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Owlet

Owlet clicks back into gear

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Owlet   

I've been off the boil, so to speak, for a while now - unmotivated, unhappy, confused and tired. But I think I'm finally coming out the other side and it's time to get things done!

 

Study:

I am sitting an exam in mid August on core concepts of Buddhism. I have not started studying yet.... oops.

  • Read study booklet at least 3 evenings per week, ideally more. Finish first read-through by 11th July before going on to more detailed revision.
  • Work on presentation I am giving 22nd July.

 

Exercise:

  • Physio/strength exercises! 2x per week. Split up exercises if I don't have time to do them all at once.
  • Go for lunchtime walks when I don't have any appointments/obligations.

 

Chant:

  • Every day, for as little or as long as I feel I can/need to.

 

Upskilling:

Need to do some work outside of work to increase my chances of getting a job I enjoy more than my current one. 

  • Organise home licence of software I need,
  • Spend 2 sessions per week working on material to show,
  • Aim to have finished work to show by end of July.

 

Phwoar, going to be a busy month. Must stay sane.... 

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2 hours ago, Owlet said:

I am sitting an exam in mid August on core concepts of Buddhism

That sounds really interesting.  Are you studying to become clergy (or whatever may be the right term, sorry I'm not that knowledgeable about Buddhism)?

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Dagger   
1 hour ago, Vibrantella said:

That sounds really interesting.  Are you studying to become clergy (or whatever may be the right term, sorry I'm not that knowledgeable about Buddhism)?

Seconding this question.

 

Also, following!

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Owlet   

Welcome everyone! So nice to wake up to see you all here :) 

 

8 hours ago, Vibrantella said:

That sounds really interesting.  Are you studying to become clergy (or whatever may be the right term, sorry I'm not that knowledgeable about Buddhism)?

Nope, just more knowledge haha! In fact there are no clergy or priests or monks or anything in this Buddhism, that's one of the things that sets it apart form many other religions and schools of Buddhism. The reasoning being, anyone can (and may) attain enlightenment* within this lifetime, and the best way to achieve this is with a community-based lay organisation. There are leaders still, but they are there to better facilitate the day-to-day running of meetings and admin so that when members come together they can concentrate on sharing and studying ideas without worrying the power's about to be cut off or no one bothered to think of useful concepts to discuss. Or to put out food - that's always an important job :'D 

 

But back to the exam - it's not compulsory or there for any reason other than that we are encouraged to learn and question as much as possible about the practice, ultimately to deepen our understanding. Plus it's useful for when friends ask me about the practice - I can hopefully remember something relevant things to say haha!

 

I did some reading last night and feel less daunted by it now that I've made a start, phew. I might have to hold off getting any library books for a week or two to make sure I'm not tempted away from it though. 

 

*enlightenment always sounds so lofty/unattainable but my understanding of it is: the wisdom, courage and compassion to live your life in a way that fulfils yours greatest potential. Where obstacles become a source of strength rather than suffering, and your own life state and efforts help those around you to realise the same joy. 

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Dagger   
7 hours ago, NeverThatBored said:

Following! Your buddhism practice is super interesting. I love hearing about it! 

Seconding this. :)

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zenLara   
8 hours ago, Owlet said:

Where obstacles become a source of strength rather than suffering

I can see this, once the obstacles are gone and I've learnt something or improved something thanks to them. But at the moment I'm rather the type that will swear and ask "why can't life leave me alone????!!!" :D 

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Owlet   
59 minutes ago, zenLara said:

I can see this, once the obstacles are gone and I've learnt something or improved something thanks to them. But at the moment I'm rather the type that will swear and ask "why can't life leave me alone????!!!" :D 

Haha I know right! I will say, once you are aware of this after the fact, it gets easier to be aware of it in the moment. From there, the more times you overcome obstacles and prove to yourself you can, the easier it becomes to believe in yourself in the moment. And apparently, eventually you come to welcome the obstacles XD Madness!

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11 hours ago, Owlet said:

we are encouraged to learn and question as much as possible about the practice, ultimately to deepen our understanding

Love this!  :D  I also love learning :) 

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Owlet   

Don't want to jinx myself... but I seem to be sleeping well again these days! I've been finding it pretty easy to fall asleep at night and even waking up just before my alarm goes off. Honestly such a relief! Seems like it was stress and general unhappiness that was the problem. Hopefully now I can start working on exercise and posture again, phew. I made an appointment to see my physio next week and get a new exercise program... I've been putting it off for months because I was self conscious about not having done the exercises enough but figured I need to get over that. 

