I live! I die! I live again! Howdy folks!

[Bennu]

Hi Rebels! I'm Bennu. I chose the name from a short-lived show that was on in the early 80's called The Phoenix, which really inspired me as a kid.

So, here's my story:
I grew up an avid gamer and remember the advent of Pong, text adventures, etc. First computer was the good old TRS-80 (Trash 80). I also read a lot and played AD&D (1st edition) with an obsession.

 

In middle school I started playing guitar, wanting to be Eddie Van Halen or Jimi Hendrix. In high school I became a headbanger and did some theater. However, all this time I had been severely bullied at school and at home with no escape. So, I lived in my imagination a lot and escaped through games, books, D&D and my guitar.

Spent my 20's partying and was in the Rocky Horror and SCA scenes and took part in all the debauchery that entails. Also went to a bunch of sci fi/fantasy cons. Then I became a homeless road hippie, hitch-hiking and going to Grateful Dead shows.

Some years later I ended up married and was a cube drone and was making decent money, enough to visit Thailand, Japan, and Burning Man, but that married life at a corporate job really didn't fit who I am and I was miserable. Around the year 2000, I was divorced and continued to work as a cube drone in customer service and tech support. I gained a ton of weight and got up to around 265. I was suffering extreme depression and anxiety. Just coasting through life.

My health took such a downturn that I had to stop working and was on my state's welfare programs. I went to doctors and found out I have diabetes. I also had developed Meniere's Disease, which is basically random disorientation and vertigo spells, which was why I couldn't keep working. I decided to get proactive and do whatever it took to turn

things around and manage these disabilities because I didn't want to live my life on SSI.

 

I started eating better and got down to about 218 lbs, and managed to get employed, but was still very depressed, due to a job I hated and a very toxic relationship. I endedup on Zoloft and it killed my personality and creativity. I was a walking cipher.

 

Then, my mother became extremely sick and needed a caretaker. I dropped my job and my toxic relationship and moved in to help her. Over the next few months, I just focused on helping my mom. This helped my anxiety and depression start to lessen and I weaned myself off the Zoloft.

 

I was eating a lot better and doing a lot of emotional work on myself, and started to make a couple of new friends. I was rebuilding my life from scratch. My mom eventually got well enough to take care of herself again, and I got a job (still in a cube) and moved in with a friend.

 

I'm now 48 and I've been working on improving my self and my life. I'm mostly happy, but feeling stuck. I've been reading a lot of self help books and having some great realizations and making some improvements, however, my weight has plateaued at around 215 for the last couple of years and a couple decades of sedentary life has left my body rather weak. My job pays very little, so I can't really accomplish much of what I want to do or take care of many things that have needed attention.

 

The other day, I vaguely remembered something about a guy on reddit who created a self-improvement system based on video games. I used my google-fu and found the book "Level Up Your Life" which I'm currently reading and quite enjoying!

 

I'm hoping it and this forum will give me the impetus I need to break through my stuck points and hopefully I can also earn enough income to afford officially joining the Academy. I consider myself "mixed-class": Adventurer, Ranger, & Druid.

 

Nice to meet you all and I look forward to getting to know you and to an awesome and unexpected journey!

[Sloth the Enduring]

Welcome to NF.