Jump to content

Tourennatrix goes though the Mines of Moria


Recommended Posts

Hi guys...

 

Image result for mines of moria

 

Emotional Bullshit:



I have been visiting my therapist for about 2.5 years now, and during this time I have gone through many ups and downs. A lot of what we have been working on has been seeing through anxiety and coping mechanisms to understand why certain things feel the way they do- sometimes this process has been exciting, sometimes it has been scary. But lately, I've been able to break down some barriers that were protecting me from some pretty dark places. C refers to this dark and scary place as the Mines of Moria. But he reminds me that this will pass. So, onward...

 

My focus here now is going to be entirely on gentle self-care. Usually this type of challenge comes around February, but I'm trying to roll with the punches here…

 

Try to aim for at least one of these each day-

Ground: practice grounding techniques

Inspire: practice various breathing techniques

Flicker: mindful movement

Hydrate: get a new water bottle and track intake

Scribe: journal

 

Super open-ended, zero points, deep breaths.

 

bcca8f7a1555a76f63d4c35bfd525813--haha-s

<3

  • Like 7
Link to comment

I've definitely done my fair share of challenges like this.

 

Spoiler

I've been seeing my therapist for less than a year, but I know if I really want to get to the roots of a lot of my issues, I'm going to have to dig up stuff that I'd rather stay buried. Eventually. And I'm actually really scared of that. But I know from experience that only talking about the surface level stuff doesn't actually help that much in the long term, no matter how many years you're seeing the therapist. 

 

*hugs*

 

I really like your goals. I'm tracking water too, and I really should get a new water bottle, one that doesn't leak. I owe myself one as a reward from many, many, many challenges ago.

  • Like 1

Current Challenge: Zeroh, stick to the routine!

Link to comment

Today!

 

Probably a "less heavy" day. I don't think I really did anything from my list, but I did do things, and not just in a fidgeting to mask all the crap feelings things. 

 

I woke up to a reassuring email from C, and convinced Husband that it would be a good idea for both of us to go to the pool. We walked there (1 mile there, 1 mile back), I spent maybe 15 minutes in the sauna and 10 laps, only mild-medium anxiety. Whew.

 

This evening was capoeira time! We've had a new student since last week, a visitor from Seoul! She's an older lady who has never been interested in sports at all, but saw us training at the intensive and thought it looked like fun, so she's been coming to classes. This is kindof the coolest thing evar. Super cool that she kept coming even when Girafa wasn't able to make a few classes, and keeps coming even though the super basics are tricky for her. Inspiring :3 Tonight while Girafa worked with her, he had me do some mock games focusing on low-game moves, which brought up a few sequences that have been eluding me lately. Didn't translate a whole lot into our regular game later, but it did help some! Also, worked a lot on au (cartwheel!) until my feet told me that they had blisters and I decided I needed to stop :P Again, only mild anxiety. Woo!

Hoping for the best :P

  • Like 3
Link to comment

Tuesday:

 

Mostly chill day, in preparation for my massage <3 I tried some grounding work, lying on the floor and breathing into my back to feel the ground's support. This, I can do, and it's comforting. The problem I have is that if I try to do the same with my feet, I can't feel it as much. Not like my feet are numb, but I just don't have as much awareness in the feet (think of doing a body scan and focusing on each body part for a few breaths. I can't reach my feet while doing that, at least not easily). But, I'm aware of the difficulty, and that's the first step to figuring out what's blocking it.

 

The massage was very pokey, and afterwards I felt amaaazing. After sleeping on it, my neck feels mostly better :P I wish I could do these more. Bonus points: I didn't have a panic attack or other type of meltdown from lying still too long. Yaaay... >.>

 

Evening was spent watching creative streamers on Twitch and trying to brain out if I would be able to do something like that to give me something to do, schedule out my day, and incentivise me to actually finish creative projects. I want to say that it's doable, but I think there are a few cost barriers to tend to before I can say for sure. One other concern I had, was that of the energy levels required for streaming- so many streamers are so PEPPY all the time! But I was able to find a few artists who specifically host chill streams, so I've been able to watch and gather inspiration. Still very much a theory at this point, but one that I'd like to try to pursue more if I can. 

