EternalJourno will never settle (unless it's Catan)

[FatboySuave]

Introduction: Sigh... I'm coming off a lackluster challenge. I haven't had much motivation/discipline/willpower lately. I'm not exactly sure what I need to get out of this funk, but I'm gonna keep plugging away and hope someone clicks. I haven't been able to lose weight and keep it off the past few months. I keep hovering between 206 and 212. I have been keeping up with my workouts though, so I definitely feel stronger than ever. My eating habits are the hard part. I wish I could tell you that I'm going to kick ass this challenge, but I'm just not feeling it right now. For a full introduction, check out my battle log.
 

Main Quest: My target weight is 180 pounds. I'm aiming for July 4, my seventh year anniversary at my current location/job. But I recognize that my weight is just a number and that it's not absolutely critical for me to hit it by that deadline. The important thing is that I feel good and comfortable and confident, and every quest is designed to get me there.

 

Quest 1: Complete my assigned Bodyweight exercises three times a week and complete a cool down afterward. I will update these daily on my battle log if you want to see details and follow along.

A = Complete workout/cool down 3 times a week.
B = Complete workout/cool down 2 times a week.
C = Complete workout/cool down 1 time a week.
D = Complete 0 workouts/cool downs in a week.
F = No physical activity.

 

Quest 2: Walk and/or jog every day with my dog Booklet and complete a cool down afterward. I usually track these with the RunKeeper app on my battle log as well. I'm also tracking my miles on my Walk to Mordor. 

 

A = Walk/cool down 6-7 days a week

B = Walk/cool down 4-5 days a week.

C = Walk/cool down 2-3 day a week.

D = Walk/cool down 1 day a week.

F = No walking/cool downs.

Quest 3: Drink less alcohol (If I do drink, I will stick to low carb cocktails).

A = Have no more than 3 drinks per week (add a plus if only low-carb cocktails).
B = Have no more than 5 drinks per week (go up a letter grade if only low-carb cocktails). 
C = Have no more than 7 drinks per week (go up a letter grade if only low-carb cocktails).
D = Have no more than 9 drinks per week (go up a letter grade if only low-carb cocktails).
F = Anything more than that (go up a letter grade if only low-carb cocktails).

Quest 4: Cook paleo meals more often, eat out less. If I do eat out, I will find healthy/paleo-ish options.

A = Eat out no more than 2 times a week. 
B = Eat out no more than 4 times a week.
C = Eat out no more than 6 times a week.
D = Eat out no more than 8 times a week.
F = Eat out more than 8 times a week. 

Life Quests: Sleep better. Read more books and power down for bed every night. Less screen time.

Motivation: I feel like my lack of self confidence is a big obstacle that gets in the way of enjoying life and taking chances. I'd like to look good, so I can feel good and live life to the fullest.

[fleaball]

I want to high five you because I'm totally also in a streak of lackluster challenges and lack of motivation etc. But that's maybe not a high five-worthy thing. 

 

High five instead for sticking with it?

[FatboySuave]

I'll take all the high fives I can get, no matter the reason!

[Bookish Badger]

Ack! that gif looks like she's smacking me in the face. Following anyway.  

[Sloth the Enduring]

Those are some solid, well thought out goals. That gif though...

[FatboySuave]

Sorry for the slap to the face, guys, lol. Just trying to wake everybody up!!!

Week Zero is off to a decent start. I did zumba on Monday night to make up for missing a workout Sunday. Yesterday I hit all my quests, including Bodyweight Workout 5A, which is a lot of fun. Wall walks are really hard but I love doing them. I feel like a badass.

 

 

[KaitSith]

26 minutes ago, EternalJourno said:

I feel like a badass.

Pretty much the best feeling ever! Congrats!
 

[Bookish Badger]

Great job! 

[Sloth the Enduring]

Hah. I'll have to try wall wLks, they look fun.

[Aquarii]

I love your Quests and the way you set up a grading system for them. Everything is so nicely detailed and organized. I have thought about starting a Walk to Mordor as well, especially now that I have a Fitbit and it is easier to track my steps. I wish you well. Following

[Vibrantella]

Wow, nice wall walk!

