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Bean Sidhe

Bean Sidhe vs Chaos and the world

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Goals

1)      Walk 10 minutes every day. (0/1 pt) Well, it was raining so I couldn't walk at all to pick up Youngest Agent. And I had the chance to go to bed before midnight for the first time in months, so I skipped the treadmill for sleep. Too bad I didn't make it all night since one of the cats woke me. But I was in bed before midnight so I am calling that worth it.
 

2)      Hit 10,000 steps daily. (2/2 pts) I hit my goal last night. I walked laps of the house for a bit, but I got it done. Total Steps 10,065.

 

3)      Do 60 incline pushups and 15 real pushups. (2/2 pts) I got 55 incline pushups done. I really wanted to do most of my goals yesterday since its unlikely how many I will get done today with company. We will see. I also got 4 real pushups. Maybe if I have a chance I will try for 5 today.
 

4)       Do 30  60 leg lifts on each leg. (1/1 pt) I got to 35. I am getting there.

 

5)      Clean the peninsula every night. (1/1 pt) I did finish it, but it may not be clean tonight since all the company is crashing overnight and food may be out all day

 

6)      Clean off my desk daily. (1/1 pt) I admit I made a mess yesterday of things I needed to look at with Hubby. We didn't do it, but I had it cleaned before bed.


7)      Cut the candy/cookie/Ice cream out. (2/2 pts).  This is a HUGE win. I was out for dinner, stressed and grumpy and trying to come up with solutions to problems that don't have them. I walked over to get a drink and stared at the soda machine. I stood there a second and went "There is nothing really there" and got an unsweet Ice tea. But the fact is I realized I wanted the soda for the comfort not for the taste. And with that, I was able to keep my streak of 259 days without a soda alive. I am just glad I realized I didn't want ti for the taste, but the stress relief.

 

Total points for a day 9/10

 

Total points so far 57/60

So yeah, yesterday was stressful, it was rough at work to where my boss agrees people are dumb. I have so much to do and part of me felt like I could make better use of my time cancelling the family thing and doing other things, but it wouldn't be fair to those coming. I did manage to talk my one adopted brother into coming so he will be here and hes great to talk to. But the best news is that I got an email this morning. I don't have to take one of my 2 finals. I exempted out. So that is done and I can focus on the bad class. I am just ready for a bit of a break.

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Goals

1)      Walk 10 minutes every day. (0/1 pt) Well, it was raining so I couldn't walk And family is in town, so hiding on the treadmill wasn't appealing
 

2)      Hit 10,000 steps daily. (0/2 pts)Nope, I was a bum sitting aound with family and enjoying them. Total steps, 5,132

 

3)      Do 60 incline pushups and 15 real pushups. (0/2 pts) Nope, I had family here and I was just enjoying them.
 

4)       Do 30  60 leg lifts on each leg. (1/1 pt) I did these before family came. I got to 35

 

5)      Clean the peninsula every night. (1/1 pt) We all decided to pick up before bed, so this was done, but it wasn't perfect. However, we were happy with it. and so am I

 

6)      Clean off my desk daily. (1/1 pt) I never really sat at it, so it was still clean.


7)      Cut the candy/cookie/Ice cream out. (0/2 pts). Part of the family time is a potluck and while I was still good, I had more than just one piece of sugar, so I am giving myself a zero but I am not upset about it. THe point here is to not deny myself and not feel like I am missing out. One bad day with good reasoning isn't going to stop anything.

 

Well, not as much of my family as I was expecting came, but we still had a good time and I am glad I didn't cancel. But Having people throws off my routine but it was a good reason I am okay with.

 

Total points for a day 3/10

 

Total points so far 60/70

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Goals

1)      Walk 10 minutes every day. (0/1 pt) Well, it was raining so I couldn't walk by the time the family left, my exhaustion hit and BOOM I was done. I was in bed by 7:30 (Normally its midnight or so)
 

2)      Hit 10,000 steps daily. (0/2 pts) Did not happen, between the tired and the family, I am shocked that I got a total step of 5021

 

3)      Do 60 incline pushups and 15 real pushups. (0/2 pts) Nope, I had family here and I was just enjoying them.
 

