Why so srs?

[Namednoname]

One of the things that's been bugging me for a while now. Is me being way too serious about stuff. Like I can't just relax or enjoy anything. I can't really explain it but it bugs me big time.

An example is, I'd see or hear something funny, I KNOW its funny, I find it funny. But I just don't laugh, don't enjoy it. It's not like I have no sense of humour, I just don't know how to switch off, and relax.

And I feel anxious whenever I'm not doing something towards getting fitter, learning something or doing something 'worthwhile'. Which leads me to thinking this is part of the reason I just can't enjoy myself recently.

I know it's all in my head, but I don't even know how to get past this. And it annoys me because I value a social life as much as 'Personal Growth'. But I just can't seem to switch off and allow myself to enjoy other peoples company. Even though I desperately want to.

Long term I want to find a way to perfectly balance the two. So I can spend time with friends, talking trash and having a laugh. Just relaxing and enjoying myself. And then at the same time, be able to spend time getting fitter, writing, drawing and whatever else. WITHOUT this sort of, restlessness to be heading somewhere.

It's kind of paradoxical. When I'm trying to focus on learning something new on my own. I'm wishing I'd spend more time with friends, enjoying myself etc. And when I'm with friends, I'm anxious to get back to learning and improving. The times I really just relax and focus on what I'm actually doing are the best times. These are the times I'm most productive, Happiest and most confident. My mind feels like it really opens up and just allows all kind of possibilities to enter my mind. I tend to find solutions to things I've been struggling with for ages. I find the motivation and answers I need. I make the decisions I have to make. I'm funnier and happier in this 'mode' too. I'll joke about and say things I wouldn't usually say or even think of.

In short, this 'mode' is the way I want to be, permanently. I just have zero idea how to get back to this way and stay there. Whenever I've become like this before, It's almost like a trigger. I'll watch something and I'd have a mini-epiphany about what's a matter with me. And for a while, everything in my life would make sense. I don't have to think hard about anything. I just act. Almost without thinking. No concern for consequences or potential problems. As soon as I hit a obstacle, I think of a way to overcome it, and I just DO it. My conversations with people just flow so easily. I'm more aware of the other person's mood, I react and respond instantaneously without even really thinking about it.

Sorry for such a lengthy post. It's basically just a mind dump. I've been trying to make sense of it all while I've been writing. It seems to me the main problem is being 'stuck in my head'. Never trusting any of my own decisions. Never being sure that what I'm doing or saying is the right thing. It's almost as if I don't trust a thing I do lol.

Bleh, any thoughts or tips on how to overcome this?

[Unda]

I know everyone is different but this happens to me sometimes. For me I just look at whether I think I'm divving up my life properly or whether this is a warning sign that I'm not. If I feel like I'm putting the appropriate amounts of time into personal stuff, social stuff and fitness stuff then I just tell myself whilst I'm doing something that, yes, whilst I could be in the gym right now I need to be here doing X right now. So if I feel like I should be working out but I'm at the cinema with my mates I tell myself that I budgeted for this time and if I don't enjoy it then I'm screwing up my plan and being disrespectful to myself and to my friends.

That helps me anyway.

[morethanjustamom]

I think it's a life phase...I'm in a similar one now too. I know mine was brought on by a recent chat between me and my husband about finances...upcoming needs vs income, debt repayment and the like. Now I find I'm focused on the end game, which is a dollar sign We have to get to in order to meet our obligations. I think my husband gets in a similar mindset, because we both tend to get pretty intense at the same time, which is not good.

Since I've identified the cause of my issue, I can take a breath and plan out a course of action that I'm happy with that also is balanced so I don't run myself in the ground.

Perhaps this will work for you. Can you pinpoint an exact moment when you decided to focus so intensely on this goal? I think the problem with fitness goals is that they're supposed to be lifelong commitments, but our brains want a "done and done" solution. You have to learn to enjoy the journey as much as the result, and that's difficult sometimes.

[HorrorGeek]

NomadJamie - are you in your 20's?

[dshale]

I was thinking about that same thing this morning. I feel that I have no end in sight in my obligation and the maintenance on what I have done so far is taking up all my time. It makes it really difficult to have some fun and if I do then I feel guilty.

[Namednoname]

Since I've identified the cause of my issue, I can take a breath and plan out a course of action that I'm happy with that also is balanced so I don't run myself in the ground.

Perhaps this will work for you. Can you pinpoint an exact moment when you decided to focus so intensely on this goal? I think the problem with fitness goals is that they're supposed to be lifelong commitments, but our brains want a "done and done" solution. You have to learn to enjoy the journey as much as the result, and that's difficult sometimes.