[FatboySuave]

On 5/25/2017 at 8:00 AM, StarlordPhoenix said:

I love your Quests and the way you set up a grading system for them. Everything is so nicely detailed and organized. I have thought about starting a Walk to Mordor as well, especially now that I have a Fitbit and it is easier to track my steps. I wish you well. Following

 

It's really nice to see the accumulation of all your miles in one place, so I definitely recommend it!

 

On 5/24/2017 at 4:59 PM, Sloth the Enduring said:

Hah. I'll have to try wall wLks, they look fun.

 

They're a lot of fun! One of my new favorite workout maneuvers!

 

Thanks for the kind words, everyone

 

Brain weasels update

Soooo I made a pretty big step forward with something I've been avoiding for a while. I went to my nurse practitioner to talk about a few things. One being my foot, which has still been hurting because of plantar fasciitis. My NP wants me to see a podiatrist, so I'll be scheduling an appointment for that. I had another personal issue that I won't go into detail about, lol, but I'm mentioning it to set the scene for how vulnerable and literally naked I was feeling at the moment, lol. Anyway, during an awkward silence (I was fully clothed by this point) I mentioned the fact that I've been struggling with my mental health lately. She asked me maybe two or three questions and then she prescribed something that will hopefully help — I can't remember the name of the drug at the moment, the bottle is at home. It wasn't quite how I imagined the conversation would go. I thought she might suggest I go to a therapist or something like that to talk to someone first. But she wants to see how I feel in two weeks and I think we're going to go deeper into things then. I asked her what kind of change I might notice, and she said it should feel like a veil being lifted. The pharmacist said it's a low dosage to start, so I may not really notice any changes for about 10 days. So we'll see how things go. I feel good about this direction though. I've been really struggling against my own brain and I had no idea what to do or where to start, so I'm glad I finally said something.

High spirits

 

So this was kind of unexpected, but I met someone online. It was unexpected because I'm terrible at online dating, lol. I rarely get responses back, but we texted back and forth quite a bit and then went out twice. We went bowling last night and had a really good time — although I did make some poor food and alcohol choices, lol. But things went really well, so that put me in high spirits. She's only in town for brief spurts though. She works for the hospital and travels around the country a lot for work. She mentioned that she's looking for something casual, but we haven't really talked about what that means, but it might be too early for that, so for now we're just hanging out, so we'll see how things develop. Overall I'm feeling good, probably better than I've felt in quite a while. I did zumba Wednesday and a bodyweight workout Thursday. I'm not walking Booklet as much as I should. And I'm probably batting a .500 on my eating habits. We had a big potluck in the office today for a coworker who is leaving us. She's a vegetarian, so we had a vegetarian potluck, so really that means the theme of the potluck was pasta, lol. I feel good though. Someone recently said it looks like I'm still losing weight even though the actual number on the scale hasn't gone down. I think the fact that I'm still working out and building muscle may be part of the reason.

[fleaball]

So many wins! Hooray!

 

Not sure if you're wary of therapy or if I'm reading it wrong, but I'm convinced it was the best decision I ever made. So if you have questions or anything I'm happy to answer. Or feel free to ignore this if I misinterpreted something.

[JupiterStar]

Can I belatedly join the high-five party for sticking with it? Go you!

[FatboySuave]

6 hours ago, fleaball said:

Not sure if you're wary of therapy or if I'm reading it wrong, but I'm convinced it was the best decision I ever made. So if you have questions or anything I'm happy to answer. Or feel free to ignore this if I misinterpreted something.

 

I didn't mean to sound wary, but if that came across maybe it's a subconscious wariness. I just anticipated that she would suggest a therapist before prescribing drugs, but she immediately went the drug route, which seemed odd to me. I'm open to seeing a therapist. Really, I'm open to anything that'll help. If my NP wants to try drugs first, I'm OK with that. Oh, and the thing she prescribed is paroxetine. I did try going to a therapist when I was in college a few times, but I didn't particularly like the therapist, so I quit going after only two or three visits. But I'm definitely open to seeing a professional and talking. 

[Bookish Badger]

5 hours ago, EternalJourno said:

I just anticipated that she would suggest a therapist before prescribing drugs, but she immediately went the drug route, which seemed odd to me.

