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[Cat Takeover] Owlet: Eat, Purr, Sleep


Owlet

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7 minutes ago, Owlet said:

Interestingly, she finds it easy to be ruthless with intimate relationships ("if they don't make effort to see you then they're not worth your time") but much harder with friendships, whereas I am the opposite

 

Yeah I believe we mentioned this on one of your other threads - I am 100% like your friend. And yeah, the question of why is hard to answer. I think for me, it seems like a bad situation in a romance is higher stakes, so I need to be more vigilant about my needs and standards...but for a friendship, if it has some flaws it seems like it doesn't harm me as much so I can tolerate more? And I think part of it is I feel more justified expecting a lot out of a romantic partner than from a friend, with whom I would worry about being too needy or demanding. Not sure that's all of it, but that's what comes to mind.

 

And keep quieting that voice! You're not a carton of milk and you don't have an expiry date, so there's no rush. The last thing you want to do is let fear of solitude fool you into a relationship with someone who isn't right. Better to be single and focused on your art and friends and family and buddhism and fitness and such than to be with someone who's just okay. I definitely understand wanting romance and a life partner, and I am sure you'll find someone who's a good fit. Just need to accept the idea that you can't control exactly when it'll happen, and find a way to be okay with that.

 

Beach painting sounds amazing, like something out of a novel. Take some photos of your garden, if you feel inclined. I always love before/after photos as the season goes along.

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^ all of this

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2 hours ago, Severine said:

 

Yeah I believe we mentioned this on one of your other threads - I am 100% like your friend. And yeah, the question of why is hard to answer. I think for me, it seems like a bad situation in a romance is higher stakes, so I need to be more vigilant about my needs and standards...but for a friendship, if it has some flaws it seems like it doesn't harm me as much so I can tolerate more? And I think part of it is I feel more justified expecting a lot out of a romantic partner than from a friend, with whom I would worry about being too needy or demanding. Not sure that's all of it, but that's what comes to mind.

Sure is interesting eh. Maybe I get too precious about romantic relationships - everything rides on that one person. Whereas with friends, if it doesn't work out then oh well, I have plenty of other friends. Of course that doesn't work for my close friends and I'd be super upset if they did something to hurt me, but when I'm making new friends I don't have as much invested and am quite happy to walk away if it's not going the way I want it to.

 

2 hours ago, Severine said:

 

And keep quieting that voice! You're not a carton of milk and you don't have an expiry date, so there's no rush. The last thing you want to do is let fear of solitude fool you into a relationship with someone who isn't right. Better to be single and focused on your art and friends and family and buddhism and fitness and such than to be with someone who's just okay. I definitely understand wanting romance and a life partner, and I am sure you'll find someone who's a good fit. Just need to accept the idea that you can't control exactly when it'll happen, and find a way to be okay with that.

Ughh that's just it though, I feel like I am running out of time. I want to have kids and my own home, both of which are technically possible as a single woman but undeniably easier in a relationship. Stupid body-clock and out of control property market... at the same time though, I know the fastest way to achieve that is by being happy in myself, which means being patient and focusing on all those things you mentioned. Like you said, find a way to be ok with not knowing when it'll happen...

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4 minutes ago, Owlet said:

Maybe I get too precious about romantic relationships - everything rides on that one person.

Solution: more than one person! (...says the girl who can't convince herself that even one person would date her. :rolleyes: )

 

I'm mostly joking because that's not a thing everyone can handle. (and I'm hella jealous of people who make it work.) But it was too good an opening. 

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Just now, fleaball said:

Solution: more than one person! (...says the girl who can't convince herself that even one person would date her. :rolleyes: )

 

I'm mostly joking because that's not a thing everyone can handle. (and I'm hella jealous of people who make it work.) But it was too good an opening. 

