• Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

fleaball

Fleaball: Slightly Alive

Recommended Posts

20 hours ago, fleaball said:

I've actually told some people I have anxiety and they seem to have trouble believing it. It's so weird how despite feeling like a hot mess you can fool people into thinking otherwise. 

 

 I get this. Had a panic attack in a room full of derby teammates and strangers and everyone was like "that's not how you normally are" and I had to explain to them that yeah, it is, when you frighten me with a crowd and demand I be part of a stupid group game thing. Thankfully my derby team really seem to like me and understood, but still. They were very surprised when I wasn't "my usual cheery self." 

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Bluuuuhhhh. That paper I was going to finish at 5pm? 4 hours later it's still not done. I was making great progress, suddenly got hungry, stopped to eat, and just... haven't cared enough to finish it. I swear I'm physically incapable of finishing things before the official deadline. But I've only got two pages left and I will finish it tonight before I go to bed because I don't want to deal with this paper anymore. I feel like all I've done is repeat myself for the 6 pages I have, but whatever. It should be enough for a 64.

  • Like 7

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
8 hours ago, zenLara said:

Will try to follow, but I'm not sure I'll succeed: How is it possible you already wrote 5 pagessssss??!!!

I've posted 133 times in the last week alone. Possibly because it's paper wars time again and I'd rather do anything but papers? 

  • Like 6

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 hours ago, fleaball said:

I've posted 133 times in the last week alone. Possibly because it's paper wars time again and I'd rather do anything but papers? 

Ehm... or you are just being you and we are just being we. So it happens. lol XD

 

Good job on the paper, btw! *quietly stops cheering in the corner because now it is just creepy*

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 4/22/2017 at 3:31 AM, Dagger said:

There are few people in the world that feel like they have it all together. They might have it all together in some areas, but not all of them.

Truth. To all outsiders I look and sound like a Real Adult: I clean, I cook, I manage my finances and have career plans. But my husband knows the truth, that I am really good at hiding the fact that I am a lazy & foul woman-child who would forgo eating for cat videos given the chance.

  • Like 10

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 4/17/2017 at 8:57 PM, fleaball said:

mostly-dead.jpg

 

So I said I was sitting out this round. Apparently I'm a liar. I'm okay with that. Why was I going to sit out: in the first two weeks I have two final papers, a presentation, a draft of a paper that will be at least 30 pages, and an essay about a shitty 1053-page book. Then the 30-page paper is due for realz the week after. And the week after that I graduate and go home for a week to epic family drama. All of this while working full-time. Also Sense8 season 2 comes out somewhere in week 3? #priorities.

 

ANYWAY. I was ready to write off the next 5 weeks because I'm not going to have time to work on my eating habits or a new exercise routine or anything at all; I'll be lucky to get 6 hours of sleep every night. So essentially dead to anything that isn't school-related. 

 

But I don't have to be totally dead. While I may not make a lot of forward progress, at least I can try not to get more dead. There's a lot of stress in my life beyond the school stuff and I can do my best to manage it. So I'm doing what I did earlier this year: meditate, write in my journal, repeat the mantra I keep forgetting about. But only as much as I can do them; no penalties or shaming myself for missing a day. I'm also adding my PT stretches because maybe seeing them on the spreadsheet will remind me to do them, even if it's only once a day. 

 

So there we have it. I will be mostly dead this challenge. But mostly dead is slightly alive. 

 

Handy dandy tracking spreadsheet. Feel free to copy and modify for your own needs.

 

** Dear newbs: As of right now it seems we don't have a guild leader. I've been here for 3 years now so if you have questions feel free to ask me. You can ask here, PM me, @ tag me in another thread, or post in the general chat thread. Please feel free just to drop in and say hi too. My threads tend to move fast because I'm friends with crazy people, but we're the good crazy.

 

I understand all of this. As someone who is back in school after WAY too many years, I do understand how hard it can be to juggle. And reading that someone else is struggling through this challenge with the school/life balance helps. I am right there with you and your right, being okay with the fact that your not perfect, but remembering that your not all dead, but only mostly dead is a start. Do what you can, know that sleep will eventually come (after finals) and that you are not alone in all of this.

