Cheetah's battle log: Eating and Moving and Thinking, oh My!

[Cheetah]

10 hours ago, QuietRiotGrrrl said:

When I was saving up to get my barbell and setup, I would pay the gym membership fee, then set aside that same amount in savings for my own equipment.  Since you're not gymming, maybe you could find another trigger for setting money aside and get started on that?  Otherwise, I'd say if you are using what you've got, keep using it.  Doing something, even if its not quite what you'd like, is better than doing nothing.  

 

Ya, I think I'm finally resigned to working with what I've got and waiting patiently while I save up for more and better stuff.  I got a pretty good lift in today, despite my limitations.

[Cheetah]

So I've kind of fallen off of logging my daily activities here, but I'm also logging them in the current 4-week challenge, and it's sometimes hard to do both.

 

I've stayed on track with strong lifts.  I'm currently doing dumbbell squats because it's all I can do, and I have to OHP seated, because my basement has a low ceiling.  Also, pretty soon I'm going to run out of weight plates to keep progressing.  I don't really want to buy more standard plates.  I haven't decided what I'm going to do about that.

 

But, I'm staying with it, and that's good.  I'm also staying on target with my diet.  I meet my calorie and protein goals every day.  It's been easier than I thought it was going to be, to be honest.  I don't know why this time is different... maybe it's the high-protein diet, or maybe I'm finally giving myself permission to succeed.  Whatever it is, I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing.

 

My long-term goals are continuing to evolve as I learn more about fitness, weight loss, and strength training.  My weight-loss goal is murky at best.  I don't know what weight I'll be when I achieve my goal, because I don't know if or how much lean muscle I'll gain along the way.  I'm guessing I'll be about 180.  I set my MFP goal at 175, I think.  I was thinking about using a pants-size as a goal, but I don't know what that will be when I get there, either.  I'm thinking that using body fat percentage as a goal is a better way to do it.  I haven't decided whether I want to buy the calipers or just eyeball it.  The other day I spent a lot of time looking at comparison pics online.  I think right now I'm at about 23%.  It's hard to say because most of my fat is concentrated on my belly, so I don't look like a lot of the pics they use for examples in that range... but I"m pretty confident that I'm more than 20% and less than 25%.  My target is 15%.

 

My plan is to continue losing fat (and hopefully not too much muscle; I don't have enough to spare) until I get to around 15%, and then increase my calories to start building muscle.  By the time I get in the neighborhood of 15% I should be able to buy the weights I need to really start lifting heavy.  My plan then is to raise my calories a bit, then increase strength until I plateau, then increase calories again, then lift to the next plateau. Rinse and Repeat until I've gotten as strong as I want to get - let me be clear, it is never my intention to compete, and I do not need to squat 600 lbs.  I want to be strong enough that my bones and joints will stay healthy into very old age, and that will be good enough for me.  My hope is when I hit that last plateau, I'll be able to settle into an equilibrium of calorie intake and maintenance weightlifting that keeps me strong and fit, at an attractive and sustainable bodyfat of around 15%-ish, and then I'll just maintain that until I'm 150 years old.

 

Anyway, that's what I think about it today.  Everything is subject to change as I continue to educate myself.

[godjira1]

i had a very similar set of goals when I started out:

run 2.4k (1.5miles) under 10min 30secs

bench 1x bodyweight, squat 1.5x bodyweight, deadlift 1.75x bodyweight for 1RM. 

body fat % of 15pct. 

stay healthy and not be obsessed about stupid things. 

 

You will eventually beat those and you can re-calibrate once you get there but it's a good starting point. 

[Cheetah]

My daughter has started lifting with me.  I feel like I need to do some research and reading into this.  But she's doing SL 5x5 right alongside me, and seems to be into it.  So that's pretty cool!  I don't know how long she'll stick with it, but it's fun for now!

 

[Cheetah]

So, it seems like a good time to talk about one of my battles that I haven't mentioned yet.  Deep Breath.

 

I have Type II Bipolar Disorder.

 

I don't want to launch into a thesis about what it is and what it means.  Suffice it to say, unless you've really done your reading, there's a good chance that it's not what you think.  There's a whopping crapload of bad information out there about bipolar, and people often confuse Type I and Type II, which are very different sides of the coin.  Add to that the fact that it presents differently from one person to the next, and it's easy to understand the confusion.  So all I want to say about it in general is that I try to be open to talking about it and answering people's questions, so if there's something you want to know, feel free to ask.  Part of the reason I put this out there is to help spread the good knowing.

 

The other reason I bring it up is that it effects everything I do.  It's important for me to acknowledge it and observe when my moods are changing, so that I can respond to the changes in a healthy way.  So here's what's going down right now.

