Severine's First OCR: 8 Weeks To Minimize Unreadiness

[Severine]

In almost exactly eight weeks I'm going to be running my first OCR: the New England Warrior Dash in CT. Right now I am pretty damn unfit, and I want to use these eight weeks to improve my fitness and endurance as much as I can. I love the idea of OCRs and I hope this will be the first of many. It's okay if I don't do objectively well the first time; what will make me proud is knowing that I prepared as well as I could and did my best on race day.

 

Half the idea behind doing this OCR is it's something I've dreamed of doing, and I'm hoping it'll give me an added push of motivation to embrace the exercise/nutrition/self-care routine I need to embrace for my general well-being, but have been failing at recently.

 

Six months ago I left a physically active job and I did not adjust well: I went from super active to instant potato. My fitness has fallen off dramatically and I haven't been taking good care of myself. For years, I had exercise built in to my job and now I don't, so I have become almost totally sedentary. I have anxiety issues (for which I'm in therapy) and a few related problems that either exacerbate or stem from the anxiety: insomnia, stress eating, caffeine dependency, and jaw clenching that causes headaches and a lot of neck/facial pain. All of which are things that, for me, have historically responded really well to regular exercise and good nutrition. 

 

So the good news is I know exactly what I need to do. And I know how much more awesome I'll feel once I'm doing it. But so far I've been struggling to find my groove. I've whiffed on the last few challenges, and that's why I'm switching to a battle log. A challenge is a thing you can fail, and I've been getting weirdly anxious and avoidant about them recently. You can't fail a battle log, though. My goal is just to keep track of what I'm doing and how I'm feeling.

 

I'm nervous and excited, and I hope I don't screw this up  

[Lara]

These are going 8 intense weeks! Wow! Good luck!

[WhiteGhost]

3 hours ago, Severine said:

You can't fail a battle log

 

Right on!

[Dagger]

Following for sure!

[Vibrantella]

6 hours ago, Severine said:

A challenge is a thing you can fail,

That's why I challenge myself to a process, not a result; it's hard to fail a process, especially tied to something that happens anyway, such as eating or moving.

 

Good luck with your training for the OCR!  

[NeverThatBored]

7 hours ago, Severine said:

I'm nervous and excited, and I hope I don't screw this up  

 

That's the whole point of a battle log! You can't screw it up!  

 

I'm so excited that you're doing an OCR!! And Warrior Dash is a great one to start with because it's not excessively long. I'm on the maybe list for joining you guys, but I've got a lot going on in August so I'm not sure yet. Either way, I'm super excited for this!

[Bookish Badger]

Following and cheering!

 

[fleaball]

Wooooo~

[Gemma]

18 hours ago, Severine said:

Six months ago I left a physically active job and I did not adjust well: I went from super active to instant potato. My fitness has fallen off dramatically and I haven't been taking good care of myself. For years, I had exercise built in to my job and now I don't, so I have become almost totally sedentary. I have anxiety issues (for which I'm in therapy) and a few related problems that either exacerbate or stem from the anxiety: insomnia, stress eating, caffeine dependency, and jaw clenching that causes headaches and a lot of neck/facial pain. All of which are things that, for me, have historically responded really well to regular exercise and good nutrition. 

 

So the good news is I know exactly what I need to do. And I know how much more awesome I'll feel once I'm doing it. But so far I've been struggling to find my groove. I've whiffed on the last few challenges, and that's why I'm switching to a battle log. A challenge is a thing you can fail, and I've been getting weirdly anxious and avoidant about them recently. You can't fail a battle log, though. My goal is just to keep track of what I'm doing and how I'm feeling.

 

I'm nervous and excited, and I hope I don't screw this up  

I feel ya! I had a job doing a lot of heavy lifting and tons of walking, and then all of a sudden 8 years ago I got my dream job ... at a desk. I turned soft and fluffy and didn't even notice it until years later, so you catching on after only six months is rockin'!  I'm totally with you on the insomnia, caffeine dependence, and jaw clenching, too. 

I'm excited for you, looking forward to watching this journey and cheering! 

[Severine]

3 hours ago, Gemma Phoenix said:

I'm totally with you on the insomnia, caffeine dependence, and jaw clenching, too. 

