Nina-Rose: The Horseman's Journey

[Nina-Rose]

Last month I managed to keep myself afloat. I currently don’t know how I am going to get through the next 2 months. I finish my course in July (assuming I pass), and I’ve already started applying for other jobs, and I had a GP appointment this morning because I can’t cope with the pressures they’ve put on me.

 

I’ve been climbing 5 times since my "6 times in 6 months" aim, and I’m just not feeling the excitement anymore: but these are dates I could go to ‘get my money’s worth’ and feel I’ve worked through this block.

- 5/6 Jun

- 23 Jun

 

This month, I'm stealing @Lilmissbri's format because I felt it may help me to actually show what I've accomplished and how I'm balancing (or not) work, home and health. 

And because I loved it, I'm theming this around Darksiders II. Despite never finishing it due to a glitch, and not getting far with I because it wasn't as cool as II, III has been announced and I am EXCITED. 

 

Absolving War’s Crime - Career Path

"My brother, War, stands falsely accused of unleashing Armageddon upon the human race. His fate concerns me. Yours.. does not."

Goals: Complete 3 things a week towards my online business. (3 points)

Complete 2 things a week to finish my PG course ASAP. (2 points)

5 points a week / 25

Trainer’s New Moves - Strength Building

“To bring humanity back from existence? Madness.”

Goals: Three workouts a week. (3 points)

Use dumbbells once a week. (1 point)

Complete Shivanata once a week. (1 point)

Attend climbing twice across challenge. (5 bonus points)

5 points a week + bonus / 30

 

Possessed Weapons - Healthy Attributes
"How many times would you have me kill him!?"

Goals: Eat 2 veggies everyday. (2 points across week)

Mindfulness: Only eat when hungry. (1 point)

Pick healthy over unhealthy once a day. (1 point)

Log extra exercise. (1 point)

5 points a day / 175

[I couldn't make this number work better]
 

Combo Moves - Write Daily
"And what is your use, as a door-stop?"

Goals: Write daily (1 point)

1 point a day / 175

 

Loot - Read
“The greater risk is do nothing.”
Goal: Finish reading Steering By Starlight

1 point for the month / 1

Despair & Dust - Family & Home
“This is no place for a horse.”
Goals: Clean the kitchen, tidy bedside-table and sofa-dumping area once a week. (3 points)

Make a healthy meal twice a week (2 point)

 5 points a week / 25

 

 

 

And sicne my week 0 began yesterday:

Absolving War’s Crime - Career Path

Business: 1/3
PG: 1/2

Trainer’s New Moves - Strength Building

Workout: 0/3

Dumbbells: 0/1

Shivanata: 1/1

Bonus Climb: 0/2

 

Possessed Weapons - Healthy Attributes
Veggies: 2/2

Mindfulness: 0

Choice: 0/1

Extra: 1/1: 1.7km + 0.8km

 

Combo Moves - Write Daily
Write: 1/1

 

Loot - Read
Read: 0/1

Despair & Dust - Family & Home
Clean: 0/3

Meal: 1/2

[Lilmissbri]

I am seriously so honored that you liked my format and wanted to make it your own.

 

 

This looks AMAZING. Love the colors and art. Following for the magic!!!!!

[Nina-Rose]

Week 0: Day 2 (REST)
Possessed Weapons - Healthy Attributes
Veggies: 2/2

Combo Moves - Write Daily
Write: 1/1

[Nina-Rose]

Wek 0, Day 2:

Trainer’s New Moves - Strength Building

Workout: 1/3 - very weak, but my head is so clogged up I just needed to show up. Did some side planks and yoga stretches before quitting. Still counts.

Shivanata: 2/1 - I've kind of decided to do a little each day: it's not heavy-going. 

