Ensi - Fox On The Run (Intuitive Eating Journal)

[Ensi]

13 hours ago, TheGreyJedi-Ranger said:

Wonder woman <3 I just saw that movie this weekend with my husband. I'd love to be Diana when I grow up *_* 

 

That's a good goal  I'm gonna be Antiope!! I wish there's gonna be an extended edition with 5 extra hours on Themyscira :DD

 

I've been going through the self-help books at the library, picking the ones that haven't been read in over five years, and deleting them from the database. Most of them are about "finding your inner peace from the ether of the universe" or "yes, there is something fundamentally wrong with you, and even if it's probably caused by our toxic culture, it's up to you to fix yourself and gain success because it's your fault you can't feel good about yourself" or some sh*t, but I actually found a good one yesterday: It's Not You: 27 (Wrong) Reasons You're Single. It was such a comforting read, and I think I got a lot of help to my own struggles with wanting a close relationship with someone. I've felt like there's something fundamentally wrong with me, and that I'm not capable of forming meaningful relationships. I've beaten myself up about f**king things up with HC, about not being smart or relaxed enough, and trying to find out what I could fix in myself.

 

But, as with diets, there's a huge pressure to do things "right", when it comes to dating. I was so anxious last autumn, trying to do what I thought I was supposed to do: go out on a date, and go out to drink with others, all the while wanting to go home and sleep  I guess this is another part of my life where I need to learn to listen to myself, accept that I won't feel awesome all the time, and work with what I have. I don't need to change to find someone. The book also challenged my view on the "everything happens for a reason" thinking, which has been basically the core of my belief system - but during this spring, my faith in it has started to crumble. As I've worked on my difficult feelings, I've come to accept that life's messy, bloody struggle, and I don't have to think that everything is somehow meaningful. I'm not being cynical about this, though, I think I'm just going to spare myself some mental energy in the future: instead of coming up with explanations to "why this happened?", I am going to use my energy on being kind and compassionate to myself and others. I know I am so much more than my body, or my relationships. I also have a horrible personality and a terrible sense of humour  So, I'm happy to work on my beliefs, and maybe find more peaceful ones.

 

I have the evening shift today! I'm having a slow morning, drinking coffee and resting. The Sharks are always the worst on the second day (that sounds like a riddle in an adventure movie lmfao), so I'm taking it easy. I also borrowed a couple of other books from the library. They're about connecting with your body and learning to listen to yourself. I'm gonna give them a look and see if there's something I could use. Don't worry, I also borrowed Life Lessons from Winnie the Pooh  I'm going to spend the morning reading, journaling, and maybe playing some Playstation. I might squeeze in a workout, too...

 

Bonus: Before talking about my recovery with my aunt's husband, he told me that "you've lost so much weight, you must get a lot of attention from guys now!" And I know him, and he comes from a good place (he has daughters with his ex-wife that are my age and they don't get along so well, I don't think he gets to have chats like these with them), but it was still this belief that "yes, it was your layer of fat that kept you isolated from other people". This is something that's caused me a lot of bitterness during the past few years: "I don't want to be part of this shit where people just judge each other based on their looks." But I'm coming to see that there are people who don't think like that, so... As said, I'm just gonna do things my way, and stay kind and positive. Yay yayayayyy

[DrFeelgood]

11 hours ago, Ensi said:

Bonus: Before talking about my recovery with my aunt's husband, he told me that "you've lost so much weight, you must get a lot of attention from guys now!" And I know him, and he comes from a good place (he has daughters with his ex-wife that are my age and they don't get along so well, I don't think he gets to have chats like these with them), but it was still this belief that "yes, it was your layer of fat that kept you isolated from other people". This is something that's caused me a lot of bitterness during the past few years: "I don't want to be part of this shit where people just judge each other based on their looks." But I'm coming to see that there are people who don't think like that, so... As said, I'm just gonna do things my way, and stay kind and positive. Yay yayayayyy

 

I showed up to Tank's wedding afraid that since I've packed on a bunch of weight again I'd be a disappointment to the other Nerds in attendance who I've only known through the forum.  Instead it was one of the most positive and affirming social experiences I've had in quite some time.  This community we have is pretty unique, and I love it.  It's a huge shame that we can't all get together on a regular basis.

 

With that mindset you'll find and attract like-minded friends in the course of time.  I wish it was easier, but the 'hard' just makes it more special when good people come in to your life.

[Ensi]

2 hours ago, DrFeelgood said:

 

I showed up to Tank's wedding afraid that since I've packed on a bunch of weight again I'd be a disappointment to the other Nerds in attendance who I've only known through the forum.  Instead it was one of the most positive and affirming social experiences I've had in quite some time.  This community we have is pretty unique, and I love it.  It's a huge shame that we can't all get together on a regular basis.

