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zeroh13

Zeroh camps with the Rangers, part 1

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So, hi!

 

This might come out a bit jumbled. I didn't really get much sleep last night. And while I know what I want to do this challenge, I'm having trouble putting it into words.

 

I guess you could call me a traveling assassin, and I'm spending some time with the rangers because it felt like a good idea. 

 

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For this challenge I'm drawing inspiration from the elements: fire, water, earth, air, and spirit.

 

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One of the things fire represents is change. A big change that I have to work through is finding a new job. This is something I need to do. My current job really sucks for many reasons. It's not all bad, but the bad definitely outweighs the good. However, anxiety and depression inevitably stand in my way.

 

To give myself an extra push, I've picked my "last" day at this job, June 20th, the day before summer solstice. If I haven't actually found a job by then, I can't actually afford to quit. I don't really get any hours during the summer, so I usually rely on unemployment benefits, which I can't get if I quit. But it's never enough to cover everything (I barely make enough to cover rent with my regular hours), so the pressure will still be on to find a new job.

 

So, I have nine weeks to get a new job (which is why this is a two part challenge). But if I throw everything I have at it, I'll burn out. I need to give myself time for fun. I need a work/play balance. Well, I did a bunch of math, because why not, and I came up with 50 hours a week dedicated towards work, 35 towards self-care, and 5 towards training (the remaining hours go toward sleep and meal breaks).

 

So basically, I need to count up all the hours I work for the week at my current job (it varies a lot), and subtract that from 50. The rest goes toward the job hunt. I'll need to sit down and schedule specific times to work on it. I usually get my schedule for the next week on Thursday or Friday, so I need to have everything scheduled by the end of Saturday. If I miss a job hunting session, I can only make it up in the same week that I miss it.

 

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Given time, water will carve a path through stone. In this, water shows us patience. So, I need to patiently and consistently follow the steps that will help me reach my long term goals. 

 

I'm going to keep it simple and focus on working towards my "adventure" goals, which are hiking, parkour, and snowboarding. The things that I've decided to focus on improving right now are pushing, pulling, jumping, endurance, and grip. Luckily, there is a playground about a mile from me where I can work on this. And I can find ways to work on this at home if the weather is bad.

 

I have 5 hours a week for this. I'll schedule training "slots" where I can use up to that amount of time, but if I don't end up using the full time for the slot, it won't count against me.

 

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Grounding oneself. Building a strong foundation to stand on. Self-care is a necessity. So let's give it the attention that it deserves. 

 

I have 35 hours in the week to take care of myself. I'm not going to actively schedule self care. Rather, I'll make some lists of self care activities based on how much time it takes. Probably 5 minutes, 30 minutes, and an hour+. Then when I have some spare time, and don't know what to do, instead of just sitting around doing nothing, I can pick whatever activity is the most appealing at that moment.

 

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Go where the wind takes you. Go outside. Go somewhere. Do something new. 

 

Once a week I will go on an adventure. I'm a bit limited in where I can go because I rely on public transportation. But, I have a monthly pass, so I can hop on the bus, train, or light rail any time I want. I'm also very tight on money. But, I can find things to do that don't cost anything. Obviously hiking. And I'm sure there's other stuff, especially if I get imaginative.

 

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Everything is connected. 

 

I'm going to try working on turning negative thinking into positive thinking. And accepting without judging. But the first step is to be honest about my thoughts, and learning to recognize when I'm being mean to myself. And to not jump to the defensive if someone calls me out on it.

 

---

 

As far as grading this challenge, some of it is objective, and some of it is subjective. I'll need to figure this out before the start of the challenge, so tomorrow.

 

I'm still going to use my battle log. But it'll be more for my life things that aren't challenge related.

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Challenge looks great! Theme is interesting.

 

Wishing you a massive dose of good luck on the job search. No doubt a different job that gave you a reliable source of sufficient income would take a huge amount of stress off your shoulders!

 

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OOOOh can't wait to see how you kick butt. I hope you dominate the job market. :) 

 

Also for free stuff to do, look up free admittance days with museums or parks (state AND national). I don't think any national free park days are coming up, besides this weekend though.  

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One of ussss, one of ussss! 

 

<3

 

Looking forward to your weekly adventures most of all, I think! :)  I need to do more of that, myself.  Hmm. *flicker of inspiration*

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11 hours ago, Severine said:

Challenge looks great! Theme is interesting.

