Honeybadger Holds It Together

[honeybadger]

Life happened to me in a major way on the first day of the challenge, which is why I am fashionably late. SOOOO this challenge is going to be a little different for me because, you know, life. 

 

Zero week of last challenge I strained a groin muscle putting a stop to my 10k training. I will not be running the 10k and I suspect it would be pushing it to run the 5k either. There will be plenty of races this spring/summer but I am pretty bummed. This challenge was going to focus on recovery, easing back into activity and diet. I have specific goals for each of these. 

 

1: Recover- ice and stretch every day, rest adequately

2: Ease back into activity- No specifics here I will take things one workout at a time. I will focus on easy cycling and work in some slow easy running. 

3: Diet- Log meals in MFP 6/7 days a week

              Stay within calorie limit

              Limit sugars, sweets, simple carbs especially while recovering

 

That was my plan until Sunday when life, lifed all over me. I will put some uncharacteristic, personal, TMI in a spoiler to spare you if you just want to skip ahead...blah...blah...sad story...blah...blah

Spoiler

My boyfriend of over 7 years and I are going through a difficult time and are in the process of splitting up. This was very sudden and very much unexpected...to me at least. He needs "space" to figure things out and by things I mean if he can commit to our relationship. I'm not sure things can be fixed even if he figures out he wants to commit. Things are complicated. Circumstances require that we continue to live together for the time being while I finish the school year and can try to find a new place for me and the dog to live. Things are also complicated because of the bonus kids who are with us twice a week and every other weekend. Bonus kids will not be told anything until more definite decisions about who is going where and when are made. 

 

I am heartbroken and all the other feels...

 

I know this is not end of the world stuff but it is super hard. I have an adequate support system and a really good therapist. I feel self conscious sharing this but it feels like something I need to do right now. 

 

Because life. My goals are more simply to hold my shit together over the next few weeks. I will try to work on the goals above and I have for the most part this week.

 

Goal 1: Don't isolate. I need to stay connected to friends and be active. All I want to do is crawl into bed with my dog and sleep. That is a slippery slope for me. 

Goal 2: Try to work challenge goals because they are important to feeling better physically and exercise helps manage stress. 

Goal 3: Don't stab ex in his sleep because that would probably cause more problems and I couldn't bring my dog to prison.

 

 

 

 

[honeybadger]

Today was a pretty good day. The bonus kids are here so things have been oddly normalish. It was a beautiful day (85) and we went mini golfing and to a favorite ice cream shop. I resisted ice cream. This might be a first for me. I also did a light workout 25 minutes of cycling followed by a 1 mile run. The run was pain free!!!!! I will do my stretching and ice. All food logged. 

 

I ordered red some KT tape today to use on my blisters. They have healed since I have been resting so I hope it will help with prevention as I start increasing mileage again. 

[suzyQlou]

Fat fingers can only click like and barely tupe on my phone.  So I have more to say once I get to my trusted keyboard. Just liking that you are back with us for now!

[suzyQlou]

I'm back.  I guess all I really have to say is that I like goal #3.  It's important to be available to care for your cute little pooch!

 

Oh, yeah.  And HUGS!  It's such a sucky time right now.  I know you will ranger through it...but the situation still sucks!!!

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

Sorry life lifed on you. I'm really glad you have a strong support network IRL, I'm volunteering to be part of your support network via the 1's and 0's of the web.

[honeybadger]

11 hours ago, suzyQlou said:

I'm back.  I guess all I really have to say is that I like goal #3.  It's important to be available to care for your cute little pooch!

 

Oh, yeah.  And HUGS!  It's such a sucky time right now.  I know you will ranger through it...but the situation still sucks!!!

 

You are so kind. I'll take all the hugs I can get. I'm trying to focus on the positive and refrain from any criminal behavior. I know I will ranger through especially with the support of my fellow rangers. 

 

6 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Sorry life lifed on you. I'm really glad you have a strong support network IRL, I'm volunteering to be part of your support network via the 1's and 0's of the web.

 

Thanks Tank! It helps knowing I can include you in my support network!

 

In terms of challenge goals I have done pretty well all things considered. I have been stretching and icing. All food has been logged calories have been under, thanks to zero appetite.  I have also been working my amended goals. No isolating and no stabbing! Win win!

 

I plan on getting a workout in tomorrow. I got my KT tape in the mail today and will experiment with it for blister prevention. 

[Xena]

Wow, I'm really sorry to be late to this challenge. Here I thought you were just dealing with blisters. Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help. What you are dealing with, regardless of how it eventually turns out is a very big deal. So sorry it's rough.

