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Hiroro Battles the Darkness


Hiroro

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8 hours ago, Xena said:

that ribcage soreness (I think it might be obliques??) is something I really only get from yoga. I think it's things like triangle and sideangle pose. Nice!

Ha well at least it's not just me. I assume it's part of my core. I was in bed yesterday and fiance thumped a heavy book right on my ribcage - prompting an arghhhh and a face from me. He was befuddled until I explained.

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WEEK 3 DAY 4

#1 Movement: 3/3

#2 Yoga: 2/3

#3 Cook: Yes!

#4 Meditation: 3/4

 

Image result for puppy yoga gif

More yoga! Fiance woke up early yesterday and made breakfast, yay! He included potatoes but they didn't come out super crispy so I gave him most of mine.

I skipped lunch yesterday (did not feel hungry AT ALL), had a few pieces of jerky so as not to pass out during yoga class. 

Cooked a full dinner (with help from fiance) and was very pleased with myself. Made me feel like a grownup with us sitting at a table eating a 'balanced' meal.

Held off opening my bottle of wine one more day...hoping to save it for the weekend. I'd like to keep my drinking down to 1 bottle/week.

 

Breakfast: eggs, bacon, goetta, avocado, potatoes, coffee

Lunch: a few pieces of jerky

Dinner: corncob, burger patty, broccoli, cheesy pasta

 

Having the 4pm yoga class forced me to skip the farmer's market...which is dangerous because the bread is the best. But if I really want it I can bake my own.

 

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WEEK 3 DAY 5

#1 Movement: 3/4

#2 Yoga: 2/3

#3 Cook: Yes

#4 Meditation: 3/4

 

Got up to make breakfast again, but neglected my meditation...and apparently if I don't do first thing it in the morning, I don't do it at all.

Stomach was cramping badly, so I went straight home after work and went through my normal reading/rice/laying down routine. Felt better by the end of the evening.

No workout :/

 

Breakfast: beef, egg, and cheese quesadilla

Lunch: iceberg lettuce, salami, provolone with pesto vinaigrette

Dinner: rice with butter

 

Wondering (again) if it's coffee that's messing with me. Will try cutting back to one cup today.

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Level 18 Pixie Ranger

 

 

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WEEK 3 SUMMARY

#1 Movement: 5/6

#2 Yoga: 2/3

#3 Cook: Yes

#4 Meditation: 5/7

 

Much better than the previous weeks :)

This challenge is just flying by. 

 

My eating has most definitely not been clean lately, but for once I am purposefully not stressing out about it. After years of bouncing between super healthy and super unhealthy eating, I'm finally settling somewhere in the middle. I know that I need to consistently eat healthier to lose weight, but I'm honestly okay with where I am right now, for now. Recognizing my tendency to binge-eat (not eating until I'm going to explode, but eating ONLY popcorn/chips/cheese and crackers for multiple meals in a row while wallowing in self-hate), having not done that in the past three weeks is kind of amazing. Sure, I'm eating more dairy and carbs than is nutritionally ideal. But vegetables and 'real meals' are a daily occurrence, and I'm not calling myself a failure for eating non-Paleo things. I've eaten quesadillas and pasta and bagels with cream cheese, *gasp*. But as a meal (or mini-meal), not as part of an unending doomed series of attempts to make myself feel better by eating unhealthy delicious things.

 

Yesterday I bought a bag of pita chips. I ate some with hummus, and then stopped. Maybe more than one serving size according to the bag, but I didn't have a hard time stopping after a 'normal' snack portion - sure, it helped that I ran out of hummus, but with other chips I would just eat them all plain. Pita chips for some reason don't trigger me to eat the whole bag and nothing else until it is gone (which is my problem with popcorn). So I'm learning, slowly, what I can and cannot allow myself to buy. It's not about rules or bad vs good food - it's about admitting I can't have certain foods around, because I eat it all in one sitting and immediately regret it, while still desperately craving more.

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Battle Log

Level 18 Pixie Ranger

 

 

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WEEK 3 SUMMARY

#1 Movement: 5/6

#2 Yoga: 2/3

#3 Cook: Yes

#4 Meditation: 5/7

 

Much better than the previous weeks [emoji4]

This challenge is just flying by. 