 

What a terrible club we have. We should figure out how to join a choir or something instead.

 

Today: I woke up on time (instead of lounging in bed reading on my phone) and did a short session (25 minutes) on the elliptical. It felt good to do it even though I noticed how much cardio fitness I've lost.

 

Class was good even though there's a wee bit of tension between some of my students.

 

I ate a healthy breakfast and lunch, but dinner was a huge indulgence. Our air conditioning stopped working mysteriously on Sunday night (waaaaah) so we're trying not to use the oven until we get it fixed because it heats the house up so much. I should have stuck with leftovers or made a sandwich, but sprung for takeout instead. Not a great choice, obviously. Puts me over on calories for the day.

 

BUT after that I did get outside, mow the lawn, and do a bunch of yard work. Got 13,000 steps for the day which is a lot more than I've been averaging lately. So I feel good about keeping active instead of letting the setback ruin the day.

 

All in all, a decent if unremarkable first day. I award myself two dinosaurs.

 

Tomorrow morning the a/c repair guy is coming at 6:30 AM because that's when he could fit us in on short notice. Fingers crossed it's something quick and cheap to fix. 

 

Now it's time for Duolingo because I have a streak to maintain

 

[Dagger]

2 hours ago, Severine said:

Now it's time for Duolingo because I have a streak to maintain

I currently have a streak on Duolingo for Japanese. As soon as they released it I started doing it every day.

[NeverThatBored]

5 hours ago, Dagger said:

I currently have a streak on Duolingo for Japanese. As soon as they released it I started doing it every day.

 

Me too! It's so exciting!! 

[Bookish Badger]

You say this:

9 hours ago, Severine said:

Class was good even though there's a wee bit of tension between some of my students.

 

and I picture this:

[zeroh13]

10 hours ago, Severine said:

BUT after that I did get outside, mow the lawn, and do a bunch of yard work.

I read that as "meow the lawn"... yeah... o.O

 

I'm going to be in my battle log until the next challenge starts, cause that's two weeks and it feels weird to start that early. 

[Severine]

Last couple days have been weird. On one hand I've felt crappy both physically and mentally, but I've also been productive and much better about just getting stuff done right away without any procrastination. I can't really explain why, but at least there's a good side.

 

I've had recurring strong headaches that have made doing things pretty unpleasant, and the only genuine exercise I've gotten since Tuesday (just walking around doesn't count) was the four hours I spent working at the farm this morning. On the bright side, I felt a lot less tired while working than I did last week, and I got a lot done. It's nice to know that even though I am so out of shape I can mostly still work just as quickly as when I was farming full-time. Less endurance than before but the skills/dexterity is still there.

 

The business with the a/c guy was a bit of a shitshow - he didn't show when he was supposed to (and didn't call to say he wasn't coming) and I was cranky that I woke up at 6AM for nothing. And then he said he'd come later in the day and let me know en route...but instead he just showed up, without calling. Right at the same time when I happened to have the electrician here to work on a different thing, so there was chaos as they kept getting in each other's way. Sigh. He's good at the actual repair part of his job, and his prices are fair, but the flakiness is frustrating. How hard is it to call someone? On the bright side, the problem was a burst capacitor, so it was only $236 to fix and took like 20 minutes. Much better than it could have been.

 

I'm working on the caffeine thing, at least, cutting down significantly. Probably a partial explanation of the headache problem. Hopefully once I get over the initial withdrawal it'll improve. Problems like this, of my own making, are always the worst because not only do I have the physical pain, but also I keep reminding myself that it's my own fault. At least when something random happens to me I can feel a little sympathy for myself.

 

Eating has been atrociously bad. I keep skipping meals, and then eating crap. This needs to be my #1 focus for the next seven weeks, along with daily exercise.

 

It's halfway through 2017 and I am assessing progress on my goals for the year. Some things are good but overall I have a strong sense that I want the second half of the year to be a lot better and more virtuous than the first half...

[Dagger]

5 hours ago, Severine said:

It's halfway through 2017 and I am assessing progress on my goals for the year. Some things are good but overall I have a strong sense that I want the second half of the year to be a lot better and more virtuous than the first half...