[honeybadger]

With everything going on I have been so incredibly exhausted. I forced myself to go to the gym and  rangered through an easy 30 minute bike ride followed by a PAIN FREE mile run!!! I tried out the KT tape on my blister spots just to see how it felt. It felt better than moleskin but I will really need to see the result on a longer run. 

 

I also stretched and iced. I am optimistic that I can start to increase mileage. Food has been logged. I have not had much of an appetite (which never happens because I love food) so my calories have actually been under goal. I need to try to do better at eating enough. What I have been eating has been good quality food. I have not given into eating my feelings into submission via junk food. I'm not ruling that out. 

 

23 hours ago, Xena said:

Wow, I'm really sorry to be late to this challenge. Here I thought you were just dealing with blisters. Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help. What you are dealing with, regardless of how it eventually turns out is a very big deal. So sorry it's rough.

Thanks for your support. It means more than you know. 

[honeybadger]

Today was a good day. I got a groupon for one month of unlimited bootcamp classes at a local Crossfit for $24 (there was a 1/2 off coupon). I am excited because It was described as body weight focused movements which is pretty much all I can handle at the moment. I hope that there is a good vibe at this box and that people are friendly. And clean. I hope it's clean but that might be  asking a little too much. This counts toward my "don't isolate" goal. 

 

I also met my friend at her new gym. It was a globo gym but actually pretty nice with a diverse set of equipment. I would consider joining if I knew where I might be living in the next few months. We did some wall balls and I ran for 2 miles pain free!

 

I feel confident that I can go back to running as long as I stretch and ice as needed. I need to get back to feeling normal in at least one aspect of my life so it is really exciting that I can start running as usual again. 

[suzyQlou]

Can't wait to hear about all the crossfit details.  It's on my epic list for...someday.  Glad you are recovering from your running injury!

[Salinger]

Hey, sorry to hear you are going through a tough time. It must be difficult but you are doing all the right things, not isolating, not staying in bed all day, not stabbing anyone

 

Keep writing to us, we are all on your side and sending hugs x

[Evicious]

I am late as per usual, but I wanted to give you this regardless.

 

Spoiler

 

[honeybadger]

I have been neglecting NF which is totally not in line with my goal of "Don't Isolate"! Work is mostly to blame. Whoever scheduled finals week during a full moon should be fired!!!!

 

I'll focus on the positive. This week I managed to get to the gym once so far. I rode the bike for 30 minutes and ran 2.5 miles (pain free). I have been stretching almost daily and iced after my workout and a brisk walk I took earlier in the week. 

 

I Have not done a great job with MFP this week but I know I have not been eating enough. I'm trying to force myself to eat and to make sure I take advantage of my appetite when it shows up. What I have been eating has been pretty healthy though. 

 

One more week...no stabbing. 

 

I spent last weekend visiting with friends to avoid the awkwardness of spending the weekend with my ex without the kids. It was nice to get away and be totally taken care of. I was fed really well and might have drank too much bourbon watching the Derby. It was awesome. The kids are here this weekend so there is a buffer but this shit is hard!!! I'm finished with work next week so a main focus of next challenge will be finding a new apartment for me and my furry beastie....and running...and bootcamp...

 

On 5/5/2017 at 11:45 AM, suzyQlou said:

Can't wait to hear about all the crossfit details.  It's on my epic list for...someday.  Glad you are recovering from your running injury!

 

Running makes me feel like my "normal" self so it is even more exciting that I am recovering. I need to find a new race to train for. I can't wait to report about bootcamp. I'm not sure what to expect. I think it will be Crossfit-esq without the olympic lifting. I did Crossfit for years...years ago and I loved it. I hope this box is a good community, I would like to try to expand my social circle a little given recent events. 

 

On 5/5/2017 at 0:16 PM, Salinger said:

Hey, sorry to hear you are going through a tough time. It must be difficult but you are doing all the right things, not isolating, not staying in bed all day, not stabbing anyone

 

Keep writing to us, we are all on your side and sending hugs x

 

Thanks for your support. I am trying hard to take good care of myself. It is hard to know what the right things are to do but that's what my therapist helps with... and I will take all the hugs I can get...my therapist can't  help with that! 

 

On 5/8/2017 at 11:26 AM, Evicious said:

I am late as per usual, but I wanted to give you this regardless.

 

  Reveal hidden contents

 

You are the best!!!!

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

I feel you on the awkwardness at home. When I was divorcing I didn't move out (for financial reasons) until about the time the divorce was finalized. I was working an odd schedule at the time, but when we were both not at work I found lots of places to be that weren't at home. 