 

 

I guess being active on these forums is a sign that we're all trying very hard. So, yeah, we're an excellent community  I could never be disappointed in someone who tried their very best! I hope you'll get more chances to meet Nerds in the US I know there are some other Finnish Nerds, but... It's a Finnish thing to stay away from Finnish people, you know :'D

 

**

 

It's been a good day. I did 30 minutes of yoga in the morning, and 20 minutes of strength training exercises. I was able to do 25 - 25 - 30 squats, so I'm slowly getting to higher numbers: I started with 15 to 20 reps a month ago. Sure, I could progress faster, but what's the rush?  I pushed myself and got sweaty. Tomorrow's a rest day, for sure...! Work was fine, and I left home at 8 PM. I was in the evening shift with the cute tutor, and it was nice to get to know him better. My favourite moment was when the phone rang, and we both stared at each other horrified, because we both hate phone calls. Now I'm gonna watch an episode of Elementary, and then get some sleep before going to work at 8 AM

 

Food was OK, and I actually didn't spend much time thinking about it... Well, I did buy a take-away coffee on my way to work, and a slice of raw Snickers cake <3__<3 It was delicious! I had half of it with lunch, and the other half as a snack at 6 PM. I felt good all day, so I didn't think much about my food choices.

[Ensi]

It's been a good day  Work went by really fast, and then Mom and Dad took me to the store and told me to get whatever I wanted, and they paid for everything ;__; I'm extremely lucky to have parents like this. It hasn't always been easy, but they really care about me and my brothers. They're leaving Foxy Town tomorrow. It was nice to have them around!

 

It's a rest day. I have practically no anxiety about eating any foods, but I still dislike the idea of eating a lot of foods I've avoided before, like an entire sandwich. It would depend on the day, though: I could eat an entire sandwich before working out, maybe. Carbs don't really scare me anymore, though, because I have a lot more energy, and I recover from exercise sooner than when I was avoiding carbs. I remember being so tired and out of breath even the day after exercising, but now it's a whole different story: I really pushed myself with yesterday's workout, but besides a normal post-exercise fatigue, I've been fine. This is what rest days are for!

 

 

So, carbs are super useful, especially when I exercise. Better enjoy them!!

 

I do feel a bit tired now, though, and I'm going to spend the rest of my evening just resting. It's Thursday tomorrow...! The week has gone by so fast x__x

[DrFeelgood]

Just exactly how large are these sandwiches, and where can I get six of them?

 

50 minutes ago, Ensi said:

So, carbs are super useful, especially when I exercise. Better enjoy them!!

 

Outstanding!  Make that food work for you!

[Ensi]

21 hours ago, DrFeelgood said:

Just exactly how large are these sandwiches, and where can I get six of them?

 

 

21 hours ago, DrFeelgood said:

Outstanding!  Make that food work for you!

 

Will do!  I'm so happy that carbs aren't such a scary thing anymore...! I didn't even have a proper plan with them, just an everyday anxiety about having too many carbs :I It's the portion sizes and timing that matter more. I've had huge cravings for sweet potato fries, I might need to make some later tonight...

 

It's been a wonderful day, because I got a new bottle of my favourite shampoo  Work was good, and as I sat down to do my two-hour turn at the customer service, I got a really great feeling - I guess I really like helping people find the books they need o__o It's usually pretty quiet, though, but I spend my time doing coding exercises on CodingBat.com. I've got a lot of practice in Python, and I'm thinking of looking into Khan Akademy programming courses.

 

Food's been fine and delicious. I had dinner at 5 PM, and started to feel snacky around 6 PM. I decided to wait for a while, and figured that maybe all I needed was rest and a shower. And the need to snack passed; it's 7 PM, and I'm having a cup of peppermint tea. I will have a small evening snack soon. I'm spending the evening resting, because it's been hectic for the past few days, and I've got in good workouts. Besides, it's Shark Week, so my body needs some extra pampering Ohh this reminds me, I bought myself a Tupla yesterday! It's one of my favourite chocolate bars x__x Wikipedia: "Tupla is a Finnish chocolate bar made by Leaf. It consists of milk chocolate with a nougat-flavoured filling, coated with bits of almond." Yummmm. I might have a small bite with my evening snack...

 

So, yeah. A calm evening coming up I'm also listening to Lana Del Rey's new single. I just love her voice and the sound her songs have:

 

 

[Ensi]

I had a nightmare that I had given up Fort Foxy to move into a lot worse apartment, and I was trying to make arrangements to get FF back when I woke up :'D Hmm. Come to think of it, a friend of mine was in the dream, and I was going to move in the same apartment house with her. Her Mom has just been taken into a hospital, maybe I should send her a message today...