Haha true. I would've taken that opening too =P 

 

We jest, but I have considered it. Not in the sense of polyamory - I don't think I could handle that, not at all. But maybe in the sense of getting a few more dates under my belt and convincing myself that I'm not in fact totally undesirable. But then I get confused.. would it be better to date more people, or date none at all and just focus on myself?? I like the idea of 'dating myself' so to speak, but I worry that I'll still have the same issues to deal with once I start dating again and I'd just be putting off dealing with it. Hmm...

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Just now, Owlet said:

Haha true. I would've taken that opening too =P 

 

We jest, but I have considered it. Not in the sense of polyamory - I don't think I could handle that, not at all. But maybe in the sense of getting a few more dates under my belt and convincing myself that I'm not in fact totally undesirable. But then I get confused.. would it be better to date more people, or date none at all and just focus on myself?? I like the idea of 'dating myself' so to speak, but I worry that I'll still have the same issues to deal with once I start dating again and I'd just be putting off dealing with it. Hmm...

So my situation is a little different given that I've never actually been on a date. But my therapist keeps telling me just to go meet random people from dating apps just because. Like for practice, basically. I guess in this case you could consider why you want to go out dating again so soon? if you really want another relationship now, great. If you're just afraid you'll miss your window... eh. Maybe there are underlying things that need to be resolved first. And if you're in a place right now where a bad date or some guy ghosting you will mean you're 100% unlovable and your body will be found under a pile of cats, maybe hold off. Otoh, a friend of mine had a terrible breakup and started hooking up NSA with a guy she met at a bar and now they're officially in a relationship, so you never know. 

 

I guess it comes down to priorities. And I'm not sure if that was helpful at all.

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1 minute ago, fleaball said:

So my situation is a little different given that I've never actually been on a date. But my therapist keeps telling me just to go meet random people from dating apps just because. Like for practice, basically. I guess in this case you could consider why you want to go out dating again so soon? if you really want another relationship now, great. If you're just afraid you'll miss your window... eh. Maybe there are underlying things that need to be resolved first. And if you're in a place right now where a bad date or some guy ghosting you will mean you're 100% unlovable and your body will be found under a pile of cats, maybe hold off. Otoh, a friend of mine had a terrible breakup and started hooking up NSA with a guy she met at a bar and now they're officially in a relationship, so you never know. 

 

I guess it comes down to priorities. And I'm not sure if that was helpful at all.

Yeah totally! (helpful, that is) It's all stuff on my mind right now. Honestly, I don't really know. I'm just trying to think about all this stuff and asking myself these sorts of questions when they occur to me. It's very hard to untangle what's going on though (oi brain, since you're so full of 'clever answers' how about you answer my question now? No? Typical.)

 

You say pile of cats like it's a bad thing? I think you have some underlying issues =P 

 

giphy.gif

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Oh maaaan, this kind of pain is difficult, isn't it? x__x But a few things that came into my mind (because, as you know, I've been going through same lately):

 

Just because you're not in a relationship now, doesn't mean that you won't be in the future. Instead of trying to construct your life around a possible relationship (this is what I did, for a long time), try and construct a life around your values and doing what you love. Leave some room for the spontaneity of life - it's obviously leading you towards something better :)

 

You have so many great qualities about yourself that you should totally put your time and energy into building your life to reflect those qualities about yourself. Being in a relationship doesn't validate your great qualities. Could you maybe take your head out of the dating bubble for a moment? And definitely try writing down your epic story :D You're now at a low point, when it comes to these feelings, but it's just a page of your story. Another interesting practice is to take a couple of minutes and write down how you think your life should be like, and then write a list of how you'd want your life to be like, and compare these lists. Write, write, write.

 

But yeah, it's difficult, especially if you want to be in a relationship. But you're not wrong, nor are you doing anything wrong. Your vibe attracts your vibe, so focus on being your awesome self - that's how other awesome people will come to you! :) 

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16 hours ago, Ensi said:

 

Just because you're not in a relationship now, doesn't mean that you won't be in the future. Instead of trying to construct your life around a possible relationship (this is what I did, for a long time), try and construct a life around your values and doing what you love. Leave some room for the spontaneity of life - it's obviously leading you towards something better :)

Heck yeah. I ain't waiting around for anyone! *runs off on adventures*

 

16 hours ago, Ensi said:

And definitely try writing down your epic story :D You're now at a low point, when it comes to these feelings, but it's just a page of your story. Another interesting practice is to take a couple of minutes and write down how you think your life should be like, and then write a list of how you'd want your life to be like, and compare these lists. Write, write, write.

