase your milk supply. Most doctors tend to nix any untested herbals and supplements when you're pregnant, thus why they don't want to use that.

[Elennare]

Ah. That makes sense, then. I've never heard of it, so I had no idea. Thanks for the information! ☺️