 

I think I'm coming down with something, because I'm veeeery tired! I'm also very hungry this morning, which is probably Shark Week related. I'm listening to my body and eating, but since it feels like I could go and eat a second breakfast 5 minutes after the first one, I think it's not food that I'm lacking :'D I'm gonna take deep breaths, wait for a while, and distract myself from food. I can totally have some, but I think I would feel uncomfortably full if I had some more... Which brings me to the book Brain Over Binge by Kathryn Hansen. I think @Terah has recommended it, and I'm going to look into it now - Jen Brett talks about it in one of her videos (the binge eating talk starts at 1:53, but I don't know why you'd want to skip the beginning with her lovely cat lol):

 

 

There's one copy of the book in our library, so I'm going to reserve it and wait until I get it

 

One thing that I am very happy about is that my digestion has improved since the constant anxiety went away. Not gonna go to the TMI territory, but my stomach was pretty bad for a few years. Now it's been two months with no issues at all: it was the constant stress that kept my stomach working bad, not some food group. Hurah!

 

After I got home yesterday, I spent the evening in bed watching Netflix. I finally got back to watching Breaking Bad! I stopped watching season four a few years ago, and now I kept going. I still remember the most important plot points, so now I'm just going to finish season 4 and then the final season 5! It's a bit past 6:30 AM, and I am going to have a short nap before leaving for work. Have a lovely Friday!

[Ensi]

I was very tired at work, but I took a nap afterwards, and I'm feeling better  I'm not sure if I'm getting sick, or if it's Shark Week. Hmmm.

 

I bought a pre-made chicken and bacon dish with sweet potatoes that you just put in the oven for 40 minutes, and now I'm waiting for it to cook. What I want to start doing is to prepare a proper dinner I can have when I come home from work: I start snacking on some random foods easily while figuring out what I'm gonna eat, but what I'd really want to have would be a good, balanced meal with fats, protein and carbs, and a bunch of salad. That's what I'm going to pay attention to from now on. I have all the other meals in check, because I eat at work, but I could do better with my dinner.

 

I love it how I really want to do this instead of "having to"! I've made a lot of progress this year with my mental health. I do feel like I have gotten over the fear of eating foods, but I am still afraid of looking fat. Nevertheless, I am coming to the conclusion that the best way to treat that fear is to love: love myself, love food, and believe that food is good for me. This is so cheesy, but I fucking love cheese, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  Loving and trusting other people is important, as well, which is why working at the library is doing good things to my mental health right now: I feel like people like me there, and the Cute Tutor is super nice. I was putting books to their place, and he came to just ask how I'm doing and having a small chat. I genuinely like him, and it's nice to see that he seems to like spending time with me, too. The shy girl is slightly clingy, but I'm making a conscious effort not to let it bother me. In my previous life, I would have gotten nasty, but now I try to see the situation from another perspective. I just feel like a complete different person. I'm still not sure about who I am, but I try to focus on enjoying things and being kind to people.

 

I'm feeling better after a short nap, and I'd like to go for a short bike trip. The chicken and sweet potato dish is starting to smell wonderful <3__<3

[Ensi]

I've had such a lovely day! I went to the library last night (not the one I work in lol), and borrowed some movies and new CD's (I never knew Ariana Grande is so good??). It really boosted my mood, and I stayed up late watching movies and listening to music. Sleep wasn't so great, but I had a short nap after my rather heavy breakfast (6 AM). Then I left for Ikea with my friend, and I did it: I ate a small whole wheat bun that's included in the breakfast buffet (10:30 AM)! And I had it with bacon and eggs. Carbs combined with fats has been the biggest no-no to me (some diet talked about carbs making the fat store in my body yadayadayada), but now I just ate it and enjoyed the flavour. We spent a couple of hours getting my friend some things, and I felt great - not sleepy, not hungry, not stuffed. Just fine Before we left for the bus, I had some Marabou chocolate tastings with a cup of coffee, and then my friend and I shared a frozen yogurt. I bought some strawberries to take home with me, and then I spent another hour at my friend's place having some of Ikea's sparkly pear drink and talking. I walked home (30 minutes), and had that chicken and bacon + sweet potato with salad for dinner at 4:30 PM (success!). Dessert was some strawberries with whipped cream. I'm gonna have an evening snack later on

 

