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Morag

[Morag] skips the theme and goes back to the basics

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Have some music:

 

 

It's almost mid-July now. A LOT of changes heading towards me and mine. Little boy "graduates" from Kindergarten. Summer break for most of our fitness activities, most of all our regular schedule. Life is weird. And it never really changes to not being weird, when I think I almost got used to things, they change again. Not that that is necessarily a bad thing. It's just something that keeps me on my toes.

 

This time without theme to go back to what is essential, what is REALLY important.

I am aiming for a log-in every other day to every day with core data, and at least 3 times per week with a few words about what is going on.

The goals right now are: log EVERYTHING (foodwise in mfp, challengewise in bujo and here). Drink enough water (2+L/d). Get enough oxytosin (stay in touch with supportive people, and support the right people in turn) how much and how often is to be determined, I am not quite sure what a good number is right now.

Take a break in the early afternoons to sit with tea and check in with myself.

 

That's it from me for now. Hope you are having an AMAZING SUMMER. I'll come check in with you in a little bit.

 

Love you, my Ranger-friends, and rebels all.

Katrin


 

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Hey Terra. I mean Ursula. I mean Terra. Good to see you.

 

Welcome

 

---

 

 

 

"Travel lightly, for what you bring with you becomes part of your landscape." -Anne Bishop

 

 

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Hehehe currwntly there's kids nerf-gunning each other and playing noisily and happily all over their room and the dining room.

 

Life is loud.

For now.

 

But the tea is brewed and once the kids are fed I will sit down. Kiersten White's second book (now I rise) is waiting for me.

 

All the bread baking groceries are planned out and will be bought tomorrow morning.

 

Washing machine and dishwasher are on and dinner is planned.

Plus gaming night, as well you know,@Casbin .

 

Life could be worse indeed.

 

---

 

 

 

"Travel lightly, for what you bring with you becomes part of your landscape." -Anne Bishop

 

 

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Now the hubby joined the nerfgunning. I am outnumbered and retreating to the balcony.

 

---

 

 

 

"Travel lightly, for what you bring with you becomes part of your landscape." -Anne Bishop

 

 

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😂 I like your family, hope the balcony will stay safe...

 

Enjoy your book and tea!

 

Gesendet von meinem SM-A520F mit Tapatalk

 

 

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It's Wednesday. I am overdue to update here, let's see...

 

 

Mon

 

Forgot to weight in.

 

2518/1760 kcal, +758 including a bit of guesswork for the evening snacks;

 

118g protein (18%), 37% fat, 47% carbs;

 

Water happened;

 

Sits with tea happened;

 

Started new book: And I Rise, good so far;

 

Also read: Web comic Siren's Lament, pretty amazing too;

 

Planned out grocery shopping, too lazy to get it done that day;

 

Baby boy had a play date, Boy are they a handful!

 

Evening gaming was make D&D4 characters instead of play with the WildTalends chars we made last week, I was VERY disappointed, but the company was good, so that's a plus and I do like that I can feel and voice a negative emotion fairly and accurately and not swallow it up and play happy and get depressed later, that, while uncomfortable, was good.

 

 

 

Tue

 

95.7kg +0.3 above moving average (95.4)

 

2168/1760 kcal, +408, guesswork for bbq evening with the fitness group;

 

81g protein (15%), 49% fat, 36% carbs;

 

Water happened and then some,

 

I forgot breakfast and lunch while shopping and prepping, I baked A LOT of bread, all of it delicious, and quite well received, the Tomato-herb-butter almost got devoured completely, which is no surprise at all, it was so yummy;

 

My feet hurt after shopping and baking, so instead of tea I had some bread, butter, and pulled pork leftovers from the day before and then went and tried to nap, I was down for almost an hour but sleep eluded me, then I was late to pick up the kid, who was in a particularly sour mood.

 

 

BBQ evening with the group was really nice.

 

Plus I have leftover arugula-strawberry-pasta-salad, plus bread, and a bit of the butter: I am well taken care of.

 

 

Today I barely have opened my eyes, so it's a bit too early to tell, but I'm sure it'll be a good day.

 

 

 

 

Gratitude:

 

* Emotional maturity -- it gives me hope, that I can feel disappointment and sadness without beating myself up over it. If something I was looking forward to doesn't come to pass, it's okay to have negative feelings about it. Rolling with the punches, doesn't mean making a happy face regardless of what life throws at you.

 

* Delicious food. I went over budget both days, but it's okay. Mondays are usually a bit high, no regret, and yesterday wasn't as much over as I thought it would be.

