Seeker of... A Lot of Things, Honestly...

[WhiningAndSealNoises]

Hi folks,
 
I guess I'll just talk briefly about myself for now. I'll go into the details a little later.

*Whining and Seal Noises* is a really good way to describe me, given that it's my go-to response for a lot of things in life.
If you're not 100% sure what I might mean by seal noises, this video is essentially what I mean: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3L7VJl76i9U 
However, *Whining and Seal Noises* isn't exactly an easy way to refer to someone, so you can call me Dee.

I'm a full-time university student who also works part-time and tries to balance a lot of things at once. Unfortunately, I'm not really succeeding at balancing much other than school, work, and my social life. Unfortunately, my diet and exercise habits are constantly put on the backburner, which is not helping me with my struggles with my weight. I haven't weighed myself in a while, but last time I weighed myself I was somewhere in the ballpark of 230lbs - that's pretty heavy when you're roughly 5'6''. Sadly, that weight is not muscle...

I'm at the heaviest that I've ever been and I'm getting increasingly frustrated with myself about my inability to maintain some semblance of routine or self-control. I don't think this is something that I can do on my own, so I guess that's one of the reasons that I finally made myself get an account - two months ago - and that I finally made myself write up this post - today...

 

[WhiningAndSealNoises]

"Seeker of... A Lot of Things, Honestly..."

Yeah. I'm looking for a lot of things. I'm not exactly sure what I should focus on first or how to actually achieve the things that I'm looking for.
 

I'm looking to break what I see as a vicious cycle: I end up being able to balance everything and manage to stay on top of things enough that a routine is formed. Cue some kind of change - when you're a student, your schedule changes at least three times per year - and my routines proceed to fall apart. I fall off the rails and I fall hard.

 

I'm looking for order and routine: I want to establish a schedule that I'll follow. I want to be able to have a solid routine and good habits. I want to be able to be on top of everything and be able to do all of the things that I want to do.

 

I'm looking for consistency and stability: I want these things to become habit. I want to do things like eat right, work out, and engage in self-care on a regular and consistent basis. I want to be able to say that these are just "Things That I Do".

I'm looking for balance: I want to be able to balance all of these things - work, classes, schoolwork, healthy eating, engaging in self-care, exercising, having a social life, having "Me Time", etc.

I'm looking for adaptability and flexibility: I want to be able to keep these habits in the face of change. Unfortunately, my schedule has been very inconsistent, such as mandatory out-of-class work and one-time weekend classes, and that has made habit building really difficult. I want to be able to work with these changes and not lose everything that I've gained. I want to be able to make it through the big changes and the little changes.

 

I'm looking for accountability: one of my biggest weaknesses is that I'm terrible at being accountable to myself, but excellent at getting things done when I'm accountable to other people. 

 

I'm looking for motivation, willpower, and self-control. I struggle with a lack of motivation for a lot of things, a lot of which I feel should be effortless but that instead feel like they're beyond me. I want to be able to not just cave into the urge to be lazy, to not the quick and easy choices, to not do what I've always done. I'm also stuck with what I like to call "the self-control of a golden retriever", which means that I often end up making tons of impulse decisions, usually to my detriment in the long run.

 

I'm looking for self-awareness. I clearly have some measure of self-awareness, but I lack the ability to bring it up on the fly when I absolutely need it to exert some self-control.

 

I'm looking for forgiveness. I'm really bad at forgiving myself for no longer being the person that I used to be. I've fallen hard and, when I got back up, I was no longer the same person that I used to be. I keep holding myself to the standards that I held myself to back then and I'm hard on myself when I don't keep up.

I'm looking for change, but I don't know how to make it happen.

[Cactus]

It sounds like you've done a bit of introspection to evaluate where you are - that's a great start.  I'm many years past being a university student, but I think a lot of folks struggle with some of the same things.  I have a particularly hard time with the 'self-forgiveness' part.

I hope you find the motivation and encouragement you need here.  I'm new to the journey myself, so I'm afraid I don't have much solid advice to offer, so I'll simply say welcome.

[animuse]

Haaai Dee

 

Well, it looks like you're ready! Congrats, you hit step 1

 

So right now it looks like your life is revolving around school - the challenges in NF tend to be month based, but there's no reason you couldn't do a Part 1, 2, 3 and create a schedule around your current school schedule. Although the schedule changes, a big part is being proactive and modifying it as changes occur. Maybe think about how much time you want to spend on X items (self-care, etc.) and give yourself a rough schedule to see how it works out? A lot of it comes down to being proactive and finding what your big Why is and keeping it in the front of your mind (or as a literal physical representation that you put in your face every day) as well as finding out what accountability works best for you and implementing it as an automatic system. Fun fact: people who are perceived to have strong will power very rarely use any at all; they look for tactics that automate it for them, such as Reframing and Scheduling and Accountability. Willpower is a very finite resource.