 

My eating has most definitely not been clean lately, but for once I am purposefully not stressing out about it. After years of bouncing between super healthy and super unhealthy eating, I'm finally settling somewhere in the middle. I know that I need to consistently eat healthier to lose weight, but I'm honestly okay with where I am right now, for now. Recognizing my tendency to binge-eat (not eating until I'm going to explode, but eating ONLY popcorn/chips/cheese and crackers for multiple meals in a row while wallowing in self-hate), having not done that in the past three weeks is kind of amazing. Sure, I'm eating more dairy and carbs than is nutritionally ideal. But vegetables and 'real meals' are a daily occurrence, and I'm not calling myself a failure for eating non-Paleo things. I've eaten quesadillas and pasta and bagels with cream cheese, *gasp*. But as a meal (or mini-meal), not as part of an unending doomed series of attempts to make myself feel better by eating unhealthy delicious things.

 

Yesterday I bought a bag of pita chips. I ate some with hummus, and then stopped. Maybe more than one serving size according to the bag, but I didn't have a hard time stopping after a 'normal' snack portion - sure, it helped that I ran out of hummus, but with other chips I would just eat them all plain. Pita chips for some reason don't trigger me to eat the whole bag and nothing else until it is gone (which is my problem with popcorn). So I'm learning, slowly, what I can and cannot allow myself to buy. It's not about rules or bad vs good food - it's about admitting I can't have certain foods around, because I eat it all in one sitting and immediately regret it, while still desperately craving more.

This all sounds wonderful and healthy and full of all the self loving goodness that you are capable of! Bouncing between extremes is so hard on a person, body and soul. Balance is hard to find, but you are in an amazing position to get there.

 

You don't even know how happy all of this makes me for you!

Race: Wood Elf

Level 20

Class: Ranger

Strength: 45 | Dexterity: 15 | Stamina: 44 | Constitution: 29 | Wisdom: 35 | Charisma: 28

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WEEK 4 DAY 1-5

#1 Movement: 3/6

#2 Yoga: 1/3

#3 Cook: Yes

#4 Meditation: 5/5!

 

Things are sort of humming along over here. I'm still having a day here and there when I just feel overwhelmed with laziness, stomach issues, or stress from work (which I KNOW working out would help with) and I don't get in a workout. But I'm making commitments to work out with friends/coworkers, and that is helping. Plus the fact that I don't want to be the slowest Spartan team member in September. :P

 

Still working on moving towards more produce and protein and less carbs, gradually. Seeking the right frequency for alcohol consumption to enjoy life but also lose weight - that's one area where I haven't quite found balance yet.

 

On a more personal note...I met with my (church) small group on Monday...It's three other women and me, all about the same age, in slightly different stages of life (one married w/3 kids, one is married w/0 kids, one unmarried) and their support and encouragement has just been so great. I talked to them last Monday about my therapy session outcome (regarding recognizing my fears of future pain and struggle, and working towards having a more hopeful mindset), and it was so therapeutic. They reassured me regarding my random anxieties [that a pastor from our church would refuse to marry us because we are on slightly different steps in our spiritual journey, that I love him so much more than he loves me, that we'll get divorced in 30 years (yes I know this is crazy)].

 

Seems like somewhere in my development/childhood, I deeply ingrained the idea that negative experiences are to be avoided at all costs. I think this may be an slightly irrational corollary to my parents' high expectations. The simple fact is that I worked harder at school because I wanted to please my parents. But the more complex outcome is that I am terrified of failure, because I associate making mistakes with ultimate badness (my parents were very loving and not at all cruel, but I was a sensitive little kid and disappointing them was the scariest thing ever). Also, my only mechanism for dealing with conflict is avoidance, because whenever my mom was scary mad (only in sort of a normal stressed out parent way - which I can see more clearly now - but for a sensitive quiet kid, even just having to speak to an angry parent was frightening, even though I knew they wouldn't be abusive in any way) I would make myself scarce.

 

At work, I'm having minor issues with this because the high-stress, schedule-crunched environment is made more challenging with unpleasant interactions and relationships between the salaried and union employees. To some degree, succeeding in this role requires a thick skin and a willingness to stand up to people - which I am not only weak at, I also kind of hate it.

 

This all sounds a bit dark and mopey, but truthfully I'm doing alright lately. Just working through things, and sort of discovering my flaws - which sounds not fun, and I guess it isn't, but it's also a huge relief -- sort of like getting an x-ray and realizing all that pain I've been feeling is due to a chunk of metal embedded in my body. Even though the "surgery and recovery" sucks, knowing why I've been struggling means things can get better.