Just to clarify, when you say write down how you think your life should be like are you referring to societal pressures/expectations versus what you actually want out of life? Sounds interesting anyway.

 

16 hours ago, Ensi said:

 

But yeah, it's difficult, especially if you want to be in a relationship. But you're not wrong, nor are you doing anything wrong.

<3 :) I think this is the main thing I took comfort from when talking to my friend the other day - just feeling reassured that it's not weird to be struggling with this stuff and it's not that I've done anything wrong, it's just a hard process. Phew.

 

GUYS I'M ON HOLIDAY!!!! WOOOOH!!!!! Immediately so much happier haha.

 

I woke up around the usual time and chanted for half an hour then got up and breakfasted. Morning routine, check! Today I will finish off a birthday card for my friend and find a present then meet her for lunch. Then I am getting a massage (back is still knotted up) and then meeting one of the other Buddhist members to work on our study we are presenting tomorrow. A friend from work said she will come along to the discussion meeting on thursday so I really want to do a good job of the presentation. She's in a pretty dark place right now and I want to help her somehow - whether it's that she takes some piece of wisdom away or is inspired or just enjoys the general atmosphere. Should be a good day :) 

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Yaaaaay holiday! And good luck with the presentation.

 

The relationship stuff is so hard. All I can say is sometimes these things only happen once you stop looking too hard for them. When my last relationship ended, I went through a really rough time and felt lonely and hopeless about romance in general. I eventually came to the conclusion that the relationship I wanted just wasn't going to happen. Either no such person existed, or the chances of finding them were so low that it was unrealistic to hope for it. And after about six months of living in genuine comfort with the idea that I was never going to find someone perfect for me, but that I'd have a life of other good social connections (family and friends and sex relationships without deep romantic attachments) the supposedly impossible thing happened and I met someone perfect for me. And then I met another a few years later, even more unexpectedly and totally not due to seeking anything. Funny thing? Both of them had also been disillusioned with romance and basically given up. 

 

So my advice isn't actually "try giving up!" even though it might seem that way. All I'm saying is that, other than just getting out there and doing interesting stuff and meeting people, we have no direct control over when we meet that special person. And there's a certain peace and freedom in accepting that and finding comfort with it. I also took a lot of comfort from the idea that if I wasn't looking, then I avoided the danger of falling into a relationship just for the sake of being in one.

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12 hours ago, Owlet said:

Just to clarify, when you say write down how you think your life should be like are you referring to societal pressures/expectations versus what you actually want out of life? Sounds interesting anyway.

 

 

Hmm write down whatever comes to your mind when you're asked, "how do you think your life should be like for you to be happy?" The purpose is to find out what beliefs and thoughts you have in your own head. Some might turn out to be societal pressures :D When I did this, I realized that my life is already what I think it "should" be like :P Enjoy your holiday!!

 

5 hours ago, Severine said:

 

The relationship stuff is so hard. All I can say is sometimes these things only happen once you stop looking too hard for them. When my last relationship ended, I went through a really rough time and felt lonely and hopeless about romance in general. I eventually came to the conclusion that the relationship I wanted just wasn't going to happen. Either no such person existed, or the chances of finding them were so low that it was unrealistic to hope for it. And after about six months of living in genuine comfort with the idea that I was never going to find someone perfect for me, but that I'd have a life of other good social connections (family and friends and sex relationships without deep romantic attachments) the supposedly impossible thing happened and I met someone perfect for me. And then I met another a few years later, even more unexpectedly and totally not due to seeking anything. Funny thing? Both of them had also been disillusioned with romance and basically given up. 