NomadJamie - are you in your 20's?

I'm 19, 20 In september. And the time I wanted to change so much was realizing that I was almost 20 and still hadn't got anything that I want out of life. I just want to be able to go and do and achieve the things I want whilst being happy and confident.

I'm okay with doing things. But i'll literally be sitting there thinking what I can do tomorrow, or even in a weeks time. It doesn't effect me too bad when I'm on my own. But for example I went to a Pub with a few of my mates a few weeks back. And I just sat there thinking of things to do, rather then just relaxing and focusing on the present.

And this sort of constant thinking about the future had made it so it feels like I'm focusing on what I gotta do to change, 24/7. But then I may only spend 4 or 5 hours actually DOING something which will make a difference. The rest i'm just stuck in my head being a miserable shit lol. While I'm actually DOING something, I'm okay. But I can't be working out or learning 24/7. And when I want to just relax and chat rubbish with my brother or something. I just can't, I end up stuck in my head.

I got tons of motivation and determination but being so miserable all the time is really becoming a drag.. And of course it's stopping me from getting a social life again or at least allowing myself to enjoy what social life I do have.

Maybe It's just a phase. Maybe when I start getting closer to some of my goals I'll stop agonizing over the future? It's just maddening not being able to keep control of my own thoughts.

[Namednoname]

I was thinking about that same thing this morning. I feel that I have no end in sight in my obligation and the maintenance on what I have done so far is taking up all my time. It makes it really difficult to have some fun and if I do then I feel guilty.

Exactly! What I feel is pretty much guilt. I even feel guilty when spending too much time reading through these forums lol. EVEN If I've done my workouts and what not for the day.

[kmacattack]

I'm pretty sure everyonje has these problems from time to time. I know, personally, that I'm never really satisfied with whatever I'm doing. But I generally don't like people in numbers in any capacity. I have two friends and they are more than I could ever ask for. I think people get dissatified with social situations because of the sensory overload that comes with having lots of people around at one time.

I'm into language. So, in Russian, their word for friend is taken in a completely different way than English speakers. A friend is closer to your blood than real relatives, and you would die for each other if need be. I know a lot of people who get upset about their social life when they realize they've drifted away from those crazy tight connections, but suddenly discovered everyone around them is a "bar friend" or a "friend of circumstance". It's a little depressing, but maybe you should strengthen your ties with the people who matter and are really out for your welfare instead of the circumstantial people who float in and out of your life.

As far as the creative part, it's totally natural to want to walk away and maybe even set your work on fire. I'm a writer and experiencing blocks like that are frustrating but for growth, maybe you could try little projects. Like little pinterest challenges, easy stuff that still stimulates your brain and helps you learn things, but isn't so mind consuming that you want to rip your hair out when you reach a block.

I hope that helps.

[Namednoname]

I'm into language. So, in Russian, their word for friend is taken in a completely different way than English speakers. A friend is closer to your blood than real relatives, and you would die for each other if need be.

I know a lot of people who get upset about their social life when they realize they've drifted away from those crazy tight connections, but suddenly discovered everyone around them is a "bar friend" or a "friend of circumstance". It's a little depressing, but maybe you should strengthen your ties with the people who matter and are really out for your welfare instead of the circumstantial people who float in and out of your life.

As far as the creative part, it's totally natural to want to walk away and maybe even set your work on fire. I'm a writer and experiencing blocks like that are frustrating but for growth, maybe you could try little projects. Like little pinterest challenges, easy stuff that still stimulates your brain and helps you learn things, but isn't so mind consuming that you want to rip your hair out when you reach a block.

I hope that helps.

The creative advice sounds good, I'm gonna give that a go for sure. And I like the russion understanding for friend . I've definitely got a few of those. But I guess I want to make more. The few other friends I have are all beginning to head in their own direction in life. And I'm totally okay with that, I've accepted it and come to terms with that already. But with me being 'In my head' and being generally unconfident, I don't have too much chance of getting to know new people. I never get to REALLY know anyone. But I would want nothing more then to make some friends that are into the same stuff that I am.

At least I'm starting to understand why I've been 'So srs'. Cheers to those who responded, Just talking about it has helped me

[HorrorGeek]

I asked your age because there is actually a known phenomenon called the Quarterlife crisis. You're a bit early, but that doesn't mean much. You're describing it to a "T". A LOT of people go through this. It's just another one of life's fun phases. You're not alone!

But with me being 'In my head' and being generally unconfident, I don't have too much chance of getting to know new people. I never get to REALLY know anyone. But I would want nothing more then to make some friends that are into the same stuff that I am.

This is me. That's why I'm on forums. That's one of my self-improvement goals for the year, though.