ixaera keeps on going~

[Jord]

plz teach me how to stress lose and not stress gain

[Urgan]

19 minutes ago, Jord said:

plz teach me how to stress lose and not stress gain

 

All you have to do is develop an unhealthy relationship with anxiety and forget how to not-anxiety...easy.

[Jord]

3 minutes ago, Urgan said:

 

All you have to do is develop an unhealthy relationship with anxiety and forget how to not-anxiety...easy.

 

Unless you are an anxiety eater or boozer....

[Urgan]

3 minutes ago, Jord said:

Unless you are an anxiety eater or boozer....

 

My breed of anxiety fills my guts with nausea feels, like someone took my intestines in their fist and twisted them around a few times.

[shaar]

15 minutes ago, Jord said:

 

Unless you are an anxiety eater or boozer....

 

11 minutes ago, Urgan said:

 

My breed of anxiety fills my guts with nausea feels, like someone took my intestines in their fist and twisted them around a few times.

 

Will admit I'm an anxiety-boozer, but the no-food-do not want nausea usually makes me a light drinker, so maybe it's a win/win there?  Ugh.  Sure feels like lose/lose...

 

Anxiety - Where Everyone Loses!!

[CourtnieMarie]

take care of yourself! no need to log anything when it just adds stress.

[ixaera]

21 hours ago, shaar said:

Wooooo stress-loss pounds wait what

 

OH HEY I think your car battery spirit animal visited me this week 'cause I had to get mine replaced too, among other things, woooo, wooooooo, party time~

 

CHAOS CHAOS WHEE, pls to hang in there ok!

 

Not a thing that normally happens to me IDK??!!

 

Just too busy / chaotic to eat as much as normal I guess

[ixaera]

20 hours ago, Jord said:

 

Unless you are an anxiety eater or boozer....

 

20 hours ago, shaar said:

 

 

Will admit I'm an anxiety-boozer, but the no-food-do not want nausea usually makes me a light drinker, so maybe it's a win/win there?  Ugh.  Sure feels like lose/lose...

 

Anxiety - Where Everyone Loses!!

 

NORMALLY I anxiety eat/drink but time has been a problem and getting a mountain of things done interferes with eating too many chips it turns out. Well no really it interferes with remembering to eat regular food and I just have a tiny bfast, a small lunch, and a whole buttton of m&ms

 

which upsets my stomach and I don't eat more. or the stress has decided it does that now IDK

 

Either way I'm hoping to get some time to catch up on everybody's threads at least this weekend \o/

 

Off to do a deadlift/OHP day and maybe see if I can go home early b/c I slept like hot garbage and I'm super tired

[CourtnieMarie]

rock those DLs and then EAT and then go to sleep. good friday plans.

[ixaera]

9/16

 

We're just gonna pretend the 11th-15th didn't happen

 

Food things:

I accidentally got a sandwich today because I forgot I'm not doing bread carbs except for diner toast. I did, however, eat a salad and a kale smoothie. 103 over on calories because I misread the count on a potbelly sammich (490 not 370!)

 

1403/1403 avg

9/16 - 113.8 lbs

 

Gym things:

I actually got a lot of this done while I was flailing in my extra zero week.

3/11

 

Aside from 2 successful gym visits last week (no accessories, no time, but got the main 4 in for heavy doubles), I did heavy singles on squats today for a 4x1 at 130 lbs. and a 4x1 at 95 lbs on bench. Then some dips and some flies. heavy squats still scare the crap out of me.

 

Clean things:

Actually got a few elliptical visits in, and cleaned this weekend.

4/19

 

September To do

Do research on what the hell to do for professional development, ask who's gonna do my tickets while I do that 

Get TSA Pre

Book November Vegas trip

Get car maintenance -- scheduled!

Get car ENTIRELY cleaned

 

so, car cleaning and the professional development decisions need to happen by NEXT weekend. I for one am excited to have a clean car?

 

A summary of the last 2 weeks: I've been working up on near 60 hours both weeks which is  not a thing I'm in any way used to so it felt like all I did was work. My on call week wasn't actually that bad with the night time wake ups and they left me alone on the weekend, but I ended up with 10-15 high priority tickets, and one client thinks it's super smart to constantly request conference calls when we're waiting on stuff like moving a change to production that needs a maintenance window. You want a call? I mean, okay, but all I have for ya is a speaker to play music on so you're entertained while nothing happens for 3 days. (Plus, those calls tend to completely shut down any other work that could potentially happen while we wait.) Not only that, my normal work piled up so high it felt like Juggernaut bearing down on me, and then I get various bosses (cuz I have like 6?) adding stuff to do before all the other stuff. I'm trying to tack on knowledge I have onto other people but it's hard when you also gotta get through a pile like this. (Plus I'm not gonna lie, I'm a terrible teacher and my thoughts don't organize well in verbal communication.)