But maybe taking that time for you will help. That is what I am hoping. That and remember that I am not just on one quest, the one for the degree but the quest of being healthier. Do what you can but remember this will be a short term thing for a long term goal

 

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

All the anxiety today. Looked in the mirror post-shower, remembered the allergist I saw last month asking me when I developed rosacea (to which my response was "?? wut?") and then got worried about having it. I'm not sure if that was what set off the epic anxiety for the day or if it hit me more because I was already anxious. I need to see a dermatologist for something else anyway so I'll just ask for that to be added to the referral. 

 

Also bleh, I have to get a lot of homework done at work today so I can go to the stats lab tonight and maybe make progress on this paper due Saturday. I really wish I had time for an actual break after graduation where I could just sit and do nothing. 

 

17 minutes ago, Bean Sidhe said:

 

I understand all of this. As someone who is back in school after WAY too many years, I do understand how hard it can be to juggle. And reading that someone else is struggling through this challenge with the school/life balance helps. I am right there with you and your right, being okay with the fact that your not perfect, but remembering that your not all dead, but only mostly dead is a start. Do what you can, know that sleep will eventually come (after finals) and that you are not alone in all of this.

But maybe taking that time for you will help. That is what I am hoping. That and remember that I am not just on one quest, the one for the degree but the quest of being healthier. Do what you can but remember this will be a short term thing for a long term goal

I know from past challenges that goals like this definitely help. The struggle is telling myself to okay to take the time. But yeah, my last paper is due two weeks from tomorrow so it will def be over soon. 

 

4 minutes ago, Severine said:

Idk why this didn't work but I approve of the gif anyway. 

  • Like 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, fleaball said:

 

All the anxiety today. Looked in the mirror post-shower, remembered the allergist I saw last month asking me when I developed rosacea (to which my response was "?? wut?") and then got worried about having it. I'm not sure if that was what set off the epic anxiety for the day or if it hit me more because I was already anxious. I need to see a dermatologist for something else anyway so I'll just ask for that to be added to the referral. 

 

Rosacea - what a sh*t diagnosis for some redness in your skin.  It could be ANYTHING from mild irritation to a big problem (but if you didn't "notice" until told - I'm betting mild irritation).  

 

I have EXTREMELY sensitive skin - and I always had redness (and acne) until I figured that out (with the help of an aesthetician) and the right products.  The last 2 dermatologists I saw just made it worse with the harsh  acne products they shoved at me.  Now I use VERY gentle cleansers\creams and no more acne\redness!  BTW - I was in my mid-30's before I figured it out.  Now at 45 I practically don't wear makeup (and what I do wear is light coverage) because I don't need to cover up the red\acne :) 

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Just now, Athaclena said:

Rosacea - what a sh*t diagnosis for some redness in your skin.  It could be ANYTHING from mild irritation to a big problem (but if you didn't "notice" until told - I'm betting mild irritation).  

 

I have EXTREMELY sensitive skin - and I always had redness (and acne) until I figured that out (with the help of an aesthetician) and the right products.  The last 2 dermatologists I saw just made it worse with the harsh  acne products they shoved at me.  Now I use VERY gentle cleansers\creams and no more acne\redness!  BTW - I was in my mid-30's before I figured it out.  Now at 45 I practically don't wear makeup (and what I do wear is light coverage) because I don't need to cover up the red\acne  

Yeah I mean my skin doesn't look like the pictures that came up when I googled it. I had noticed that my cheeks were redder and drier than usual and at the time just wrote it off as "I'm constantly crying so it's probably drying out my skin." So I guess that could be the irritant you're talking about. I think I'm less concerned that "oh no have rosacea" and more "ugh one more thing to deal with." I know it could be anything. My diet right now is shit, I'm stressed as hell, my immune system probably hates me... could be anything. I'll still ask about it when I see the dermatologist but also cross my fingers that once school is over and I can focus more on eating right and all that it will clear up by itself. 

  • Like 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
42 minutes ago, fleaball said:

Yeah I mean my skin doesn't look like the pictures that came up when I googled it. I had noticed that my cheeks were redder and drier than usual and at the time just wrote it off as "I'm constantly crying so it's probably drying out my skin." So I guess that could be the irritant you're talking about. I think I'm less concerned that "oh no have rosacea" and more "ugh one more thing to deal with." I know it could be anything. My diet right now is shit, I'm stressed as hell, my immune system probably hates me... could be anything. I'll still ask about it when I see the dermatologist but also cross my fingers that once school is over and I can focus more on eating right and all that it will clear up by itself. 