When I was at the library last night, I also borrowed a book by a Finnish dietitian. He's been around for a few years, but I've always seen him as... well, he talks about eating balanced meals, listening to your body, and allowing yourself to eat as much as you want, and I used to think that that's BS x__x I found his book pretty good, and took two lessons that I'm going to pay more attention to. One: he talks about how important it is to have enough food at breakfast and lunch, since it prevents evening snacking. This goes fine with my observation that I need more energy earlier in the day, and less in the evening. My breakfast was a bit bigger because I had slept bad and I was craving for food, but I didn't hold myself back at lunch. That's point two: I have to give myself permission to eat as much as I feel like eating. I've still had guilt and wariness with portion sizes and sweets, but restriction doesn't work. It just makes me obsessed about what's forbidden. The dietitian writes about "not worrying about the quantity, but enjoying the taste", and that's what I'm gonna do.

 

And now I'm finally going to watch Fantastic Mr. Fox! I borrowed it from the library last night  I already watched Dawn of the Planet of the Apes, which made me care a lot more about CGI apes than I would have expected. It was a really good movie, and I'm going to check out War for the Planet of the Apes at some point. Enjoy your Saturday!

[Ensi]

Sunday

 

It's been a good day. I felt very low (both physically and mentally) last night and this morning, but I listened to myself and stayed home cooking and doing my laundry instead of going out for a bike trip. I got household stuff done, and now my meal prep is done and I have clean clothes for the new week

 

I started to feel better in the afternoon, so I left for a walk. I ended up in the university campus area that's right next to Fort Foxy. It's a high hill with some small forests, so I spent some time going up and down the forest trails. The real fun started when I decided to climb up the stone walls that were situated in the forest. They support the road that goes up the hill (it's pretty remote, so it's empty most of the time), so I could climb up to the road and then walk back to the forest to climb back up again. I was a lot better than I expected, but then again, I didn't expect much from myself :'D I was careful, because I was worried about falling or someone seeing me. But whenever I just decided to climb up and believed that I could, it was easy. (CAN YOU SPOT THE METAPHOR FOR BELIEVING IN YOURSELF???)

 

CARBS ARE WONDERFUL! After an entire hour of walking and some climbing, I came home and did another 25-minute-long bodyweight circuit. I did 4 x 25 squats + 10 kettlebell rows (per side, 10 kg), 3 x 12 bird dogs per side, and finished with 20 donkey kicks (per side) + 10 push ups. I had eaten bread and other carbs earlier in the day, so my post-workout meal was falafel balls with feta cheese and vegetable soup. Not tracking macros and not being afraid of certain food groups has made eating so much more relaxed, I recover from exercise faster, and my body is getting stronger. I'm also more open to eating foods, even if I don't know their exact calories or macros. Now that I'm no longer afraid of carbs, I'm going to pay attention to the quality: less bread, and more sweet potatoes and fruit. In addition, I will eat less carbs on the days I don't exercise. I think this is called carb cycling? I've had more sweets during last week (the confirmation party and my parents visiting), so now's a good time for me to relax and take care of myself.

 

It's Monday, and I have the evening shift at work. I'm going to relax and go pick up some almond milk, but other than that, I'm set for the next few days. Have a lovely start for your week!

[Ensi]

It's been a  hectic couple of weeks, and I'm noticing that my mind-body wifi connection isn't as strong as it was a couple of weeks ago. I've spent more time doing body checking. I don't think there's anything wrong, I'm just a bit worn out from working and doing more exercise. I've been so excited about finally seeing progress with my workouts that I have slipped back to obsessing about it a bit, so... A few days with lighter physical activity and more fun things + rest should do it! Rest of the week is dedicated to resting and working on ze connection

 

I had a small binge after work yesterday, which was again caused by my need to restrict eating. Today I made sure to have a proper dinner after work, and now I'm just chilling here and writing an update. What I'm pleased to notice is that even if I still have small binges, I don't put the blame on my "weak will/mind". It's just that I've worked very hard, and being tired makes it easier for me to fall back to old habits. I haven't failed. It's such a peaceful thing to realize that I don't have to "get back on track" or find the next amazing diet that'll finally fix me: I just keep eating intuitively, and focus on enjoying food.

 

I borrowed a couple of books about eating disorders (one's called "Permission to Eat" in Finnish, which sounds good ), and I'm going to do some reading tonight and do some journaling. I'd also like to continue my thesis a bit. I hope you're all having a lovely Wednesday!

[Caeleth]

I am LOVING your approach to food and "non-dieting"! I've only recently joined the NF forums (like... yesterday) and have been considering experimenting with the paleo-ish diet, but after reading your journey so far, intuitive eating seems like it would be better suited to me for now (until I want to introduce a few paleo-ish habits with the 4wc). Thanks for the insight!