4)       Do 30  60 leg lifts on each leg. (1/1 pt) I did these before getting dressed and coming down. I got 35.

 

5)      Clean the peninsula every night. (1/1 pt) I am going with I go this point since it was clean when I went to bed. However Hubby was up cooking and things after I went to bed and made a mess. BUt It was clean when I went to bed.

 

6)      Clean off my desk daily. (1/1 pt) I got some work done, but I made a point to clean it, so yeah me


7)      Cut the candy/cookie/Ice cream out. (0/2 pts). this is a no. We had doughnuts for breakfast and Brookie (brownie cookie) left over from saturday. So now that all of that is gone, I should be good again.

 

Total points for a day 3/10

 

Total points so far 63/80

 

Not going to lie. Part of yesterday was the sadness that always hits when family leaves and while it was amuch much smaller turn out than expected, it still was good. However, once they left, I turned into a blob because I had not energy and felt horrid. I think the horrid was I drank almost no water and ate a ton of sugar. So here is to hoping I feel better today now that I am back into routine. Also, seeing my nearly perfect score go down the last 2 days is a bit motivating to. So here is to fixing that.

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Goals

1)      Walk 10 minutes every day. (1/1 pt) Well, I am going to call this done. I walked the longer way home from drop off and the longer way to pick up for youngest. I really need to get back on the treadmill however.
 

2)      Hit 10,000 steps daily. (2/2 pts) With the extra walk to school (I wonder if I can get all the kids to agree to do that on nice days), I easily made my goal. I should of done more, but I took a quiet night.  total step of 11263

 

3)      Do 60 incline pushups and 15 real pushups. (2/2 pts) Yes, I got this done, 55 incline push ups done and 5 real pushups. I may not be going down as low as I could for the real push ups, but I am giving myself credit that I am doing something here.
 

4)       Do 30  60 leg lifts on each leg. (1/1 pt) All done, I got to 40 yesterday with these.

 

5)      Clean the peninsula every night. (1/1 pt) Its good to get back to doing this. Makes me feel better to come down adn see it.

 

6)      Clean off my desk daily. (1/1 pt)Kids brought home papers, papers disappeared, If only my homework would do the same.


7)      Cut the candy/cookie/Ice cream out. (1/2 pts). this is where I struggled. I had a morning and got a poptart from the machine. I shouldn't of, I didn't even really want it, but with all the sugar I had over the weekend and the stress of people not following directions (that I EMAILED THEM TWICE). I caved. I am out of cash for the vending machine, so maybe I will be okay today.

 

Total points for a day 9/10

 

Total points so far 72/90

 

I really just feel like its me against the world. I try to do stuff and then an Agent comes down sick, or the school needs something, or no one follows directions at work. THe roof starts leaking (Thats is only like 5 years old) or the weather in may means I need to bring in 100 seedlings before they freeze and die. I am over so much and I just one something to go right. Is that so hard. Not to mention, I don't feel like any of this is doing me any good. I Know the data points I should be looking at are how far I have come from beginning of challenge one, but right now, All I see is that the scale isn't changing and I am still unhealthy. I am just tired of doing so much and not getting anywhere.

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Goals

1)      Walk 10 minutes every day. (1/1 pt) Well, I walked to drop off, I walked to pick up AND I finally got on the treadmill last night. I will admit I was really not wanting to, but I did it and while Hubby did 3 miles before I did (I had to do some stuff around here first), I still did a respectable 1.36 in 27:51 minutes.
 

2)      Hit 10,000 steps daily. (2/2 pts) With all that walking, I not only hit my goal, but I blew past it to 15, 233. That is a number I have not seen in awhile.  Youngest Agent came in and saw that number and backed away slowly. Haha

 

3)      Do 60 incline pushups and 15 real pushups. (2/2 pts) Done and done. 55 incline pushups and 6 real push ups.
 

4)       Do 30  60 leg lifts on each leg. (1/1 pt) I got 40 yesterday. so done again.

 

5)      Clean the peninsula every night. (1/1 pt) Done, I made sure of it.

