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Non-Supportive Husband


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I'm not sure what to do about this besides talk to my husband. He is into fat guys (didn't know until being together for years) and doesn't mind at all that I'm overweight (it's basically a fetish for him to be honest). I feel like he doesn't support my weight loss journey, even though he says he does. When I bring up what I'm doing for fitness (gym, walks, etc), he doesn't seem overly enthused and it almost feels like he's upset that I'm losing weight. I'm also afraid that by losing weight, he won't be interested in me sexually.

 

I think that's one thing that's definitely holding me back. Any insight? We've been together for 12 years now.

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What do you expect him to do, since you say that he doesn't seem to support you, but he claims he does?  How do you feel he could better show his enthusiasm?

"Impossible is not a fact, it's an opinion.  Impossible is not a declaration, it's a dare.  Impossible is potential, impossible is temporary, impossible is NOTHING." -Muhammad Ali

"The only thing worse than being blind is having sight but no vision." -Hellen Keller

Ferocity (2),  2 Becoming Capable, Becoming a Ranger

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How's his own fitness?  Possibly you two could bond by working out or playing sports together.  Be gentle when you bring this up. His lack of "support" may actually be a cover for feeling ashamed about himself.


Don't psych yourself out imagining problems that don't exist, but talk to him. If the problem (he doesn't feel attracted to you anymore) is real, you guys should see a relationship counselor, and possibly a doctor.  Your partner could have a mental issue, depression, low testosterone, or any number of things causing his lack of libido.  It's also possible he's having an affair or is tempted to.

 

 iDo not ignore your own health or needs to please your partner.  If he loves you, he will want what is good for you.  But get this thing resolved, with professional help if necessary, because it will breed resentment and bad behavior between both of you if the issue is not addressed.

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Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future.

Hylian Assassin 5'5", 143 lbs.
Half-marathon: 3:02
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Reason I asked my question(s) is because he may not realize that he's not expressing himself clearly enough for you.  One thing that me and my wife both had to work on a little.

"Impossible is not a fact, it's an opinion.  Impossible is not a declaration, it's a dare.  Impossible is potential, impossible is temporary, impossible is NOTHING." -Muhammad Ali

"The only thing worse than being blind is having sight but no vision." -Hellen Keller

Ferocity (2),  2 Becoming Capable, Becoming a Ranger

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When I first got together with my current partner, he was less than supportive of my fitness stuff - mainly because he wasn't in great shape himself and he felt guilty whenever I went to work out. 

 

Fast forward a few years, and he's exercising regularly himself. Maybe not watching his diet like I do (and joking, correctly, that he's a bit of a bad influence on my eating) but getting  up and moving for at least an hour every day. He's also gone from eating fast food every meal to fast food once or twice a week. Both of those are huge improvements for him - and this is a guy who used to drive to the corner store (a 10min walk away) for pop. 

 

My point being: You keep doing you - and either you'll rub off a bit on him or he'll figure out how to articulate what's bugging him. It's not necessarily easy to keep this stuff up when you don't have a partner who's with you on it, but it's doable.

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