 

Wishing you a massive dose of good luck on the job search. No doubt a different job that gave you a reliable source of sufficient income would take a huge amount of stress off your shoulders!

 

Thanks!

 

11 hours ago, Jonesy said:

OOOOh can't wait to see how you kick butt. I hope you dominate the job market. :) 

 

Also for free stuff to do, look up free admittance days with museums or parks (state AND national). I don't think any national free park days are coming up, besides this weekend though.  

*Fingers crossed*

 

The state and local parks are annoyingly inaccessible. I found that out when I was looking for trails, and again when I was trying to find local hiking groups.

 

But there's like a gazillion guides on free things you can do in the city. I know some of the art museums are free, and I haven't gone to them since I was a kid. I should make a list of stuff to do from all those lists...  (When aquarium and science center have free or reduced days, it's PACKED, so I'll avoid that. Those also really only happen in the winter, cause it's their slow season. That's the one thing I miss about living near DC, most of the museums and the zoo are always free.)

 

I already know what one of the adventures is going to be. I bought concert tickets awhile back for the Korn concert in Silver Spring (it's near DC) on the 7th. Can't wait!!! ^_________^

 

And for May 1st I want to do something outdoorsy because it's Beltane.

 

11 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Welcome to the Ranger Corps. Spending time with us is always a good idea. Many assassins have found their way over here and never left ;) However long you stay you are welcome here, and we are glad to have you.

Thanks!

 

10 hours ago, RedStone said:

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(see what I did there? :P Here!)

(Not really, but I like that gif XD)

 

3 hours ago, Grandkai_NL said:

Challenge is looking interesting, cant wait to see you kick ass. 
Your theme reminded me of a instrumental song: "Be Wind My Friend"

 

Thanks.

 

Ooo, nice song. 

 

57 minutes ago, shaar said:

One of ussss, one of ussss! 

 

<3

 

Looking forward to your weekly adventures most of all, I think! :)  I need to do more of that, myself.  Hmm. *flicker of inspiration*

:D

 

Everytime I hear "one of us, one of us" I think of this old movie called Freaks. But I feel like it's a fairly obscure film, so I never know if it's intentional or not...

 

Adventure was one of the things that came out of my April challenge (the reimagining the future goal, which evolved into "what are my long term goals and how do I get there?"). Why to I want to be fit and healthy? One of the reasons was to go on adventures (and take lots of pictures!*). And then I was like, why can't I just go on adventures now?

 

*(Before I settled on my theme, the working title for my adventure goal was "pics or it didn't happen".)

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*sigh* okay... 

 

I seem to put myself down the most often by using "dumb", "stupid", and "idiot".

 

And I tend to be indirect about it. Like saying "my body is being stupid", or "my mind is being dumb". Or describing something I did as dumb/stupid/idiotic. Like, that might be an accurate description, but I'm saying it that way as a way around saying it directly. Maybe even saying it's an accurate description is the same thing...

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2017 is determined to be a shitty year...

 

Recovering from the accident.

Being fired from a job that I worked hard to get, but "wasn't good enough" to keep. (And I very much disagree with the owner's assessment.)

Coming really close to getting evicted.

My grandpa had a stroke.

 

And I just learned that my grandma had a stroke, and my grandpa is getting worse. (Same side of the family.)

 

*Deep breath*

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10 hours ago, zeroh13 said:

*sigh* okay... 

 

I seem to put myself down the most often by using "dumb", "stupid", and "idiot".

 

And I tend to be indirect about it. Like saying "my body is being stupid", or "my mind is being dumb". Or describing something I did as dumb/stupid/idiotic. Like, that might be an accurate description, but I'm saying it that way as a way around saying it directly. Maybe even saying it's an accurate description is the same thing...

 

Yeah I do this too. Working on it...

 

10 hours ago, zeroh13 said:

2017 is determined to be a shitty year...

 

Recovering from the accident.

Being fired from a job that I worked hard to get, but "wasn't good enough" to keep. (And I very much disagree with the owner's assessment.)

Coming really close to getting evicted.

My grandpa had a stroke.

 

And I just learned that my grandma had a stroke, and my grandpa is getting worse. (Same side of the family.)

 

*Deep breath*

 

Damn. So sorry to hear about your grandparents. Sending hugs and hopes for recovery  :/

 

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Challenge Day One!

 

Full honesty, I was going to do a before pic, but I chickened out, and it felt awkward, and I didn't know if I was doing it right, so I didn't do it. This honesty thing sucks. <_<

 

A big part of this challenge is scheduling things out. And I actually managed to do that last night, instead of 

being dumb procrastinating until some time today.