 

6)      Clean off my desk daily. (1/1 pt)Not going to lie. I made a mess on my desk yesterday trying to start scheduling summer. But it was all put away before bed.


7)      Cut the candy/cookie/Ice cream out. (2/2 pts). I did much much better yesterday. I will admit I had a headache most of the day, but I am wondering if that was sugar related (aka withdrawl). I even was a good girl and put back the starbursts Youngest Agent tried to hide in my book before we went to pick up Eldest Agent.

 

Total points for a day 10/10

 

Total points so far 82/100

 

So I am feeling better. I am still worn down, I am still ready to be done, but some of the big "Hey we need to decide this" finally got finished. So now onto the easier scheduling headaches and go from there. Right now, however, I really wish I could just get my final (The one piece of schoolwork I have left) and get it done so I can be past this semester and start working on other things (like getting those darn potatoes in dirt).

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On 5/2/2017 at 7:44 AM, Bean Sidhe said:

I really just feel like its me against the world. I try to do stuff and then an Agent comes down sick, or the school needs something, or no one follows directions at work. THe roof starts leaking (Thats is only like 5 years old) or the weather in may means I need to bring in 100 seedlings before they freeze and die. I am over so much and I just one something to go right. Is that so hard. Not to mention, I don't feel like any of this is doing me any good. I Know the data points I should be looking at are how far I have come from beginning of challenge one, but right now, All I see is that the scale isn't changing and I am still unhealthy. I am just tired of doing so much and not getting anywhere.

Entirely different circumstances, but I know how you feel with never catching a break. I don't really have any advice beyond the fact that it will stop at some point. You're doing what you can and making choices where you need to and eventually things with start sucking less. <3

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I will get there. I know. I just really wish that I hadn't pissed off someone important in a past life or something. Some days I just want to be able to say "Hey I got this>" and not feel like I am lying to myself. Or I will be the really strong fat lady, there is that option. But really, some show of progress would be nice.

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Goals

1)      Walk 10 minutes every day. (1/1 pt) Well, I walked to drop off, I walked to pick up AND I finally got on the treadmill last night. I kinda had to force myself again since I just didn't want to, but I did it. So .766 miles in 15:19  minutes. its more than I would of done on the couch.

 

2)      Hit 10,000 steps daily. (2/2 pts) I made my goal again. Although about 20 mintues before bed, I considered trying to make 15,000 again but then my phone had a "lets cause a heart attack moment" (which happen too recently sadly) so it didn't happen. Total for the day 14,231

 

3)      Do 60 incline pushups and 15 real pushups. (2/2 pts) I may be getting somewhere. 55 incline pushups and 7 real push ups.
 

4)       Do 30  60 leg lifts on each leg. (1/1 pt) II hit 40 again. so thats something.

 

5)      Clean the peninsula every night. (1/1 pt) Done, Hubby tried telling me it was clean, but it really wasn't.

 

6)      Clean off my desk daily. (1/1 pt) I only really made a mess going through a thing of papers from Eldest Agent when he was in k-1st grade. Wow talk about time capsule. (Yes this also shows how badly I need to keep on my purge and 5 minute cleanings since it was untouched for 7-almost 8 years). But DONE


7)      Cut the candy/cookie/Ice cream out. (2/2 pts). I broke down yesterday and for the first time since probably Easter got into the honey sticks, since these are better for me than candy or the like (and only like 20 calories). I am okay doing it. I am proud I have still not gotten into that Giant bowl of Easter Candy no one is eating.

 

Total points for a day 10/10

 

Total points so far 92/110

 

I know I am making progress, but I guess I just don't see it. I may have to make sure I do my "Mid Way progress report" for the challenge and see what I have improved on and what I am failing on. I know I am making progress, but with only 83% of the points so far, I am not sure it is happening. And I want to feel strong, feel thinner, feel healthier than I did and that is what I am currently not feeling. maybe it is the stress, but I just feel like I am not making changes and I should be using this time for something else. So Maybe tonight I will take time to see where I am at. I know I didn't get this way overnight,  but sometimes you just want it to go away overnight. So here is to hoping I feel better before Summer comes.

Oh and Youngest Agent and I are signed up for our second 5 K color run in June. No sleepovers for her the night before and hopefully we can do better, but we will probably still walk most of it.

