Can't seem to find support

[RoachRex]

I dunno. Nerd Fitness, professional trainers, family, i can't seem to find anyone to help me out. 

 

(I'm not looking to befriend pro trainers i mean i emailed this dude asking his prices and dude completely blows me off.) 

 

Family is unhealthy and laughs at all my projects fitness or not.  And on here 99% feels like I'm screaming into the void. 

[Plazmotic]

On 3/23/2017 at 9:02 PM, RoachRex said:

And on here 99% feels like I'm screaming into the void. 

Me too LOL. Feels like that for me on most forums.

 

Re: your family, I can imagine how devastating that would be. I know how hard it is to ignore nay-sayers, especially when it's your family, but you are doing some amazing things! Goku would be proud

[Miw_Sher]

On 24/03/2017 at 2:02 AM, RoachRex said:

Family is unhealthy and laughs at all my projects fitness or not.  And on here 99% feels like I'm screaming into the void. 

 

Ugh,I still remember the reaction when I first mentioned i was going to need dumbbells going up to 20Kg... or when I brought up the concept of calorie counting.

Having an unsupportive family is a tough one. I have the luck that I don't live at home, so I don't have to deal with them on a daily basis. I do have friends who just don't care much for fitness, or the things I care for.

Personally, I avoid talking to them about it, I have my little support group here and I have started looking for like-minded people in my area. I joined a hiking and cycling group, am killing it with them, and that is enough for me. I have 2-3 friends that are into fitness and with them I talk about these things occasionally, but even then occasionally because after spending 2 years learning about this I sometimes get frustrated at some die-hard myths people still believe in.

The real question is though - how can we here at Nerdfitness help you? What is missing for you to have a satisfying support network?

[Xena]

Hey there...just saw your post. I see you have a challenge in the Ranger forum. I'll take a look and see if I can help in any way. Or maybe I can point you toward some other nerds. Sorry you feel so on your own.

[RoachRex]

Thanks for the responses. Sorry i never replied. 

 

It's really hard to ignore their negativity a lot of the time. But some other stuff happened making me live elsewhere (for transport purposes) for a few weeks so i feel like they might be nicer once I'm able to be back.

 

Joining a group seems interesting but i only have weekends and most things ive seen have evening meetings during the week and events on weekends. But bc of my work schedule  (4-midnight) it's also hard to be awake early for anything. (For example 7am krav maga classes arent gonna happen no matter how much i wish otherwise)

 

I don't have the problem of friends who arent into fitness as i dont have any nearby where it would be an issue. 

 

As for how NF can help, well honestly I don't know. Putting my issues on others is probably the issue i just have to figure out how to support myself i guess? Any tips on that would be mega appreciated!

 

I think I'm just in a funk bc i don't know anyone nearby except family that shreds my ideas on contact. Well, this is what i get for moving back here i knew better and i did it anyway -shrug-

[ShiroiKarasu]

Change environment as fast as you can. When I lived with my family it was very easy to quit my projects because anyone don't believe that It can works. A lot of my enthusiasm and energy were drained simply after conversation with someone from my family. Now I'm living on my own and motivate by watching others and talking with people who live like I want to live. I decided to start recording a podcast where I talk with this kind of open minded people. It is very motivating and add value to the others who are seeking similiar people, motivation and living proof that theirs path is working. Altough I'm still have close.contact with my fam but I know that they don't give me support that I need so I even don't ask for it. Just do what you have to do and seek support elswhere. I hope I write precisely what I mean. I'm still learning english so sorry for some mistakes in spelling or grammar. I'm cross my fingers for your quest "change the environment" ding! Good luck with it! :-D 

[Wobbegong]

On 4/14/2017 at 7:07 PM, RoachRex said:

As for how NF can help, well honestly I don't know. Putting my issues on others is probably the issue i just have to figure out how to support myself i guess? Any tips on that would be mega appreciated!

 

"Putting the issue on others" is a tough one, because on the one hand, yeah, it's good to take responsibility for yourself and blaming other people won't get you anywhere, but on the other hand, sometimes people just need some help. 

 

In your original post, you said you were having trouble finding people to help you out. Could you tell us what help you're looking for? Are you trying to nail down a program, or get some encouragement, or figure out a nutrition plan? Just looking for a buddy to hang out with you? (If the latter, I've never had much success with the NF forums for meetups... but there are dating sites like OKCupid that let you put it out there that you're looking for "friends" or "adventure buddies" and that might help you find some people? Maybe check out meetup.com?) 

 

As for supporting yourself, the Druids usually have some good self-care focused challenges, and there's always the Finance threads. 

 

On 4/14/2017 at 7:07 PM, RoachRex said:

I think I'm just in a funk bc i don't know anyone nearby except family that shreds my ideas on contact. Well, this is what i get for moving back here i knew better and i did it anyway -shrug-

 

I feel you on this one. I moved back in with my parents recently (hopefully only for a little while...) and it's rough. Still, sometimes moving back home is the best strategic option. If your parents can afford it, they can be quite a cushion (at times a very uncomfortable cushion, but a cushion nonetheless).

 

The important thing in that situation is to keep your eyes on the prize. Moving back out, financial independence, control over your lifestyle and thus your life, freedom as well as personal responsibility... that's what you have to work towards. And in the meantime, you have to find a way to step away from your family and get some breathing space. I like going on walks for this purpose, because it's SUPER unlikely that my mother will pop out at me when I'm out of the house lol, but pick something that you enjoy doing, something that makes you feel peaceful and centered even if it's something you haven't done in a long time, and do that. 