Possessed Weapons - Healthy Attributes
Veggies: 2/2

Extra: 1/1: 1.7km

Combo Moves - Write Daily
Write: 1/1

Loot - Read
Read: 1/1

[Nina-Rose]

I took my first ever mental health medication ever this morning.
It tasted so vile I didn't want to live for the 15 minutes after  [that is a very bad taste joke. but its also almost true. what the hell is IN that stuff? It SAYS mint but it's basically Olbas/Eucalyptus Oil + VODKA. Seriously, it contains alcohol and was like squirted vodka on the back of my tongue. Burning. Metallic aftertaste. EUGH.]
I don't care what else I do or don't today: I've been avoiding that exact event since 2004! *Master of Avoidance* 

And I did it. And will need to do it daily for at least 6 months, like any antidepressant >_>  
I may need to mix it with milk tomorrow >_>

[Lilmissbri]

9 hours ago, Nina-Rose said:

Seriously, it contains alcohol and was like squirted vodka on the back of my tongue. Burning. Metallic aftertaste. EUGH.

 

gross. But kudos to getting better! Right? 

[Nina-Rose]

2 hours ago, Lilmissbri said:

 

gross. But kudos to getting better! Right? 

Yeah, in theory.

I can't actually imagine being better, but to getting stable while on them, I'll take

 

Week 0, Day 3:

Absolving War’s Crime - Career Path

Online business: 2/3 - two beta sessions today!

PG course: 2/2 - presentation exam is tomorrow.

Possessed Weapons - Healthy Attributes
Veggies: 2/2 - peas and corn in cous cous with kabanossi and oven-cooked tuna steaks... Om nom.

Extra: 1/1: 2.5km

Combo Moves - Write Daily
Write: 1/1

Loot - Read
Read: 1/1 - About half-way through the book now.

Despair & Dust - Family & Home
Kitchen, Bedside, Sofa: 1/3 - Kitchen got a once-over and I did 3x washing up.

Healthy meal: 1/2 - peas and corn in cous cous with kabanossi and oven-cooked tuna steaks... Om nom.

[Nina-Rose]

Week 0, Day 4:

Absolving War’s Crime - Career Path

PG course: 2/2 - presentation exam happened.

Trainer’s New Moves - Strength Building

Workout: 2/3 -- 10 lunges, 2 sets of 5 assisted squats, 2 sets of 5 doorway rows, 10 push ups (alternating knee and full, so 5 of each)
Shivanata: 1/1

Possessed Weapons - Healthy Attributes
Veggies: 2/2 - Had leftovers form yesterday.

Extra: 1/1: 3.9km

Combo Moves - Write Daily
Write: 1/1

Loot - Read
Read: 1/1

[Lilmissbri]

I really like how you have this organized. Like with your category - what it means then the scoring. Very nice.  It's good tweaks. May have to implement.  

[Nina-Rose]

Week 0, OVERALL:

Absolving War’s Crime - Career Path  - 4/5

Online business: 2/3 - Struggled a bit but 2/3 isn't bad.

PG course: 2/2 - Completed for this week.

Trainer’s New Moves - Strength Building - 3/5

Workout: 2/3 - Technically only 2/3 but I've done bits and bobs across the week to keep 'active.'

Dumbbells: 0/1

Shivanata: 1/1

Bonus Climb: 0/2 - Was off-sick so didn't go Friday.  

Possessed Weapons - Healthy Attributes - 21/35  [didn't count each day so not too accurate]

Veggies: 2/2

Mindfulness: 2 [A lovely friend reminded me to focus on positives a little each day, which has definitely helped]

Choice: 0/1

Extra: 1/1: 13.1km (Friday walked 2.5km)

Combo Moves - Write Daily -  7/7
Write: 1/1

Loot - Read - 1/1
Read: 1/1 - Read most evenings before bed.

Despair & Dust - Family & Home - 5/5
Kitchen, Bedside, Sofa: 2/3 - Tied all but bedroom for visitors, and did sort through two drawers of clothes in bedroom, so might just count it as 3/3 despite not being entirely finished.

Healthy meal: 2/2 - We've been pretty good with diet this week.

 

Not too bad for my first week, despite medication and presentation. 

 

TOTAL:  41/58  - 71%

[Nina-Rose]

Week 1, Day 1:

Absolving War’s Crime - Career Path

Online business: 1/3 - Nearly finished a 3-day free course.

Trainer’s New Moves - Strength Building

Workout: 1/3 - Yoga, inch worms, lunges, stretching. 