In short - likely not something you need to "worry" about.  Gentle cleanser (I use Burt's Bee's Sensitive), gently toner (I use Rose Water - even Witch Hazel was too harsh), and a hydrating lotion (Almay has a good one for sensitive skin - or L'Oreal Hydra Renewal).  All very inexpensive!  My favorite lotion is the Rose Cream from Mountain Rose Herbs - while not obscenely expensive - not something you can pop into a store and buy. 

But it's probably mostly stress and diet :) Mark it off of your worry list!

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 hours ago, fleaball said:

All the anxiety today. Looked in the mirror post-shower, remembered the allergist I saw last month asking me when I developed rosacea (to which my response was "?? wut?") and then got worried about having it. I'm not sure if that was what set off the epic anxiety for the day or if it hit me more because I was already anxious. I need to see a dermatologist for something else anyway so I'll just ask for that to be added to the referral. 

 

Also bleh, I have to get a lot of homework done at work today so I can go to the stats lab tonight and maybe make progress on this paper due Saturday. I really wish I had time for an actual break after graduation where I could just sit and do nothing. 

 

I know from past challenges that goals like this definitely help. The struggle is telling myself to okay to take the time. But yeah, my last paper is due two weeks from tomorrow so it will def be over soon.

 

 

Oh, I am sorry that your anxiety went up. I totally understand the "Did I really need 1 more thing to deal with right now."  There comes a time where it may be something little (like being poked with a spoon) but enough pokes and you bruise, and then after your bruised you start worring about internal bleeding. I hope it is something easily fixed AFTER your paper is due. You are so close, just a bit longer. I am actually rather jealous. I think I still have 2.5-3 years..

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I would pay zero attention to any skin weirdness (or tiredness or other such things) when you're this busy and stressed out. I bet a full third of the symptoms that periodically worry you will disappear once you get to a place with regular adequate sleep, decent nutrition, and a sane schedule. When graduation is done (soooooooon!) you will still have stuff going on but you'll have a lot of tasks off your plate and just a little more time to breathe.

 

Just keep plodding. You're basically there. It's like the last ten feet of the scary haunted house...just close your eyes and scream and run through flailing your arms.

  • Like 6

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Okay. All you smart people need to get out of my thread. =P 

 

4 minutes ago, Severine said:

I would pay zero attention to any skin weirdness (or tiredness or other such things) when you're this busy and stressed out. I bet a full third of the symptoms that periodically worry you will disappear once you get to a place with regular adequate sleep, decent nutrition, and a sane schedule. When graduation is done (soooooooon!) you will still have stuff going on but you'll have a lot of tasks off your plate and just a little more time to breathe.

 

Just keep plodding. You're basically there. It's like the last ten feet of the scary haunted house...just close your eyes and scream and run through flailing your arms.

Yeah. I know all my problems won't magically resolve themselves once school is done but having time to go grocery shopping and make food will be a start. I'm so looking forward to that. And it feels really weird to say. 

 

I think been flailing and running around with my eyes closed all semester. =P But yes. Soon. So soon. 

  • Like 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 minutes ago, fleaball said:

Yeah. I know all my problems won't magically resolve themselves once school is done but having time to go grocery shopping and make food will be a start. I'm so looking forward to that. And it feels really weird to say. 

 

I think been flailing and running around with my eyes closed all semester. =P But yes. Soon. So soon. 

 

enhanced-buzz-28895-1301694293-0.jpg

 

  • Like 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm playing with fire here. Draft of giant research paper is due Saturday, presentation is a week from tomorrow. Arguably the most important part is the analysis of the data. 

 

Which I haven't done yet. I was planning to go to campus tonight but there was a farewell lunch for the interns today and I didn't realize there was feta cheese in both of the salads I had until it was way too late. So I feel like death and under no circumstances do I want to be on campus right now. I'm going to attempt logging into the "virtual computing lab" they have where we can use certain programs remotely, although I'm worried it will be slow af because everyone will be using it. If I can get it to work I should be okay. If not, Wednesday after work and Saturday afternoon are my only chances to go to campus. Womp. 

 

And yet I still don't care? 

  • Like 6

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 

On 4/22/2017 at 0:10 PM, Athaclena said:

Anxiety is a bitch. And many people who suffer do so quietly. Even the ones that LOOK like they have it together. People think I have it together. And true, some things I do. But I don't really. I'm confident in my comfort zone, but 1mm outside of that, I'm quietly panicking inside. It just doesn't show on the outside so people think I'm calm, cool and collected. They also think I'm extremely organized because I have to be or I'll lose stuff when I travel. My house? Chaos LOL.