 

So my advice isn't actually "try giving up!" even though it might seem that way. All I'm saying is that, other than just getting out there and doing interesting stuff and meeting people, we have no direct control over when we meet that special person. And there's a certain peace and freedom in accepting that and finding comfort with it. I also took a lot of comfort from the idea that if I wasn't looking, then I avoided the danger of falling into a relationship just for the sake of being in one.

 

So wisdom. Much insight. Wow

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On 4/12/2017 at 4:39 PM, Severine said:

Yaaaaay holiday! And good luck with the presentation.

 

The relationship stuff is so hard. All I can say is sometimes these things only happen once you stop looking too hard for them. When my last relationship ended, I went through a really rough time and felt lonely and hopeless about romance in general. I eventually came to the conclusion that the relationship I wanted just wasn't going to happen. Either no such person existed, or the chances of finding them were so low that it was unrealistic to hope for it. And after about six months of living in genuine comfort with the idea that I was never going to find someone perfect for me, but that I'd have a life of other good social connections (family and friends and sex relationships without deep romantic attachments) the supposedly impossible thing happened and I met someone perfect for me. And then I met another a few years later, even more unexpectedly and totally not due to seeking anything. Funny thing? Both of them had also been disillusioned with romance and basically given up. 

 

So my advice isn't actually "try giving up!" even though it might seem that way. All I'm saying is that, other than just getting out there and doing interesting stuff and meeting people, we have no direct control over when we meet that special person. And there's a certain peace and freedom in accepting that and finding comfort with it. I also took a lot of comfort from the idea that if I wasn't looking, then I avoided the danger of falling into a relationship just for the sake of being in one.

Haha yeah, I've had a few people tell me it'll happen when I'm least expecting it. And I am certain it'll happen when I'm happy and attacking life full-force rather than wallowing (I think I'm somewhere in between right now lol). That said, I also am aware that my tendency is to not meet new people because most of my favourite pastimes are solo things and I have a great group of friends that doesn't fluctuate much. And I do think it's important to give myself opportunities to meet new people otherwise it won't matter how great I'm doing, I still won't meet someone I want to have a relationship with. Just on a practical level. So I guess that's why I'm persisting with the dating thing. The trouble arises when I find someone that's an ok match but not great, but I want to make it work anyway because it's better than nothing. Except maybe it isn't better than nothing. Add to that some lingering issues around rejection and it's a barrel of laughs XD I'll be ok though, I think I'm happy to just keep working through this stuff as it comes. Ps I'm really glad you found both your partners :) 

 

On 4/12/2017 at 10:19 PM, Ensi said:

 

Hmm write down whatever comes to your mind when you're asked, "how do you think your life should be like for you to be happy?" The purpose is to find out what beliefs and thoughts you have in your own head. Some might turn out to be societal pressures :D When I did this, I realized that my life is already what I think it "should" be like :P Enjoy your holiday!!

Sweet, I will try do this soon :) 

 

Morning routine is go! I actually woke up before my alarm today. That never happens when I'm working. Since I've been off work though I haven't felt like sleeping in at all because I'm excited about what I will do with my day. I also chanted for a full hour this morning, phew. My friend inspired me last night at the Buddhist meeting, saying she'd been thinking about me and how I need to have a breakthrough with my work situation and really fulfill my mission in life. More than that she said I deserve it (definitely felt some internal cringing at that which I found interesting) and I talked about how ready I am for a big change in my life - how there's so many things I want to do that can't really happen right now because of work and how unsatisfied I am. She reminded me how crucial it is to chant more than half hour sometimes - once you go over 30 minutes you stop getting distracted by thoughts of breakfast etc so much and actually focus on the thing you are determining. It's a bit of a mind game too - once you commit to a decent chunk of time, you stop watching the clock and actually enjoy the process. So that's what I did this morning and it felt really good. It's taken nearly 4 years but I am finally having faith in my own ability to change anything I want to, to make the impossible possible, even when I don't know what the solution is. 