Possessed Weapons - Healthy Attributes

Veggies: 2/2 - Lettuce and Red Pepper. Not feeling well so happy with that. 

Mindfulness: 1

Choice: 1/1 - We're having sparkling fruit juice rather than wine (partly because of the medications but I'm still counting it) with dinner.

Combo Moves - Write Daily
Write: 1/1

Loot - Read 
Read: 1/1

Despair & Dust - Family & Home
Kitchen, Bedside, Sofa: 0/3 - It's still tidy... 

Healthy meal: 0/2

Plus, I told my mum I'm taking medication.
She's not always kept private things private so this was a massive, anxiogenic thing, but she desperately WANTS me to trust her, and it's through ignorance/mistake, not malice. So I told her. I won't be able to hide it easily when I visit and need to take it so... it's done

 

*PHEW*

[Nina-Rose]

Week 1, Day 2:

Possessed Weapons - Healthy Attributes

Veggies: 2/2 - Peas and Corn. 

Extra: 1/1: 1.7km

Combo Moves - Write Daily
Write: 1/1

Loot - Read 
Read: 1/1

[Nina-Rose]

Week 1, Day 3: [Day 7 on meds]

Possessed Weapons - Healthy Attributes

Veggies: 2/2 - Red Pepper and Roast Carrot. 

Extra: 1/1: 1.7km

Combo Moves - Write Daily
Write: 1/1

Despair & Dust - Family & Home

Healthy meal: 1/2 - Not entirely but chicken with roast peperr/carrot and pesto isn't a pizza

 

First day back at work for 17 days... Went okay. A bit stressful but I didn't cry =)

[Manarelle]

Congrats on taking a step you've been avoiding for so long, that is impressive. Sorry the taste is so heinous, hopefully you've found something to hide it. Don't forget that the goal of a challenge is not to be perfect right off the bat - it's to be better by the end of it. Your zero week scores are very good for a new challenge. 

 

Love the theme, and looks like you're doing well so far. Following for the awesomeness!

[Nina-Rose]

On 6/1/2017 at 1:53 PM, Manarelle said:

Congrats on taking a step you've been avoiding for so long, that is impressive. Sorry the taste is so heinous, hopefully you've found something to hide it. Don't forget that the goal of a challenge is not to be perfect right off the bat - it's to be better by the end of it. Your zero week scores are very good for a new challenge. 

 

Love the theme, and looks like you're doing well so far. Following for the awesomeness!

Orange juice works well, although part of me wonders if it will impact it working... but the leaflet says "can take with or without food" so I'm hoping not.

And thank you for the reminder about challenges: I needed to hear that
 

Week 1, Days... 4,5+6:

Trainer’s New Moves - Strength Building

Workout: 3/3 - Technically worked out Wednesday with some stretches. Really not feeling great so keeping to yoga if needed. About to do today's: going to do a SN one

Shivanata: 1/1

Possessed Weapons - Healthy Attributes - I need a new way to measure this: i don't have the energy to check in daily so I'm losing points where I may have actually earned them....

Veggies: 2/2 - I actually got a burger at McDonalds instead of chicken nuggets: this meant I had LETTUCE. And I actually ATE it. As the world's fussiest eater, I'm glad I tried something a bit different. I will also have fruit after dinner so counting this.

Extra: 1/1: Walked 1.7km on Wed, 1.7km on Thurs and about 1.2km today picking H up from work

Combo Moves - Write Daily
Write: 1/1

Loot - Read
Read: 1/1 - Reading now while H sleeps [night shifts]

Despair & Dust - Family & Home 
Kitchen, Bedside, Sofa: 2/3 - Still need to clean that bedside area....

Healthy meal: 2/2 - I made pizza quinoa casserole last night, and we had quorn on cous cous with fresh vegetables earlier in the week

[Lilmissbri]

6 hours ago, Nina-Rose said:

we had quorn on cous cous with fresh vegetables earlier in the week

ohhhh. pics?  

[Nina-Rose]

6 minutes ago, Lilmissbri said:

ohhhh. pics?  

Didn't think to photo it, tbh!

[Lilmissbri]

9 minutes ago, Nina-Rose said:

Didn't think to photo it, tbh!