Ooooh shit, time to do that one. Riiiight.

 

Sorry to hear you keep having bad headaches, that sucks.

[fleaball]

Ugggggh flaky maintenance guys are the worrrrst. D: At least it worked out in the end though. 

[Severine]

Insomnia sucks. Getting 2 or 3 hours of actual sleep per night right now. I'm dealing with it poorly, as usual. The main impact is that I'm eating more, because being tired makes me really hungry. Except sleep and calories aren't actually interchangeable, so when I give in to the cravings, I end up still tired and gaining weight. 

 

Late night walks are helpful. They don't help me sleep but help me feel less strongly affected by lack of sleep, if that makes sense. Just make me feel like I'm still alive and not just a zombie. Plus I love them. Late at night when the streets are empty is my favourite time to walk.

 

We had a cookout gathering with friends at our house yesterday, which was pretty good. The food was great - L cooked up a storm and was a superhost as usual. I had a headache and wasn't feel particularly social so I ended up being introverted which is unusual for me at social events. For example, when everyone decided to play a card game, I elected to go outside and lie on a blanket on the grass and read a book instead. I felt kind of guilty for being antisocial but I really didn't feel like playing a game and honestly it was so nice to just relax outside in the warmth and quiet. Thankfully everyone seemed to have fun, but honestly I was glad when people went home. Not normal for me - I love my friends and normally really enjoy gatherings like that.

 

Also now I kind of want a hammock for more lying outside reading books. My brain tells me this is stupid because hammocks cost money and blankets on the grass are free. But haaaaamock, I say back. The debate rages on.

 

Supposed to go play volleyball tonight with K and some of his housemates. Not exactly feeling energetic but I think I'm going to make myself go anyway. I don't want to disappoint him, and it'd be good for me to get some extra activity. Plus I really do love volleyball...haven't played in ages.

 

In another episode of things I have accomplished but don't really feel proud of because I'm so ashamed I had the problem in the first place: I've stopped drinking zero-cal cola. I totally cut out soda about 10 years ago, and then somehow about two months ago ended up getting sucked into drinking Coke Zero, rationalizing that it wasn't as bad because it was no calorie. It's terrible for me in so many ways. I'm happy to have successfully cut it back out again - definitely not a road I want to go down.

 

Thinking of starting the C25K program up again. 

 

This strikes me as a weird stream of consciousness update, and probably not what battle logs are for at all (not much exercise being discussed, you'll note) but eh.

[Severine]

Oh, one more thing: I wanted to shoutout to @NeverThatBored because at like 5:15 AM yesterday when I was up and exhausted and feeling at loose ends, I remembered your post about making outdoor coffee or something similar a part of your morning routine. And it struck me that, hey, it's nice outside and the sun is coming up. So I took my herbal tea and went and sat on the grass and just basked in the sun and the nice smelling air and the birds and the warm breeze. I was still tired but it was a much much more enjoyable place to be tired than indoors. And it definitely helped my mood. So thanks for the inspiration

 

[fleaball]

4 minutes ago, Severine said:

This strikes me as a weird stream of consciousness update, and probably not what battle logs are for at all (not much exercise being discussed, you'll note) but eh.

Uh hello, you've read mine, right? =P

 

Hooray for kicking the soda! It's such an easy habit to get sucked into. 

 

Bummer that you didn't feel like socializing last night. Was it something to do with the chronic lack of sleep? 

 

I feel like you always have such great insights on my threads and I have nothing to offer on yours. D: Sending hearts and glitter in your general direction?

[Severine]

4 minutes ago, fleaball said:

Uh hello, you've read mine, right? =P

 

Hooray for kicking the soda! It's such an easy habit to get sucked into. 

 

Yeah but your threads are amusing, lol. And yeah the soda thing is insidious. I really want to be one of those people who's not even tempted by it, but unfortunately my physiology is not on board with that. It really does taste good to me. I have to consciously overrule my stupid troglodyte brain or else it'll lead me to Ulcertown courtesy of many ingenious food scientists.