 

FWIW, I set up an account and didn't post anything for 6 months, so you're already ahead of me  

[WhiningAndSealNoises]

On 3/1/2017 at 10:13 PM, Cactus said:

It sounds like you've done a bit of introspection to evaluate where you are - that's a great start.  I'm many years past being a university student, but I think a lot of folks struggle with some of the same things.  I have a particularly hard time with the 'self-forgiveness' part.

I hope you find the motivation and encouragement you need here.  I'm new to the journey myself, so I'm afraid I don't have much solid advice to offer, so I'll simply say welcome.

I find that, historically, introspection doesn't always lead to action. I've been very good at thinking and thinking and thinking, be it figuring out my strengths and weaknesses or trying to plan things. However, actually DOING anything about my strengths, weaknesses, and plans is a totally different ballgame. I tell myself what I want to be all of the time, but I never really try to make it a reality. That's probably the big issue. I tell myself I want to/need to/should/would like to do this/that/the other thing, but that's usually as far as I get...

 

On 3/2/2017 at 9:42 PM, Halo said:

Welcome!  It takes about a month to make something a habit, commit to exercising for two months. After a few weeks you will be mad if you miss a workout. 

 

Posting here is a great first step. 

 

An issue that I have is that I can't seem to even make it to a month or two. Something ends up getting in the way of the things I do try - mostly the unstable schedule of a university student - and other things never even leave the ground. I would like to get to the point where it becomes a habit, because I could at least make some progress there and maybe try to work on preventing myself from falling off the wagon instead of the constant effort of trying to get back onto it.

 

7 hours ago, animuse said:

Haaai Dee

 

Well, it looks like you're ready! Congrats, you hit step 1

 

So right now it looks like your life is revolving around school - the challenges in NF tend to be month based, but there's no reason you couldn't do a Part 1, 2, 3 and create a schedule around your current school schedule. Although the schedule changes, a big part is being proactive and modifying it as changes occur. Maybe think about how much time you want to spend on X items (self-care, etc.) and give yourself a rough schedule to see how it works out? A lot of it comes down to being proactive and finding what your big Why is and keeping it in the front of your mind (or as a literal physical representation that you put in your face every day) as well as finding out what accountability works best for you and implementing it as an automatic system. Fun fact: people who are perceived to have strong will power very rarely use any at all; they look for tactics that automate it for them, such as Reframing and Scheduling and Accountability. Willpower is a very finite resource.

 

FWIW, I set up an account and didn't post anything for 6 months, so you're already ahead of me  

 

I may have chosen a rough time to try and get started: the current semester ends in early April and the majority of the term's work is either this month or in those first two weeks of April. That may complicate things a little. My life does revolve around being a student; you hit the nail on the head there. When I'm not in class, I'm trying to do the course readings AND the homework, and that's before you factor in my job and the rest of my life. I don't know if it's reasonable to try in March. Maybe I'll need to wait until April so that the majority of the term's work is behind me instead of trying to alter my schedule in the middle of the busiest part of the term. That might help...

[animuse]

 

I may have chosen a rough time to try and get started: the current semester ends in early April and the majority of the term's work is either this month or in those first two weeks of April. That may complicate things a little. My life does revolve around being a student; you hit the nail on the head there. When I'm not in class, I'm trying to do the course readings AND the homework, and that's before you factor in my job and the rest of my life. I don't know if it's reasonable to try in March. Maybe I'll need to wait until April so that the majority of the term's work is behind me instead of trying to alter my schedule in the middle of the busiest part of the term. That might help...

 

Alternatively, just choose one small thing this month, maybe something that's self care to help you get through the craziness. Maybe add one glass of water a day so you have some extra hydration (I drink one before bed so I take vitamins and it rolls into a current habit), or replace one snack food with something healthier. Making sure you get enough sleep would be best, buuut I know that's a big ask with deadlines and such

[Vendettaressa]

Well, I have good news... we're at the same starting point! And after doing this for almost two weeks, it's starting to get a LOT EASIER. by a lot. I actively can make good decisions now and think about my daily battle log before agreeing to cave to soda or binge watching a show without exercising first. Just start now and keep going!

[WhiningAndSealNoises]

I'm back! for now...

I'll admit that I picked a bad time to try and start this whole NF thing. Things are getting super busy, so I'm going to put this whole fitness thing on the back burner for the rest of the month. I've got a couple of weeks to work on several things that are all due between the 26th and the 31st, but after that I'll only have one more big thing and a couple of small things. So I'll be able to start the planning phase in April by figuring out what I want to do and figuring out when I can do it. It's only temporary, but I'm going to have to put my education first for the next little while.

I look forward to coming back when I can actually commit more!

[DyDy]

What a great starting point! I'm also working on balance (it is my key word for this year). Good luck!

[WhiningAndSealNoises]

Alright, the semester's over and I'm waiting for my grades for the last bunch of papers. So far so good, but now I need to get started. I'm currently stuck in a rut with very little motivation to do much beyond going to work - even when it comes to doing entertainment-based things like watching movies or playing video games. My work schedule is also inconsistent: this week, I work 5:30am - 12:00pm Monday and Wednesday, 12:00pm - 6:00pm on Tuesday and Thursday, and 6:00pm - 6:00pm on Friday and Sunday; my schedule is completely different next week. That's definitely going to pose a new challenge for me, especially now that there's an intense lack of routine and structure...