 

To end on a high note, I got my ring back from the artisan and it's pretty great. Fiance paid to get a new band with the shape modification I preferred, and while I wouldn't have chosen to pay as much as he/we did for it, I am very happy with the result. :)

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Battle Log

Level 18 Pixie Ranger

 

 

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On 6/23/2017 at 1:22 PM, Hiroro said:

At work, I'm having minor issues with this because the high-stress, schedule-crunched environment is made more challenging with unpleasant interactions and relationships between the salaried and union employees. To some degree, succeeding in this role requires a thick skin and a willingness to stand up to people - which I am not only weak at, I also kind of hate it.

 

Some of this sounds like something you could improve at (if you wanted to). I think it's particularly difficult for a young woman, because we are conditioned to be "nice" and to try to "make everybody like us." This is honestly something that gets easier simply just by getting older, partly because you learn skills, but I think even more so because societal expectations change. Anyway, there are probably some strategies toward workingoward gaining respect rather than worrying about trying to please everybody. I'm not particularly good at this myself...I'm often in a similar boat. Do you have any mentors who could help you? Particularly women who are in equivalent or senior positions? And especially someone who you think has a style you might want to emulate?

 

On 6/23/2017 at 1:22 PM, Hiroro said:

To end on a high note, I got my ring back from the artisan and it's pretty great. Fiance paid to get a new band with the shape modification I preferred, and while I wouldn't have chosen to pay as much as he/we did for it, I am very happy with the result. :)

 

Awww! That's really really nice.

Xena, Level 14+ Valkyrie Ranger

January 2017  December 2016

Oct/Nov 2016

 

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On 6/25/2017 at 2:06 PM, Xena said:

Some of this sounds like something you could improve at (if you wanted to). I think it's particularly difficult for a young woman, because we are conditioned to be "nice" and to try to "make everybody like us." This is honestly something that gets easier simply just by getting older, partly because you learn skills, but I think even more so because societal expectations change. Anyway, there are probably some strategies toward workingoward gaining respect rather than worrying about trying to please everybody. I'm not particularly good at this myself...I'm often in a similar boat. Do you have any mentors who could help you? Particularly women who are in equivalent or senior positions? And especially someone who you think has a style you might want to emulate?

!!! This is me. I want everybody to like me, but I need them to respect me. Thanks for the ideas, definitely things to think about. I don't really have mentors at the moment, I had a couple (informally) before I went out to California, but in any case no women. I had an official woman mentor at one point through the women's network at work, but honestly, she was more of a technical expert and not very personable - even if I got back in touch I don't think she would be helpful regarding program management issues. 

 

Thank you for putting up with my rants/complaints :P

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Current Challenge

Battle Log

Level 18 Pixie Ranger

 

 

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Challenge Summary

I'm too lazy to add up the numbers right now, but I would say this challenge was a qualified success. I got back on the meditation train, and am getting more consistent in my workouts. The week over week progress was pretty clear.

 

#1 Movement: started off rough but am now in a better rhythm. I have a stock of spin class credits and another 6 weeks of the yoga membership.

#2 Yoga: took a few weeks to cave and get the membership, but I really do love this studio. After every class I feel immeasurably better than I did walking in.

#3 Cook: Did better with finding balance, but need to keep nudging in a healthier direction if I want to lean out.

#4 Meditation: Today makes a 12-day streak :)

 

I think next challenge I'm going to try something a little different, maybe inspired by @Xena's previous challenges with cumulative goals.

I want to track my meditation and days without popcorn streaks (because I broke down on the popcorn on Sunday), and maybe also do cumulative days without alcohol...need a healthy eating metric in there too.

 

For fitness I'm thinking burpees (yay Spartan training) and pullup practice (for the zillionth time). And probably more yoga.

 

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I forgot your field. Are you an engineer? I know it's something technical.

 

Do you belong to any kind of local professional society? That might be helpful.

 

I'm in a different field, but I once took a two day leadership course and found it INCREDIBLY helpful. One of the very beneficial parts was doing some role-playing with uncomfortable (hypothetical) situations. It made me realize that yes, these situations are stressful, it's normal to feel uncomfortable, and it doesn't necessarily mean that you are doing a "bad job". It also helped because I learned that there are actual documented skills and strategies you can use to help (I know, sounds crazy right? But it honestly was news to me). Do you have any kind of formal training available to you? I don't know how big your company is...if they don't offer it themselves, they might be willing to pay for something. The course I took was part of a continuing education program at a local university.

 

There are some good books out there too...I read one from the Harvard Business School called something like "Managing other people." It was a series of short articles. Many weren't all that relevant to me, but a few were very very helpful.

 

 

Xena, Level 14+ Valkyrie Ranger

January 2017  December 2016

Oct/Nov 2016

 

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