[Xena]

20 minutes ago, honeybadger said:

I spent last weekend visiting with friends to avoid the awkwardness of spending the weekend with my ex without the kids. It was nice to get away and be totally taken care of. I was fed really well and might have drank too much bourbon watching the Derby. It was awesome.

 

Sounds like an excellent strategy.

 

Great job of keeping together so well. AND I loved your globogym reference. I totally go to Average Joe's.

[honeybadger]

I managed to get a workout in last night. 30 minutes on the bike and 2 miles on the DM. I have been using KT tape on my feet to help with blisters. Not sure yet how well it is working, I haven't run far enough yet to really test it out. I also managed to get some adulting done today (laundry, and cleaning); went to the market yesterday. 

 

So it feel like I'm holding it together...mostly...mission accomplished for one more week. 

 

On 5/12/2017 at 8:31 PM, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

I feel you on the awkwardness at home. When I was divorcing I didn't move out (for financial reasons) until about the time the divorce was finalized. I was working an odd schedule at the time, but when we were both not at work I found lots of places to be that weren't at home. 

 

My ex continues to make some choices that are making it increasingly emotionally difficult for me to share space. So basically,  finances are the only reason I am still here and need to be thoughtful about finding a new place. It will be easier to not be at home at the same time once I'm finished with work and don't have to be home to let the dog out. I do need to expand my options though. This is hard because I am an introvert and a homebody by nature. 

 

I am also trying to get a position at a 6 week summer program for some extra $$$ which would help.

 

On 5/12/2017 at 8:42 PM, Xena said:

 

Sounds like an excellent strategy.

 

Great job of keeping together so well. AND I loved your globogym reference. I totally go to Average Joe's.

 

I assume you are talking about spending time with friends AND bourbon as my excellent strategy!

 

My fantasy is to find and Average Joe's! I am stuck in gym limbo (gymbo) right now until I know where I might be living. 

[Xena]

1 hour ago, honeybadger said:

I assume you are talking about spending time with friends AND bourbon as my excellent strategy!

Indeed! Since you are dealing with the whole situation in many healthy ways, a little bit of alcohol seems well-earned.

[honeybadger]

Last night was not great. After my post I had a very long and very emotional talk with my ex. I got to bed late and did not sleep well. Got in a fight with him this morning. I'm not proud... I took the low road and said some mean things out of hurt and anger. They were things that needed to be said but my delivery was not acceptable. I apologized. I feel like such a Debbie Downer....ugh!!! I am skipping the gym tonight, I might take a bath instead and try to relax. 

 

Some more positive, proactive and less depressing things...

 

I sent a follow up email about the summer position requesting to work 3 full days. Fingers crossed that I get hired. My co-worker who also expressed interest hasn't heard anything either so I guess they are just busy finishing up their school year. 

 

I also renewed my professional insurance which was a hold over from last challenge. 

 

Took my dog to work today. She barfed all over my car and peed in my friends office...but we are focusing on the positive here!

 

Made plans with friends for later in the week and reached out to a good friend I haven't talked to in ages. I am a little worried that it has been too long and they won't want to talk to me. 

 

Tomorrow is supposed to be a beautiful day so I might run after work before heading home. Exercise and less time at home win win. 

23 hours ago, Xena said:

Indeed! Since you are dealing with the whole situation in many healthy ways, a little bit of alcohol seems well-earned.

It was well earned and tasty with good company. I really don't drink much so I hardly ever feel guilty when I do. I might have a drink tonight in fact!

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

I'm so sorry you're going through all that. I just hope you can move out sooner rather than later.

[Xena]

1 hour ago, honeybadger said:

Took my dog to work today. She barfed all over my car and peed in my friends office...but we are focusing on the positive here!

I think it was some kind of sympathy barfing.

 

1 hour ago, honeybadger said:

Made plans with friends for later in the week and reached out to a good friend I haven't talked to in ages. I am a little worried that it has been too long and they won't want to talk to me.

You are doing the right things. I'm pretty sure your friend will want to talk to you! Turn it around...how would you feel if you had lost touch with a friend and then he/she made an effort to reach out. Pretty good, right? I think this is just normal self doubt talking.

[suzyQlou]

On 5/15/2017 at 8:29 PM, honeybadger said:

Last night was not great. After my post I had a very long and very emotional talk with my ex. I got to bed late and did not sleep well. Got in a fight with him this morning. I'm not proud... I took the low road and said some mean things out of hurt and anger. They were things that needed to be said but my delivery was not acceptable. I apologized. I feel like such a Debbie Downer....ugh!!! I am skipping the gym tonight, I might take a bath instead and try to relax. 

No way.  He is just lucky you have goal 3 in place as far as I'm concerned!!!