 

* Hubby. He loves me. And damn I love him. And whatever else is going on that is a blessing in and of itself. I don't think it will ever stop amazing and humbling me.

 

 

 

 

---

 

 

 

 

"Travel lightly, for what you bring with you becomes part of your landscape." -Anne Bishop

 

 

 

 

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I did okay yesterday.

 

Weight in at 96.2kg +0.8 above moving average.

1527/1760kcal, -233, guesswork for arugula-strawberry-pasta-salad-leftovers

Water happened, not sure how much though.

Stayed in bed with hubby and Netflix all morning, got up after noon.

Switched things up with the kid. He's usually always home alone when I'm out to therapy (ergo- and logo-) with his brother. Recently he has been quite in need of some pampering/mothering himself, so I organised him to come along, we sat at burger king and had a caramel sundae each and I knitted, and he read comics on his phone for over an hour, it was nice. I think it did him some good too.

I found that the Arabic supermarket a couple of blocks away has the most amazing prices. I bought a pack of (6) Arabic flat breads for 39 (€) Cents. Normal supermarket sells flat breads for tortillas and such for 2 or 3 €. That's a huge difference.

 

My first boyfriend way back when was an Arabic immigrant, he and his family, and they included me, it was really nice, would eat at least one meal a day out of one big bowl. They told me it would keep the family together. One would rip a piece of oven toasted flatbread off and use it to handle the food. I have good memories of flat breads.

 

Anyway, the day (yesterday) was long and by the time we were finally home the kids were both in terrible mood. Both had a snack and didn't want any dinner, just an hour later they decided, but they were hungry after all. I felt inconsistent but we made the original plan for food anyway.

Flatbread with pizza toppings baked for 15 min. Both kids kept at it, fighting with each other and not sleeping for the next few hours after that. I played rimworld, interrupted now and than by me going and soothing and mediating one hurt or another... played until almost midnight finished reading Siren's Lament after that. Cliffhanger!!!

 

Now is Thursday, I think it's gonna be a good day ;-)

 

Gratitude

Sunlight and how awesome it is.

 

Making my own incense. Even though I can't burn it indoors because hubby gets vicious headaches from it, I do have a balcony

 

Being someone who makes things herself.

 

I recently started baking bread, I have been knitting of and on for more than 15 years now. If something is important, like the bbq Tuesday, or knitting a thank you for my mum, I do, I make, because these people, they are worth my effort.

Someone said tuesday (after they asked "baked or bought" and had gotten a "yes i baked all of those breads for us", something along the lines of "no-one bakes bread themselves anymore" - I only had one answer "you (plural) are worth it".

In some cases it is silly and hindering an easy day, but overall I like who I am.

 

---

 

 

 

"Travel lightly, for what you bring with you becomes part of your landscape." -Anne Bishop

 

 

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5 hours ago, Katrin the Morag said:

I recently started baking bread, I have been knitting of and on for more than 15 years now. If something is important, like the bbq Tuesday, or knitting a thank you for my mum, I do, I make, because these people, they are worth my effort.

Someone said tuesday (after they asked "baked or bought" and had gotten a "yes i baked all of those breads for us", something along the lines of "no-one bakes bread themselves anymore" - I only had one answer "you (plural) are worth it".

In some cases it is silly and hindering an easy day, but overall I like who I am

Such a lovely thing to do.  I like to make things for others too.  Maybe once I get my craft room (yes I have a room) cleaned I can get back to some of my projects!  

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6 hours ago, Katrin the Morag said:

I recently started baking bread, I have been knitting of and on for more than 15 years now. If something is important, like the bbq Tuesday, or knitting a thank you for my mum, I do, I make, because these people, they are worth my effort.

Someone said tuesday (after they asked "baked or bought" and had gotten a "yes i baked all of those breads for us", something along the lines of "no-one bakes bread themselves anymore" - I only had one answer "you (plural) are worth it".

In some cases it is silly and hindering an easy day, but overall I like who I am.

 

As someone who also makes allthethings themselves, that statement - that no one bakes any more - saddens me. Yes. Yes, they do. Lots of them. And you can (and should) too! 

 

I super agree with the you're worth it part - that's why I go nuts when entertaining -- my guests, whomever they are, are worth the trouble. I'd say it *isn't* silly - it's one of the things that makes you you, just as to my friends my tendency to go all "Martha on crack" is something they look forward to with glee when visiting. 

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2 hours ago, darkfoxx said:

As someone who also makes allthethings themselves, that statement - that no one bakes any more - saddens me. Yes. Yes, they do. Lots of them. And you can (and should) too! 