 

On 4/22/2017 at 10:07 PM, fleaball said:

I've actually told some people I have anxiety and they seem to have trouble believing it. It's so weird how despite feeling like a hot mess you can fool people into thinking otherwise. 

 

I am the same way. I look like I have my life together. I am able to appear calm when I'm massive panics, since I am a teacher. It would be bad if I just curled up under my desk in the middle of class and calmed myself. I've developed several coping mechanisms for when I have panics in front of people vs alone. But because oft that, there are definitely people who don't believe me when I say I have anxiety, and it sucks. It also sucks when people tell you to just stay calm and try to get over something. If that worked, no one would have anxiety!

 

Good luck with your paper and presentation! :D I hope that virtual computing lab works for you. 

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, fleaball said:

I'm playing with fire here. Draft of giant research paper is due Saturday, presentation is a week from tomorrow. Arguably the most important part is the analysis of the data. 

 

Which I haven't done yet. I was planning to go to campus tonight but there was a farewell lunch for the interns today and I didn't realize there was feta cheese in both of the salads I had until it was way too late. So I feel like death and under no circumstances do I want to be on campus right now. I'm going to attempt logging into the "virtual computing lab" they have where we can use certain programs remotely, although I'm worried it will be slow af because everyone will be using it. If I can get it to work I should be okay. If not, Wednesday after work and Saturday afternoon are my only chances to go to campus. Womp. 

 

And yet I still don't care? 

One of the symptoms of late-stage senioritis gradschoolicus is major organ shutdown of the giveafuck gland.

  • Like 7

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
4 hours ago, Severine said:

I would pay zero attention to any skin weirdness (or tiredness or other such things) when you're this busy and stressed out. I bet a full third of the symptoms that periodically worry you will disappear once you get to a place with regular adequate sleep, decent nutrition, and a sane schedule. When graduation is done (soooooooon!) you will still have stuff going on but you'll have a lot of tasks off your plate and just a little more time to breathe.

 

Just keep plodding. You're basically there. It's like the last ten feet of the scary haunted house...just close your eyes and scream and run through flailing your arms.

 

Word. I currently have the complexion of a 14 year old boy. 

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
9 minutes ago, Countess D'If said:

 

Word. I currently have the complexion of a 14 year old boy. 

Ugggh I know. I'm breaking out and the timing is off for blaming PMS. boooo. 

 

Hokay. It's 9pm and I just now downloaded the VCL client thingy. Phone call with my mother threw me off. Waiting for food to be delivered, which was unnecessary because there's already food here but I needed comfort food. I was going to watch an episode of Brooklyn nine-nine while I ate but maybe I'll go back and read my statistics notes from two years ago instead. Too bad there's nowhere near work with reliable wifi and an abundance of seating for me to spend my lunch hour at tomorrow. I might just have to suck it up and stay up late doing statistics tomorrow night. Or wait and go to campus Wednesday and hit the lab since my class was cancelled. Hmm. 

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
15 hours ago, fleaball said:

Okay. All you smart people need to get out of my thread. =P 

 

Yeah. I know all my problems won't magically resolve themselves once school is done but having time to go grocery shopping and make food will be a start. I'm so looking forward to that. And it feels really weird to say. 

 

I think been flailing and running around with my eyes closed all semester. =P But yes. Soon. So soon. 


I am not the smart one here... No one has ever accused me of that.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
10 hours ago, fleaball said:

Ugggh I know. I'm breaking out and the timing is off for blaming PMS. boooo. 

 

Hokay. It's 9pm and I just now downloaded the VCL client thingy. Phone call with my mother threw me off. Waiting for food to be delivered, which was unnecessary because there's already food here but I needed comfort food. I was going to watch an episode of Brooklyn nine-nine while I ate but maybe I'll go back and read my statistics notes from two years ago instead. Too bad there's nowhere near work with reliable wifi and an abundance of seating for me to spend my lunch hour at tomorrow. I might just have to suck it up and stay up late doing statistics tomorrow night. Or wait and go to campus Wednesday and hit the lab since my class was cancelled. Hmm. 

 

Do what you can. You will get it all done, even with the give a carer broken. You have come too far right now to just stop. Hopefully you can find a way to sneak some homework in today and you will have a better handle on what you need to do for tomorrow.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.