I love my food porn. 

[Nina-Rose]

My laptop wouldn't turn on this morning. Just what I needed. May have lost a week of novel, of business planning and some good pictures >_> if the company can't salvage the hard-drive. Fingers crossed >_>

It's under warranty but will mean working on my old laptop for a few weeks and this baby is SLOOOOOW.

 

 

Week 1, Day 7:

Possessed Weapons - Healthy Attributes

Veggies: 2/2 - We're having pie with veggies tonight, and I'm eating melon with pudding

Combo Moves - Write Daily
Write: 1/1 - trying to keep going assuming I will still have access to my file once laptop is back >_> I backup once a week but it was a bank holiday weekend so I may have lost a lot >_>

Loot - Read
Read: 1/1 

[Lilmissbri]

4 hours ago, Nina-Rose said:

My laptop wouldn't turn on this morning. Just what I needed. May have lost a week of novel, of business planning and some good pictures >_> if the company can't salvage the hard-drive. Fingers crossed >_>

OH CRAP!! I'm so sorry. That's so scary.

[Nina-Rose]

2 hours ago, Lilmissbri said:

OH CRAP!! I'm so sorry. That's so scary.

Luckily, my attention span has been SHOCKINGLY BAD these past couple of weeks, so I've likely lost about 400 words of a 50,000 word novel-in-progress: so it's not as bad as it could have been  And they may be able to salvage it. But kind of preparing myself in case they can't.

 

I spoke with my mum today and she expressed being worried because I'm on meds, and now I feel like a failure because she's never taken them despite X,Y and Z that she experienced and was strong enough without them... So I've eaten badly but I'll feel better tomorrow  [She didn't say all those things, this is me in my current state getting all rawr.]

[Nina-Rose]

Week 1, OVERALL:

Absolving War’s Crime - Career Path  - 5/5

Online business: 3/3

PG course: 2/2

Trainer’s New Moves - Strength Building - 4/5

Workout: 3/3

Dumbbells: 0/1

Shivanata: 1/1

Bonus Climb: 0/2

Possessed Weapons - Healthy Attributes - who knows?? Assuming 30/35 because why not.

Veggies: 2/2

Mindfulness: 1

Choice: 0/1

Extra: 1/1: 8km

Combo Moves - Write Daily -  7/7
Write: 1/1

Loot - Read - 1/1
Read: 1/1

Despair & Dust - Family & Home - 3/5
Kitchen, Bedside, Sofa: 2/3

Healthy meal: 1/2

 

My laptop died, and I have an essay to finish, which is stressful as hell. Also, feeling a lot of guilt/worry over this whole medication thing. I’ll get the hang of it, but just reflecting I feel like crud right now.  

 

TOTAL:  50/58 - 86%

 

Week 2, Day 1:

Absolving War’s Crime - Career Path

Online business: 1/3

PG course: 1/2

Possessed Weapons - Healthy Attributes

Veggies: 2/2

Choice: 1/1 - root vegetable crisps over chocolate bars

Combo Moves - Write Daily -  7/7
Write: 1/1

Loot - Read - 1/1
Read: 1/1

Despair & Dust - Family & Home

Healthy meal: 1/2 - Roast dinner was chicken, roast pots, parsnip, boiled red cabbage and carrots.

 

 

I should go climbing tomorrow, but I don't know if I really can be bothered. Part of me feels it'll be good to get back to it, but the other part feels I'm barely coping with the day-to-day and expecting that will just lead to more feelings of frustration and failure... 

[Nina-Rose]

Bleh.

Got all my stuff ready for climbing, but looked at it when I left and couldn't face the idea, so left it at home. In hindsight, I was in a good place when work finished and would have changed ready to go, but the walk to the car made me feel bad so I think I'd have just come home anyway. I didn't feel safe driving; my concentration is nonexistent. I'm slightly surprised I managed to stay in my lane.

 

Week 2, Day 2:

Trainer’s New Moves - Strength Building

Workout: 1/3 - Stretches and Yoga while feeling like rubbish. I really need to start pushing myself because I KNOW I'm not making progress as I'm only doing what feels okay to do... but equally, I don't feel right and I don't want to get injured or fed up of exercise.