 

I don't think I included this in my first post, but, my work hours vary greatly. As in, some weeks I might only work 18 hours, and other weeks (like this one) I'll work more than 50 hours. Which eats into my training and self-care hours. So, my training hours get cut first, and then my self-care time.

 

Work takes up 53 hours, with 12 of those being commuting hours. So, I reduce training time by 3 hours this week. I can kind of sometimes multitask when I commute, so I will try to use 9 of those commuting hours to look through job postings and research companies and stuff like that.

 

I have two training hours this week, so I've scheduled it for tomorrow morning and Thursday morning at the park. I'm going to try to go regardless of the weather, unless it's cold and raining cats and dogs. Cause I don't want to get sick (again). I'll find an alternative on Darebee if I absolutely have to.

 

I've also added a reminder on my phone to take my meds at 2pm everyday. With my new dose, lunch is too early, and dinner is too late. But without the meal to anchor it, I've been forgetting like an idiot and taking them too late. That's what happened the night before I made my challenge post. Took my meds late, and had an energy drink (I was tired when I took the meds), so I got maybe one or two hours of sleep, and woke up feeling hungover and was pretty out of it for most of the day. And I also spent most of the day (and the next) calling myself stupid/etc for doing that.

 

Also in the insulting my own intelligence portion, I've been doing that a lot when it comes to (not) eating. Like right now, I know my body needs food (past hungry, but before hunger pains, which actually has the same warning signs I get before I pass out). But 80% of the time, I ignore it (like right now, it's been over an hour and I still haven't made any effort to eat, and I have snack food within reach if I just lean forward a bit!). Except, I know I know better. So then I end up being super hard on myself, and insulting myself (on top of insulting myself for "being fat".)

 

Now for something more fun...

 

I had a mini adventure today. I went to four different Starbucks trying to find one that wasn't sold out of that unicorn frapp, but no such luck. So I decided I would go somewhere new, and try something I haven't tried before. There was also this bubble tea place I had walked past a few times this month and wanted to try out and now I have an excuse.

 

 

I've had bubble tea before (it's amazing!) and I've had various matcha things (even had a matcha cake for my birthday once), and I've had red bean (first time was in mochi, then in bubble tea, and recently in ice cream), BUT I've never had this exact combination before. That still counts, right? :P

 

If I'm not too tired tomorrow I might try to go on another mini adventure before group therapy (I finally got my "new" music on my phone, so now I can totally listen to Group Therapy on my way to group therapy).

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On 4/22/2017 at 1:38 PM, zeroh13 said:

2017 is determined to be a shitty year...

 

I'm sorry for all the rough times you have already had, and very sorry to hear about your grandmother.

 

But it's only April. 2017 has plenty of time to redeem itself!

I hope that in December, you'll be saying 2017 started out really rough, but then...

 

1 hour ago, zeroh13 said:

Full honesty, I was going to do a before pic, but I chickened out, and it felt awkward, and I didn't know if I was doing it right, so I didn't do it. This honesty thing sucks. <_<

 

No need to chicken out, or even feel stressed about it. If you want to take a "before" picture, just do it. You can delete it if you want, and you don't ever have to show it to anyone. Sharing is sometimes helpful, but accountability shouldn't feel like self-shaming.

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12 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

You're doing a good job watching your language, and that was a very Rangerly adaptation on the Unicorn Frap to Bubble tea save.

Thanks.

 

I tend to censor myself when I'm around other people, so most of the negative language just floats around in my head. So I'm trying to write how I'm thinking, instead of how I would normally say things. But the hard part is catching myself throughout the day, and correcting myself, and then dealing with the counter-correction. For however long it goes back and forth...

 

11 hours ago, Xena said:

But it's only April. 2017 has plenty of time to redeem itself!

I hope that in December, you'll be saying 2017 started out really rough, but then...

I already know the highlight of the year is going to be the concert in May. Nothing can top that. But fingers crossed that the rest of the year goes okay.

 

11 hours ago, Xena said:

No need to chicken out, or even feel stressed about it. If you want to take a "before" picture, just do it. You can delete it if you want, and you don't ever have to show it to anyone. Sharing is sometimes helpful, but accountability shouldn't feel like self-shaming.

I don't think that self-shaming is the right word exactly...

 

It's more... Nerves? Anxiety? Over thinking it?