 

Seriously, though, hurt and anger is very understandable.  Glad you are forgiving yourself and moving on! 

 

Hope you have a wonderful time re-connecting with old friends.  I'm with Xena.  It's usually busy lives on all sides that make us fall out of touch with friends.  I betcha they are glad you made the effort to set something up.

[Xena]

7 hours ago, suzyQlou said:

He is just lucky you have goal 3 in place as far as I'm concerned!!!

 

^^^ This!

[honeybadger]

TLDR warning

 

A few good things since not a great start to the week. 

1. I finally heard back about the potential job. They would have me work Wednesday, Thursday and Friday for six weeks. That would still give me an extra long weekend. I am sending in references and need to schedule a phone call with the director. It looks promising. 

 

2. A co-worker gave me the name of a realtor who should be able to help me find a place and negotiate rents etc. 

 

3. Went for an exercise walk with a friend after work yesterday then undid anything healthy by going out to dinner (beef short rib burger with apple wood smoked bacon and cheddar on a brioche bun) it was totally worth it. The totally crazy thing was that the friend I reached out to showed up at the restaurant. It was nice because he heard my voice and came to say hi. It was super nice to see him and a very much "the universe works in mysterious ways." It was super awkward because we haven't talked in like two years and his pregnant wife was with him. They had just moved in together the last time we talked. I want to be very clear that there has never been anything romantic with us ever. We have known each other for over 10 years. I totally see how weird and potentially creepy my reaching out might have seemed to her. That could also be because I am hyper sensitive with everything I have going on. I am also awkward in general and it get worse when I am nervous....I made it weird. I will try to craft a good to see you love to catch up text that cannot be misinterpreted as anything other than I miss my old friend. 

 

4. Tomorrow is my last day of work for the summer. Until my summer gig that is. 

 

On 5/15/2017 at 10:14 PM, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

I'm so sorry you're going through all that. I just hope you can move out sooner rather than later.

I hope so too. Not a conversation I'm looking forward to it will be complicated. 

 

On 5/15/2017 at 10:21 PM, Xena said:

 

 

You are doing the right things. I'm pretty sure your friend will want to talk to you! Turn it around...how would you feel if you had lost touch with a friend and then he/she made an effort to reach out. Pretty good, right? I think this is just normal self doubt talking.

Thanks! you make a very good point! I hope he feels the same way. I genuinely am excited to hear about the good things that have happened to him. A little awkward as I mentioned above. Also feeling self conscious because my text was a boo hoo could use some advice and support from an old friend text. 

 

On 5/17/2017 at 11:31 AM, suzyQlou said:

No way.  He is just lucky you have goal 3 in place as far as I'm concerned!!!

 

Seriously, though, hurt and anger is very understandable.  Glad you are forgiving yourself and moving on! 

 

Hope you have a wonderful time re-connecting with old friends.  I'm with Xena.  It's usually busy lives on all sides that make us fall out of touch with friends.  I betcha they are glad you made the effort to set something up.

Thanks for the unconditional support! In my experience people are mostly understanding but I have had not great response from people in the past when trying to reconnect. It's easy to remember the not great and forget that most people are understanding. 

[honeybadger]

Challenge wrap up:

 

Because life. My goals were simply to hold my shit together for the challenge while dealing with my 7+ year relationship ending. It has been touch and go at times but I would say that I have held it together successfully. This obviously is going to remain a primary goal for the foreseeable future. 

 

Goal 1: Don't isolate. I need to stay connected to friends and be active. All I want to do is crawl into bed with my dog and sleep. That is a slippery slope for me. 

I did a good job at reaching out to people for support. I resisted the urge to isolate or crawl into bed with my dog and sleep. I have made the effort to make plans and get out of the house. It helps. 

 

Goal 2: Try to work challenge goals because they are important to feeling better physically and exercise helps manage stress. 

My original goals were to rest, recover and ease back into activity after straining my growing at the end of last challenge. I did plenty of resting and recovering (including stretching almost daily and icing). I managed to start running again pain free which is HUGE for me. I even ran 4 miles yesterday!!! Next challenge will focus heavy on getting back into an exercise routine. 

 

I also did a decent job logging my meals in MFP. If anything I have not been eating enough but have continued to log just to get back in the habit. It has also been helpful in letting me know that I have to eat more. 

 

Goal 3: Don't stab ex in his sleep because that would probably cause more problems and I couldn't bring my dog to prison.

No stabbing happened. 

 

Thank to everyone that helped support me this challenge. I have a decent but limited support system IRL so your support has been very much appreciated. 

 

 

 

 

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

Very proud to be part of your support system. And we are IRL, just not IYT (In Your Town).