 

I second this! I have been baking bread on and off again the last few years and I love it.  I've even got my own sourdough starter I keep nice and fed in the fridge :)

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I thought I was following this thread and I wasn't... oops... fixed that!

 

I would love to make my own bread, I just don't have the time and energy for it right now. >_<

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Friday.

 

 

Forgot the scale again until I was all dressed and munching on breakfast and rarara.

 

1634/1760 -124, guestimaring about the dürüm, I had a small one, no sauce, added feta cheese, so I have NO IDEA and went with ~3/4 of a mfp entry that looked okay.

 

16% (=56g) protein, 57% fats, 27% carbs

Water happened, not sure how much.

 

Lazy morning, bacon and sunny-side eggs, and doing paperwork. I misplaced a form I have to fill out, didn't find it yesterday, but I have an idea where it could be. Will look once I am at my desk.

 

 

I was on the phone a bit: pool plans with mum for Sunday, older kid at m'y in-law's house Fri-Sun, didn't reach any of the docs for the kids, will try again Mon.

 

 

My best-friend was here, we were on the playground with the kids, at the ice cream place, on another playground, I bought more after-workout protein bars, they are nice, not too sweet. It's good to have food in my various bags.

 

It's also REALLY GOOD to share what's going on right now and reconnect, we've been drifting apart and back together for a while, and it gives me hope to be able to talk and listen and be listened to like that. Good times.

 

 

Anyway we adults had dürüm (Turkish flatbread kebab) for dinner, kid had a cheese börek and pommes fries, other kid was picked up by grandpa before dinner, and we (re)watched Guardians of Light. Good company.

 

 

Hubby and I played the new 7days2die patch (Alpha16) until past midnight. Good day indeed.

 

 

Gratitude

 

Sleeping in, even though it causes social jetlag, it is nice to not have a time when one HAS to be up.

 

 

Talking about making art and about teaching fitness classes and about the desire to help people reach some level of anti-fragility and about coaching and about all the other things in her and my lifes.

 

 

Grandparents, they are awesome. Period.

 

 

Last day of hubby's awful late shift week (sat), (next week is) last week of school, last of Kindi there's sooo muuuchh ENDING going on, but it's exhilarating and only a little sad/frightening.

 

 

Summer being mild. Yes, people complain about rain and no-real-summer, but they are wrong. The weather is gorgeous, the temperatures are kind, the sunlight is dazzling and I am so very grateful for the lack of suffering I have to endure, because it is not so hot as it could be.

 

 

---

 

 

 

 

"Travel lightly, for what you bring with you becomes part of your landscape." -Anne Bishop

 

 

 

 

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PS I knew I missed a day

 

Thu

95.6kg +0.2

3062 / 1760 (+576 for exercise) = +726

78g protein (10%), 40% fats, 50% carbs.

After workout I had an unplanned huge (What were you thinking, hubby?) bowl of nacho chips with cheese sauce at the movies.

Watched Spidey, soo goood.

No regrets. Ok a little regrets but pffffft.

 

 

---

 

 

 

"Travel lightly, for what you bring with you becomes part of your landscape." -Anne Bishop

 

 

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I am going to get some paperwork off my desk. Yay, Anti-Procrastination Day (flylady).

 

So I am not going to blather on and on about my metrics here until AFTER that is done.

 

But I had to send you some food porn, no clue why that is such a recent thing with me... anyway here goes:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

bacon-wrapped green beans and fried apples and nectarines:

 

 

 

a4f612535e89ca23463f7271794ef776.jpg

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Love

 

 

 

Katrin

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

---

 

 

"Travel lightly, for what you bring with you becomes part of your landscape." -Anne Bishop

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I got A LOT of things off my desk the other day.

And I really should read up on your challenges.

But it's 1am, bedtime didn't happen, but quality gaming with hubby, after a LONG day of being supportive parental units, the both of us. So we deserved it, but I wish I could have gotten sleep as well...

Tomorrow is gonna be shopping heavy, I have no list yet. And Sunday is pool day and gaming afterwards. DnD as far as I heard.

 

So please bear with me while I breathe and am grateful and generally just hold on.

 

Talking about grateful:

Kindi personnel that is just utterly wonderful. Hugged so many tearful people today. Bittersweet goodbyes.

 

Kids growing up a bit further.

 

Feeling good about where I am and where I'm headed and maybe even about where I'm coming from, would be different had I taken a different path...

 

Feeling weird and wide and profound. Gonna scribble some groceries down and shut my eyes now. It's late. Or early.

 

Speak soon

Morag

 

 

---

 

 

 

"Travel lightly, for what you bring with you becomes part of your landscape." -Anne Bishop

 

 

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Time for another overdue update.