If all you've got is a hammer....My guess is that she prescribed drugs immediately because that's what she can do. Doesn't mean that the drugs are the wrong choice or that therapy won't help. When you go back, you can ask for a referral to a good therapist. The two combined might be better than either alone.

 

Good luck to you! And congrats on all the wins!

[fleaball]

7 hours ago, EternalJourno said:

 

I didn't mean to sound wary, but if that came across maybe it's a subconscious wariness. I just anticipated that she would suggest a therapist before prescribing drugs, but she immediately went the drug route, which seemed odd to me. I'm open to seeing a therapist. Really, I'm open to anything that'll help. If my NP wants to try drugs first, I'm OK with that. Oh, and the thing she prescribed is paroxetine. I did try going to a therapist when I was in college a few times, but I didn't particularly like the therapist, so I quit going after only two or three visits. But I'm definitely open to seeing a professional and talking. 

Nah, probably just the way I read it then. I agree with @Bookish Badger though. Go if you can. Bounce around til you find someone you like. (This is the only part I hate. Trying to find someone you're compatible with.)

[FatboySuave]

I'll definitely ask for a referral. I'm a little concerned though because I live in a small town and there's a serious lack of mental health professionals here. So we'll see what my options are. So far I haven't noticed a huge change from the meds, but they do help me sleep peacefully, lol. Maybe it's just in my head, but I do feel a little better overall. As for my foot, I scheduled an appointment with a podiatrist, but it's not until later this month. It's been hurting for months, so what's a few more weeks.

I'm not feeling great about my diet. I really need to stay focused and disciplined. Same with the alcohol. I've been getting a little out of hand, per usual.

However, I had a pretty big win. I registered for a 5K in advance to force myself to get up early on Memorial Day even though I knew I would be going out with friends and potentially drinking Sunday. I ended up drinking way too much and getting to bed at 4 a.m. However, I managed, after three hours of sleep, to get up and do the run. I haven't trained or prepped in any way, but I wanted to see if I was fit enough to just sort of go for it. I was not, lol. Or maybe I am, but I was just too hungover and sleep-deprived to do well. The trail was rough too. A lot of it was uphill. I had to walk a good chunk of it, especially because my foot was going numb, but I did manage to run a decent distance. My official time was 42:17. 

 

 

[Aquarii]

6 minutes ago, EternalJourno said:

I'll definitely ask for a referral. I'm a little concerned though because I live in a small town and there's a serious lack of mental health professionals here. So we'll see what my options are. So far I haven't noticed a huge change from the meds, but they do help me sleep peacefully, lol. Maybe it's just in my head, but I do feel a little better overall. As for my foot, I scheduled an appointment with a podiatrist, but it's not until later this month. It's been hurting for months, so what's a few more weeks.

I'm not feeling great about my diet. I really need to stay focused and disciplined. Same with the alcohol. I've been getting a little out of hand, per usual.

However, I had a pretty big win. I registered for a 5K in advance to force myself to get up early on Memorial Day even though I knew I would be going out with friends and potentially drinking Sunday. I ended up drinking way too much and getting to bed at 4 a.m. However, I managed, after three hours of sleep, to get up and do the run. I haven't trained or prepped in any way, but I wanted to see if I was fit enough to just sort of go for it. I was not, lol. Or maybe I am, but I was just too hungover and sleep-deprived to do well. The trail was rough too. A lot of it was uphill. I had to walk a good chunk of it, especially because my foot was going numb, but I did manage to run a decent distance. My official time was 42:17. 

 

I also second asking about a referral. I saw a therapist for a short time last year, and though I did not like her and stopped going after two months, it did help me to get back on track again. I would definitely consider doing it again, too (naturally, with a new person). I definitely recommend.

 

Every day is a new day

 

Kuddos to you for completing the 5k. So what if you didn't run the whole thing? You actually did a 5k over the weekend, which is more than a lot of people can say. Also, nice to know I am not the only one around here who probably had a little more fun than necessary on Saturday night, haha.