 

I did a presentation at the meeting last night - building on the idea that everyone is totally unique and how that is not only a good thing, it is crucial. That everything and everyone is connected so it is vital to respect others if you are to respect yourself (and vice versa) and the importance of respecting other cultures/religions/political orientations etc. That no one group has a monopoly on goodness/truth/superiority and when you work together differences are actually a source of fresh value rather than destruction. Good times. I had to really keep this in mind on tuesday because my least favourite coworker returned to the office (rabid Trump supporter and enthusiastic troll). With him I have to really keep my wits about me and walk that fine line between respecting his humanity, but not tolerating prejudice, or recognising when he is just looking for a reaction. Good practice :'D 

 

Plan for today is:

  • Make hot cross buns ohhhh yeah
  • Make an apple tart to take to my friend's birthday dinner tonight
  • Paint
  • Eat number 1 of 3 roasts that I must consume this weekend :o (and there I was thinking Easter is all about chocolate)
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So this challenge is over huh? Ok. As usual I didn't track anything so wrap up will be super vague...

 

Eat:

Breakfast - don't skip it. Can be fruit and veges and nuts from work or oatmeal with fruit and nuts (weekends) occasional treat breakfast (croissant) Good, barely skipped.

Lunch should be filling and healthy. Ideally leftovers from home. Cook most nights and cook extra. Good-o

Avoid refined carbs (bread, pasta, etc) as much as possible (cats don't eat carbs duh) exceptions allowed when out with friends etc and only limited options are available. Could've been better, hot cross buns weakened my resolve. Definitely got some bloating as a result so that'll encourage me to crack down again. 

 

Purr:

Things that make me happy.

Chant everyday - definitely morning, bonus for evening. Good! Had some big hiccoughs at the start but got well on track by the end of the challenge.

Paint/art 2x per week. Also started out bad but got better towards end of challenge. 

Plan holiday, lock in dates, apply for leave. Done! 

Activity/movement - physio, standing, bbw workouts? walks, runs? yoga?  stretching? Haven't quite decided yet. So-so.

 

Sleep:

This is actually the goal I'm most interested in and will probably find the hardest. But I think if I can crack the sleep game it will help me do better in literally all other areas of my life.

Morning routine - wake early, drink a glass of lemon water, chant 30 minutes, get ready for work. Not really, still struggling with this one.
Evening routine - no laptop after 10m, bed by 10:30, lights out 11:30. Sweet dreams. Mixed results.

 

Pretty happy overall - If nothing else, I think I ended up in a good place to start the next challenge. I think the morning and and evening goals were too ambitious so I will either scale them back or see how I go since I'm on holiday now. That's it folks! So long and thanks for all the cats :D 

 

giphy.gif

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I was going to make a new challenge but then I discovered that my friend's car - that I've been looking after for the last few months - is gone. There is a tiny chance it's been towed but my money is on theft :( need to call the police but I couldn't even call my friend without crying and now I'm a shaking mess. Fuck. She was due to pick it up in 2 days too, wtf. She kept telling me it's not my fault but I feel so terrible about it. 

 

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Just now, Owlet said:

I was going to make a new challenge but then I discovered that my friend's car - that I've been looking after for the last few months - is gone. There is a tiny chance it's been towed but my money is on theft :( need to call the police but I couldn't even call my friend without crying and now I'm a shaking mess. Fuck. She was due to pick it up in 2 days too, wtf. She kept telling me it's not my fault but I feel so terrible about it. 

 

:( I'm so sorry. I'm sure it's not your fault. People suck and do shitty things and sometimes it's just bad luck. Good luck with the police report. Maybe it will be easier than telling your friend because it will be less emotional. 

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36 minutes ago, fleaball said:

:( I'm so sorry. I'm sure it's not your fault. People suck and do shitty things and sometimes it's just bad luck. Good luck with the police report. Maybe it will be easier than telling your friend because it will be less emotional. 

Yeah, you were right. It was easier talking to the police - the guy was a good blend of sympathetic and professional. Just have to wait now, ugh. I don't know how I'm meant to do anything constructive with the rest of my day though. Go for a walk or something I guess. Bleh.