 

Going to be quietly stalking your NF journey here from now on... 

 

o.o

 

 

[Ensi]

1 hour ago, Caeleth said:

Going to be quietly stalking your NF journey here from now on... 

 

o.o

 

o__o

 

1 hour ago, Caeleth said:

I am LOVING your approach to food and "non-dieting"! I've only recently joined the NF forums (like... yesterday) and have been considering experimenting with the paleo-ish diet, but after reading your journey so far, intuitive eating seems like it would be better suited to me for now (until I want to introduce a few paleo-ish habits with the 4wc). Thanks for the insight!

 

Welcome to the Rebellion!! We have bad humour and good company 

 

So... I read your introduction thread, and you say there that you're not sure where to start. I've been around in NF more or less actively for 5 years now (I have had different accounts and I've kept pauses, but joining an accountability group has kept me pretty active for now lol), and I've tried many, many different diets, workouts and programmes. I don't know about your own relationship with food or exercise, but I think the key is to find your own way to enjoying eating and working out. I spent a lot of time trying to follow someone else's programme, and become someone else's "champion" by getting their instructions right 100 % (earlier this spring, I followed a diet programme, and I remember one day I got it perfectly right and I was so proud of myself... Haha). ANYWAY, I wasn't healthy, and I wasn't feeling good. It was when I started to focus on my own feelings when things started to fall into their place: for me, it doesn't matter if I pick workout plan A or B. What matters is that working out makes me feel strong and happy. My body doesn't care if I do 10 or 12 reps; it cares about being challenged and getting all the health benefits of exercise. And food? The restrictive, "gotta get paleo 100 % right" mindset made me anxious and scared of food, and following it was very difficult. I understand that I don't need to get paleo 100 % right, but I can be mindful about eating processed foods and sweets. It's not that serious. (Now I imagine that I'm an amazon warrior who's not afraid of food and whose body turns carbs into fuel and rage lol)

 

My advice is: don't think too much, and have fun. Animals in the wild don't count calories, or keep a track of their exercise. That's fine for you, too. Nevertheless, tracking your food and exercise can be fun, and getting concrete evidence of your body getting stronger can be fun. As long as you're motivated by the love of getting stronger and healthier, and not the fear of being unhealthy/fat/unlovable/etc, you're good to go. You don't have to be perfect. You can start by making just one small change at a time. In time, you will have made a bucketload of small changes

 

Bonus: some resources that I've found helpful. Well, they've been helpful for my recovery from disordered eating / eating disorder, but I think you could find some perspective on your relationship with food and being kind to yourself. Enjoy your journey, you can't go wrong <3

[Caeleth]

27 minutes ago, Ensi said:

Welcome to the Rebellion!! We have bad humour and good company 

 

Haha, thanks for the welcome! Sounds right up my street  

 

4 minutes ago, Ensi said:

I don't know about your own relationship with food or exercise, but I think the key is to find your own way to enjoying eating and working out.

 

Well, exercise and I are pretty much strangers - I used to do competitive field archery from 12-17 but this was very much a social thing and consisted mainly of walking 3-6 miles once a week. And I've done nothing much since then. So we're not exactly buddies! I can relate with the need for food and exercise to not be a chore and be more of a casual challenge without the pressure to stick to a bunch of rules. I'd be interested in hearing more about your approach if you have any more tips (feel free to DM me or post on my intro thread if you do, no pressure - I just don't want to take up any more of your log!)

 

40 minutes ago, Ensi said:

As long as you're motivated by the love of getting stronger and healthier, and not the fear of being unhealthy/fat/unlovable/etc, you're good to go. You don't have to be perfect. You can start by making just one small change at a time. In time, you will have made a bucketload of small changes

 

I love this, thank you  Wishing you all the best on your own bucketload of small changes!

[Ensi]

1 hour ago, Caeleth said:

Well, exercise and I are pretty much strangers - I used to do competitive field archery from 12-17 but this was very much a social thing and consisted mainly of walking 3-6 miles once a week. And I've done nothing much since then. So we're not exactly buddies! I can relate with the need for food and exercise to not be a chore and be more of a casual challenge without the pressure to stick to a bunch of rules. I'd be interested in hearing more about your approach if you have any more tips (feel free to DM me or post on my intro thread if you do, no pressure - I just don't want to take up any more of your log!)

