Self-sabotage?!

[Sadie]

Hi all,

 

I'm 21, 5ft 8in and 132lbs. Albeit I'm on the smaller side weight-wise, my body fat to muscle balance is way off and that leaves me weak, unhealthy and with a body I'm embarrassed about. I've been trying to get healthy/strong/confident for probably a good 5 years now. The story is always the same - I'll get to a stage where I've had enough, have 6 - 8 weeks of 5 workouts a week, eating healthy and feeling really good, and then something will trigger that self-hating voice in my head and I push myself off the wagon. And there I'll stay, "a failure", eating rubbish and making my body suffer until I hate it so much that I can't convince myself it's worth that workout/good diet.

 

Don't get me wrong, I read this back and I can see how ridiculously unhealthy that mindset is, but I just can't seem to defeat my demons? That's why I'm here. Please, if someone out there has gone through the same, please comment and give me some idea what I can do. 

 

Sadie, UK

[Benbear]

I think everyone has been here before.  You can get through it.  You have gotten through it.  Don't think about the times you fallen off the horse but think about the times you got back up.    Take a few minutes to write down something you are good at, things you feel good about, things you are proud, good traits about yourself.  keep that list with you.  when you hear that negative voice, take out the list and read from it until it quiets.  Also, you have permission to fall off the wagon but before you do that give yourself five minutes.  Take  a walk, make something, then decide..

[DyDy]

Are you pushing yourself too hard? It may be wiser to take smaller steps.

[chemgeek]

If I may: This might be something you could use help from a therapist on. You say it's a self-hatred problem - maybe you'd benefit from mindfulness training or CBT to help you identify and halt the self-destructive thought patterns? 

I am not a therapist or psychologist - but if you think it's a psychological wellness issue, I believe you - and you'll probably be able to get help with it from a professional in the field.

[Miw_Sher]

I can safely say that a lot of people here in the forums have been there before. The key is 1) learning to get back up quickly and 2) being honest with yourself about what a sustainable rythm is.

 

Also; it helps to know your patterns. What does your self-hating voice tell you? When does it pop up? Do you know what triggers it?