 

I managed to not eat everything in sight, but I didn't log so I don't know exactly what I did besides maintain my weight. I read some trash vampire novels to unwind on the elliptical, and I also read the new Kate Daniels and I think it is my favorite one. I started playing Monster Hunter, which is fun and I have no time for. I booked my Vegas trip, scheduled my car maintenance, did the airport thing so I could get TSA pre for future flights. I planned a Halloween party. I also got my first Stitch Fix box. I talked to my mom, who is pretty sure I've been kidnapped because I haven't seen her in a whopping 3 weeks, but she insists I come visit soon because she has lots of spare black licorice jelly beans for me.

 

This Friday I'm taking A DAY OFF and hopefully i won't feel compelled to work more and actually enjoy the beach. Thursday I'm going to a Meg Myers concert

 

Spoiler

 

 

[Jord]

13 hours ago, ixaera said:

This Friday I'm taking A DAY OFF and hopefully i won't feel compelled to work more and actually enjoy the beach.

 

I FORBID YOU TO WORK ON YOUR DAY OFF THAT YOU SO INTENSELY EARNED.

[Urgan]

1 hour ago, Jord said:

 

I FORBID YOU TO WORK ON YOUR DAY OFF THAT YOU SO INTENSELY EARNED.

 

Seconding. The temptation is real, tho.

[CourtnieMarie]

ugh, the multiple bosses adding things to your plate without knowing what the others are doing is so frustrating. is there someone you can mention this to in order to streamline the process? or at least better communication (copying other managers on email requests) so everyone knows how much work you're getting.

[ixaera]

9/17

 

 

Food things:

I fekked up. A not bad breakfast of eggs, toast (diner toast!), and some fruit, then lunch was some chicken, beans, potatoes, and guac, but I was so busy I never got salad packed away and ate a TON of candy, was SO hungry after work and ate PIZZA

sigh

 

2030/1717avg

9/16 - 113.8 lbs

 

Gym things:

Yes

4/11

 

4x1 Sumo Deadlifts at 140 lbs

4x1 Overhead Press at 57 lbs

 

ALMOST easy somehow. Have made my next 6 weeks program based on how the final week of this one felt. I've added only 2 lbs to my squat training max, 2 to bench, 5 to deadlift and 1 to OHP.

 

Clean things:

elliptical while reading a trash vamp novel

5/19

 

September To do

Do research on what the hell to do for professional development, ask who's gonna do my tickets while I do that 

Get TSA Pre

Book November Vegas trip

Get car maintenance -- scheduled!

Get car ENTIRELY cleaned

 

here's some metal

Spoiler

 

 

[CourtnieMarie]

12 hours ago, ixaera said:

I've added only poundage to EVERY LIFT

FTFY

 

 

[ixaera]

9/18-19

 

 

Food things:

NOT doing well. I dunno where my self control is, but it's been MIA for a while. I won't even bother to itemize. Candy and pizza. Plus more candy and pizza.

 

1539,1872/1711avg

9/16 - 113.8 lbs

 

Gym things:

Yes

5/11

 

The light stuff. some SSB squat singles at 100 lbs and some close grip bench at 70 lbs. I'm not sure if this part of the program is SUPPOSED to be this easy or not.

 

Clean things:

elliptical while reading a trash vamp novelx2

7/19

 

September To do

Do research on what the hell to do for professional development, ask who's gonna do my tickets while I do that 

Get TSA Pre

Book November Vegas trip

Get car maintenance -- scheduled!

Get car ENTIRELY cleaned

 

Spoiler

 

 

[Urgan]

11 hours ago, ixaera said:

Food things:

NOT doing well. I dunno where my self control is, but it's been MIA for a while. I won't even bother to itemize. Candy and pizza. Plus more candy and pizza.

 

I may be wrong, but it seems as if perhaps you are working at a place that has convinced itself that part of the compensation package for its employees is pizza? I swear this is a thing.

 

11 hours ago, ixaera said:

The light stuff. some SSB squat singles at 100 lbs and some close grip bench at 70 lbs. I'm not sure if this part of the program is SUPPOSED to be this easy or not.

 

Well if it is making you feel like it's a waste of time to even get up, maybe adjusting by 5% or so wouldn't be a bad idea?

[ixaera]

9/20

 

Food things:

did quite well. I ix-nayed on the andy-cay and good things followed. Ate a trail mix bar right after workout, then a breakfast taco. Lunch was a chicken salad and so was dinner, and the salad had a variety of veggies, and there was a banana and an rx bar. I was nearly a saint.

 

1199/1609 avg

9/16 - 113.8 lbs

 

Gym things:

Yes

6/11

 

More lightness, but I've brought back off-day deadlifts in the form of trap bar deadlifts. Did some singles at 100 lbs then some triples on shoulder presses at 25 lbs (single arm). Then some pulling, seated rows & pull downs.

 

Clean things:

Does packing count as cleaning...?