 

If you're working odd hours, you might even have extra time (in the middle of the night when you get home, for example) to yourself. Capitalize on it! Unless you're an extrovert, in which case... go to bed, there will be more people around when you wake up. 

 

Let us know how things are going!

[Basement Cat]

I can relate to the family issue and the feeling of being in a 'void' so to speak. If you ever feel the need to talk or just have somebody cheer you on, you can PM me.

 

Now... (I'm going to assume you're male because of the 'Rex' part...)

 

Roachie! Roachie! He's our man! If he can't do it, nobody can! 

[aishah hope]

What kind of support are you seeking? Do you want someone to check in with you on a day to day basis, do you need folks to respond to your logs and give you feedback/props, do you need someone to give you guidance on fitness or nutrition, etc.?

[Xena]

On 5/12/2017 at 7:28 AM, Basement Cat said:

Now... (I'm going to assume you're male because of the 'Rex' part...)

I've guessed wrong about so many people on the forums!!

 

In terms of getting more support from the forums, another thing that can help is to post on some other people's threads. If you put out some encouragement toward other people, you might be surprised how much you get back.

[RoachRex]

Thanks again for all the replies & suggestions!

 

So bc of some harsh life stuff my family is being nicer to me. my Bro even asked about when I'm going surfing lol. 

 

I've been trying to surround myself with supportive media, even if I don't have people around irl like that it helps. I do want to move out, but I'm trying save as much money as Possible for a big out of State move in a year or so. And SoCal is expensive.

 

Mostly I was looking for encouragement and accountability I think. Yeah like, it felt like if I couldn't find support on this site where fitness & accountability & support are supposed to be some of the main draws then why bother?

 

Suffice to say I was also mad depressed at that time. 

 

As for the whole lack of friends stuff I've got plenty of stuff to do so it's not as much of an issue now. I've also been paying more attention to my health and taking care of myself, another part of it is that I moved into a filthy house and that affected me poorly. So my room is on its way to cleanliness and my mom helped with other areas of the house (even tho its not her house) 

I'd l ove to go on walks or ride my bike to work but I live in a bad neighborhood unfortunately. 

 

My plan is to just try not to be too serious & just keep busy lol. I can't be harangued if I'm too busy to chat.

 

Lol! Thank you lol and you guessed right haha

 

I'm not looking for daily interactions or anything but it felt like soloing in an mmo, everyone knows there's other people but no one cares lol. Like I said tho I was depressed.

 

Yeah,  i did try that a few challenges ago but it didn't make much of a difference that time around and it kinda played into me getting more desperate & upset about it. Tbh I think it was just bad timing and I'll probably try it again lol.

[Mr.Six]

On 5/16/2017 at 8:01 PM, Xena said:

In terms of getting more support from the forums, another thing that can help is to post on some other people's threads. If you put out some encouragement toward other people, you might be surprised how much you get back.

I know you feel like this didn't really work for you before, but engaging with people's challenges and what's going on in their lives will reciprocate back.  Also, I can't speak for all the guilds, but the Assassin minis keep a pretty active dialogue too.

 

Depression sucks, but there are also a lot of people on here who have dealt with or are dealing with mental health issues and would be happy to talk to you about that too.

[Xena]

Sometimes it takes a while to find people on the forums who you "click" with. It gets easier when you find people with similar interests or similar problems or a similar sense of humor! It sounds like you are making some great progress though.

[RoachRex]

Yeah i think yall are right and like i said it was probably just bad timing or something. I'll try again this time around though since ive been more stable moodwise for a while

[Brawlrus]

On the support note, be sure that it is indeed support you seek and not validation. If you're anything like myself, you are still unsure of your identity, or not happy with the identity you have, so you look for some form of activity to define you. For years I became "that bodybuilder guy" in my circles and that was my identity, but I did eventually realize that I chose bodybuilding because I was seeking attention from it. I wasn't in love with getting big, I was in love with being known as being big. Since I came to that realization, I've sought other things and still haven't quite nailed it, but I won't choose something based on how it will make me look, or just to have an identity in my circles.

 

If you find something you truly enjoy, you won't seek support. You'll be a freight train of passion and others will want to ride that train, so they'll jump on board without you asking.

[RoachRex]

On 6/3/2017 at 7:48 PM, Brawlrus said:

On the support note, be sure that it is indeed support you seek and not validation. If you're anything like myself, you are still unsure of your identity, or not happy with the identity you have, so you look for some form of activity to define you. For years I became "that bodybuilder guy" in my circles and that was my identity, but I did eventually realize that I chose bodybuilding because I was seeking attention from it. I wasn't in love with getting big, I was in love with being known as being big. Since I came to that realization, I've sought other things and still haven't quite nailed it, but I won't choose something based on how it will make me look, or just to have an identity in my circles.

 

If you find something you truly enjoy, you won't seek support. You'll be a freight train of passion and others will want to ride that train, so they'll jump on board without you asking.

 

 

I think you hit the nail on the head there.  I've always had like identity and self esteem issues but I've been  learning a lot about doing things on my own lately.  Like,  going to the movies or events by myself and stuff like that. It's really kind of helped me be less reliant on people to begin with and to enjoy things that I enjoy without worrying about other people.

I'm sure if I apply that to this as well, then like you've said, support Validation won't matter so much to me.

Thanks! 

 

[Xena]

I recently read a quote that helped me: "Courage is like a muscle. We strengthen it with use." (Ruth Gordon).

 

I think that getting out of your comfort zone with all the things you have been doing is really going to pay off!