Jump to content

Sylvaa [Imposter]


Recommended Posts

 

I feel like every challenge, I am in the same place. I have been stuck in a horrible headspace for quite a while and it's getting worse, not better.

 

I got on the scale last Thursday or Friday and was back down to closer to where I should be (5 pounds less than where I have been trending for the past few weeks), yet all weekend (and even into last night) I was so down on myself. I went to dinner last night with my coworkers and was mentally beating myself up on the walk to and from the hotel because my reflection looked fat and lumpy. 

 

I want a perfect body

I want a perfect soul

 

I sit here and tell people to love themselves and find peace with who they are, but I haven't been able to successfully do it. And I know that this is more about physical appearance - that healthiness can't be defined by a body type or a weight or even a catcall (you know, if that's your jam). But my discontent with my body is getting in the way of my goals. At the end of the day, if I don't look better to myself, I don't care what my body can do. I want to feel beautiful. And I know all the rhetoric, it's just not clicking with me. So I'm really not looking for the, "but everyone is beautiful" crap. 

 

I want you to notice
When I'm not around

 

I've been super busy recently with real life and I've neglected a lot of the interactions that I enjoy on here. I've been a pretty crappy friend to some of my normal peeps here (sorry if you are one of them). I enjoy being here and interacting and having a part in people's lives. But I am also finding that introvert-mode is hard and being too outgoing on a forum is just as hard as interacting in real life. People'ing is hard and I think it's getting harder for me (can we just discuss that there are two people I don't know in my team room and I don't know how to handle this? They are nice, but them being in here is freaking me out). I'm torn between whether I need to pull back from people and just give everyone a crumb coating or try to add some roses to existing relationships. 

giphy.gif

 

What the hell am I doing here?

I don't belong here

 

What is this challenge even about? I'm going to run 3 x /week because I want to. Apparently, there is a running trail near the hotel - which I will not be exploring this afternoon as it is raining. I'm going to work on school stuff because I want to be done. I'm most likely going to be doing some other things because I feel like it. And I'll do a little soul searching.

 

  • Like 19
Link to comment

First! (Lulz)

  • Like 2

Level 69 Battle Kitten

Battle Log | Current Challenge

MyFitnessPal | Fitbit | Duolingo

                                                                                                                                                                 Ici je vis la vie que j'ai choisie

Je suis partie pour reconstruire ma vie

C'est dit, c'est ainsi

Link to comment
4 hours ago, Sylvaa said:

I'm most likely going to be doing some other things because I feel like it. And I'll do a little soul searching.

 

Yay, soul searching challenge buddy! You are not a bad friend, and nobody thinks that. You are lovely and strong and kind, even if you don't feel that way right now. 

 

4 hours ago, Sylvaa said:

Apparently, there is a running trail near the hotel - which I will not be exploring this afternoon as it is raining

 

You really should just buy those goggles already! 

  • Like 3

Gargoyle Ranger | Level 49

2022 challenges:  49 (current)

2015-2021 challenges: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 |15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 || 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 | 32 | 33 || 34 | 35 | 36 | 37 | 38 | 39 | 40 | 41 | 42 || 43 | 44 | 45 | | 46 | 4748 ||

 

My epic quest | MEATBALL WARS

You don't get better at anything unless you start doing it.

Being alive is heckn swell. 

Link to comment
6 hours ago, Sylvaa said:

I'm torn between whether I need to pull back from people and just give everyone a crumb coating or try to add some roses to existing relationships.

 

You're so fucking special. And I'm not just quoting the song (which proves once and for all that your taste is music is awesome). That post was one of the most honest and candid things I have read on here. I wish I could say I feel your pain, but I'm so damn extroverted (to a fault, like some people just want me to leave them the hell alone, and they still think I don't get the hint; I get it, I just feel literally compelled to be outgoing).

 

Please stay with us. Be as social as you can be, because we are all blessed to have even just a little bit of you. You were one of my first friends here, and you have consistently been helpful and encouraging. I do notice when you're not around. Maybe you need your challenge to be about reconnecting: with yourself, with others, with whatever brings you joy and makes you feel beautiful again. I don't know what that is; I wish I did. But maybe after your soul-searching you will find it and it will be magnificent.

 

Let me know if I can do anything to help.