 



I am... I don't know. "not in a good place" sounds so very melodramatic. It's not that huge. It's really just this lack of exercise, all those frikkin appointments with the kids, trying to figure out why the kid still has tummy aches, getting the other kid ready for school (finishing out his logo- and ergo-therapies with a quality talk with the therapists.

Worrying about money, too, as always.

 

And my weight still staying in that high place just in sight of BMI awful (obese class II). I know how inacurate bmi is and I know I shouldn't worry about my weight, measure size and strength, speed, stamina instead, but those suck too, so if six metrics tell me I suck, then maybe I have to face the music: what I'm doing is not getting me to where I want to go.

 

I don't know, I am just in this really weird place. I probably should dust off my daylight lamp, and use that... feels a bit depress-y, you know? I have another day from hell in front of me. Lab appointment at 7, need to get the bus at 6 with the kid in tow... then a date with my cat allergy, I mean at my friend's house, which I have been avoiding, and honestly am dreading. Guh, but I have been not visiting for months, once while they are on vacation, that'll be fine, right?

 

Yes, I am dragging my feet... about EVERYTHING... my head is not a friendly place right now.

 

I am HOPING to survive this gawdawful week so I can go for a nice long run Saturday morning. Maybe I can even pull it to Friday... who knows. Run some, sweat some, endorphines, checking my pace against old training data, as suggested by my coach, breathe some morning air, look at growing things... it sounds heavenly, doesn't it?

 

Yeah... just gotta survive a bit longer.

 

(weight up at 96,9kg this morning - I started at 103kg April '15 - I was at one point down to 87....)

 

TL'DR

Depressed. Life sucks. Gimme hugz?

 

Morag

 

Gratitude

Knowing when I am a whiny b*tch and being aware of how first world my problems are.

Having a place to vent when feeling shitty.

My loved-ones and I being fairly healthy. Odd tummy aches and occasional colds and gastro plague aside. People have it worse (and they whine less)

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giphy.gif

 

We're allowed to whine and be melodramatic when we need to be. It's good to vent. I'm also grateful to have a place where I can do it.

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giphy.gif

Kind of sounds like we are in a similar place...  Hugs!!!  I wouldn't call myself depressed but I am overwhelmed, exhausted, unmotivated and tired of not making progress towards my fitness goals.  I hope you find the time to take care of you!!!  

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Hugs-gif.gif

 

So sorry you're feeling so down right now - it seems like the daylight lamp might not be the worst idea at the moment just for a little boost? It sounds like you're in that cycle of if you're not doing anything it makes you feel crappy which makes you want to do less things which makes you feel crappy which makes you want to do less things...endless do-loop! I hope venting here helped a little and if there's anything you want to talk about off-board feel free to reach out with a PM :) 

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Just popping in here to let you know: I am better. And thank you profoundly for the support. You are wonderful people, and I am glad to know you.

 

I went for a run yesterday (FRI) morning and in the second half of the 3rd kilometer my feet finally gave up the bitching and moaning, and my gait evened out and it was nice. I even took the kids along and parked them on the playground for the 1h I was out, so hubby got some undisturbed sleep. Made everyone happier, which is nice.

 

Had a visit with my friend. We artsied about a bit and talked a lot and the allergy medication worked the way it's supposed to and it was nice.

 

Overall: very good day.

 

 

Thanks again for hanging out with me. Good or bad days.

 

Katrin

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Life is so full right now!!!

 

I'm fighting the sniffles at the moment, and since we are leaving for a weekend away tomorrow (Thu) morning, I skipped my morning run today and unearthed yoga with adriene instead... feeling good about moving but am glad I am not pushing my respiratory system atm, good choice, selfcare +1.

 

Packing is happening, I will knit and crochet on the train as much as I can. Craycray! Finishing this is the goal, stretch goal (the carrot) is this (for fun, you know?)

 

Then it's a weekend of boardgames and RPGs and maybe a run and maybe a morning or night session of yoga in this place. The kids stay at my inlaws, so it is actually freetime for me. I am much excited.

 

Mood is still up and down. I am trying out things for self care (starting vitamin D supplement a little earlier than last year (which had been september) and taking healing earth, to rebalance the ph-lvl in my body. Not sure if that is an issue or not, and what that will do, just trying out how I feel with it... oh, and I am going lower with carbs, and hight quality with the carbs I do eat, in the hopes of feeling better and maybe even get my nutrition back under control. And then eventually my weight too.

 

Gotta run, much to do (train tickets to buy, bags to pack, all the things)

 

:-*

K

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