 

Haha don't worry, I'm the Textual Queen of this log

 

Well, I'm no expert (disclaimerrrr!!!), but I'd start building up from the basics. If you enjoy walking, go out for walks (I just came back from a 30-minute-long evening walk). I can't say how long you should go, or how hard exactly, but just go out for a walk with the intention of building stamina - you walk with a brisk pace, and maybe go up and down some stairs or forest trails (walking in a forest is great for developing balance, as well!). You can also choose to walk from university to your place, and pick the stairs instead of the elevator, take a small walk after lunch... Again, don't get obsessive about it, just observe how being active affects your body and energy levels. What feels good, makes you want to do more of it. Biking is also a lot of fun, if that's your jam!

 

If you want to try strength training, Beginner Body Weight Workout is a classic around here. But again, start slow. It might be tempting to push yourself to complete the workout perfectly right away, but don't skip the "tutorial level": Walk yourself through the exercises, and see if your body can do them all (especially squats and other movements that can be hard for your knees). Be curious, not competitive. I can't tell you exactly how many times I've broken myself during these years by jumping too quickly into a heavy lifting programme that my body wasn't ready for, but, uh. MANY TIMES!  Actually, my current workout has grown out from my goal of "just doing squats and kettlebell rows for 10 minutes every day". Now I don't do it every day, because it's grown into a 25-minute-long circuit style workout with bird dogs and donkey kicks  So, maybe try body weight exercises and see if you like it!

 

Don't stress too much about whether you should do cardio or strength training - whatever gets you moving and happy is good. In time, you will start noticing small things, like how you don't run out of breath so easily, and you can lift up your grocery bags a lot easier than before. After I had done yoga for a few months, I realized that I didn't fall over as easily in the winter time as before, because I was able to regain my balance on ice a lot quicker. Keep observing your body's feelings: it's the small wins like that that keep you going!

[Caeleth]

45 minutes ago, Ensi said:

Well, I'm no expert (disclaimerrrr!!!), but I'd start building up from the basics. If you enjoy walking, go out for walks (I just came back from a 30-minute-long evening walk). I can't say how long you should go, or how hard exactly, but just go out for a walk with the intention of building stamina - you walk with a brisk pace, and maybe go up and down some stairs or forest trails (walking in a forest is great for developing balance, as well!). You can also choose to walk from university to your place, and pick the stairs instead of the elevator, take a small walk after lunch... Again, don't get obsessive about it, just observe how being active affects your body and energy levels. What feels good, makes you want to do more of it. Biking is also a lot of fun, if that's your jam!

 

I definitely plan on walking more, I'm not currently in my University city due to Summer break, but these are definitely things I want to implement into my routine come September. I am trying to get out and walk more during these holidays, though it's growing tedious walking the same streets on my small estate with no walking trails around! I long to live near a forest or woodland eventually - this was where I used to walk before and loved the feel of being isolated in nature!

 

53 minutes ago, Ensi said:

If you want to try strength training, Beginner Body Weight Workout is a classic around here. But again, start slow. It might be tempting to push yourself to complete the workout perfectly right away, but don't skip the "tutorial level": Walk yourself through the exercises, and see if your body can do them all (especially squats and other movements that can be hard for your knees). Be curious, not competitive.

 

I am curious as to body weight training so will take a look at working my way up to this - I am currently focussing on completing a few knee push ups (I struggle to do a proper push-up) and squats each morning for now, just to try and develop my exercise beyond walking. My aim is to try various exercises and build up to eventually doing a "proper workout" a few times a week, such as the beginner one you mentioned. Like you said, moving more and being happy with what I am doing is good for now!

[Ensi]

7 hours ago, Caeleth said:

 

I definitely plan on walking more, I'm not currently in my University city due to Summer break, but these are definitely things I want to implement into my routine come September. I am trying to get out and walk more during these holidays, though it's growing tedious walking the same streets on my small estate with no walking trails around! I long to live near a forest or woodland eventually - this was where I used to walk before and loved the feel of being isolated in nature!

 

 

I am curious as to body weight training so will take a look at working my way up to this - I am currently focussing on completing a few knee push ups (I struggle to do a proper push-up) and squats each morning for now, just to try and develop my exercise beyond walking. My aim is to try various exercises and build up to eventually doing a "proper workout" a few times a week, such as the beginner one you mentioned. Like you said, moving more and being happy with what I am doing is good for now!

 

This sounds great to me Listen to music or podcasts while walking? You could also check out Darebee, and pick cardio workouts! Again, don't get overwhelmed by "which one??" - just pick one and get going!