 

Today I am hoping to tidy up my desk(s) and see if I can sit down for a study session (it's been weeks). If that doesn't work, then I'll try some breathing and grounding stuff. Class in the evening!

 

Image result for sloth gif

  • Like 2
Link to comment

lots of love heart emojis coming your way dude. just, because.

  • Like 2

2014! #1 | #2 | #3 | #4 | #5 2015! #6 | #7 | #8 | #9 | #10 | #11 | #12 | 2016! #13 | #14 | #15 | #16 | #17 | #18 | #19 | #20 | #21 | #22 | #23 | 2017! #24 | #25 | #26 | #27 | #28 | #29 | #30 | #31 | #32 | #33 | 2018! #34 | #35 | #36 | #37v1 | #37v2 | 2019! #38 | #39 | #40reference materials | academy battle log

 

mermaid ninja assassin. on a motorcycle. with swords. and knitting needles. and kittens.

 

Link to comment

Wednesday:

 

Started by rolling out of bed at quarter to 11? Like... actually waking up then, not lazing about for way too long. I stayed up *way* too late watching a guy draw on Twitch and chatting with people, and I think my sleep cycle is going though a later phase anyway. I was at least able to just hop out of bed though, so that was refreshing!

 

My task for the day worked- I did some cleaning up of my 2 desk and the shelving between them. Still a lot of work to be done, but it opened a lot of space that had been crowding me out. I then studied for a whole half hour, for the first time in like 3.5 weeks. No panics. Huzzah.

 

Class was hothothot, and my feet are a few different kinds of owwie, but it was good. More work with the new lady, and WB showed up so we had a whole FOUR people! Girafa had to leave early to beat the next storm, and he very pointedly told the other girls that I was in charge of leading the rest of class which gave me all the warm fuzzies. BUT we were all pretty much dead by that point so we kindof just did some review on our own and I lead music. Yay!

 

Tomorrow, it looks like I will be helping my mom do some Habitat for Humanity stuff to get her new house ready in the morning, and C time in the afternoon. It's going to be a doozy >.> IF I feel up to it, there may be a chance to do another class in the city with Girafa, Cupido, and Astronaut. I hoooope I'm feeling up to it! I miss playing Astro, and I don't think I've ever really played Cupido. Crossing my fingers...

  • Like 3
Link to comment
6 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

I want to love the cake, but raisins. Eww.

 

Nice!

 

I don't know if I missed it or not, or just can't remember, but what's your capoeira name?

I have not yet been graced with one. There's not really a ceremony or anything where they just bestow a name upon you, it kindof just comes from spending time with Perere so he can get a feel for what your name should be. It'll come eventually I'm sure!

  • Like 1
Link to comment

How did I miss you! Here I am, with lots of hugs and hearts. <3 

  • Like 1

Raptron, alot assassin

67666564636261605958 575655545352515049484746454443424140393837363534333231302928272625242322212019181716151413121110987 | 6 | 5 | 4 | 3 | 2 | 1

Link to comment

Thursday:

Morning: Begrudgingly got out of bed to go help mom with her habitat for humanity stuff. But, got to spend most of the time outside (away from the other helpers) letting loose with spray paint. Feeling accomplished.

Afternoon: Really good chill session with C. The last few sessions I've had have been really intense, so this one being a lot more chill was a welcome change of pace.

Evening: I decided to stay in the city for some capoeira, so while I waited for that to start I drove across town and got some cheap art supplies. Yay! 

 

Capoeira wasn't so much class as it was, 'hey it's 4 people who have been training for a while but don't really all get together often lets just play.' The venue is air conditioned and has really nice floors and I missed playing Astro so much :P Girafa kept getting wounded though XD he took a heel to the shin really hard, then I accidentally hooked his leg on the same spot... then later when he was trying to do a takedown on me, I slammed the bony side of my forearm into the side of his jaw. Woops? (It's okay though, he's a big boy, he can handle himself... I do hope he shares pictures of his shin bruise over the next couple days though XD

 

Also also had a phone call with a potential employer! Will probably have more of an idea if this will be a thing sometime next week. Maybe. 

 

Today was a refreshing change of pace. <3

 

Image result for sigh of relief gif

  • Like 4
Link to comment

Good day!! 