 

10 minutes ago, fleaball said:

Bummer that you didn't feel like socializing last night. Was it something to do with the chronic lack of sleep? 

 

Part of it was being exhausted, part of it was the headache (which makes noise vaguely uncomfortable, even from laughing and conversation), and part of it was that my much discussed friend J was at the cookout and he's been kind of a crappy friend recently so seeing him is kind of painful. And honestly part of it is that my self-confidence is not great right now so I have a lot of anxiety about whether I have interesting things to say, etc. Even though I know it's just anxiety, it makes socializing more work because I have to consciously tamp down those worries and focus on having fun and not overanalyzing everything I say.

 

14 minutes ago, fleaball said:

I feel like you always have such great insights on my threads and I have nothing to offer on yours. D: Sending hearts and glitter in your general direction?

 

Hah meanwhile I always worry it'll look like I'm nosy and trying to tell you what to do when I post on your threads, lol. I'm not looking for particular kinds of comments or anything, really. It's just nice to have a place to air my thoughts and know that the chances of being judged a fuckup are fairly minimal.

 

I'll take the hearts, but no glitter, though. I learned my lesson about glitter years ago. That shit gets EVERYWHERE. Three weeks later I'll find some on my ear.

[zeroh13]

1 hour ago, Severine said:

This strikes me as a weird stream of consciousness update, and probably not what battle logs are for at all (not much exercise being discussed, you'll note) but eh.

Maybe 10% of my battle log is about exercise... probably a lot less than that actually!

 

I've been having some pretty bad headaches lately too. It totally sucks.

[Owlet]

Haha yeah I hardly ever talk about fitness or diet. Just ramble on about life. But the aim is to be happier right, regardless of what you're doing to get there. Plus it's handy to have this stuff on record so you can look back and see patterns. Besides, things like lack of sleep have such a big impact on fitness and diet that it really is relevant. Hope that improves soon! And well done on the coke, that is progress for sure. 

[NeverThatBored]

5 hours ago, Severine said:

Oh, one more thing: I wanted to shoutout to @NeverThatBored because at like 5:15 AM yesterday when I was up and exhausted and feeling at loose ends, I remembered your post about making outdoor coffee or something similar a part of your morning routine. And it struck me that, hey, it's nice outside and the sun is coming up. So I took my herbal tea and went and sat on the grass and just basked in the sun and the nice smelling air and the birds and the warm breeze. I was still tired but it was a much much more enjoyable place to be tired than indoors. And it definitely helped my mood. So thanks for the inspiration

 

 

Yay~~~~! Morning basking is the ACTUAL GREATEST.  I'm glad to hear it helped you~~

[Severine]

Hah, so: volleyball.

 

The actually volleyball was a lot of fun. I haven't played in ages but I really like the sport and I'm surprisingly still decent at it.

 

BUT the place we went has a stupid system where everyone who shows up gets randomly numbered off into teams, so I wasn't actually playing with any of the people I went with. Which sucks a bit because part of why I went was to see my friend K and his housemates, but okay, fine I can roll with it and play with strangers.

 

Except that 90% of the people there were dudes and at least half of them were assholes. A sampling of the asshole collection:

• The dude in the batman shirt who kept spiking the ball as hard as he possibly could, causing this 16-year-old girl (who specifically said it was her first time there) to jump out of the way, terrified. He did this repeatedly, targeting her because he could see she was scared so it was a guaranteed point. After every time he'd yell FUCK YEAH and high five his friend. When someone told him to knock it off? "That's the game, man. We come to play." Right, dude. Wouldn't want to bring less than your A game against the newbie teenage girls at the community sports centre.
• The older guy who insisted on giving "helpful advice" every time one of the four women present missed a shot, telling them what they should have done differently. Not a peep out of him anytime a guy missed anything.
• The dude who literally ran across the court and crashed into me trying to hit a ball that (a) had come right to me and (b) I returned just fine, thanks. No apology. He instead said, "fuck, you almost missed that." (I didn't. Also, stay in your god-damned area.)
• The stoned-looking guy who said, "huh, you can actually serve, cool" after I served the first time. 

I got home and went for a walk with L and I feel calmer now but for a while there I wanted to launch about 15 men into the sun.