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Anything you can do to improve your sleep is worth it!

 

I've been dealing with borderline insomnia for years ("takes longer than 1/2 hour to fall asleep," Check. "Easily awoken," Check. "Wakes up 2 or more times per night," Check. "Takes a long time to fall back asleep," Check. And that doesn't even include my brain trolling me with every bit of evidence that I'm worthless from that day back to the beginning of my memory) and nothing affects my mood more than a decent night's sleep.

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6 hours ago, Bookish Badger said:

my brain trolling me with every bit of evidence that I'm worthless from that day back to the beginning of my memory

I used to suffer from this, and EFT (tapping) really helped.  Either that, or with age and wisdom I became able to not care any more!

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Owlet   

I managed to install the software! With a license even! And it works! Only took an hour or so and a few fuckups lol. One goal ticked off :) 

 

I also went for an hour walk today at lunchtime, and chanted before work and again after. Did a couple of exercises this morning but ran out of time/energy for more oops. 

Have read study material the last couple of nights and last night met my friend to discuss the study we are presenting in July. Now if only I could find time to paint as well as all this....

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Owlet   

You know what else? I finally seem to have gotten over that nasty cold! I mean I got over the worst of it in a normal space of time but had a lingering sore throat and fucked up voice until I went home last weekend... maybe I just finally caught up on sleep?? Only took 2 months lol...

 

Man, if this is what life is like off birth control, sign me up. I can't believe I spent most of my 20's under such a dark cloud :o 

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Dagger   
8 hours ago, Owlet said:

Man, if this is what life is like off birth control, sign me up. I can't believe I spent most of my 20's under such a dark cloud :o 

Ouch. You had been on it that long? Or where you on it before this time too?

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Owlet   
2 hours ago, Dagger said:

Ouch. You had been on it that long? Or where you on it before this time too?

On and off.. but mostly on. I was warned, I just never paid that much attention I guess. 

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Dagger   
13 minutes ago, Owlet said:

On and off.. but mostly on. I was warned, I just never paid that much attention I guess. 

Glad to hear going off it have cleared a lot of it up. There are all these side-effects that are hard to know if you actually have or not.

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Owlet   

Currently going slightly mad due to wondering if a guy is ghosting me or not -__- He was all keen for a couple of weeks then went away on business and it's been pretty much radio silence since even though he's been back since wednesday. I didn't want to pester him because he's been busy but I wish I knew either way if he's actually that busy or just isn't interested anymore. Ugh. Anyone who's been following me a while knows relationships are a sore point for me! On the upside, it motivated me to message another guy I've seen a couple of times to say let's just be friends (in a more diplomatic way). He took it really well and I felt better afterwards - it had been weighing on my mind that I wasn't interested but hadn't said either way.

 

Despite that, I had a good day. Woke up early, had a relaxed breakfast followed by a decent chant. Went into town to do some errands and buy a lens for my camera. I don't splash out very often on fun stuff so it's a real treat when I do. Happily, it turned out the store was having a one day sale so it was cheaper than expected :D Then I went to a Buddhist meeting where it turned out the woman who was meant to be presenting the study forgot to read the material. Luckily I had read it so I did an impromptu presentation haha. 

 

Now I'm trying to watch tutorials to get my head around this software but to be honest I'm feeling pretty lonely and it's hard to concentrate. Trying to challenge the negative thoughts my brain keeps throwing at me (shutup brain you're so mean.) Ugh. Chocolate and wine. That'll fix it right? RIGHT?

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zenLara   
4 minutes ago, Owlet said:

Then I went to a Buddhist meeting where it turned out the woman who was meant to be presenting the study forgot to read the material. Luckily I had read it so I did an impromptu presentation haha. 

You saved the day!

 

I am almost sure chocolate and wine will fix your brain. If not, try adding some cheese.

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Owlet   
5 minutes ago, zenLara said:

You saved the day!

 

I am almost sure chocolate and wine will fix your brain. If not, try adding some cheese.

I have so much cheese in the fridge. Is it bad that I judged a guy earlier because he said he doesn't like blue cheese? My brain was like 'we're so incompatible.' 

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