  • Like 8

Who am I? -- My NF Character

Current Challenge: WolfDreamer Wakes the White Wolf

Past Challenges: 

Spoiler

Winter is ComingWolfen Strengthens His Heart, Body, Mind, and Spirit, Wolfen Becomes One of the PeopleWolfen Strengthens His ChakrasWolfen Welcomes Summer and Gets Primal, Soulcon and Spartan, Wolfen Develops Mental ToughnessWolfen Joins the Wander SocietySoulcon, Spartan, School, and Stranger ThingsWolfen Becomes a Warrior EliteWolfen Goes Here and There and Back AgainWolfen Becomes a Soulcon Warrior EliteWolfen Returns to His RootsWolfen Wanders in Soul, Spirit, and BodyWolfen Owns the DayWolfen Searches for His Wild Heart, Wolfen Runs for His LifeWolfen Hits the TrailsWolfen Becomes an Explorer and Joins the ResistanceWolfen Goes Back to the SourceWolfen Begins the Hero's JourneyWolfDreamer Returns to the People,  WolfDreamer Pushes BackWolfDreamer PrioritizesBurpees, Books, and BrainworkBurpees, Books, Brainwork, and BodyworkWolfDreamer Masters the Four ElementsWolfDreamer Continues to Master the Four ElementsWolfDreamer Returns to SpartaWolfDreamer Returns to Middle EarthWolfDreamer Continues His Middle Earth AdventureWolfDreamer and the FallWolfDreamer Forges His Own PathWolfDreamer Has HopeWolfDreamer Returns to Middle EarthWolfDreamer Reads Harder, Breathes Harder, and Journals MoreWolfDreamer Embraces His Wild PoetThe Mad Poet Becomes SupernaturalWolfDreamer, The Mad Poet, Becomes SuperhumanWolfDreamer ElevatesWolfDreamer Becomes IronBorn

I'd rather sing one wild song and burst my heart with it, than live a thousand years watching my digestion and being afraid of the wet.” -- Jack London

“I wanted movement and not a calm course of existence. I wanted excitement and danger and the chance to sacrifice myself for my love.” -- Leo Tolstoy

"I feel love rising in my chest again
Rising like a burning sun into the day..." -- Gungor, "Hurricane"

"...wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom." 2 Corinthians 3:17b

 

Link to comment
5 hours ago, fleaball said:

First! (Lulz)

 

4 hours ago, Laghail said:

First!

 

2 hours ago, deftona said:

FIRSTER THAN EVERYONE ELSE.

 

You are all wrong! I was first! Mwahahaha!

 

I got a workout in, drank all of the water, and am about to read before dinner (and school work). 

 

The hotel we are staying in is less than desirable. THEY HAVE NO TEA! 

  • Like 11
Link to comment

How does a hotel not have tea?! Seriously? 

 

Where are you now anyway?

  • Like 3

Level 69 Battle Kitten

Battle Log | Current Challenge

MyFitnessPal | Fitbit | Duolingo

                                                                                                                                                                 Ici je vis la vie que j'ai choisie

Je suis partie pour reconstruire ma vie

C'est dit, c'est ainsi

Link to comment
Just now, fleaball said:

Where are you now anyway?

 

Winston-Salem, NC. The Hawthorne Inn. I usually don't talk about where I am working, but that link is totally going to give it away (there isn't any reason not to, the system is coming under our GPO and they are having a consulting engagement along with it to make sure they don't lose money during the conversion). The project isn't because the system is in trouble financially, it's about making sure that the GPO conversion is in the best interest of the client. 

 

It is a no frills hotel. Like, the room hasn't been updated since at least the 90's (except the tv is newer). Breakfast in the morning made me want to cry (the eggs were fake) and the gym has a weight bench, but no weights. It's not the worst hotel I have stayed in, just I was spoiled at the Hilton. And this is going to mess up my status! 

 

But yes, you know hotels usually have coffee / tea stations for guests? This one does not. It does have a Keurig in the room, so I need to grab K-cups for tea. 

  • Like 7
Link to comment
53 minutes ago, Sylvaa said:

 

Winston-Salem, NC. The Hawthorne Inn. I usually don't talk about where I am working, but that link is totally going to give it away (there isn't any reason not to, the system is coming under our GPO and they are having a consulting engagement along with it to make sure they don't lose money during the conversion). The project isn't because the system is in trouble financially, it's about making sure that the GPO conversion is in the best interest of the client. 

 

It is a no frills hotel. Like, the room hasn't been updated since at least the 90's (except the tv is newer). Breakfast in the morning made me want to cry (the eggs were fake) and the gym has a weight bench, but no weights. It's not the worst hotel I have stayed in, just I was spoiled at the Hilton. And this is going to mess up my status! 