 

I'm entering a depressive phase.  It's been coming on for a couple of weeks, and it's settling into a solid block.  This is typical for me for this time of year - I usually swing a bit up in the spring and early summer, then cycle down for the late summer and early autumn.  Winter tends to be a bit of a crap shoot - sometimes I get a few months of level time, sometimes not.  So ya.  Depression.  It sucks.  I have way less energy than I did a month ago.  I have less motivation.  It's hard to care about anything.  It's hard to feel anything about anything, good or bad.  So in the past, I would get defeated by this and spiral down to the point that I've been suicidal a few times in my life.  That's a pretty dark place to go.

 

Thankfully, there's medicine for that.  So, even though I can feel the depression, it's not as bad as it used to get.  I'm not sinking into that place where it's impossible to get up every day.  I still kind of want to just go back to bed and ignore the world and let it go on and turn without me.... but I'm self-possessed enough that I can make a different choice.  And that's where the rubber meets the road - I'm making choices.  Healthy, positive ones.

 

I feel anti-social, but I'm choosing to go do the things with the people.

I feel lethargic, but I'm choosing to lift the weights and ride the bike.

I feel like eating whatever crap I find lying around, but I'm choosing to make the effort every day to stay on my healthy food plan.

I feel weak and small, like I could just vanish, but I'm choosing to be present and powerful in my life.

 

So that's my struggle.  I know you've got yours, too.  Sometimes, when I look back over a day and I see all the little things that I've accomplished in the face of my difficulties, I feel like a superhero.  You should too.  Life is hard; claim every win, even the small ones.  They add up, and you can honestly say to yourself, "I'm not just making it, I'm freaking MIGHTY."  And that feels pretty good.  :-)

[Cheetah]

Just touching base.  

 

I'm doing good staying on calorie and protein targets.  Every day isn't perfect, but most of them are good.

 

I've been really good staying on the 5x5 plan.  I'm stalled on Deadlifts because I'm lifting all the weight I own, and it's not enough.  I'll be there with squats pretty soon, too.  Time for a new barbell and more weights.

 

I'm trying to start using my bike trainer as a warmup on lifting days, just so I can get a little saddle time every week.  I'm looking forward to school starting, so I can go ride around again.  Unfortunately, I'll have less time for it, since I'll have to drive an hour every morning dropping kids off.  So, there won't be any time for lazy napping then, either.

 

It's been hard this week, getting up and doing the things.  I slept in a lot today, and I feel like a bum, but I just couldn't make myself get up.  Tomorrow should be better; I have too much on the schedule to stay in bed.  

 

Not much else going on.  And there you have it.

[QuietRiotGrrrl]

My mom is bipolar (along with several other family member I'm not as close with) so I haven't been through it, but I've seen some of what you're up against and it sounds like you are doing awesome!  Keeping doing all the things you want to do but aren't really feeling is huge.  So don't beat yourself up when you miss something, just keep getting up and doing what you're doing.  Also, sometimes you just need sleep.  Enjoy it.

 

If you're stalled out on the dead lifts you are doing, maybe you could try a different stance or try pausing.  Switching it up might make you work again or work a little differently.  

[Cheetah]

Lately I'm doing battle with sleep.

 

I work second shift, from about 3pm to about midnight.  When I get home, I try to get straight to bed, and then I get up at 6 am with my kids.  So, I'm not really seriously sleep deprived, but it's enough that I'm seriously dragging butt in the morning.

 

I have been taking morning naps to try to get a little more rest in.  The problem is that when I do, I end up sleeping way later than I want to, and then my morning is almost gone, and it makes it really difficult to get everything done that I want and need to do.

 

I really want to get adequate rest so that my lifting and nutrition programs can be effective, but there's so much that I have to do every day, I struggle to get it all done if I nap.

 

The struggle is real.

[Cheetah]

The other crap thing about being sleep deprived is that it makes me want to eat.  Being tired is a major food trigger for me.  So, I'm still doing a pretty good job staying on my calorie target every day, but it's a lot more difficult to keep from raiding the junk food that is readily available all night here at work.  I think I'm going to have to start bringing healthy snacky foods, which means leaving a little room in my daily calorie budget, but I can do that without too much trouble I think.  Tomorrow I'm going to bring carrot sticks and maybe some almonds too, and that should help.

[Cheetah]

Carrot sticks are awesome!  Munchies conquered. 

 

 

Tiniest gif ever.

 

Heaven help me, I'm thinking about running again.

[Cheetah]

Today, I ran.  First time in about seven years.  I only ran a little.  I took a 2.5 mile walk, and in the middle I ran 9 intervals of 10 seconds running, 50 seconds walking.  That's all.

 

But it felt great.  And it's a start.

[Cheetah]

Today's Run

3.25 mile walk.  In the middle, I did 12 intervals of run 10 sec / walk 50 sec.  The plan is to gradually increase the number of intervals, while staying at the 10/50 pattern, until I'm up to 30 intervals.  Should take about 2 weeks.  Lemmie see if I can link up the sheet.