 

A quick update this morning: I realized last night that it's been two months since I stopped counting calories and macros. I have eaten dairy, grains, sweets, AND a heaping pile of healthy foods. And you know what? I don't look like I've gained weight, on the contrary. I have given myself a permission to eat whatever I want, whenever I want, and I feel great. It's starting to sink in that it wasn't some certain foods that made me gain weight and feel bad, but the restriction and the eating habits that followed. And I had that really twisted thing with restricting certain foods (processed foods, dairy, grains etc.) and on the other hand being very worried about not getting enough of others (protein, healthy fats, veggies). The protein terror was a real thing, like "I absolutely need to have a certain amount of proteins during every meal and snack". Now I just have some foods I know have protein in them, but I don't stress about it. And hunger isn't a bad thing anymore, because I'm allowing myself to tend to it. It doesn't mean that "uh oh, now I have to go hungry because next meal time is in two hours", it's like "I can have a small snack now". And if I have to go hungry (I'm in a meeting or something), I can tell myself that there will be as much food as I want soon. And it really, really helps to know that. It helps to know that I am acknowledging my hunger, and that I am going to take care of it. And I actually can feel the food fueling me up after eating: I get a calm, good feeling from eating.

 

So, I just had a big breakfast, because that's how I roll these days  The more I eat in the morning, the less I snack in the evening. I'm gonna go to work soon. Have a good day, everyone!

[TheGreyJedi-Ranger]

23 hours ago, Caeleth said:

I am LOVING your approach to food and "non-dieting"! I've only recently joined the NF forums (like... yesterday) and have been considering experimenting with the paleo-ish diet, but after reading your journey so far, intuitive eating seems like it would be better suited to me for now (until I want to introduce a few paleo-ish habits with the 4wc). Thanks for the insight!

 

Going to be quietly stalking your NF journey here from now on... 

 

o.o

 

 

Intuitive Eating is legitimately changing the way I look at so many things. I'm in the middle of reading the book on it (It's literally just called Intuitive Eating). I've only been working with it for about a month or so, and I'm definitely taking a little longer to come around to certain things. It's such a great way to look at life!

[Caeleth]

29 minutes ago, TheGreyJedi-Ranger said:

Intuitive Eating is legitimately changing the way I look at so many things. I'm in the middle of reading the book on it (It's literally just called Intuitive Eating). I've only been working with it for about a month or so, and I'm definitely taking a little longer to come around to certain things. It's such a great way to look at life!

 

I had never heard of it before reading this thread by @Ensiand definitely want to learn more! How do you feel it has changed your approach to food or fitness? And do you recommend that book for beginners?

[TheGreyJedi-Ranger]

28 minutes ago, Caeleth said:

 

I had never heard of it before reading this thread by @Ensiand definitely want to learn more! How do you feel it has changed your approach to food or fitness? And do you recommend that book for beginners?

I think it's worth looking into the website and the information to see if the principles of the book are what you need. I'm coming from a place of yo-yo dieting and lots of guilt and other issues around food that the book is helping me dive deeper into. I'd recommend going to the website and checking out the principles. See if they sound right for you. Otherwise, I'd say focus on just trying to find the right mindset.

 

For me, I'm still working on my approach to fitness. I'm mostly focusing on changing my relationship with food for the better. And it's for sure helped me change my relationship with food! It's a VERY slow process, and is more about listening to your body and asking it what it needs (or wants, eventually those become better understood as well). In short the concept is- if you're hungry, eat. And eat what your body wants. If you're not hungry, don't eat. Enjoy eating. Don't be afraid of certain foods because they're "bad." You have permission to eat what you want.

 

I'm so much better about giving myself permission to eat things that I always labeled off limits and am now just learning to see as food. At this point, I'm starting to get to the point where I'm needing to go back into food journaling- with a more detailed journal added on and a pre and post meal/snack hunger rating. 

[Caeleth]

8 minutes ago, TheGreyJedi-Ranger said:

I think it's worth looking into the website and the information to see if the principles of the book are what you need. I'm coming from a place of yo-yo dieting and lots of guilt and other issues around food that the book is helping me dive deeper into. I'd recommend going to the website and checking out the principles. See if they sound right for you. Otherwise, I'd say focus on just trying to find the right mindset.

 

Thank you, I'll definitely check out the website

 

I'm so glad Intuitive Eating is helping you and your journey! 

[Ensi]

Aww so lovely to come back here to see a conversation going on! <3

 

3 hours ago, TheGreyJedi-Ranger said:

Intuitive Eating is legitimately changing the way I look at so many things. I'm in the middle of reading the book on it (It's literally just called Intuitive Eating). I've only been working with it for about a month or so, and I'm definitely taking a little longer to come around to certain things. It's such a great way to look at life!

 

I'm glad to hear it's helping you!  It takes a lot of work to reprogramme your brain, but it's so worth it. It's like I've finally found the cheat code I always wanted. But yeah, it takes a lot of work to get going, and it's a daily practice. But I'm starting to love it how my body is turning out to be such a strong and wise being. It's worth it, I promise!