 

But yes, you know hotels usually have coffee / tea stations for guests? This one does not. It does have a Keurig in the room, so I need to grab K-cups for tea. 

Who would have thought health care systems would make poor hotel owners?

  • Like 3

Current Challenge

"By the Most-Righteous-and-Blessed Beard of Sir Tanktimus the Encourager!" - Jarl Rurik Harrgath

Link to comment
1 hour ago, Sylvaa said:

The hotel we are staying in is less than desirable. THEY HAVE NO TEA! 

I am finding this more and more to be the case. It is dismaying. What is the world coming to anyway?;)

  • Like 3

Wisdom 22.5   Dexterity 13   Charisma 15   Strength 21  Constitution-13

"If more of us valued food and cheer and song, above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world" J.R.R.Tolkien

Link to comment

I totally understand where you are coming from.

 

When I started on NF I was on everyone's thread, offering support and advice.  Then I realised that I haven't made any real progress and felt that I couldn't offer anything. Another thing is that there is turn over of posters and sometimes friends disappear and it's hard to engage with different NFers.

 

One thing I did to try and help with the feeling of not making progress was make a 'success" thread in the woot room.  Admittedly I haven't updated it in a while but I can reflect on what I have done in the past five (yeek!!) years.  Even though my weight has been within almost the same 5kg for the whole time I can see the things that I have gone out and just done by shear force of will.

 

I like all of the positive people what are really kicking goals on NF.  It can be a bit disheartening when I'm not doing what they are but I see it as a way to surround myself with people with a positive outlook.  I don't have a lot of people in my day to day life like that but I make a point of catching up with real life positive friends, even though I have its a bit of work because I normally have to organise it.

 

Hopefully you can get out of NF what you need to feel supported.

  • Like 5

Skywalker

 

Progress woot: Skywalker's success

Character Profile:  Skywalker

Blog:  Just Get Moving

Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it!

Link to comment
12 hours ago, Sylvaa said:

The hotel we are staying in is less than desirable. THEY HAVE NO TEA! 

Outrageous!

  • Like 2

Introduction (where I started, May 2016) ~*~ NF Character (dormant)

 

 Progress as a Nomad: Battle log where I do my own challenges

Useful posts on my battle log: Useful Links and Travel Schedule, Future Challenge IdeasGoals for 2017 as a whole, Assorted Goals (not on rotation), Elements W1D1, Last Quarter Goals

Link to comment
14 hours ago, Wolfen said:

Please stay with us. Be as social as you can be, because we are all blessed to have even just a little bit of you. You were one of my first friends here, and you have consistently been helpful and encouraging. I do notice when you're not around. Maybe you need your challenge to be about reconnecting: with yourself, with others, with whatever brings you joy and makes you feel beautiful again. I don't know what that is; I wish I did. But maybe after your soul-searching you will find it and it will be magnificent.

 

I second what Wolfen said. However, having been floating around the last 6 months or so, I understand the need for a little break. We all need that time to reflect and live life but you would sorely be missed ;)  

 

13 hours ago, Sylvaa said:

You are all wrong! I was first! Mwahahaha!

 

I would totally notice if you were gone, too....I mean, who else is going to like my posts first like you do?? You bring a smile to my face regularly because of your persistent-ness 

 

200.gif

 

Wolf

  • Like 2

Wild Wolf

Class: Vigilante/ Height: 6'2 / Weight: 178#

Instagram: @ryanwolfbell / Facebook: Ryan Wolf Bell / Bible App (YouVersion) Ryan Wolf Bell

Current Challenge: Gotham Project Pt. 2

Spoiler

Last Challenge(s): 1/2/3/4/5/6/7/8/9/10/11/12/13/14/15/16

Epic Challenges: Welcome to the Fireteam & Wolfpool 

Gotham Project: 1

 

Know, O prince, that once the sun burns out and the earth's core becomes solid and cold, there will come a man to provide the endless energy needed to sustain life and for the planets to keep moving. He is the source of light and the warmth of hope back into the hearts of humanity...." - Dark_Raider

 

A wolf rises in my heart; against my darkness; against my demons; against my despair. I DECLARE WAR!

 

Romans 8:28 (CSB) We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God, who are called according to His purpose.