 

My body doesn't look bad, I just don't like it... <_<

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1 hour ago, zeroh13 said:

I don't think that self-shaming is the right word exactly...

 

It's more... Nerves? Anxiety? Over thinking it?

 

My body doesn't look bad, I just don't like it... <_<

 

I have loads of progress photos I've taken, but stuffed away for my eyes only.  I think - at least in my experience - when you reach a point where you take a picture and you look at it and feel 'good' - as opposed to photos where you're still not comfortable with yourself..... the 'good' photo is a tipping point to post alongside your previous 'meh' ones.  I'm not sure if that makes sense??  Like after 2 years I'm at the point where I'm ready to post a before/current set and not feel anxious about it.  It takes time?  Yeah...

 

Segue - One of my best friends used to live in Towson!!

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Liking the way you're catching those negative words. I like the idea of admitting they're there, but then correcting them and moving on without making a big deal about it. Just like you're editing a paper or something. It's amazing how those words appear in a sentence (or a thought) without feeling any intention to insult ourselves...like it just becomes part of normal expression. Which is why it's so hard (but important) to banish it. 

 

4 hours ago, zeroh13 said:

I already know the highlight of the year is going to be the concert in May. Nothing can top that.

 

Leave yourself open to the point of currently unimaginable awesomeness, I say :D

 

4 hours ago, zeroh13 said:

I don't think that self-shaming is the right word exactly...

 

It's more... Nerves? Anxiety? Over thinking it?

 

My body doesn't look bad, I just don't like it... <_<

 

Pictures can be nerve wracking for me. I've always hated being in pictures, and hated the way I looked in them, even at points where I knew logically that I looked decent by common standards. But having pictures to compare and track has been amazingly valuable to me. Just try and find a way to take them on your own (mirrors are your friend) and store them somewhere private. You never have to look at them if you don't want, but if you want them you'll be so grateful you took them.

 

Hope when you find a new job it's something with more regular hours. That unpredictability is destablizing, makes it hard to get a healthy routine going.

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I'm just incredibly vain. I have plenty of pictures of myself. But they have to be at the perfect angle, the clothes falling just right, etc. Nearly all of the pictures of myself that I like, are ones I've taken. Not good enough? delete.

 

Progress shots are different, cause I guess they take away all of the flattering pretense. I think the biggest thing I was (am) having trouble with is over thinking it. Like, what should I wear? How should I stand? How much should I try to get into the shot? And I could go on...

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4 hours ago, Severine said:

Leave yourself open to the point of currently unimaginable awesomeness, I say :D

 

My favorite thing I've read in a while. Nicely put Severine1

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Let me rephrase it...

 

It will be really hard for anything to be more awesome than this concert. But I'd sure as hell like to see something try! ;)

 

This band is so important to me. I owe these guys my life. <3

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When I said I wanted to be inspired by water, I did not mean let me get completely drenched on the way to lunch. Three hours later and my clothes were still damp...

 

I forgot to write an update yesterday, oops. I thought about it... It just didn't happen.

 

Monday, day two:

Fire

Nothing yet. I need to try and find some time during my commute to look through job postings.

 

Water

I went to the park for a workout. It was cloudy, and chilly, but not raining. The rain held off until I left the park. I mostly just tried to get new AMRAP numbers. The last ones I had written were from September when I first started... But the good news is that my new numbers are higher than my old ones, it was just by a little, but damn, I thought I had lost strength! Basically, that park is the only place I have to work on pull-ups. So I can't really work on them in the winter. Well, I could, I just don't like exercising in the cold. And then add two months on crutches... And that I've been eating crap since the beginning of the year.

 

-Dead-hang 30 sec -> 33 sec

-Squat pull-ups 16 -> 25

-Incline push-ups (I think the bar is about a meter off the ground?) 15 -> 18

-Kick-steps I didn't test cause if I piss my leg off, I still have to walk a mile home.

-Negative pull-ups I have no idea how to count. Or if I should even count them yet. Since I don't have anything to stand on, I have to jump up to it, and I can't hold myself at the top position, and I go down pretty quickly, but it's not in a haphazard I'm going to hurt myself kind of way.

 

Earth

Self-care, I still need to make those lists. I spent most of my at-home time watching my wife play video games (Mass Effect Andromeda, and Binding of Isaac Afterbirth).

 

Air

I didn't have time for any adventures before group therapy because I had to do laundry and go grocery shopping.

 

Spirit

I caught myself a few times. The one that stood out the most was calling my body stupid for being hungry...

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