  • Like 1

Raptron, alot assassin

67666564636261605958 575655545352515049484746454443424140393837363534333231302928272625242322212019181716151413121110987 | 6 | 5 | 4 | 3 | 2 | 1

Link to comment

Hmmm Lets see...

 

Friday I think was better than expected? I was definitely expecting a bit of a backlash from having such a decent day on Thursday, but I think it came through alright :) I don't actually remember much of what happened, but I know it wasn't awful :P

 

Saturday, however... Well, it's wasn't bad, it was just the first time in weeks that I had to get up by 7 to help with the Market. Probably got about 5 hours of sleep, after my body got thoroughly used to like... 8-9 hours and lazing about for a while (not quite as glamorous as it sounds, trust me). After the market, Husband and I totally just went straight back to bed for a bit. After that I think I was more okay for the rest of the day. Ended up getting really bored and not sleepy around bedtime though, so that was a little frustrating, but overall, the day was alright.

 

Sunday was a little more harsh. Like, I didn't take the effort of feeding myself when I might have had the energy to do so, and ended up having a bit of an episode when I was hungry and just couldn't grok how to get past my anxiety and put together some food. Thankfully Husband was around and he helped me through, got me some food, and all was well. (If he hadn't been around I would have figured out something, it just would have been really hard.) Later, sister came over and we had some mostly chill time (plus Baby), and went to a "house blessing" for my mom's new place, which was warm and crowded, but thankfully didn't take too long. By the time I got home from dropping Sister off at home, I was feeling much better. Even started working on the final draft of an art piece :D

 

Today I have a to-do list, and I seem to have woken up reasonably well, so I think I'll be able to do alright. Class tonight :D

  • Like 3
Link to comment

Monday went reasonably well. Except that I are like 2 whole boxes of Mac n cheese. Bleh. But class was super cool. Hot. Super hot. Class with Mini-Girafa is turning out pretty neat. And with Old Korean Lady... Heck, even when WB is around (she is on vacation this week) I feel SO VETERAN. But, like, not so much that I think I'm ultra-better, just... Maybe more of a valuable asset and less of a drag that Girafa tolerates so he has someone to play (self-doubt much? Geeze...)

 

Tuesday was rough, particularly in the late afternoon/evening. Trying to fend off an anxiety attack for most of the evening and I finally took something for it around 9. Just... Ugh. Super exhausting, but I think I managed to get some decent sleep after letting myself calm down for a bit.

 

Today I got more quality sister time, spent zero dollars shopping (that was her job), and then went to class. In a non air conditioned gym. When it had been in the 90s all day. Thankfully we we're locked out of our normal training space, so we just set up in front of a giant fan on a basketball court. Certain death: avoided!

 

Also, I totally caught Girafa off guard and caused him to fall. *Fist pump*

 

Also-also, I sadly do need to go back to foot wraps or something, which is a bummer, but I thought to myself that at this rate my capoeira name is going to be something like "Our Lady of Perpetual Blisters" XD

  • Like 3
Link to comment
11 minutes ago, tourennatrix said:

Also, I totally caught Girafa off guard and caused him to fall. *Fist pump*

BOOYAH!

 

11 minutes ago, tourennatrix said:

Also-also, I sadly do need to go back to foot wraps or something, which is a bummer, but I thought to myself that at this rate my capoeira name is going to be something like "Our Lady of Perpetual Blisters" XD

Sexy.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
2 hours ago, tourennatrix said:

FYI, waking up from nightmares at 5am is not fun. Or having your eyes play tricks on you afterwards. Or having an overactive imagination when you try to close your eyes again.

 

Y'no. In case any of you were wondering. 

Oh yeah. When it happens to me, it's usually 2 or 3 am, and I won't get much sleep the rest of the night.

  • Like 1

Current Challenge: Zeroh, stick to the routine!

Link to comment

When you guys are really hot and sweaty and are playing games with contact, do you like... slip and slide off of each other's skin? Haha.

 

So sorry you had bad nightmares last night. :(

  • Like 1

Raptron, alot assassin

67666564636261605958 575655545352515049484746454443424140393837363534333231302928272625242322212019181716151413121110987 | 6 | 5 | 4 | 3 | 2 | 1

Link to comment

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

New here? Please check out our Privacy Policy and Community Guidelines