 

Run Plan

 

That should work, I think.  So, that's the progression, nice and slow, plenty of time for the joints to get onboard.  The good news is the lungs and muscles are all for it.  I'm thankful that I built a good cardio foundation when I was young.

 

The run today felt really good.  Right hip was a bit tight and complainy, but I'm gonna yoga it out for a bit.  Until I started to yoga, I didn't realize how tight my hips had become.  I'm looking forward to getting that flexibility back!

[Cheetah]

Today's run was 10s run/50s walk, 15 intervals in the middle of about a 3-mile walk.  Everything felt good.  Right hip still a little tight, but not bad.  All's well!

[Cheetah]

I'm pretty good at updating my challenge thread every day; not so much the battle log!  Oh well.

 

I've moved ahead a few days on my training plan.  I'll try to go at the prescribed pace for at least a week now, before I decide to move up again.  I really really don't want to rush this.  But I can't help wanting to rush it!

[Cheetah]

I think keeping up a battle log is just not going to be easy to do as long as I'm doing the 4-week challenges.  Oh well.

 

I ran today, and it was good.

 

[Cheetah]

2018 Review and Looking Forward to 2019

 

Because I have a shoddy memory, I can’t go into a lot of detail about what happened last year.

 

 

Food-wise, I had an okay year.  I spent most of the year tracking my calorie and protein intake, and I was pretty successful at staying on my targets during the work week.  On the weekends I did a lot of over-eating, so my overall fat loss was less than I would have liked. However, I did end the year at a lower body fat and trouser size than I started, and since that was a goal I’d say I achieved it.  But it was a battle the whole way through. Very recently I’ve read the Intuitive Eating book, and I’ve begun applying their process. It’s been incredibly helpful to me, and for the first time I feel like the food battle is finally over and done.

 

Exercise was pretty consistent for most of the year.  For many months I had a very steady habit of barbell training three days per week.  For a while I worked on pull-up training, and I did a bit of walking. I can’t remember if I tried any running this year or not, but I think I did and that I finally decided that I can’t do it.  Don’t cry for me, it’s a limitation I’m very happy to live with. Toward the end of the year I dropped exercise completely because of time limits and perfectionist thinking. I also lost some strength due to stopping training and drastically reducing calorie and protein intake.  For the last few weeks I’ve been trying to re-establish a habit of exercise.

 

I’m never sure what to call the third category of goals that I have.  Mental fortitude? Lifestyle enrichment? You get the idea. I did a pretty good job of keeping up with ukulele playing, although it did slack off a bit.  Lately I have taken up guitar. I met my goodreads goal this year; I wanted to read 12 books and I read 14.

 

Overall it’s been a pretty good year.  I feel like my health and fitness are somewhat improved, and I’ve got a better perspective on some things.  This should serve me well as I look forward to the next year. So here we go.

 

The Big Why

 

When I think about goals, I try to return to my reason for setting them.  My major life goal is to grow old with style. I want to stay physically fit and active for as long as possible.  In order to do this I feel that I have to exercise myself in three areas - healthy eating, moving the body, and working the mind.  Last year I got hooked into some perfectionism regarding how I work on these areas, and while I did have some success, those methods proved unsustainable for a variety of reasons.  Moving forward, I want to return to the approach of building habits for a lifetime. I need to have a sustainable habit of healthy eating that is not a daily battle. I need a habit of regular exercise that is flexible enough to stand up to changing demands on my time and resources.  I need to stay engaged in self-improvement and mental exercise.

 

The Big How

 

For eating, I believe that continuing in the Intuitive Eating process is going to be successful for me in the long term.  This means that for now, weight and fat loss are not my top priority. I’m focusing on my relationship with food, and it’s improving every day.  Eventually, as my relationship with food continues to heal, I will bend my eating back into a healthy, nutritious shape. Really, I don’t think I’m too far off from it now, and so far I seem to be roughly maintaining, so I’m very optimistic about my long term prognosis.

 

For exercise, I’ve had to realize that there’s more than one way to achieve my goal of long-term fitness and functionality.  The amount of exercise that it takes to maintain the level of ability that I want is actually pretty small, and it can take many forms.  This was a hard truth for me to swallow, but now that I’m getting good with it, it’s opened up a lot of possibilities for regular exercise that I can fit into my insanely busy life.  What all this means is there is no reason I can’t build a habit of regular exercise that will help me achieve my goal.

 

For mental enrichment and fortitude, I expect to drift from hobby to hobby, because that is my way.  However, there are two things that I consistently enjoy - reading and playing music. I intend to continue with my Goodreads goal, and I intend to continue to learn the guitar.  Whatever else may come and go, only time will tell.

 

I think that’s about it.  I’m looking forward to this year.  I think it’s going to be a really, really good one.  :-)