 

Link to comment

I feel your pain on the introversion front.  For me personally it's such a knife edge online, and I end up berating myself because I'm not having to physically deal with anyone so this shouldn't be so hard, get over it!  And then I only succeed in making myself feel worse.  It's rotten.

 

I hope your soul searching helps you glean some of your answers.  Feeling lost and going in circles around it isn't fun, even if you're still going forwards in the process.  My advice (which of course you don't need to take :) ) would be to not forget to cut yourself some slack.  No one who loves us expects us to be as on the ball as we expect ourselves to be.  To err is human, after all.

  • Like 2

Fight your foes in the field, nor be burnt in your house.

 

 

Link to comment

This keeps showing up in my life, so I'm sharing:

 

tumblr_opwugz6nvF1qz4si8o1_500.jpg

 

Yesterday was supposed to be a run day, but along with the rain, I realized I did not pack a razor and if we are being perfectly honest, I needed to rectify that before running in capris. I have already solved that problem this morning by picking up a cheap pack when I went to get my morning coffee. So I plan on running this evening. It may or may not be on the treadmill - I haven't decided. This one is a run / walk interval, so the treadmill is perfectly fine. My other run days are Friday and Sunday, so it's no big deal for my 3 x/ week goal also. 

 

Instead, I got in a workout, read some, ate dinner (chicken tenders from room service - it was acceptable), but did not get school stuff done. I totally could have done so, but I was tired. I currently need to figure out my food situation before I get too far along. There is a Publix and a Whole Foods very close to the office (walking distance), so I am actually eating a lot healthier for lunch (yesterday, I had some paleo choices off the hot bar at WF and it was delicious). I've been toying with the idea of going semi-paleo anyway, so maybe this will be the impetus I am looking for. 

  • Like 12
Link to comment

That quote showed up on both my tumblr and Facebook last week and I immediately thought of it when I saw your thread title but I couldn't find it again to share. Glad it found you too. 

  • Like 4

Level 69 Battle Kitten

Battle Log | Current Challenge

MyFitnessPal | Fitbit | Duolingo

                                                                                                                                                                 Ici je vis la vie que j'ai choisie

Je suis partie pour reconstruire ma vie

C'est dit, c'est ainsi

Link to comment

I totally hear you in the introvert front. It's kind of why you don't see me posting a lot in other peoples challenges/threads. The influx of emails and notifications from everyone replying just gets so overwhelming for me. Because of that, I tend to disappear from the boards for several months at a time. 

 

Stick around as much as you can. 

 

I'm glad that you are making some plans to run around the rain. And I totally hear you about the razor! Part of me wishes I was blonde like my mom and could have the "invisible" hair that she does. 

 

I'll be here to support you, even if it's lurking in the background. But, I'll be here.

  • Like 1

"You won't find your answers by looking to the stars. It's a journey you'll have to take by looking inside yourself. You must write your destiny..." Christopher Reeve as Dr. Virgil Swann

Current challenge

Old Challenges: 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th, 7th, 8th9th, 10th11th, 12th, 13th, 14th

Fitbit
Forum Battle Log

Link to comment
On 5/23/2017 at 10:58 AM, Sylvaa said:

introvert-mode is hard and being too outgoing on a forum is just as hard as interacting in real life. People'ing is hard

From one introvert to another, I'm glad that you keep clicking "Like This" so I know you're still around. You'll get the same from me, plus understanding.

 

3500dac.jpg

  • Like 14

Rebel Scum - Current Challenge - Battle Log - Epic Quest

Link to comment
4 minutes ago, EricMN said:

 

 

3500dac.jpg

 

I had to stop myself from laughing out loud at my desk. This is just so true!

  • Like 1

"You won't find your answers by looking to the stars. It's a journey you'll have to take by looking inside yourself. You must write your destiny..." Christopher Reeve as Dr. Virgil Swann

Current challenge

Old Challenges: 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th, 7th, 8th9th, 10th11th, 12th, 13th, 14th

Fitbit
Forum Battle Log

Link to comment

I totally understand.  I was chugging along and doing great and then I lost steam and then I stopped caring.  Then I yo-yoed a little bit and I need a serious kick in the ass.  Especially considering I'm close to my goal, you would think that I would 'sprint to the finish line' to get there but I feel overwhelmingly 'meh'.  I'm trying to post on here regularly the past challenge and right now I'm turning from 'i-don't-give-a-fuck' into 'zen'.

  • Like 3
Link to comment

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

New here? Please check out our Privacy Policy and Community Guidelines