 

Days like today are the reason why recovery is worth it. I had made plans to meet my friend and her fiance after work to see their new house, but I was feeling tired - I wanted to go home and have dinner, as I should. See? The control was coming back to surface. I almost texted my friend if I could meet her later (!!!!!), but then I realized that my friends must be hungry around that time, too, and that we could make dinner together because I don't control my food anymore. I asked if we could prepare dinner together, and that's what we did  We had salad with goat cheese and cashew nuts, honey and balsamic olive oil, and some wine. We had espressos for dessert, and then we snacked on some pineapple. Then we played the remastered Crash Bandicoot games on Playstation, had some tea, and talked and laughed a lot. I stayed for a couple of hours in their lovely new apartment, and when I left, my friend recommended I walk through a sports park that was right behind their building. I've had no idea that there's a park like that there  It was very lovely (even though I met a couple of HC's colleagues - I kept my head high, smiled and told them hi, and they did the same. this lowered my mood a bit, though), and I spent some time just looking around and enjoying the new place. It took me almost an hour to walk home (there were some hills on the way, too), and I did a short strength training workout when I got back. Evening snack was some random stuff from the fridge, and veggies.

 

I never even realized how much hunger and eating controlled me before. Before, I would have tried to make it home as soon as possible so that I could be there when I was allowed to eat again (sick), but now I often find myself going out for walks and not being in a constant rush. I trust that there will be food, and I won't be there too soon nor too late to eat. I can just be. I've isolated myself by making so many strict rules, and I haven't been able to relax. Gosh I feel so weird about realizing all this. I'm going to bed now and continue reading the book about eating disorders. It's weird to read it, because it spells out all the thoughts and strategies that I've used for years (postponing meals by doing something else, restricting earlier in the day so that I will eat less later on etc.) and represents them as disordered. For all these years, I haven't been wrong, I've just had a disordered relationship with food.

 

Argh I had such a nice day that I feel like crying. OK I'm crying now :'D

[Shello]

Look how far you've come.  You turned those old disordered thought processes around and opened up new opportunities to enjoy your time with other people and things around you.  

 

[Caeleth]

1 hour ago, Ensi said:

I never even realized how much hunger and eating controlled me before. Before, I would have tried to make it home as soon as possible so that I could be there when I was allowed to eat again (sick), but now I often find myself going out for walks and not being in a constant rush. I trust that there will be food, and I won't be there too soon nor too late to eat. I can just be. I've isolated myself by making so many strict rules, and I haven't been able to relax. Gosh I feel so weird about realizing all this. I'm going to bed now and continue reading the book about eating disorders. It's weird to read it, because it spells out all the thoughts and strategies that I've used for years (postponing meals by doing something else, restricting earlier in the day so that I will eat less later on etc.) and represents them as disordered. For all these years, I haven't been wrong, I've just had a disordered relationship with food.

 

Argh I had such a nice day that I feel like crying. OK I'm crying now :'D

 

Crying is okay if it's for the right reasons - that's what I tell my own blubbery face anyway....

 

I'm so glad you've had a positive day and can recognise your progress!

[Ensi]

8 hours ago, LadyShello said:

Look how far you've come.  You turned those old disordered thought processes around and opened up new opportunities to enjoy your time with other people and things around you.  

 

 

It's hard to articulate just how lovely it was to sit on the couch and just play Playstation without the fear of being challenged... Ha, it happened a lot when I was a kid: I would just hang out in the house, and my brother would come and attack me, or Dad would come up and ask, "so, how's the weight loss going?" or "Why don't you go outside for a run?" And it always ruined it for me. Like, "I can't just sit around reading this book, because I'm fat." And now, for years, I've isolated myself, because I've thought that I can't be around people, because I should be at home eating healthy and working out. And this has been such a core part of my belief system that I haven't even noticed it.

 

lalalalalaa I deserve better lalalalaaa

 

 

tsikabuum tsikabuum lalalaaa

 

8 hours ago, Caeleth said:

 

Crying is okay if it's for the right reasons - that's what I tell my own blubbery face anyway....

 

I'm so glad you've had a positive day and can recognise your progress!

 

Crying is my favourite hobby: it's free, can be done at home, and leaves me feeling relaxed. 10/10 would recommend :'DD And thanks! It's wonderful to see concrete progress, just by spending time with friends and not thinking about food or my body all the time.

 

The morning sun is shining in Fort Foxy, and it's Friday! I have my snack (a sandwich!!) and lunch ready, and I'm going to have a lovely day. You have yourselves a lovely Friday, too <3