Ugh, why is it so hard to find basics?  I can hardly find anything I would even try on, much less purchase, and I don't think I have unreasonable expectations for a non-scratchy jumper in a color that doesn't suck.

Victory! I'm really starting to think that walks before work aren't going to happen until we get close to the next equinox. The morning darkness is making it too hard to get up, even with the lights on timers. I still WANT to do it, but I just don't think it's going to happen. After work, almost always tired, anxiety about the traffic near the park, and extra people in the park. But when I got off the freeway on my way home, the left turn (to the park) was lighter than the right turn to home. So I went left, and went to the park, and felt so so stupid about walking in my work shirt, but walk I did, and it was good. More people, but not too many. Temperature was nice, got a little sun, which I'm sure is good for me. Lower back was getting really stiff, so stopped and did some stretches, which helped.    I've got a back-up "normal" shirt in my car incase I want to do something after work. I think I'll put an exercise shirt in too. Or actually start brining my walking clothes with me to work to change before heading home. Kind of the reverse of what I was doing in the summer.    Anyway, proud of myself for facing some of the anxiety and getting a good walk in. 

Emphatically.   I had to take several laps on Tuesday to avoid homicide, and I can recommend the treatment as effective.

No worries -- me too 😊   Thursday, October 24, 2024 Lunar phase: full moon 🌕 (2/6) Civil dawn: 6:57pm Civil dusk: 6:49pm   I'm finding it a little tricky to hit my wake at 6:30am- ish goal, and not sure how I want to handle it.  For one, I picked the time of 6:30 fairly at random because I was also kind of thinking that this is when sunrise was, but I guess those were summer hours, because sunrise is more like 7:30 rn, or at least until DST ends in November.    Also, I had kind of hoped that if I went to bed at a consistent time, I would naturally wake up at a consistent time 8ish hours from going to sleep, but that doesn't seem to be happening.  For one, my average "sleep" time (or at least time in bed with my eyes closed) is 8h45m, so that's a thing.  But also, on days with a higher physical load, I may need as much as 10 hours.  Apparently going to bed at random hours is less disruptive than waking a random hours?  Or something.    But if I move my bedtime before 10 to accommodate the 9 hour sleep schedule, my soul loudly protests that I AM AN ADULT who doesn't have to go to bed at 9-anything.    Furthermore, I am thinking it's maybe not worth adjusting until November because I will just have to adjust it again and dawn will then come at 6:30 again and maybe the problem will solve itself?   Otherwise, things are largely going well.  There were a couple days that dusk snuck up on me, since it is coming so early and the bats and owls were out when I went out to catch the very last rays of the sun   But I have addressed this issue by cuing myself to walk after dinner rather than before sundown, and since dinner is perforce before sundown, it's more effective.   The coffee thing has been easy and eating during sunlight has been fine (especially since I have been oversleeping).  I am not as hungry during "full moon" as I am during the waxing moon, anyway.   I had hoped to get in a row or swim during the waxing moon, but my schedule was just too busy, so I pushed my steps up to 9-10k-for 5 of the 10 days, which is just less than double my typical 5.5k.  I would love to increase both of these numbers eventually, but that's a project for another time.   Now that I am in full moon, I want to tackle some major gardening transplant projects that are fairly physically demanding.  The plan is to work a frw hours on Friday and Sunday at the very least.

I am so glad the forums are back up. I missed you all when the site was being updated.   In retrospect, I should not be surprised that I was a slug last night. The whole reason I went home instead of to aikido was that I had a sleep fail on Tuesday and had no brain. Turns out that means I did not have the energy to do anything new, not even pick up a new book to read. I didn't feel exhausted, just totally unmotivated. It was an achievement to get to bed on time. Got my new challenge posted   No, not really. I keep a spreadsheet view for exercise, aikido and zen. That lets me quickly see the patterns and figure out what to do next in things that rotate through several options. I have old notebooks going back for years, but I mostly use them to look back for specific information.   Thanks to Dumbledore's urging, I have tomorrow off. I have four weeks of vacation time accumulated and no trips planned. So I am taking a long weekend every other week. My plan is to work on projects at home. I would like to get a lot of the fall yard work done, clean the floors in the house and do spinning and knitting.

Brekky- 2 cups loaded coffee, 2 eggs Lunch- 2 low cal yogurts, banana bread Snack- 1 loaded coffee, chocolate milk, 2 birthday cake oreos Supper- Lasagna and toast Snack- Banana   I had some yogurt and banana bread for lunch after my nap.   I colored for a bit. Then started watching 'vanderpump rules' and felt bad on a Christian level so I stopped and started watching 'the chosen'. It's a Jesus show about his preaching time. It's really good.    My MIL is making a list of good things to watch, I trust her judgement on good things since she's a good and mature Christian woman.   Around 2 I started to feel sad. I go through depression spells sometimes. I just feel like I need better quality time with God. I'm reading 3 books but I realized I'm not taking it in like I should, I'm just kinda reading them to do something. So I need to study more, read slower, take in the words...   Picked up my kids from school, did homework then snack time. I had an unplanned glass of chocolate milk and 2 birthday cake oreo cookies(my fav!) I was in a depressive mood so I thought snacks would help. And it did a little bit.   I just can't do 1200 cals. It messes with me mentally too much. I need to prioritize fitness so I can eat a bit more. Tomorrow treadmill and cardio workout.   I think I'm done counting calories and weighing myself too. I said before I'll go by how my clothes fit, I need to do this. Eating such low calories makes me depressed, and I need to make sure I stay mentally strong. My cardio workout didn't happen cuz I had no energy, not good.   If I'm going to get off my meds, I need to be stable, fitness will play a huge part in this. So now I'm not concentrating on numbers anymore, just working at my fitness. If I lose a few pounds, great, if not, as long as my fitness improves, I will have succeeded.   I truly believe this form of thinking is from God. I have prayed about it and this is the answer I got. Eat healthy but enough and workout to get endorphins going to feel better.   Hubs came home and I made lasagna (from a box lol), with toast. Got the kiddos in bed then I had a banana for a snack. Then it was my weekly massage night! I enjoyed that.    Nighty night!

Oh! I missed the part about your niece - I'm glad she's doing better 🙏 

Am I allowed to kill anyone? I've been very good about that lately, and Nightingale is surprisingly okay with that sometimes.     ("Not anyone," he says. "Which you'll note is distinct from 'not anyone'." Sigh. Fine. No killing for the moment.)   ((Crap, this is a problem I need to solve by walking, isn't it?))

I do hope you can recover/restore some stamina and strength to see you through. I am glad, however, the realization that one day is simply part of the recovery process. Here to bolster you by neutral energy your way to use however you see fit ❤️ 

I love the little things and the gratitude you have ❤️ Cozy little snippets, too, are always a delight. I'm delighted at the financial little joy you've found. It doesn't solve every problem but having a lighter heart does solve a whole lot. I hope you can carry that positivity forward for a long long long time to come, even in unrelated ways ❤️