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I feel you on the wanting to see progress. It's so frustratjng. Especially when you're looking in the mirror, since you see yourself every day and the changes are so small sometimes. Just keep going at it. You got this. 

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13 hours ago, fleaball said:

I feel you on the wanting to see progress. It's so frustratjng. Especially when you're looking in the mirror, since you see yourself every day and the changes are so small sometimes. Just keep going at it. You got this. 

 

I hope I do, but when its frustrating and then I was going to sit down last night and figure out where I Really am, school decided to punch me in the face with lots of new material and finals start Saturday. I so need this semester over with. Now to hopefully at least maintain for a few days till I can figure out WHAT the final is and the new info. This does not help the "Ohh look, something else" problem either.

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Goals

1)      Walk 10 minutes every day. (1/1 pt) Yesterday was cold and rainy. I walked to pick up, but not drop off. I also managed to get on the treadmill at like 1130 pm and I got my 10 but not much else. So point
 

2)      Hit 10,000 steps daily. (2/2 pts) I hit my goal earlier in the day. I should of had more, but I was in super mom mode then while the kids were eating dinner, school exploded and I had to take 2 hours to figure out what that was doing. Total steps 13,141.

 

3)      Do 60 incline pushups and 15 real pushups. (2/2 pts) This is the main thing i want to see the difference on. Incline pushups 55, wall pushups 80. real push ups - 9
 

4)       Do 30  60 leg lifts on each leg. (1/1 pt) I got to 45on these. I may just hit 60.

 

5)      Clean the peninsula every night. (1/1 pt) Done, I used some nervous energy

 

6)      Clean off my desk daily. (1/1 pt) Done, not much there today, but again, I finished going through the time capsule and Youngest brought home more papers/


7)      Cut the candy/cookie/Ice cream out. (1/2 pts). I admit here that I had a week moment. Long story short, Lunch didn't happen, we are short on well, food so Youngest agent and I stopped at a gas station on our way to get Eldest to get something. I got only chips (Since i am not yet working on salt like I should be) and she got herself a candy bar and Eldest oreos. My chips were rather needed since Eldest had a day and needed someone to be strong. Without the food, I would of been a mess from my own crash. BUt Eldest got into the oreos and I asked for one. I know I was bad, but I kinda needed the boost.

 

Total points for a day 9/10

 

Total points so far 101/120

 

So yeah, yesterday was a day of "Oh and this is now a thing" and then add the school thing and I am not going to lie, I really want a melt and to just give up. I know I only have at Max a week from tomorrow before Finals have to be turned in, but it would be nice if I knew if we have a final, what form that would take and how long we have to learn the 400 pages of material he handed out at noon yesterday and complete the final.

It may be a good thing I am trying to mediate or at least calm myself a bit every day. It seems to help with my anxiety and the overwhelm.

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I love that you call your kids Agents :)
 

6 hours ago, Bean Sidhe said:

It may be a good thing I am trying to mediate or at least calm myself a bit every day. It seems to help with my anxiety and the overwhelm.

I think it sounds like you are doing amazing - I'd probably be in meltdown mode big time if school did that to me and I had to also try and be a parent. Keep going @Bean Sidhe, you are doing great!

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Goals

1)      Walk 10 minutes every day. (1/1 pt) So I almost didn't get on the treadmill yesterday. The night before I got less than 3 hours sleep. I walked to long long way to pick up the Youngest agent, and I was done. But Hubby wanted to play videogames for a bit and I said, Oh I can do just a bit. A bit turned into 17:49 minutes and .924 miles. I regret now not hitting a mile, but my phone went off with a school email that just made my brain hurt about our Final and I stopped. But I walked
 

2)      Hit 10,000 steps daily. (2/2 pts) I hit my goal fairly early in the day, In fact, I won my weekly walking challenge. Total steps for the day was 15,181.

 

3)      Do 60 incline pushups and 15 real pushups. (2/2 pts) I still haven't had time to get the difference thing figured out. 55 inclines done, 9 real push ups.
 