[FatboySuave]

Yesterday was a near perfect day — the kind that makes me think: "That wasn't so hard. Why can't I do that every day?" My diet was on point, though I may have snacked a bit much, but nothing crazy. Even though I was sore I still did my bodyweight workout. I took Booklet on a short walk and managed to run a little bit. I've been avoiding running for a while, but after doing the 5K, I'm ready to get back into it and actually training for more 5Ks. Then I made some delicious lettuce wrap turkey tacos for dinner with plenty of leftovers for the week. THEN, I managed to close my laptop at 8 p.m. I put my phone away too and read a comic and went to sleep easily and peacefully at a reasonable hour, which hasn't really happened in recent days. Then I even woke up, got ready and got to work ON TIME. It was a miracle, lol.

My legs are way more sore today, so I think I'm going to take it easy with a short walk with Booklet. Or maybe we'll go on a hike, I don't know. We'll see.

I'm making plans for a party at my place this Friday for my roommate. Her birthday is this weekend. At first the plan was that we'd get crazy, but I don't know if I really want to drink too much. I feel like I've been kind of an ass to my friends when I drink, so I'm starting to think up an attack plan to take it easy. We'll see what happens.

 

In work-related news, we had a trainer come to our office to talk about solutions journalism. I'm taking a trip next week for a two-day workshop. It was really cool and I'm feeling pumped about getting back into writing.

[FatboySuave]

Another pretty good day in the books. My diet was on point, but I decided to take a full-on rest day to let my legs heal. They're still store today, but I'm gonna try to workout later. A thought occurred to me, but it may be too early to say this definitively, but the meds helping my mood might also be helping my food cravings. I'd say I'm an emotional eater usually, but this week I've been able to control my cravings much better. I'm thinking it might be related to the fact that I feel better mentally and emotionally. Hopefully things stay that way.

[Laghail]

 

On 5/27/2017 at 8:48 AM, Bookish Badger said:

If all you've got is a hammer....My guess is that she prescribed drugs immediately because that's what she can do. Doesn't mean that the drugs are the wrong choice or that therapy won't help. When you go back, you can ask for a referral to a good therapist. The two combined might be better than either alone.

^ Seconded. People see their docs for prescriptions and it's pretty rare for a doc to have a specific counselor they feel you should see. Most medical benefit packages will cover a therapist without a referral too. I've gotten good results by just asking friends who they see and then surfing psychology to read profiles before a first visit. Best of luck, it's def a process.

 

Also, following!

[fleaball]

On 6/1/2017 at 1:20 PM, Laghail said:

 

^ Seconded. People see their docs for prescriptions and it's pretty rare for a doc to have a specific counselor they feel you should see. Most medical benefit packages will cover a therapist without a referral too. I've gotten good results by just asking friends who they see and then surfing psychology to read profiles before a first visit. Best of luck, it's def a process.

 

Also, following!

This! My insurance company has a "find a provider" website, so I started there and sorted by what I wanted (particular issues, their style/school/whatever) and then looked up their websites to get a better feel. Psychologytoday.com has a good list too.

[Vibrantella]

On ‎01‎/‎06‎/‎2017 at 4:29 PM, EternalJourno said:

but the meds helping my mood might also be helping my food cravings. I'd say I'm an emotional eater usually, but this week I've been able to control my cravings much better

Sounds great!  I wonder if I should try to get some meds - but I'm not an emotional eater as such, more of a hedonic one.  It's a pleasure/comfort/reward type of thing with me.

[fae713]

Wow, you've got a lot of things to celebrate from the last week or two! The fact that you're still working on things while feeling off is pretty damn impressive.

 

Related to meds vs therapy, one thing to keep in mind is that frequently you can start with medications while trying to find a therapist. The two work well together, especially since most medications for depression/anxiety take weeks for you to see much benefit from them. I pretty much tell my patients that they'll feel a difference in quality of sleep, energy, and motivation first, within  2-3 weeks, but the actual anxiety/mood benefits frequently aren't seen until after 4-6 weeks. It's frequently why providers will start meds first, if a patient is up willing to give them a go, then look at therapy. Some providers are also wary of immediately referring to a therapist because that can be more money than someone is able to pay, more so outside large cities where there are more community mental health centers.

 

Good luck with finding someone that you can work with :-)