Possessed Weapons - Healthy Attributes - 

Veggies: 2/2

Mindfulness: 1

Choice: 1/1 (Spinach pasta snack instead of chocolate magic stars in the fridge)

Combo Moves - Write Daily
Write: 1/1

Loot - Read
Read: 1/1

 

 

[Manarelle]

On 6/3/2017 at 3:54 PM, Nina-Rose said:

I spoke with my mum today and she expressed being worried because I'm on meds, and now I feel like a failure because she's never taken them despite X,Y and Z that she experienced and was strong enough without them... So I've eaten badly but I'll feel better tomorrow  [She didn't say all those things, this is me in my current state getting all rawr.]

 

I'm going to soapbox about this for a moment, because it irks me no end when people compare themselves to others and use "strong enough without [x]." 

   

Consider two people trying to do deadlifts. One was able to eat fairly well, train regularly, and start early enough to level up slowly to a 300lb deadlift. They might use a belt, but they are "strong enough without help." The other person doesn't have access to healthy food, can only train 1 day per week, and was told they'd be competing one month before the event. Which one is more likely to be able to lift 300lbs on their own? Which will likely need help?

 

Your circumstances, biochemistry, stressors, how you were raised, personal mindset and outlook, environment, job, mental and physical health.... all of that is completely unique to you. Feeling bad about taking meds when they are helping is like feeling bad about using a crutch when you break your foot - just because other people can do without doesn't mean you should. It can be a goal to work through and eventually be in a place where you no longer need them, but going without right now would make things so much worse. 

 

TL;DR - don't feel bad for doing what makes you healthy. For some people it's a certain diet, for others it's meds, for others it's physical therapy. If the goal is to make you healthier and happier, you're being far more strong and responsible by taking care of yourself. 

 

/end soapbox.

[Nina-Rose]

Week 2, Days 3,+4:

Trainer’s New Moves - Strength Building

Workout: 2/3 - Kept to stretches again because crampy/achy/exhausted body. But showed up. 

Possessed Weapons - Healthy Attributes - 

Veggies: 2/2 [banana+corn]

Combo Moves - Write Daily
Write: 1/1

 

On 2017-6-6 at 7:39 PM, Manarelle said:

 

I'm going to soapbox about this for a moment, because it irks me no end when people compare themselves to others and use "strong enough without [x]." 

   

Consider two people trying to do deadlifts. One was able to eat fairly well, train regularly, and start early enough to level up slowly to a 300lb deadlift. They might use a belt, but they are "strong enough without help." The other person doesn't have access to healthy food, can only train 1 day per week, and was told they'd be competing one month before the event. Which one is more likely to be able to lift 300lbs on their own? Which will likely need help?

 

Your circumstances, biochemistry, stressors, how you were raised, personal mindset and outlook, environment, job, mental and physical health.... all of that is completely unique to you. Feeling bad about taking meds when they are helping is like feeling bad about using a crutch when you break your foot - just because other people can do without doesn't mean you should. It can be a goal to work through and eventually be in a place where you no longer need them, but going without right now would make things so much worse. 

 

TL;DR - don't feel bad for doing what makes you healthy. For some people it's a certain diet, for others it's meds, for others it's physical therapy. If the goal is to make you healthier and happier, you're being far more strong and responsible by taking care of yourself. 

 

/end soapbox.

I appreciate the pep talk, or whatever you call that  I work in mental health and I am aware of my core beliefs around strength and where they come from [abusive childhood] and I do work on challenging my unhelpful thoughts -- equally, I sometimes let myself rant. What you say is true, and I actually explained to my mum "if I broke my leg, would you be more or less worried that I'd gone to the doctor and got anti-inflamatories?" and that this is the same just with my brain. 

Unfortunately, I'm too early on for the meds to be helping: the only difference so far is waking at 2am in a panicked-cold-sweat and lost concentration. It'll take a good 3 more weeks before I'll start experiencing the benefits, so right now, it doesn't feel worth it / I resent them / they're not helping.
But I have a Neuroscience degree, so I KNOW they will. *bleh*

But I appreciate the reminder  so thanks.