4)       Do 30  60 leg lifts on each leg. (1/1 pt) I hit 50 leg lifts yesterday. I have about 2 weeks to get 10 more.

 

5)      Clean the peninsula every night. (1/1 pt) Hubby did this for me last night, so I could get some sleep. IT was clean when I went to bed.

 

6)      Clean off my desk daily. (1/1 pt) Done, I love how much easier it is to clean when I keep it clean reguarlly


7)      Cut the candy/cookie/Ice cream out. (2/2 pts). Even tho I was barely awake yesterday, I stuck with just tea (and water) and I didn't get into the sugar. I didn't get lunch and I was starting to crash, so I had 3 honey sticks, but that is still much better than getting into the giant candy bowl next to the honey sticks. And since I don't count Honey sticks as the "bad" sugar, I am good here.

 

Total points for a day 10/10

 

Total points so far 111/130

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19 hours ago, Hymnusal said:

I love that you call your kids Agents :)
 

I think it sounds like you are doing amazing - I'd probably be in meltdown mode big time if school did that to me and I had to also try and be a parent. Keep going @Bean Sidhe, you are doing great!


When a name fits, and they really can cause extra chaos. Especially when they start offering to share their "sweets" with me.

So I was on the treadmill last night and the professor emailed me back. He basically said, we won't have a final, but I may put a lab up based on how everyone did on the last assignment. Right now, we have less than 50% of the pts in the class that he said we would for the entire semester.  So I don't know if I am going to have a "lab" over finals or not. It would be nice to know that.

At the same time, I see me going into between semester mode where I don't pay attention to school as much and I start trying to focus on the mom/garden thing.  I really need to focus on other stuff.

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On 5/4/2017 at 11:09 AM, Bean Sidhe said:


7)      Cut the candy/cookie/Ice cream out. (2/2 pts). I broke down yesterday and for the first time since probably Easter got into the honey sticks, since these are better for me than candy or the like (and only like 20 calories). I am okay doing it. I am proud I have still not gotten into that Giant bowl of Easter Candy no one is eating.

 

I know I'm a little late on this one, sorry! But if no one is eating the Easter candy, can you freeze it and then they can just take out a piece when they want? Depends on what kind of candy it is I'm sure but this is (apparently!) what my mom used to do with our Halloween candy when we were young. Might get it out of your sight this way?

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On 5/6/2017 at 2:56 PM, Tazaria said:

I know I'm a little late on this one, sorry! But if no one is eating the Easter candy, can you freeze it and then they can just take out a piece when they want? Depends on what kind of candy it is I'm sure but this is (apparently!) what my mom used to do with our Halloween candy when we were young. Might get it out of your sight this way?

 

It makes complete sense. And I would consider doing it if I thought anyone would actually eat it. Youngest Agent eats piece every few days if I say its okay (she usually asks right before dinner). Eldest asks maybe once a week and only when I say its okay (The last time, he asked as he was halfway through unloading the dishwasher).  Otherwise no one eats it. I use to put it in a cabinet, but everyone would forget its there and then it would sit there till I found it the next time I added candy from a holiday (Candy comes in at least on Valentines day, Easter, Halloween, Christmas ect).  What is worse si when people give us candy Youngest can't eat. She is allergic to red dye and that is in 2/3rds the candy. This year for Easter, one of the grandmas gave them a baggie of candy with frosted cookies. The cookies all had red dye and there were only 2 pieces of chocolate in the bags either of the kids would or could eat. They don't care I say they don't eat it. They do the "But Its only a few pieces." Times that by

For awhile, I would send it down south with our adopted family. Many are of the "ooh, I want it" or "I have a bowl for whoever" and it would go there. Sadly, no one really came I could pawn it on. So now its sitting on the counter. Fortunatly, I haven't really wanted to get into it.

 

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Goals

1)      Walk 10 minutes every day. (0/1 pt) yea...So I had my treadmill shoes on, I was ready to go...and then I punked out and ended up sitting on the couch watching Hubby playing video games after about 45 minutes of "I should get on the treadmill" So no points here
 

2)      Hit 10,000 steps daily. (0/2 pts) nope, didn't make it at all Total steps - 6,197.