First thing's first: how do I go about getting started? Do I make a daily log? Do I expand on my post in the Respawn Point? Do I keep this thread going?

[Guzzi]

Reading through your intro reminded me of this article, and also of the way I used to be.  So many times I would say to myself "this is it, I really need to do something" but somehow thinking never really equated into doing, and then there was the guilt that I hadn't done anything about it to deal with.   

 

Like @animuse said - you have taken step 1 and that counts for a LOT!  

 

I personally find the 4 Week Challenge structure to be really helpful, it allows me to look at my larger goals, decide what steps I can take to achieve them, break those down into smaller steps, then allows me to pick just 3 of those steps to actually try to do.  With accountability thrown in as a bonus!  Even if you don't want to do a challenge right now (the new one starts today) I think you should still have a go at working through the steps here as it will allow you to to figure out exactly what steps you want to take and then you can implement them whenever you feel able.  Remember - the reasons the challenges work is that you're only making small changes (baby steps) at a time, and you're only ever working on 3-4 at a time.  Any more than that and you probably won't keep up, then you'll fall off the wagon, then feel really bad about falling off the wagon, then slump even further into bad choices, then, then........

 

Most people on here participate in the Challenges, but that's certainly not saying that you have to.  You could start your own Battle Log where you set out your goals and how you want to achieve them then document your progress.  The benefit of the Battle Log over the Challenges is that there's no set times and you can adapt your goals to fit around what ever is going on right now (though tbh you could do that with the challenges too if you wanted).  The Battle Logs don't tend to get as much traffic as the Challenges, people mostly read their friends Logs, but it depends on how much you need the support and encouragement vs simply the accountability of having it written down and Out There.  

 

Are you into all the role play stuff, does the idea of points and levelling-up motivate you?  If so then yo might want to create your own character and Epic Quest.  Some people are insanely motivated by that.  It's not my thing so I've never done any of it but I still find the though of "losing points" during my challenge a real motivator!  It's all about finding out what really works for you, which might be very different than what works for me.  That's the beauty of it, the fact that we might live our lives in totally opposite ways (I'm disabled an on long term sick, my life is anything BUT hectic), we might be at different stages of our weight loss journies, and we might find totally different systems work for us but we are still doing this together and can help each other on our own paths.

 

It sounds to me that you might be like me though, and one of the things that helps me to feel "in control" of my life is having a schedule written down on paper.  When I can physically see how my time is set out and when I want to do things, I feel like I have a better grasp of what's going on.  I'm quite pathetic, I even do this with our monthly shop, lol!  I draw up a calendar-sort-of-thing and write each item of shopping in the "day" that it has to be used by.  That way nothing ever goes out of date sitting in the fridge.  This came about because my partner was doing all the cooking but he wouldn't look at the use by dates and there would be times that £10+ of groceries would end up in the bin.  Grrr!

 

Is there a way you could incorporate this into your life?   Even just drawing up your work schedule for the week ahead on a Sunday night then planning where you can fit other activities in?  Just a though.  

 

Let me know if there's anything I can help you with.  See you around?

 

Guzz

[godjira1]

Hi Dee, 

 

Based on what I have read so far, you seem to be stuck in the classic trap of "trying to do everything at the same time or NOTHING". Unfortunately that is a strategy that has a very slim chance of success due to what you wrote earlier as well: willpower is a finite resource. 

 

After you read this, get off the computer and go for a 15 min walk without stopping. It can be pacing around in your room, house, outdoors if weather permits. That will form your new baseline. Then commit to record EVERYTHING you eat for a week (or until next sunday) - no change in diet, just record what you eat. There is magic in there. 

 

I suggest these 2 steps and see where this gets you!

 

PS. Willpower and Motivation is a difficult way to get better. It helps, but it is again, a finite resource. It is much much better to come up with a list of things (bite-sized) that needs to be done daily (or weekly) and just cross it off. No motivation required - just an acknowledgement that you HAVE to do it. Populate this list extremely sparsely to start, like 1-3 items. Examples: 1. Walk 15mins. 2. Sugar free until noon. 3. No sitting or lying down if you are not using the computer for school work. 

[Guzzi]

Just to clarify a typo in what @godjira1 said - no chance in diet should read as "no change in diet".  Just in case that wasn't obvious.  

[WhiningAndSealNoises]

Here are the links to my post in the Respawn Point and my  Daily Battle Log:

https://rebellion.nerdfitness.com/index.php?/topic/96902-heres-where-i-went-wrong-now-to-figure-out-how-to-make-sure-that-it-doesnt-happen-again/

 

https://rebellion.nerdfitness.com/index.php?/topic/97385-a-seals-tale-my-battle-log/

I'm starting off quite small at the moment, but hopefully I'll be able to get more things started sooner rather than later!