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49 minutes ago, Owlet said:

Yeah, you were right. It was easier talking to the police - the guy was a good blend of sympathetic and professional. Just have to wait now, ugh. I don't know how I'm meant to do anything constructive with the rest of my day though. Go for a walk or something I guess. Bleh.

I hope you've gone for a walk or found some other way to regroup! Meditation or chanting? Some other way to recenter yourself?

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5 hours ago, fleaball said:

I hope you've gone for a walk or found some other way to regroup! Meditation or chanting? Some other way to recenter yourself?

+1

 

So sorry to hear the car is probably stolen. That really sucks and would throw me off too. <3

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Aww, sorry to hear about the car! It's definitely not your fault, even if you feel responsible. You could have taken all the precautions in the world, and still some thief would have found a way to steal it, if they really wanted to. Sending you a virtual hug <3

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7 hours ago, fleaball said:

I hope you've gone for a walk or found some other way to regroup! Meditation or chanting? Some other way to recenter yourself?

I cleaned mould of my shoes *__* then I stood up to go for a walk and it started raining. It actually didn't last long but by that point my motivation was gone. I chanted a little bit though. Feeling better about the whole thing now, largely because my friend said she thinks it's insured (she just has to check with her mum... seriously, what is with people not being organised about stuff?!) but I'm annoyed it basically ruined my day and I've only got one other full day this week before flying to visit friends, so I won't be achieving much this week. Which, sure, relaxation is important but today was hardly relaxing and the whole point of taking time off work was to get lots of painting down. Oh well. 

 

1 hour ago, Dagger said:

+1

 

So sorry to hear the car is probably stolen. That really sucks and would throw me off too. <3

 

1 hour ago, Ensi said:

Aww, sorry to hear about the car! It's definitely not your fault, even if you feel responsible. You could have taken all the precautions in the world, and still some thief would have found a way to steal it, if they really wanted to. Sending you a virtual hug <3

<3 <3 <3

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Car theft by non-you people is definitely not your fault! Your concern for your friend is natural on account of you being a caring friend and an all-around good person, but definitely you should try to separate compassion for your friend's unfortunate car theft from any sense of misplaced responsibility on your part. Glad to hear the chanting helped.

 

I hope you have a fantastically magical holiday :D

 

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Nooooo. That's terrible and stressful and would have really upset me too. But like everyone said, it's not your fault. Totes not your fault. It just happened.

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My epic quest | MEATBALL WARS

You don't get better at anything unless you start doing it.

Being alive is heckn swell. 

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Car has been located! About 2 hours drive away, with a broken window and bust ignition. Last I heard it was being fingerprinted. So that's a relief. Hopefully I never have to deal with it again. 

 

Holiday is good, if somewhat frantic due to the presence of a 1 year old and 3 year old. As someone who greatly values quiet time, this is challenging haha. I think I'm adapting though. Kinda. 

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Yay for it being found! Ugh, what a mess.

 

I find small children emotionally and mentally exhausting. I think it's because I feel obligated to engage with them and pay attention to them all the time. Sane parents seem to be the ones who are comfortable telling the kids, "no I don't want to hear about Moana anymore, go and play by yourself for a while."

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Forum avatar is custom art by the talented Veronica Guzzardi
 
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3 hours ago, Severine said:

Yay for it being found! Ugh, what a mess.

 

I find small children emotionally and mentally exhausting. I think it's because I feel obligated to engage with them and pay attention to them all the time. Sane parents seem to be the ones who are comfortable telling the kids, "no I don't want to hear about Moana anymore, go and play by yourself for a while."

Seriously... They've both decided they like me which is super cute but also exhausting and I'm not used to being covered in someone else's saliva etc *__* at least the next two days there will be 2 parents instead of one to help wrangle the wrigglers. I managed to sneak off for a couple of hours today to walk and chant but the effects are already wearing off again... Bring on bedtime. There's literally nowhere to hide in this house because there are no walls XD

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