8/19

 

September To do

Do research on what the hell to do for professional development, ask who's gonna do my tickets while I do that 

Get TSA Pre

Book November Vegas trip

Get car maintenance

Get car ENTIRELY cleaned

 

have some transviolet~

Spoiler

 

 

[ixaera]

11 hours ago, Urgan said:

 

I may be wrong, but it seems as if perhaps you are working at a place that has convinced itself that part of the compensation package for its employees is pizza? I swear this is a thing.

 

I WILL figure out how to get free food and still not be a crazy eat-y person. I managed it today, I can manage it ANY day

 

11 hours ago, Urgan said:

 

Well if it is making you feel like it's a waste of time to even get up, maybe adjusting by 5% or so wouldn't be a bad idea?

 

Yeah, along those lines--I'm thinking maybe more reps at the prescribed weight? The thing has the % listed but also RPE so I might see how adding 2-3 reps feels for a while. And maybe an extra set? I'll start with the reps and go from there.

[Jord]

13 hours ago, ixaera said:

did quite well. I ix-nayed on the andy-cay and good things followed. Ate a trail mix bar right after workout, then a breakfast taco. Lunch was a chicken salad and so was dinner, and the salad had a variety of veggies, and there was a banana and an rx bar. I was nearly a saint.

 

lol, you know, as saints do

 

13 hours ago, ixaera said:

Get car ENTIRELY cleaned

 

I think about doing this constantly and then just get lazy and cheap out...

[CourtnieMarie]

15 hours ago, ixaera said:

 

I WILL figure out how to get free food and still not be a crazy eat-y person. I managed it today, I can manage it ANY day

surprisingly (or not) i stopped restricting myself on the free food bonanza about a month ago. this week i started to see a shift in how i actually eat that free food. there were snickers ice cream bars yesterday and panera bagels today. haven't had-a-one. 

[Urgan]

2 minutes ago, CourtnieMarie said:

surprisingly (or not) i stopped restricting myself on the free food bonanza about a month ago. this week i started to see a shift in how i actually eat that free food. there were snickers ice cream bars yesterday and panera bagels today. haven't had-a-one. 

 

At some point, for me at least, paired with Immediate Consequences for eating the Free Food is just a general boredom with the whole OMG FREE FOOD hype that goes down. Maybe Old Job broke my brain and I'm permanently damaged forever and can no longer form healthy relationships with humans by way of food consumption, it's possible.

[shaar]

Packing TOTALLY counts as cleaning I mean, it just makes SENSE

[ixaera]

Okay, I officially give up on September. I'll keep logging here to finish it out but there has been way too much chaos. I dunno if I need a simpler plan or what because I think the chaos may just be inevitable now. 

 

First off, I HAVE NEWS

 

Mr Ix popped the q while we were on vacation in Galveston, so we'll be tying the knot at some vague point in the future (I basically want to figure out The Things then set a date once I know what's realistic).

 

 

I was subjected to many foods and desserts and ate way too much. I'm heavier than ever and really need to figure out my shit.

 

So I got to thinking about what causes battle log breaking chaos and the answer is straight up lack of time to do simple things like log a meal or update a thread, which results in me forgetting what I ate or feeling overwhelmed about my goals. You might say "just log right as you're eating" and that works a lot of days, but would not have worked today since I was in a war room with product and development teams figuring out a high visibility issue. Eating while working in front of the founder of the company is one thing, derping on my phone is maybe another. Probably fine, but I'm way too anxious and self conscious for that. 

 

Still, that's not most days so the log while eating thing should generally work yeah

 

Updating the thread is something else. That's me getting home feeling like a sad limp old used up dish towel with questionable stains and not wanting the first thing to do with writing an update. I'm kind of surprised I'm writing this one for real (I feel SO tired).

 

I can't do much about the time shortage. Currently, I'm spending 45-50ish hours a week working, 6ish hours doing fitness activities, ?? hours driving / getting ready to go somewhere, and not nearly enough time relaxing with a video game or book. So there's not much wiggle room with goals. Trying to do something like learn piano or C# might be... ambitious... (to say the very very least)

 

Especially with a wedding to plan now \o/

 

 

Anyway, so, I'll keep posting with my stuff but it's all BS right now because I'm not following my own rules very well. 

 

I'm slowly doing better with food on NORMAL days but when presented with stuff by family I find it extremely extremely difficult 

[CourtnieMarie]

HEY!!! CONGRATULATIONS!! go go gadget wedding! that's so exciting. as a side note - I found offbeatbride.com super helpful for nerdy and 'other' weddings. you got this

that kid doesn't even look phased that he just pulled the chair out from under a bride.

 

 

secondly, don't do things that cause you more stress. if learning to play piano or C# really reduced your stress levels, i would get on board with those goals. but maybe your (in your head) goals should be geared towards those things that reduce stress for you (video games and reading!). and like i alluded to with the "in your head" bit, you don't owe us anything such as updates  as much as we enjoy them we'd rather you took care of yourself.

 

anyway. you're great!