 

3)      Do 60 incline pushups and 15 real pushups. (2/2 pts) 55 incline pushups aquired, 10 real push ups. .
 

4)       Do 30  60 leg lifts on each leg. (1/1 pt)Still at 50 leg lifts

 

5)      Clean the peninsula every night. (1/1 pt) it was nice and clean.

 

6)      Clean off my desk daily. (1/1 pt) Yep, I had everything put away again before bed


7)      Cut the candy/cookie/Ice cream out. (2/2 pts). I was okay here. Not great but I think earned all the points. I don't really remember

 

Total points for a day 7/10

 

Total points so far 118/140

 

See next post on what happened after this.

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So I have found myself dreading this, and even avoiding the forum entirely since I need to confess a few things.

A) I burned out HARD Saturday. I have a serious lack of energy or motivation right now. And Saturday, I am shocked I got as much as I did done since I am still waiting to hear if I have a final on TUESDAY of finals week. Do I go into "Between semesters" mode and get home stuff done, do I stay a student until I know if we have a final. It makes it SO hard to figure out what to do.

B.) Sunday Afternoon Youngest Agent of Chaos tried to break her arm. she built her own American Ninja Warrior course in the back yard and didn't clear a ledge as she jumped. She landed in the grass, and it was only about 2 foot fall, but she came down hard on one arm. Hubby and I were about 95% sure she just sprained her wrist. Since it was after all the urgent care were closed, she said it didn't hurt that bad and she was scared of the ER, we wrapped her in an ace bandage and waited till morning. Now, for all of you thinking "How dare you." We asked if she needed a doctor right now. Shes old enough to have a say, and she was laughing and being herself and nothing was obviously broken. And I was up half the night second guessing myself. Monday I took her to the dr and it was just a sprain. I pushed for an x-ray to be certain.

C). Due to Youngest Agent's failed athletic roll, she wanted Mommy to be nearby. So I called Sunday a excused attempt at my goals. Yes, I probably could of gotten them done, but by the time I got it sorted out, I was second guessing and not thinking clearly all night. I also spent most of the night with her in my bed in case she needed me and not sleeping to make sure she was okay.

 

D). Monday Morning I woke up with a horrid stomach bug. I still managed to get Youngest Agent to the dr (which did help) and to work, but I fully admit I was at 25% health if that, and nothing got done. I again excused myself from the challenge points (While kicking myself repeatedly for not being good enough or healthy enough) and I tried to remind myself that it was okay, but really, I was more mad at myself. I think part of the bug was stress. Between worrying for Youngest Agent, worrying that I was a horrible mom for making her wait, not knowing whats going on with my class, I think I stressed myself sick to the point of just noping out yesterday.

 

E) I am confessing now that I was afraid to say all of this to ANYONE. That i couldn't handle the challenges put in front of me and still work on my quests. I caught myself trying to avoid this, saying "maybe no one will notice" if I don't post, but eventually, I need to post. I want to stay here and get stronger. I want to be healthier, which means getting my act together. So here I am, going to try and focus on the last 11 days of this challenge.

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If you didn't post, I'd harass you eventually. :)

 

I think you're being way too hard on yourself. You've got kids, you're in school, you're trying change a bunch of habits... something is bound to go wrong eventually. shit hits the fan, you do what you can with it, and then you pick yourself back up and get going again. Which you're already doing, because you're here. Like you said, just focus on the rest of the challenge. 

 

Please never be afraid to post here! I've bombed out of so many challenges for so many seemingly tiny, ridiculous reasons. And no one has ever judged me. This is probably the most supportive, least judgmental place I've seen on the internet. 

 

Also, your professor is a dick and that would drive me CRAZY. 

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On 2017-05-09 at 6:55 PM, fleaball said:

If you didn't post, I'd harass you eventually. :)

 

I think you're being way too hard on yourself. You've got kids, you're in school, you're trying change a bunch of habits... something is bound to go wrong eventually. shit hits the fan, you do what you can with it, and then you pick yourself back up and get going again. Which you're already doing, because you're here. Like you said, just focus on the rest of the challenge. 

 

Please never be afraid to post here! I've bombed out of so many challenges for so many seemingly tiny, ridiculous reasons. And no one has ever judged me. This is probably the most supportive, least judgmental place I've seen on the internet. 

 

Also, your professor is a dick and that would drive me CRAZY. 

^^^^^ This!

You're going to hit some rough patches in life, it is what it is. If we were perfect then we wouldn't need to be encouraged or get support or build eachother up. I'm glad you came, and shared your struggles and are taking time to refocus on what is left of the challenge. That all on its own is AMAZING! You've got us here to help if you need anything, and you've got amazing things yet to accomplish this challenge. ;)

 

Hope you find out about your exam soon. Keep going!

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On 5/9/2017 at 4:55 PM, fleaball said:

If you didn't post, I'd harass you eventually. :)

 

I think you're being way too hard on yourself. You've got kids, you're in school, you're trying change a bunch of habits... something is bound to go wrong eventually. shit hits the fan, you do what you can with it, and then you pick yourself back up and get going again. Which you're already doing, because you're here. Like you said, just focus on the rest of the challenge. 

 

Please never be afraid to post here! I've bombed out of so many challenges for so many seemingly tiny, ridiculous reasons. And no one has ever judged me. This is probably the most supportive, least judgmental place I've seen on the internet. 

 

Also, your professor is a dick and that would drive me CRAZY. 


Yeah, and every time I think I have it together... Life is a jerk.

I know I should be easier on myself, but lately it seems like all the bad things are a bit worse than normal and its hard. I think I will be okay and I am trying to get back on the wagon. I just wish people would stop being jerks.

Oh the professor finally posted at like 7 pm Tuesday night we didn't have a final. Which means I have technically been done for 2 weeks (a full week BEFORE Finals). I so cannot stand this guy. The entire semester has been like that. I am just glad I typed up my 2 pages of "evaluation comments" and sent them in complete with dates and quotes from him and the class. I was nice, since calling him dirty names will just make them skip my eval, but if I put it as "It would be nice if he, or another thing he could try" they listen.

Oh and @fleaball Thank you for telling me its okay. I do worry about being judged. I have spent most of my life expecting to be perfect, its really hard when I am not.

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Goals (For Tuesday)

1)      Walk 10 minutes every day. (0/1 pt) It didn't happen. I was doing better with things but I just needed sleep.

 

2)      Hit 10,000 steps daily. (2/2 pts) I got my goal with Total Steps 10539

 

3)      Do 60 incline pushups and 15 real pushups. (2/2 pts) I did something really amazing here. I hit 60 incline pushups AND 10 regular push ups. I may make that 15 yet
 

4)       Do 30  60 leg lifts on each leg. (1/1 pt) I am still only at 50 here

 

5)      Clean the peninsula every night. (1/1 pt) it was nice and clean.

 

6)      Clean off my desk daily. (1/1 pt) It is nice to come down and not have to figure out where to put my juice in the morning.


7)      Cut the candy/cookie/Ice cream out. (2/2 pts). I was okay here. Not great but I think earned all the points. I don't really remember

 

Total points for a day 9/10

 

Total points so far 127/150

So Tuesday went well. Eldest agent had a school awards ceremony and everything was going really well. I was so proud, ect. Wed however, stuff hit the fan again. Eldest was dealing with more bullies and while I am going to skip details, I was upset. I was more upset after we talked to the administration and I got an email about 6 Wed night asking me to come in and meet with them about the discrepancies in Eldest's story. They tend to blame the victim and Eldest is on the spectrum (So its possible he could of been doing something the other kids showed him was cool). So Wed night was a bust. I am giving myself a pass on it because there were too many tears and too much anger that they were going to blame him.

The meeting, they didn't blame as much as point out that Did have some "Can I just open your head and fix it" moments and they did not punish him for them as well as some of the things that did happen on the tape Eldest took a bit to process because he didn't seem upset at the time. They are going to deal with the worst of the issues but apparently some were not as abd as I was worried about. That helped, but it did sap a good chunk of my energy yesterday.,  But that is Thurs post

 

 

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20 hours ago, Hymnusal said:

^^^^^ This!

You're going to hit some rough patches in life, it is what it is. If we were perfect then we wouldn't need to be encouraged or get support or build eachother up. I'm glad you came, and shared your struggles and are taking time to refocus on what is left of the challenge. That all on its own is AMAZING! You've got us here to help if you need anything, and you've got amazing things yet to accomplish this challenge. ;)

 

Hope you find out about your exam soon. Keep going!

 

Thank you. I needed to hear this. Most of my friends are a good 4 hours away, so it is easy when hitting rough patches to get lonely and dumb. I appreciate everything you and fleaball did to remind me that I don't have to be perfect, even if that's the standard the dumb part of my brain holds myself to. Here is to hoping the rest of this challenge goes smoother.

No exam. It would of been nice to know that a week ago. Basically I was done when I turned in the last homework on the 28th of April. He just didn't tell us that. Jerk.
 

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Goals (For Thurs)

1)      Walk 10 minutes every day. (1/1 pt) I am giving myself this point. I walked the LONG LONG way to pick up Youngest Agent and that helped. But still no treadmill since I got about 3 hours of sleep from Weds to Thurs and my body was done.

 

2)      Hit 10,000 steps daily. (2/2 pts) Somehow, I still managed to hit goal yesterday and got 10,556 steps.

 

3)      Do 60 incline pushups and 15 real pushups. (2/2 pts) I am still at 60 incline and I made 11 real push ups. I would of had 12 but I fell after I got up.
 

4)       Do 30  60 leg lifts on each leg. (0/1 pt) So due to the nasty morning these didn't get done. I meant to do them before bed, but I hit the bed and I was done

 

5)      Clean the peninsula every night. (1/1 pt) Hubby cleaned it for me since he wanted to get me to bed.

 

6)      Clean off my desk daily. (1/1 pt) I told myself i needed to do my chores last night and this was one of the first I did. IT felt good to have control over SOMETHING.


7)      Cut the candy/cookie/Ice cream out. 1/2 pts). I went to the store after the meeting and I bought what I thought was a small thing of brownies. No they are texas sheet cake. I had a small piece and I was okay with it since I have been a bit stressed lately. I know I should of done better but hey, This is why I have 2 pts instead of 1.

 

Total points for a day 8/10

 

Total points so far 135/160

 

So I am doing better today. I got all of these done and most of my other chores. (I have a bullet journal). I will say I didn't do some of my exercises, but considering I was so tired, its okay. Its about doing more than I was before, so I am going to try and focus on that. Today I shoudl get everything done. ALthough its going to be a busy one. Youngest Agent has a birthday party till after 9. off to attack the day.

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Goals

1)      Walk 10 minutes every day. (0/1 pt) No point here. I only walked the long way to get Youngest Agent and while I still hit goal, there was no walking that wasn't work or errands.

 

2)      Hit 10,000 steps daily. (2/2 pts) I was busy at work and at home yesterday. Goal accomplished 12,577 steps.

 

3)      Do 60 incline pushups and 15 real pushups. (2/2 pts) I still got 60 incline pushups and 11 solid real pushups. I almost made 12. so close.
 

4)       Do 30  60 leg lifts on each leg. (1/1 pt) I hit 55 on these Friday. I am so close to making it.

 

5)      Clean the peninsula every night. (1/1 pt) I wanted to make sure that I got this done. I even did Youngest's Agents chore to make sure it got done.

 

6)      Clean off my desk daily. (1/1 pt) DONE


7)      Cut the candy/cookie/Ice cream out. 1/2 pts). So I had another half piece of the sheet cake. It was good but I gave the last bit of it to the family so it is gone now. I am proud I have still stayed out of the giant bowl of candy. Oh and Youngest Agent won a water bottle full of starbursts at a birthday party. They are the tropical flavor ones so its easier to ignore them. But now that's a bowl n the counter too.

 

Total points for a day 8/10

 

Total points so far 143/170

So all in all, I a mad at the percentage I am rolling with right now which is an 84. However, life has been weird and while I keep telling myself this will work and to keep going, it sounds easier not to. But still with everything I have been fighting an 84 is pretty good and I am hoping today will go even better. Just one foot in front of the other and keep my eyes on the path.

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